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my elder cousin sis is naive and I need big sis advice to deal with her
Family/Parentingyeah, maybe we are over-involved. we will take a step back and let her decide what she wants to do with her life next. hopefully, she'll understand she deserves better. we talk about a lot of other things, you know - we rant and talk about music, movies, careers, our hobbies, but S never contributes anything to these topics. it's just me and my younger cousin! I get your point, however. we will dial it back because I don't want us to be another reason for her to start feeling isolated and lonely.
we will let her know we are there for her and that's all we can do for now. thank you for taking the time to write this, I truly appreciate it 💖
I hope things so turn a corner for S and for your relationship with her too! It’s hard when we want the best for somebody for sure.
yep, thank you.
S is struggling with self-worth and toxic relationships, and while your frustration is understandable, cutting her off is not the best solution. Set healthy boundaries for yourself while continuing to offer support. Encourage her to seek therapy and professional help. Be patient and compassionate. Change takes time and isn't always linear.
yeah, that's what I'm thinking too. Thank you!
You can't change people who don't want to change. It's also not your job to change them anyway.
yeah, makes sense. thanks!
Okay, so I am going to give you some fairly direct advice as I think you can do better here:
I do think there’s an in between solution — you can’t fix all these things for her, so you stop taking on the responsibility for this. You can dial all this back without cutting contact. No family member or friend is responsible to you for their career ambitions, etc. You are far too over-involved and that’s on you to address. Not everybody copes with a difficult childhood in the same way and you are not showing S a lot of grace here.
Now the endless complaining is her problem. But the next time she starts complaining you can simply let her know that you can’t continue to talk about this as it’s too exhausting to see her caught always in the same cycle of being hurt by these people when you’ve already given her your advice yet she doesn’t want to take it.
Make sure you have other content for the group chat than just complaints and try to curb the amount of time and energy that you spend with A that is just about sitting in judgement of S. This isn’t a healthy foundation for a good relationship with A and it would benefit you both to focus on other things that bring you together.