I am NOT OP. Original post by u/ThrowRA_LTGFDM in r/relationship_advice

This was posted here previously, to read the latest post scroll down to the New Update

 

My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.  - Feb 23, 2023

I have been with my girlfriend (Kate) exclusively for 5 years but on and off for 2 years before. A lot of my first happened with her. We went to each other's prom/school dances. We supported each other through tough times.

I know Kate is out of my league and I did all I could to make her feel safe and secure. I'm in love with her and wanted a future with her.

I went off to college and got a double major and Kate went into cosmetology school. We were planning to move in with each other in a few months and talked about marriage and children. For the last couple of months, she kept making comments like "my coworkers keep asking why I'm with you." "[Coworker name] thinks that you're not in my league." "My coworkers want me to hang out with them and meet new people."

Every time I would ask Kate what she thought. She always said that she loves me and ignores the comments. Tells them to stop. But they kept saying these comments made by her coworkers.

We always had open communication. Talked things out. We haven't had any major issues. We argue over little things such as movies and TV/Anime shows, food, etc. We don't hide anything.

These comments started when she got the job at that salon. She works with all women. She did not cheat or anything. No emotional affairs. No hiding locations. No secret social media.

The other night we had a nice date. Had a good after date. When I dropped her off at her place she commented that she was having doubts about our relationship and wanted to break up. I was super confused and didn't say anything. I slowly walked away.

I know it was because of her coworkers. The comments they were making and pushing her to leave me. (She said so in a message)

Less than 4 hours later she started calling me and texting me saying she was sorry, didn't mean it, that she loves me, and she was stupid for what she said/listening to her new "friends." She was going to quit and find a different job. Stop talking to her friends/coworkers.

I have not responded to anyone. I'm conflicted. I love her. I have a ring being made for her. Money saved for a house for both of us.

We share 85% of our friend groups. The rest are from our jobs. Most of our shared friends have now heard about the breakup and seem just as confused as I am. From some of the messages I have received, it looks like she told them the truth. That her coworkers started to give her insecurities about our relationship and she stupidly went with it. Her parents tried to reach out to me asking what happened (we are very close). I have been radio silent.

Luckily I can work remotely. I left my apartment yesterday with my laptop and found a nice place with good internet to still do my job.

I feel lost. I don't know what I did. I don't know how to feel. I need advice and suggestions.

TL;DR my long-time girlfriend just broke up with me because her coworkers thought I'm not good enough for her.

Quick update: after I posted my boss sent me an urgent message asking if we could do a zoom meeting. I accepted. When his picture came up there were 2 cops behind him. Apparently, someone (they wouldn't name) asked them to do a wellness check on me. They tried my apartment and no one was there. Then my work. I was not there. My boss knew I was actively working remotely and called me. I had to explain I was alright just had my phone off due to drama. I'm also supposed to go to her parent's house tonight.

Update #2 we did not have a meeting last night. I rescheduled it for tonight (friday). Life also has a way of kicking you when you are down. As I was going through my missed calls last night I got a voice-mail saying that my ring would be ready to pick up today(friday). I also want to apologize for spelling and Grammer mistakes. I have not been in my right mind the last few days. Thanks for all the feedback. I will probably update tomorrow or Sunday.

 

(Update) My 24M Girlfriend 23F Just Broke up With Me Because of Her Work Friends.  - Feb 25, 2023

my long-time girlfriend just broke up with me because of her coworkers. They thought I'm not good enough and out of her league.

Thanks for the messages and comments. It has been an emotionally draining few days. On Friday I cleared all my voice-mail and texts. I ended up with 61 missed calls(4 from the police) 14 voicemails, and 417 text messages.

I sent a generalized message to those who reached out stating that I was okay and safe. As well as need time and space while I work out some personal issues.

I picked up the ring since it was already paid for. Then put it in the box I made for it.

I did go to her parents house. As soon as I pulled up Kate opened the door and ran out. She had been crying. Went to give me a hug I accepted but it wasn't how I usually hug. She then tried to kiss me I moved my head and backed up.

We went in and sat down. We sat for about 10 minutes not saying anything. She started crying and said she was sorry.

I just responded with okay.

I asked her what she told everyone. She said the truth. I asked her why the cops were called to check on me. She explained that she didn't call them. After our friends found out they tried reaching out. After none of them had heard from me in over 24 hours they decided to call in the wellness check. Kate used the word catatonic to describe me while/after I walked away.

I took a bunch of the questions you guys posted.

I asked her why did she break up with me.

She didn't give me a straight answer. Something about people at work constantly talking bad about me. And playing on her insecurities.

I asked her why she kept letting that happen and not put a stop to it by setting clear boundaries. She said that she tried and it would work for a day but would go back the next.

I asked if she saw value in me as a person or in our relationship. She said that she does in both. I asked why would she break up over something a random stranger said about me. She said she was sorry and it was a dumb mistake. (Paraphrasing)

I asked how did they know about me or our relationship and how much did you/ they talked about me? The ladies at the salon overheard Kate talk to some of our friends or customers while she was working about me. Things we did like dates birthday parties etc.

Did she believe her coworkers were right? She said no. I then followed up with WHY? She said again she did not know.

I asked her if there was someone else. She immediately said no. She has never cheated or been tempted to. She offered me her phone which I declined.

I then told her how I felt. Sorry isn't enough. If she wants this relationship she needs to prove it to me. I didn't care that her coworkers kept talking about us. It's that you listened. It isn't what they said that hurts its the fact that you kept listening to it and repeated it back to me. She didn't try hard enough to stop them. It makes me feel like she had to feel the same way to an extent. That is what hurt and damaged the relationship. That her insecurities are what broke my trust. I will now always think that this might happen again. She will run off at the next opportunity.

She asked why I just talked away. I told her that at that moment. Just 2 sentences broke me and made me rethink my life up to that point and the future I was planning with us together. I was growing and making moves for that future. She started crying harder. I felt bad.

The next thing I did I regret. I asked her if she knew I was going to propose soon. She said no.

I pulled out and showed her the box. I made the box as well. It has two buttons one that says yes and one that says no. It has lights that say will you be my life partner? I set it on the table and pressed yes. the box opened and she started to cry even harder. The ring has both of our birthstones that form the shape of a completed heart with small diamonds surrounding it. Laser engraved initials and date of our anniversary. I had it made so that it could be added on to if/when we had kids.

Her parents were there but were more just to make sure things kept civil. Her mom was crying and her dad looked pissed but not at me. They both made comments about the ring/box.

I told her that the future I had planned was not going to happen anymore. We need to give each other space. At least 3 months of no communication. We need to take a step back and look at who we are and what we want moving forward. After that, we will see where we are at. But this is on my terms and timeline.

I can't return the ring so I don't know what to do with it. Might end up just giving it to her if things don't work out. After 3 months or longer.

She said that most of our shared friends told her off and blocked her. Her parents are pissed and her little sister hasn't talked to her since the first night.

I said I'm sorry but actions have consequences. I wished her the best. Thanked her parents for all they have done for me and hugged them. I knocked on her little sister's door(I have known her all of her life). Thanked her as well. Hugged her and left. I have 4 months left on my lease. I'm thinking of possibly moving when it expires.

Tonight I'm hanging out with a good friend Mr. Jonny Walker (just for tonight). I will get my life going again tomorrow.

I don't know if there will be another update or not

 

I would have purposed tonight.  - Feb 28, 2023

Not sure if anyone will read this but....

If things didn't go down the way that they did I would have asked her to be my wife tonight at midnight. Our first date was on leap day. We would have been married on leap day of next year.

 

New Update

 

About 2 months ago My (24M) long term girlfriend (24F) broke up with me because of her work friends.  - May 3, 2023

Hello people of reddit. This is a follow-up. I have had many people reach out and ask how I am and for an update. Thank you all for your love and support. To the negative Nancy's (sorry if your name is actually Nancy) I hope you stub your toe in the dark one night going to the bathroom. This may be my last update on my situation. I'm going to try to keep things in a timely order.

After my last post, I tried getting my life back together. I had limited contact with my ex up until about a week ago (that jumping ahead tho) in did like I said I would do. I did some self reflection, some therapy sessions (with my therapist who I have been with for a while), and hung out with friends to get me back going right. It was working, too. I got to the point where I wasn't always thinking about Kate all the time. I did feel down about things sometimes and but I was really getting myself back. I also threw myself into my work that my therapist said it was unhealthy. So, I cut back to a more normal schedule.

From what I Larned about Kate during this time. She was also able to get into therapy. She quit her job and left in a way that burned all bridges to her ex coworkers' petty island. She has a different job in a different field and is planning to go back to school in the spring. She would ask our shared friends (they did not just drop her and were there for her when she needed them) if they had seen me and how I was. They would usually just say doing well and living.

I actually ran into her a few weeks after the break up, and my heart skipped. She did not look like the woman I knew. She looked defeated and down. She was out with some of her other friends, and I could tell she was faking the smile and laughter. She did not see me. It did make me sad to see it.

I still have the ring. It is in a safe spot. The box I was able to modify and gave it to another friend to use. She said I should sell it, but I declined.

So, over all things were getting better. I was still going to hold firm on the no contact, but life doesn't always happen. That way, several things prevented that. We ended up seeing each other face to face 2 times. One bing her little sisters play for school. I had pinky promised her I would be there and you can't break pinky promises. The second was a mutual friends birthday. We kept out distance but did do some small talk and blended into the environment.

But things changed for me and our situation about a week ago. I still don't have much memory of the day, but this is what my friends have told me. For about a month now, I have been getting migranes right behind my eye. It would make my vision blur. Thinking it was nothing and was because of all the stress and events in my life, I ignored it. I was out with 2 of my friends walking around talking and shopping. I wasn't feeling well but was still having a good time out. They said we were just walking along when I slowed down, wobbled, and almost face planted(my friend caught me). I then had a seizure for about a minute. Someone called the medics, and I was rushed to the hospital. Long story some what shorter. They ran a bunch of tests, and it turns out I have a brain tumor. I think it is called a Glioma(sp?) that my docs believe they can get out. We are currently waiting for a second opinion. Im still in the hospital and should find out soon when the surgery will happen.

My friends called everyone they could, including Kate and her family. She showed up with her family. I missed them. She was the first person I thought about when I woke up and when I heard the news. We have talked very deeply over the past week. She is actually my one "guest" im allowed to have. She is passed out on the uncomfortable seat/bed thing they have. I'm not sure what we are. I do still care about her and love her.

The plan moving forward is when my lease is up, I'm not going renew it. Her family has invited me to move in and take care of me if things go well. I have accepted their offer after much consideration. I won't be able to drive for a while. I'm honestly scared. But I have a good support team behind me. My affairs are in order for the worst case.

Thanks for reading this far. I hope you all have an amazing day/week/month/year/life. Please do me a favor and tell the people in your life that you care about that you love them and give them a hug for me. You never know what life is going to throw at you.

Mini update.

I'm being moved to a better hospital that has the doctor they asked the second opinion of. He is one of the top rated surgeons in the area. Surgery should be happening maybe Tuesday. Things have been rough. I had some side effects again from the brain slug. I'm going crazy slowly. I can't do anything without someone with me or helping me. I feel like this room is getting smaller. The only thing that has help is friends coming by quickly or just checking in. My boss has been cool. He has promised my job is going nowhere. And is helping on his side of things with insurance/ leave/disability. Kate's sister made me promise I would be okay. I'm afraid of breaking that promise. Thank you all again. ✌️🫶😊

Also, should I tell her about this account?

 

Reminder - I am not the original poster.