What are your tips before getting married?
Choose each other daily. Marriage is not a decision made once, it is a decision made at least once a day.
Marriage is a push and pull. It’s not 50-50 constantly. Some days it’ll be 80,20 or 70-30 or 40-60. If you don’t think you’re capable of shouldering some burden when your partner isn’t at their best, I wouldn’t get married to that person.
Go on a long road trip together. Those kinds of situations show how people handle problems, how well they communicate, whether they have any annoying habits.
Pre nup. What you put into your retirement account should be yours. If you divorce the SO doesn’t get half. If you stay together they do.
Pull cash out once a week and keep it on hand. If you divorce SO gets half of your savings in joint account.
Don’t co sign on car loans. If SO doesn’t have good enough credit to get 2% by themselves then take the loan yourself. If divorced you get the car. Sell for cash after divorce.
I want to see your source, that if you stay together you get half....
My ex got 90,000 cash from my tsp. I have to wait to retire to get the rest.
If I stayed with her I would have shared my retirement with her unconditionally at age 65.
Im still n track to have half a milll upon retirement.
Will you still love me? Will you still need me, when I’m 64? - Paul McCartney.
"If I stayed with her I would have shared my retirement with her unconditionally at age 65."
No matter what a woman will always make sure she uses more of it...
Seems like you’re preparing for divorce rather than giving tips for marriage
Sorry if I’m bitter. Just went through a divorce and advice my lawyer prepared me for next time.
Sorry for your experience. I’ve had hard times in my marriage but we’ve grown and blossomed together and I can’t say any of these things are on my mind but, since we’ve had different experiences I guess it makes sense
Glad to hear you kept it together. Keep cash on hand 😉. No really, in all honesty communication is key. That’s really my best advice.
We’ve basically mastered it at this point. Been with the man for 9 years so far but I appreciate the advice for sure
The worst thing my ex did was treat my savings like I was hiding money from her. I was putting money aside for car repairs and tires for my car and she treated it like I was stealing money from her when I was budgeting correctly in my eyes. She told me I was terrible with money and I was a bad husband for hiding money from her. When I told her I needed money for car expenses she told me I didn’t need money. What do you need money for???
Strange. Hiding money definitely doesn’t look like that….
To normal people no. To my ex who was mad my entire paycheck wasn’t going into the joint account, yes.
Why would she be mad unless she wanted to use your money? That is odd indeed. We don’t have joint accounts but he does give me some money from his earnings just because. I spend a ton on him so it balances out
Premarital counseling
Find some married people with healthy marriages and spend time with them as mentors.
Buy some books on marriage and really dig into them. I'd suggest "Get Married, Stay Married" by Paul and Billie Kaye Tsika.
Sit down and write out all of your major life goals, then compare them.
Background check
Will do
House and car at your name before you get married
Make sure the bedroom chemistry is there
Marriage counseling works better if started before there are issues, rather than as a last ditch effort. The main reason being getting used to communicating in a safe space so that they are less likely to hide something out of fear of the imagined reaction.
Everyone knows about the importance of trust, respect is also critical. Feeling disrespected builds resentment, resentment builds and erodes foundations.
Make sure their words align with their actions.
Yeah, i will try my best
When you get married, your spouse can get a call from the Phone company and they can sell them anything they want; at any price they want. And you are on the hook. Even if their name isn't on the bill...
Thanks At&t for a $175 flip phone in 2006............. My wife hated it, thank God; but no take backs... Phone cost $150 to ship and $25 service fee to hook up...
I'm sorry sir this is legal, she's your wife and purchased on your home phone..... -The agent
Though my ex would never say she made a bad purchase. She didn't pay for it!
Determine if you both want kids or not. Surprisingly, several of my friends did not discuss this with their partners before taking the vows...
Figure out finances. Do it. Get on the same page or keep your money separate.
Why i should keep my money separate?
If you guys don't agree on what to spend your money on or how to save it then keep your money separate.
Don't.
Talk about everything before even getting engaged.
Do you want pets? Kids? How many? Open to adopt? Fertility treatments if needed? How would you want to parent? How did your parents behave to you? What would you change or do the same as your parents? Discipline style?
Gender dynamic discussion: expectations for how the household is run. Gender expectations for if you want kids and have a girl or boy.
Household. Hopefully you live together and understand their habits. Get a system where household activities are agreed upon. What matters most to each of you? What’s a chore you like? What’s something that you can’t stand?
Family dynamics. Do you support any other family financially? If your parents fell ill, would they live with you? Or when they grow old? Other family care questions.
Understand spending and saving style. Individual and joint long term goals? What do you consider frivolous? Necessity? An amount of money where you’d need to check with your partner to spend?
Understand your travel styles and fighting/conflict resolution styles. Anything either of you can work on to communicate better?
Importance of sex and affection for each of you. Expectations and understanding of intimate needs (actions and frequency).
Wedding expectations. Agreement on vision for weddings (small and intimate or huge bash?). How to pay for it. Family dynamics for wedding.
Prenup or run
Except those can and do get thrown in court all the time.
Honestly fuck marriage then
If you aren't religious (I am) then you have no real reason to get married.
Prenuptials get thrown out because most of the time kids are involved and the courts will choose the kids first. When they "choose the children" it just means they're siding with the mothers.
Don't do it if you lowkey have doubts in your mind. Only commit if you plan to honour those vows for life.