For those of you whose parents are very obviously also autistic but never considered that about themselves...did you ever try to point out their autistic tendencies to them, or did you avoid discussing it?

General Discussion/Question

See the only reason I really WANT to have the "Hey, you guys are definitely autistic too" talk with my parents is because they don't believe that I have autism (I'm currently self Dx, trying to get a formal Dx), and I feel like part of what's stopping them from accepting it about me is the fact that they don't accept it--or maybe just never considered it--about themselves. They (especially my mom) have some similar traits to me, and I highly suspect their mindset is, "We have these traits too, which means they're 'normal' and don't indicate autism." Also, they do understand that autism is primarily genetic, so they might also be thinking "Well our daughter can't be autistic because who would she have gotten it from?" Like okay Mom yeah, neurotypical people totally celebrate their favorite author's birthday every year (in my mom's case, it's Charles Dickens) by making a dessert, wearing a sweatshirt with the author's portrait on it, and reading aloud a passage from one of their books at the dinner table...that's definitely not a special interest. 😂 And yeah Dad, everyone either looks away or closes their eyes whenever they talk to someone 😂 Obviously if I were to talk to them about these traits (among others) I wouldn't say it in such a sarcastic way lol, I'd simply point them out and remind them that having these tendencies is NOT bad, it's just...well, autistic. But something tells me that wouldn't go over well with them. I feel like they wouldn't want to fathom the fact that they could even POSSIBLY be autistic. And that's definitely from some internalized ableism too; they're overall accepting & understanding of people with disabilities but that doesn't mean they don't have some subconscious ableism. I think it's worth mentioning that while they're mostly progressive, they are still baby boomers which means they grew up in a very different time.

So yeah, I've left well enough alone so far because I know that pointing out my parents' autistic traits to them would definitely cause some tension. But...based on your guys' experiences...do you think that in the long term, it might actually help them accept that I'm autistic? If the topic of autism comes up again, might it be worth being honest with them?

in AutismInWomenby MusicalMemer

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Kaitlynnbeaver

Late Diagnosis Club

I didn’t have too, she immediately co-opted my diagnosis 🤣💀 (ETA: sorry this turned into a vent!)

My mom has a lot of narcissistic traits(doesn’t mean she is a narcissist, I know) so when I told her my diagnosis, I had to word it in a way that made it her idea, or else she would’ve invalidated me. (Context is, she called me autistic once, long before I sought diagnoses….she also became anti-vaxx and avoided doctors for me from age 8 on because she thought my autistic traits were a vaccine reaction…but that’s another story.)

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(by “them” she’s referring to my two diagnoses of GAD and ASD)

Of course, the first thing she asked is what I’m getting from it, it’s always disabled special privileges she’s after. 😭 Fucking nothing, is the answer lmao. Then she FaceTimed me and basically asked how to get a diagnoses and how to fit the criteria, and of course, really wanted to know what I “get” for having a diagnosis. This is the same woman who mocked me for sound sensitivities, mocked my (probably also autistic brother, who didn’t speak until age 5) for being “slow” but never did anything to find out more about it because “labels are excuses, learn to get over your issues.”

To be completely fair to her, she very likely could be autistic, she fits a lot of the criteria(ESPECIALLY the rigid thinking, extreme rules, and sensory issues, but she’s also an extremely judgmental person who pushes boundaries, tries to be the center of attention always, and thinks she’s literally never wrong, and idk if that’s autism or just assholery). I really don’t want to have any hand in her journey. If she is, I want her to find out genuinely, and not just because she thinks she’ll get a metaphorical cookie for having it. Either way, I do hope she goes for an evaluation, because if not autism, she probably has something…? It’s good to find out anyway.

ANYWAYYY, all that to say, I definitely got it from my dad. 🤣