My boyfriend has binge-eating habits that are getting worse.
He eats low-carb / high protein meals during the day and goes to the gym, but at night, he'll order things like entire pizzas with extra cheese and cartons of ice cream via Door Dash and binge them after I'm asleep. He hides the evidence in a closet and sneaks the bags out to the trash every few days.
When I ask him what he orders at night be says "omelettes."
I've talked to him about this several times over the last year and he says he talks to his therapist about it and that he'll stop. However he doesn't stop, he just gets sneakier about hiding it.
I tell him that I know this is a long-term problem and that I'll be supportive, but I'm getting tired of having the same non-productive conversation over and over again, with him lying to me about what he's ordering. I tell him I can't be supportive if he keeps lying to me.
Something has to change. I feel that he may need a specialized eating disorder specialist. How do I as a partner, be supportive but also set boundaries of what I'll tolerate in terms of the lying and self-destructive behavior? Has anyone gone through a similar situation?
Why is it so important to know what he’s ordering? You know already that he binges, what does it matter what he eats? Fixating on that will not help him. Binge eating already comes with so much internalized shame, you are only making it worse. Lying about what he eats is not a regular “I can’t be trusted” kind of lie. It’s an “I am in so much pain, I feel really alone and hopeless, even if you tell me I am not” kind of lie. Instead, focus on trying to convince him to get specialized help. Research therapists and programs, discuss it with him and maybe even make an appointment and offer to go and sit in the waiting room. See how he responds and if he says no, try again in a few weeks. Be gentle through the whole thing. He can absolutely get help and get better, but not with a partner who demands he does it on their terms. (Not trying to piss you off - I am sure you love him. Just offering an insider’s perspective).