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What makes marriage so hard? If you’ve already been living with each other, what changes?
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1mo
do you guys have kids if you don’t mind me asking?
Money, children, stress, work, really thousands of factors. The difference between a successful marriage and one that’s constantly hard and ends in divorce is how you power through those issues as a team.
Living together .... if it didn't work out, each was free to leave without any stressful and EXPENSIVE legal burden. But this is only if you two were smart enough to not have kids.
Idk maybe cause you have no next goal to reach higher than that?
For my wife and I, very little changed between being married and not. But we were also together for 10 years before and lived together for 3 first.
That makes sense. I feel like everyone talks about marriage being the hardest thing ever and I totally get it, but I just never got why making it legal would change things that much. A lot of people are saying kids but then that would make having kids hard, not so much about the marriage itself i would think
You don't get many couples that are together for like 30 years or whatever that have remained unmarried though. The being married part doesn't change anything about a relationship per se, however you'll typically find people are more likely to try and work through their issues for a variety of reasons when married.
It's obviously easier to walk away from a relationship if you're not married from a legal aspect anyway.
I think one major thing for alot of people is people get married before they really know one another. I have alot of friends and aqaintences in bad marriages or who have divorced and one of the most common trends among them is they got married really soon after they started dating either becaue of a pregnancy or often because they were overly excited for the wedding itself/glorified weddings.
My wife and I knew we wanted to marry, but we had certain priorities to get done like buying our home, finishing grad school, and getting set in our careers. Once we had all that done we finally got married.
Another big thing I see in friends struggling with marriage is there is not alot of teamwork between them. I have a buddy who got married becaue of a pregancy. He works and she works, she putposely spends her whole paycheck the day she gets paid every time so she doesnt have to help with bills.. then the reat of the month has to spend only the money he earns and then she complains she doesnt have enough money and it constantly leads to fighting.
People say the vows but act surprised when things do indeed get hard and they need to stick by those vows. Marriage is great but it’s also hard as hell if you just wanna stay the exact same person as you started. You guys grow together and only if you’ve tried and can’t make it work should you then part ways. Also nothing really changed for me besides us living together and being married instead of just dating
I feel like a lot of vows nowadays are more for the “aesthetic” or laughs. I agree that they sometimes don’t mean them like when Drs have to warn women with cancer that their husbands may leave them.
Some divorces are just people throwing in the towel when things aren’t completely perfect and some are valid. As long as you don’t think the vows are just words and want to abide by them for your partner and vice versa, marriages tend to be successful
Expectations can change all of a sudden on topics you aren’t aligned on.
Finances baby. Get on the same page or get a divorce.
I wouldn't say anything changed for me. If your in a serious committed relationship, I think you naturally treat it the way you would if you were married. I lived with my husband after a month of dating and married him in a courthouse after 7 years together and we just passed the ten year milestone. The hardest part of our relationship is navigating big life changes together.
A lot of people get married too soon in a relationship. If you've already been dating and/or living with each other for years, marriage doesn't really change much.
Some legal stuff is different, but the relationship is the same.
You've never had a single issue of any kind with anyone you've ever lived with? Shit comes up. Especially if your partner's been hiding their major flaws.
I mean in the context of like living with each other for multiple years and have been together for a while
That didn't need to be said and adds nothing.
you referenced hiding flaws, which would come up if you’ve been living with them for years? That was my point of saying that lol. you didn’t need to be rude about it
No, that was my point in saying that. You're not adding anything. You're explaining my point back to me - why?
you didn’t need to be rude about it
I'm the one who had to waste my time reading it. I should be the one offended.
How am I explaining your point back to you when I’m saying the opposite. If you’ve lived with someone for years already, that’s when issues about living with them would come up, not after. So your point doesn’t make any sense in the context of my question of marriage AFTER living with each other. But clearly you want to keep being rude for 0 reason so whatever.