If you could call yourself five years ago and had 30 seconds, what would you say?
300 IQ move.
Bro used all of his brain cells
and then your past self forgets about it and after 5 years gets the offer and tells his younger self that you are gonna get the chance to speak with your younger self for 30 seconds. You should start thinking about what you wanna say now. Alright ttyl
Reminds me of the story where after a person dies, they are told the secret to the universe. After they’re reincarnated into an infant however, they find they can not speak, and everyday they start to forget more and more.
https://www.galactanet.com/oneoff/theegg_mod.html
The Egg
By: Andy Weir
You were on your way home when you died.
It was a car accident. Nothing particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off, trust me.
And that’s when you met me.
“What… what happened?” You asked. “Where am I?”
“You died,” I said, matter-of-factly. No point in mincing words.
“There was a… a truck and it was skidding…”
“Yup,” I said.
“I… I died?”
“Yup. But don’t feel bad about it. Everyone dies,” I said.
You looked around. There was nothingness. Just you and me. “What is this place?” You asked. “Is this the afterlife?”
“More or less,” I said.
“Are you god?” You asked.
“Yup,” I replied. “I’m God.”
“My kids… my wife,” you said.
“What about them?”
“Will they be all right?”
“That’s what I like to see,” I said. “You just died and your main concern is for your family. That’s good stuff right there.”
You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn’t look like God. I just looked like some man. Or possibly a woman. Some vague authority figure, maybe. More of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “They’ll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn’t have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it’s any consolation, she’ll feel very guilty for feeling relieved.”
“Oh,” you said. “So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?”
“Neither,” I said. “You’ll be reincarnated.”
“Ah,” you said. “So the Hindus were right,”
“All religions are right in their own way,” I said. “Walk with me.”
You followed along as we strode through the void. “Where are we going?”
“Nowhere in particular,” I said. “It’s just nice to walk while we talk.”
“So what’s the point, then?” You asked. “When I get reborn, I’ll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all my experiences and everything I did in this life won’t matter.”
“Not so!” I said. “You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don’t remember them right now.”
I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. “Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It’s like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it’s hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you’ve gained all the experiences it had.
“You’ve been in a human for the last 48 years, so you haven’t stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you’d start remembering everything. But there’s no point to doing that between each life.”
“How many times have I been reincarnated, then?”
“Oh lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives.” I said. “This time around, you’ll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD.”
“Wait, what?” You stammered. “You’re sending me back in time?”
“Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from.”
“Where you come from?” You said.
“Oh sure,” I explained “I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you’ll want to know what it’s like there, but honestly you wouldn’t understand.”
“Oh,” you said, a little let down. “But wait. If I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point.”
“Sure. Happens all the time. And with both lives only aware of their own lifespan you don’t even know it’s happening.”
“So what’s the point of it all?”
“Seriously?” I asked. “Seriously? You’re asking me for the meaning of life? Isn’t that a little stereotypical?”
“Well it’s a reasonable question,” you persisted.
I looked you in the eye. “The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature.”
“You mean mankind? You want us to mature?”
“No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect.”
“Just me? What about everyone else?”
“There is no one else,” I said. “In this universe, there’s just you and me.”
You stared blankly at me. “But all the people on earth…”
“All you. Different incarnations of you.”
“Wait. I’m everyone!?”
“Now you’re getting it,” I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.
“I’m every human being who ever lived?”
“Or who will ever live, yes.”
“I’m Abraham Lincoln?”
“And you’re John Wilkes Booth, too,” I added.
“I’m Hitler?” You said, appalled.
“And you’re the millions he killed.”
“I’m Jesus?”
“And you’re everyone who followed him.”
You fell silent.
“Every time you victimized someone,” I said, “you were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you’ve done, you’ve done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you.”
You thought for a long time.
“Why?” You asked me. “Why do all this?”
“Because someday, you will become like me. Because that’s what you are. You’re one of my kind. You’re my child.”
“Whoa,” you said, incredulous. “You mean I’m a god?”
“No. Not yet. You’re a fetus. You’re still growing. Once you’ve lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born.”
“So the whole universe,” you said, “it’s just…”
“An egg.” I answered. “Now it’s time for you to move on to your next life.”
And I sent you on your way.
Yea, i know this storie xd
Is that a real story? I sometimes imagined that myself when I saw babies trying to communicate and pointing with their hands etc. What a coincidence 😂.
This is unironically what I believe
That seems like the kind of thing to make a temporal pair of socks
Can I text myself instead?
For me wouldn't matter. I'm not trusting anything I'd say to myself as that guy is an asshole whose always sabotaging me in some way.
W response
Why not sport scores?
Lot easier to rattle off and remember “buy bitcoin” than a bunch of random sports scores for specific dates and events
Knowing the dates of the GameStop spike, the growth of Nvidia and Super Micro Computer would be infinitely more valuable than Bitcoin.
and gme
Eh don’t know. They have “only” gone up by a factor of around 10 last 5 years. Would you be able to convince yourself that you’re really future you to the degree where you would invest any life changing money into crypto in just 30 seconds?
“She’s not the one. Enjoy being single for the rest of medical school.”
Hugs
Don't travel to China at the end of the year. You'll be stuck. There's a global pandemic coming.
Or in my case, don't LEAVE China. I was teaching in Beijing at the start of the pandemic, but visiting family outside the country when Covid broke out. My return flight got cancelled, China closed the border, and I lost my job and everything I owned save for a suitcase and a backpack.
I would not do that one over again.
I worked in Beijing in 2008. I broke my contract to leave early. I didn’t own much though.
That sucks.
And stock up on toilet paper. No, I‘m not insane, the others are.
and buy every single stock in Zoom that you can. literally every fucking one.
Omg that was almost 5 years ago
"Invest everything in Dogecoin, pull out before Elon Musk goes on SNL, then toss that money into high-yield dividend stocks. Also, don't date that musician."
I owned 1 billion doge coin at one point and sold it for like $600 😂😢😭
edit: I'm bad at math, it was probably closer to a million. I don't like to think about it.
i really gotta understand why you didn't sell it sooner?
I sold it a year or two before it blew up. If anything I should have held it and just forgotten about it but I needed a few hundred extra dollars at the time.
That’s tricky because most of recorded history is before Musk was on SNL.
Make these next 8 months with your Gran special she’s gonna die on New Years Day and treasure every single moment you’ve left with her.
If it had been eight years I would have chosen to save my father’s life.
Edit: Oh G-d it was 10 … I think I’m caught in a time rift already
14 , 17 , 23 ,29 , 8 , 35 . Bonus ball 15
sucks that the one week you forgot to buy a ticket was when those came up
You have 30 sec. Might as well tell yourself the date those are the winning numbers
Buy GameStop until January 2021 then sell it all
And calls on Tesla.
And then tell yourself j/k on the Tesla. Direct Registration of Shares for any stock is the way to go... But in this case, it's GME.
Just straight up buy GameStop 🤣🤣
"Watch your weight. Losing it is way harder than maintaining it."
“Put every dollar available to you on the Buccaneers to win the Super Bowl, then invest all your winnings into Dogecoin. Sell at 65 cents”
55 burgers, 55 fries, 55 tacos, 55 pies, 55 cokes, 100 tater tots, 100 pizzas, 100 tenders, 100 meatballs, 100 coffees, 55 wings, 55 shakes, 55 pancakes, 55 pastas, 55 peppers, and 155 taters
What?
Oh, why didn't he just say so
Thank you omg I had literally no idea what he said. You’re a life savor, not all heroes wear capes.
What the hell... It's deleted. So evil
He literally just copied and pasted the original comment. That’s it.
I was looking for this. Bless you.
Go to marriage counselling now before it's too late
Hope everything is working out for you. regardless of what happened.
I hope all is well
i would have told myself not to accept a job i took. the job blew up in my face.
Me too! What a disappointment!
ya i basically got an okay performance review then 6 months later the manager gave me a PIP and at that point, it's over for you
I switched from a so-so university to an excellent one, only to find that a lot of my coworkers are in a culty religious group, my supervisor doesn't like me because I'm not in the culty group, and the administration can't do anything right. It's one headache after another. I think I would have been happier staying where I was.
Don't stay without a job, even if you have enough money.
He's lying to you, run girl. That man destroyed my life and my ability to trust other men.
I'm sorry.
I'm in the same boat but I'm male and had issues with my ex gf. Hope you're doing well, it sucks but the harshness does eventually fade.
❤️ thanks 🥹 take care
I am sorry that happened to you. People can be very cruel in relationships...unfortunately...
Spend more time with mum.
Spend more time with dad.
Nothing. I really wish to change some certain events and decisions, but for now I have something that I appreciate. And I don't know if I'll still have it if I change past. And also, as I know myself, I wouldn't do something random guy said me on phone.
THIS. I've thought about this quite a bit, asking myself if I would change any decisions I made in the past. Are there some things I wondered would've happened if I went in a different direction? Sure. However, I might not have the great things that I have right now, or be the person I am, if I made those other decisions. My life could be better, but it could also be much worse, and I am thankful for the experiences that I have had and the person I am right now.
This man will be the one.
Don’t be afraid of “getting hurt again” because this guy is actually different.
He’s going to be the best thing that’s ever happened to you.
Please , trust your gut
There’s going to be a pandemic. Don’t use lockdown as an excuse to drink. You’ll be sorry.
Don’t go take your dog out at 9 PM on April 29, 2024. She’s gonna die if you do. 😭
So sorry for your loss.
She's poison. Do not eat her out.
My daddy died in my arms from throat cancer after eating some bad pussy.
I am so sorry. HPV is horrible virus
dont relocate
Same happened to me except it was through her texts and discord. I know how much it hurts, and I am so sorry you had to experience that hurt.
Pull your kid from the school they're at ASAP, as in TODAY, and homeschool them until you find a better option. The misery and bullying if they stay in their school - that's going to leave horrific emotional wounds that won't easily heal.
In 3 years a tornado will destroy everything you own. You will survive, but find somewhere to live that is far away from where the tornado will strike
Do NOT date him, He is NOT over his ex and he has NOT changed lol
Don't let your family go ziplining on the mountain trip.
My wife had an accident on the zipline that shattered pretty much all the bones in her leg below the knee of her right leg. She was bedridden for three months, and it took another four months of physical therapy for her to be able to walk unaided. Her leg still bothers her today.
Break up with him. You aren't happy, and you deserve better and you know it.
Don't you dare sell that house. Mortgage was $650
Dont get into magic it get expensive
Your brother is secretly on drugs and will be dead in 4 years. Dad has lymphoma but he will be okay, but get him to keep an eye on it. Jennifer has lung cancer and won’t be okay but maybe you can help her find it sooner. Get the cat checked for KD, and don’t let Luna near him or the house at all.
The Powerball on Nov 7 2022 will be more than $2 billion. The winning numbers are 10 33 41 47 56 10. Do great things with this money and get Mom to the hospital. Good luck and may the odds be forever in your favor.
Hey Bitch, what’s up ? You’re going to have the most beautiful family. A crazy cool girl and the most lovable little boy. Also he is proposing soon stop fucking nagging him about it, he’s the best hubby and daddy ever. Some days will be hard but you are so so blessed. Keep going, love ya ♥️
Hey mom died a few days ago. I know you weren't expecting it but in time you will.
Quit smoking , save your money , keep going to therapy, stay focused on your goals.
I've fallen so far the last 5 years so hopefully I can change my current fate.
"Raptors in a month, Lakers in '20, Bucks in '21, Warriors in '22, Nuggets in '23."
Put more money into savings I BEG OF YOU
"Your biggest nightmare, the one that will keep you awake day in and day out for years, the one that will make you want to die countless times just at the thought of it happening to you, the one you are certain you would not be able to overcome if it occurrs, will come true. And it isn't going to be the end of the world."
Knowing that would've made it all a little less dramatic
INVEST IN BITCOIN AND THE HOUSING MARKET YOU JUST TURNED 18 YOU GOT THIS
Edit: OH YEAH AND A PANDEMIC IS STARTING IN 2020 AND BREAK UP WITH GUSTAV AND ALSO DONT DATE THE DUDE NAMED DANE
"Break up with him. He's a rapist, and if you stay with him it'll ruin your life and follow you until the day you die."
I’d leave my divorce attorney name and number and tell her not to wait, and assure her it will be okay despite the fear.
Fix your drinking, in 4 years your going to lose your house to a fire, your wife and kids to the stress, one of your dogs, and your new car that you still owe 21k on. Don't let your home insurance expire, and just hug her she never asked for much.
Spend more time with mother. She will pass away on November 6th 2019.
you're gonna try to end it soon. try succeeding at it because 5 years from now you'll be making this stupid call
I feel that. Mine's just going to be 30 seconds of Shia LaBeouf screaming just do it. 5 years ago me will know what it means.
Leave him, things won’t get better, they will get worse. You will be alone for 2 months across the country from everyone else you love bc you had that much faith in him - he doesn’t deserve that faith. Go now
Make sure you pull out with that woman you will be dating.
Nah. I wouldn’t listen. We have a beautiful son together who is the light of our world.
The lottery numbers
4 8 15 16 23 42
I was going to say "buy Pfizer stock," but turns out it's worth 28 dollars today and was over 34 dollars a share before the vaccine.
I never understood how that worked. Why did the vaccines not help Pfizer stock?
I know. You'd think they would have massively profited. Moderna sure did. $14.30 in 2019, $129.06 today.
Go to work even if you're in a terrible situation. Stomach pain should go away by the time you arrive anyways.
Wow. I tell myself this everyday.
See a doctor sooner and spend more time with your mom.
When you feel that pain in your armpit, don’t listen to the nurse, it’s cancer! Get help before it spreads to the lymph nodes. Also trust your gut and find better surgeons. Don’t do implants! It will ruin you.
Make him get his heart problem looked at, and start looking for remote work now, cause he's gonna die on you in 2023
"DO NOT DOWNLOAD TIKTOK!!!"
Refinance or purchase home in 2020 rates will be at a lifetime low. Take every extra dime you have and buy Nvidia stock. Every $1 will grow to $2100. Every 500 will be a million in 5 years
Buy some bitcoin.
Enjoy the lockdown. Lastly, don’t date her. You’re settling.
Life has no meaning and so just live happily without any regrets.
DO NOT LEAVE SONNY, CHARLY IS EVIL AND WILL DESTROY YOUR LIFE.
I wouldn't need a whole 30 seconds to prevent the worst mistake of my life. I would die to be able to undo what I did. Maybe I deserved the abuse Charly put me through as payback for hurting Sonny like I did.
Cher? Is that you?
I love you very much, and you are so loved. There are a lot of things happening right now you don’t have the answers for, but keep alive. Things will become clear overtime.
This would be my call, too. No matter what knowledge I give, that kid is going to go through some things. Hope things are better for you now.
'Get Grandma to the hospital, it's cancer.'
on a Wednesday when grandpa comes back from the hospital and mom says she’s the one feeling ill, take her to the hospital IMMEDIATELY, don’t way for dad, she’s gonna lose her hearing perception in 3 days
Spend more time with your mama, she will be gone soon
Nichole is a whore, don't do it. Would of saved me 3 fucking years, and made 2 more focused better with my family.
"Don't wait too long to tell her how you feel, don't become her friend and don't take that promotion"
Tell dad you love him before the dementia gets too bad. Ask him for any final requests, let him know he did good and you have a photo of him in the shop to always remember him by.
Cancel the wedding
He will destroy you. I know that you love him, and I’m so sorry. Do not trust him, do not be alone with him, do not make him your entire world.
DO NOT squeeze the pimples, we'll have post acne stains !
and
Lash lamination will change your life
"hey, 5 years from now, you'll leave Christianity behind but I promise you'll be okay, and you're going to be mentally healthier, happier, and free.
Oh, and you're going to be a licensed therapist who helps people heal from religious trauma.
And one last thing: people aren't "sinful." People are complex humans living with trauma.
You're going to be okay. I love you so much."
Five nights at freddys LAHALALALALA FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDYS
Let it ride on Bitcoin!
SHAKABOOEY BABY! also go touch some grass and stop playing video games, your eyes feel like they will bleed in the future please save our vision i beg of you pLEASE-
Buy a flat with that inheritance money instead of spending it all travelling. You can later on either sell or a be a landlady, and make some more money.
Choose yourself, don't listen to your friends! You'll destroy your future.
Don’t even start that college major. It was a waste of time and you won’t even finish.
It will happen and it's worth the wait
Sit down...take a big breath..you will be living in Florida (Panhandle) and it will be heaven!
Get pet insurance 😬
Start looking to make a career change now. Don't ride this out.
You will be fine, little girl.
They’ll come up with something called corona, everyone will start calling it covid after reading a few articles and it - will - fuck - up the world.
So, stick with your job and your partner, don’t plan any holidays and don’t go for your 3rd jab.
Have a good day.
Take your daughter out of that school, immediately.
“Quit drinking, get help ASAP and quit your job to follow your dream or you’re gona ruin everything good in your life”
Spend so much time with your grandparents or dont discover the black and orange website
Don't work your ass off so much in 2019... I know you think 2020 will be your year to get out there and enjoy life but I've got bad news for you.
Hi…ik you’re gonna not even recognise ur own bloody voice but save the questions AND STOP OVERTHINKING abt the future and PLS for the love of God be flexible in life
Working out is much more fun than you think. It will help you meet this amazing woman. It makes you better in the bedroom, less anxious. Start now trust me. Oh! And - it’s not your fault my dude. We have ADHD we’re not crazy
Tell my wife to get a preemptive mastectomy and try and save her.
Stay strong. The chemo brain will slowly fade away in about 5 months after your 9th treatment. Also here’s a bunch of winning lottery numbers.
"Don't be on a freeway Jan 1st 2021" That's when a driver rear ended me at 80 mph, broke 3 ribs and more. Great New Years day! Not. If only this fantasy of going back in time could happen
Call the police after the assault on October 1, 2019.
BUY BITCOIN. AS MUCH AS YOU CAN YOU'RE ACTUALLY GIRL BUT THE BOY BODY END UP WORKING OUT YOU ARE MEANT TO BE A MINER YOURE GONNA GET DIVORCED BUT STICK IT OUT UNTILL ANA IS IN HIGHSCHOOL AND FOR FUCKS SAKE, GET BACK ON YOUR LONGBOARD AND STOP EATING 2 SERVINGS AT EVERY MEAL
Buy more Amazon stock. Click.
Don’t be kind to her, don’t ask her to be your friend
Don’t move to Georgia. You’ll be miserable there
I’d say: „Make my Husband move in back with me back at home. It’s true Love!! For reals,,. 👨🏻💻😺🍌🍌☕️
Fuck her
Don’t take the job
Skip the porn addiction, stop giving that "friend" money because in four years she's going to lie to you and never answer your message ever again,save it all instead and talk to more people instead of closing yourself off in your Internet world and hobbies
"Dad will die soon. Colon Cancer. Not much you can do. Tell him and make the time worth it."
If I knew upfront I'd also study the past development of shares/crypto any say something like "Buy bitcoin until <date> then sell them all on <date>."
Talk to him now. In 4 years he’ll be dead.
Go visit your brother, let go of grudges, talk to him. He only has a few years left. :(
Leave your spouse now
It's time to move on from that job. You're worth at least twice what they're paying you. I know, because I'm making twice what they're paying you. And in a few months you'll be training a guy making more than you just starting. And that's insulting. It's going to be an adjustment but it will be worth it. And the adjustment will happen during a time that feels otherworldly anyway. You'll get through it.
I’d give my alternate-self passphrase to establish credibility and then just list Gamestop and Bitcoin sell dates.
I'd probably say something along the lines of "be prepared to be independent, learn to trust your feelings, and keep striving for better things in life, you'll conquer everything, oh and start at the gym now so I can get stacked and jacked and juicy, quit slacking"
Assuming I have what I want to say prepared this is what I would say and my past me would understand (thankfully I can speak fast enough)
(a password of something I only know)
THE ELECTIONS WILL FAIL, THEY ARE SNAKES FROM THE INSIDE (with the last names of some of the traitors)
X and X will ask you out, say no, stay friends. If they don't. Not your fault.
That school, it sucks and the job too but it pays Well. Too far from home, good friends make there. Think it.
THE EXAMS WILL HAPPEN on (Date) (I don't remember the date rn lol but I would had it prepared)
Assuming I have spare time "You got this."
Don’t talk bad to yourself. Your body will believe it. Calm mind, big heart. Be quiet and listen to your wife. It’s not all about me.
Be a better partner
It will get better than worse then better again 😌
Drinking won’t bring them back. Get into the occult and conjuring spirits instead.
I would tell myself to take a break from school for a year. Until I finished highschool my mental health was in pieces and now I realise that I wouldn't have been able to do anything about it as long as I was stuck in that enviornment, so it's better if I just didn't go for a while.
Take a lot of photos.
Geez what happened to you, you look awful. Maybe get a haircut too you're about to meet your wife
"You're gonna lose 45 kilos, but you're gonna screw it all up because you freaked out over one lousy week of uncontrolled, hormone-induced binges. This is the start of one nasty bitch of a year and a 20 kilo regain, SO LISTEN TO ME: Don't. Freak. Out. And. Just. Breathe. You think regaining two kilos is the end of the world, but since you're gonna put on 20 in the end, you better enjoy it while it lasts, you walking disaster, you..."
I graduated from college exactly 5 years ago. My two things I'd tell myself are "call your grandmother as much as possible" and "don't be afraid to go into medicine"
"Spend way more time with FiL. There's going to be a pandemic he doesn't take seriously, he won't listen to you, and he's going to die." Man I miss that guy.
Save 200$ from each pay check. And DONT more than the 1 credit card you already have.
You hurt him and you know it. But don’t worry, it will get better. And don’t go to Law, do what you want bc you will lose 3 years of your life.
Get the fuck out of Canada NOW
Fail your entrance exams the second time instead of getting a low score otherwise your indian parents will force you to become a doctor.
"In five years, don't call yourself cause you'll die in 30 seconds."
Put everything into Bitcoin, sell in November 2021.
Whatever stupid decision you're thinking of right now, DON'T DO IT!! It's not worth it.
Powerball numbers.
Take that bit coin as payment for your ps4 Then cash it out after it’“ blow up”
Please do job hunting or go back to school
Call your family and tell them all you love them, right now.
Winning lotto numbers are....
The lotto numbers are...
Stay away from Wellbutrin and any man named pedro
The winners of the Super Bowl in the last 5 years, the winners of the Kentucky Derby in the last 5 years. No, my name's not Biff.
"Hey in about 5 years, you're gonna get the chance to speak with your younger self for 30 seconds. You should start thinking about what you wanna say now. Alright ttyl"