Have you ever ended a friendship after being someone's bridesmaid?

Yes I have. In one instance I let it fizzle out. I realized she was incredibly flaky, unreliable and inconsistent in her efforts. She was just an all around shitty friend and the wedding brought it to light.

Also, I dropped a friendship last year because I wasn’t in her bridal party. Not the same, but hear me out. We were friends for 6 years and, on her prompt, best friends. But she lied to me about having a bridal party. I legit found out when I got to the church and was instructed to sit among the rest of the guests. Now, if she didn’t want to include me, fine—but why lie? Eventually I asked her about it, and she played it off like it was a night before decision. Not even kidding, she legit said she made the decision to have a bridal party the night before and including me had “slipped her mind”…BS! That was the nail in the coffin for me. Again, it brought to light the fact that she was always disingenuous and self-absorbed.

Haven’t regretted leaving either friendship.

A lot of friendships die shortly before and after weddings. Nothing brings out the true nature of a person like wedding prep. Don’t feel guilty.

I’ve actually rekindled a friendship about 10 years after her going all bridezilla. She’s a mom now and has had time to grow. We’re not as close as we used to be, but I enjoy having her back in my life.

I feel like this happens with so many people for 3 broad reasons:

1) y'all weren't super close anymore but had history, so you were in the wedding party. But that made you realize your friendship was no longer at that level. Or, everyone kinda secretly knew that already but the bride wanted a big formal wedding. 2) some wedding prep / bachelorette party drama or bad bride behavior kills the friendship. 3) after the wedding things shift into "married mode" where the friend becomes mainly concerned about her husband, home, new extended family, and getting ready for a baby. Levels on this one vary between being a crappy friend and "that's just how life goes at this stage."

Sounds like it was a combo of 1 and 2 for you. It's totally okay to know that this friendship has run its course. Again, really not uncommon for these shifts to happen right around this age and in conjunction with weddings specifically.

Yeah I’ve had the same happen. I also like to do the fizzle out method because I don’t really want a confrontation or like them. If they reached out to me I would be nice and stuff but I wouldn’t put in extra effort.

For me it was a trip I did with my highschool/college best friend when we were late 20s… we went to south east Asia and she acted like she was so much better than everyone because we were rich by comparison (to the locals), and basically was very racist. I never saw that part of her before, I guess either I didn’t want to or we were never in a context for it to show. But anyway after that trip it was basically over for me. I did call her out on the trip itself for a few things she said but we never really had a ‘we aren’t friends anymore’ discussion. I sometimes wish I would have been more confrontational about the things she said because it was just awful and close minded, I just was so surprised I guess

Unfortunately I’ve been there, I had one of my best friends go crazy during her wedding days she expected everyone to pay for international trips and whoever didn’t wasn’t considered a true friend or bridesmaid. I ended up going and it was a wild week of partying to degrees a lot of us were unaware of or uncomfortable considering we had partners.

She ended up making out with a guy at a club and also like bullied and convinced us into going to strip clubs and getting us dances on top of at the wedding itself tried pairing us with groomsmen we didn’t even know. Mind you some of us were already partnered.

You’ll always know when it’s time. I was in a deep depression a few years ago and one of my oldest friends from middle school basically said “you’re not fun anymore and at this point in life I just need people who can help me relax and have fun”. I never looked back. And I really don’t think about it anymore 🤷🏻‍♀️

I ended a friendship after being someone's bridesmaid, but she wasn't a bridezilla at all. I guess I chalk it up to our ages (we were 24-25ish) and we were also very non-confrontational with each other. Communication could have been better. I couldn't believe the amount I was being asked to spend and as our friendship was already on the decline, the wedding was just a nail in the coffin.

Self-love is more important than whether someone else thinks you're selfish or not. Their feelings are not your responsibility. Part of growing and feeling good is solid boundaries, and if your gut is screaming at you to move on from someone, it's a good idea to walk away...not that it's not hard. 

I had to end a friendship with my oldest friend a few years ago. She treated me like crap when I was going through the worst time of my life. I point blank told her I was having a hard time and she straight up ghosted me. And this is after I showed up for her SO many times. Even though she was definitely the asshole, it's still a grieving process. But I'm not going to be ok until I get far away from people like her. They make me feel awful about myself and I just feel yucky around their presence. Honestly, though, after doing some of the work, I really don't give a shit if I seem selfish. Anyone who thinks I should tolerate that stuff can piss off. And it's a load off not having the negativity in my life anymore. I recommend dumping the dead weight. In time you'll feel better, I'm sure of it.

In my case, it was after I helped her with a couple grand of rent when we were living together, and then she promptly left and dropped off the face of earth when she found a guy who would marry her that she could live off of.

That was a bit more abrupt than a fizzle, and I didn't go to her wedding. But it was certainly an unpleasant wake-up call that some people are really self-interested, and some women are really neck-deep in centering men.

Same but I was the MOH. The whole group grew apart after that. The thing is we've been friends since 12 years old. The truth is we've been growing apart for a while. When we had different opinions we'd argue about it.. Never agreeing to disagree. There was no respecting each others opinions. The bride had somewhat of a selfish personality but its always been like that our whole life. I was quite disappointed with how she treated us. After the wedding no one wanted to meet. Especially the bride. She had planned the wedding last minute so we saw each other constantly. Now we barely meet. Especially with me. I think we age and people change which is fine but real friends respect and stay kind to each other whatever their friend goes through.

We don't generally have the, uhh, rather intense wedding culture that I get the impression is common in the U.S., but I think this can happen in any situation of too much exposure - being room mates, travelling together, trying to have a work project together - you realise there's much about each other you don't actually like.

And I think fading out after that is fine. I mean, what's the alternative? Sucking it up and being a fake friend until one of you dies?

And I'm not sure why you're feeling selfish if you spent thousands* on her event.

(*This is so fking wild to me; that wedding industry really has its hooks in).

A friendship of mine has fizzled out with someone that was in my bridal party, not necessarily related to the wedding. There were multiple moments that just kinda lead the friendship to an early grave. I look at it as the person who is in my photos is not the person my friend was at the end.

Yep- we just reconnected after 15+ years, we haven't brought up the parting of ways just had chit chat over lunches. Marriage can change people, I wasn't a bridesmaid to another friend but she made clear her married life didn't include tight female friends anymore! Nothing personal, most of the time!

Yes, I let things fizzle out because she was not willing to empathize with certain situations in my life. She mocked my disability at her wedding reception and then got mad at me because I kept miscarrying when she was trying for a baby (she wanted our kids to be close in age and I was ruining it.)

Life kicked her ass during the period of time we weren't talking (parents developed cancer and she was their caregiver, her husband divorced her not even a year after marriage) and she came back and apologized with a drastic change in her behavior. She's now one of my closest friends.

You can always back out of someone's life or put things on the back-burner until they get their behavior in check.

I have seen both bridezillas and bridesmaidzillas ruin friendships. Some people are just shit to their friends.

Yep. The entire bridal party and bride were my very close high school friend group. The bride had a history of bullying and mistreating myself and two other girls in the group, but I guess the old high school dynamic was so normalized (even in our late 20s) nobody really saw it or acknowledged it. I didn’t even realize how poorly she treated me until I moved to a big city for work and made a new friend group who valued and respected me and each other. The bride’s behaviour got worse during her wedding planning and she targeted me as the “bad bridesmaid” and turned all the girls against me. Sent me a nasty message giving me an ultimatum, refused to discuss her issues against me privately in person and told me “she was right and justified” in her message and my defense/response was just a “difference of opinion”. She literally fabricated lies about things I supposedly said/did and the rest of the group believed her and sided with her.

So, I walked away from 10+ year friendships. It was difficult at first, but I honestly do not miss those friendships or how those people treated me. I’m in a much better place now surrounded by people who understand respect, love, boundaries, and human decency. Sometimes planning a wedding tends to emphasize the worst traits in people or bring friendship issues to light. It’s not a bad thing even though it feels that way at the time, it really just usually expedites the death of a friendship(s) that should have already dissipated.

You don't owe anyone your time. There's no value in faking a relationship. Be authentic to yourself and be with people you connect with and admire.

Not wanting to continue a relationship is not "selfish". It took a lot of therapy and time for me to learn that, as I was taught to always put others first, even if they didn't treat me well.

But life is hard enough! We need people who give loving support, constructive criticism and who are kind. Anyone else does not make the cut!

I've removed toxic "friends", my adoptive family and went "solo for life" at 35 (had 3 LTRs with amicable splits before that).

So yeah I'm an extreme - and I did none of those things lightly. Lots of grieving. But man is my mental heath better. I am happier than I ever dared hoping for.

I'm nearly 40 now and what's left are amazing, supportive, deep and wonderful connections with a big group of friends. They are my chosen family and have my back! I pour my love into them and myself and my life now.

Please be more selfish!!! We gotta choose ourselves! It's ok to outgrow relationships. Cut out drama and toxicity!

Having a network has turned out to be a good strategy in my case, as people move away, have children or are busy. I also spend 50% on my own, offline (20% communicating digitally, 30% with people in person). As an ambivert that's a good mix.

So my recommendation is to deepen the healthy connections, widening the circle, let things that don't serve you fizzle out/or end them. And invest into yourself, your hobbies, being comfortable alone.

Take care! 💗

Be careful judging people in and around the time of a wedding.

I ended a 20 year long friendship about a year or so after her wedding. It wasn't the wedding itself but more so the fact that we had nothing in common but our history. I felt myself dreading having to go to her bachelorette party which I felt was going to be an expensive, awkward waste of time - and it was unfortunately. I'm sure that makes me sound like an asshole but hanging out with a group of random strangers out of town for a weekend who all don't seem to want to be there isn't exactly my idea of a fun vacation. Especially when we all just sat around playing Mario Kart and played a couple quick bridal party games (which could've been done locally but I digress).

I felt like I was at the wedding of a random classmate or distant co-worker, and it made me sad to realize there wasn't really anything current binding us together. It was also too late for me to bow out, plus I thought these feelings were just a phase and would pass. Do I feel bad being in however many of her wedding photos? A bit but honestly the friendship probably would've ended at some point. If not one year later, then five or ten or whatever.

Ive had a situation go the opposite way too: I went to another bachelorette party and wedding for my partners sister who I seldom saw outside of family events and had a blast at both and got on with her friends. I've since gone on another weekend trip with them and we have created a book club and meet up once a month! Funny how these instances can make or break friendships haha.

I was pretty busy with work and finishing up my bachelor's degree so I didn't see her much. But the few times I did it felt so forced. Eventually I had to be straight up with her and told her it felt forced and that we should leave things where they are. She said she understood but I'm not sure if she was secretly upset or on the same page.

Bottom line: weddings don't usually end friendships, they exacerbate issues that were already present but not yet surfaced. Also I probably wouldn't be a bridesmaid for someone in the future unless I felt a true bond with them and got along well with their other social groups.