Most can take a bad joke; most can take a low brow tasteless joke. Heck most people can take an offensive dark joke, but Asian parents say some of the vilest things to another person especially their kids and pretend that it is a joke, thinking they can get away with it and when they don't it is our fault for not understanding "humor". Joke or not you don't get a pass for saying those kinda things just because you were pretending to be funny.
It is absolutely disgusting that Asian parents think they can say the most vile things to you and say it was it was a joke when it clearly wasn't.
DiscussionYeah, and not to make light of what they do but when they "joke" the jokes aren't funny. Yes, humor is subjective, but it is like you say the vilest about me and you couldn't even make it funny. If you are gonna insult me, be clever about it.
I think many APs don't grasp that some jokes are, indeed, aren't funny at all. But I don't think they have that awareness or sensibility.
Imagine being an abuser and making a joke of your own abuse to the very person you abuse, like...? š
One of the first moments I realised how messed up it is was when my partner and I watched "Tenet" and I shrivelled at the scene where the abusive husband took out his belt to abuse his wife. It was so freaking vivid.
The belt will always traumatize me it felt like I was lashed.
I understand that feeling. I was literally shaking upon that scene, even though I was with a very safe man, an adult (had been living there for a couple of months), and in a whole different continent to my male parent.
The funny thing is that my partner wears a lot of jeans and belts, but that scene made me realise that he never really took off his belt in front of me, therefore never triggering me before that.
I remember his shocked expression to what might be such a simple scene for others.
I even remember where my male parent used to hang his dress pants, where the belt was, the black colour of the leather belt, the silvery colour of its steely part... I have a lot of work to do.
And he still dare to joke about physical abuse. š¢
āI donāt get it. Explain whatās funny..ā āokay. Let me get this right. If I say something that I think is funny but you donāt, itās still a joke. Right? Cool. Hereās one. Youāre a (fill in the blank). Hilarious, isnāt it?ā
Just roast them back and say its a joke because if you want to dish it out you need to be able to take it, its only fair.
The problem is one sided relationship, rules only appling to one person its hypocritical.
These days I treat it with pure apathy which drives APS NUTS because nothing makes them madder than them realizing what they say don't matter.
I thought this was just something my own parents did to me. They would say some fucked up shit about me and then when I got mad about it, they would gaslight me and say "I was just joking, why do you take everything so seriously?"
Asian parents can't regulate what they say, they don't have that filter unless it is some of higher social standing but even that only goes so far.
do you know why though? I thought strict discipline from childhood would add that filter to them but no?
Bullies love to say āI was just jokingā
My parents-Everything is your fault and not ours is their gold standard rule. We are always right and youāre not. Your brain is being corrupted by anime and western teaching, so grow up. Chinese should help and protect Chinese. Meanwhile, in China they treat us like outsiders and we have no investment or stake there. Iām born here, so Iām not going to blindly agree everything. I hate that Asian political figure get drag throw under bus for being āyellow on outside white on inside.ā They adapt unlike my parents bring poor ccp teaching to heart for decades. The worst part is they canāt be happy for likes Michelle yeoh. Speaking of adapt, how is Jackie Chan love by both Chinese and westerners since heās a heavy pro ccp Hong Kong actor and he get reap the benefits of both side of the world with little to no criticism is unfair since he popular and talented comedian stuntman.Ā
My mom said that my messy hair looked like an Afro whenā¦
1) Iām (clearly) not Black.
2) I donāt have 4C hair.
3) 1 and 2.
I was so fucking offended by the comment, but I tend to not wanna escalate things. So, I just ignored it.
Oh two can play at that game
my mom has called me pretty much every imaginable word combination for trash, scum, etc in chinese over things that I dont even remember doing anymore... but the most prominent memory (and the 1st) I have of what she's said was she would have "pinched" me to death when I was born if she had known "you would turn out this way". mind you I was 11. I was top of my class, ahead in math, etc etc but I had forgotten to do 1 hw assignment. crazy. and now every time I bring it up both my APs downplay it saying "everybody says things they regret when they're mad" but if we're being SO fr rn I dont think she's ever regretted the things she's said (at least she's never apologized), and also that does not justify saying horrific things to your child!!
I can really "take a joke" about anything, and my parents still manage to hit the spot. If I criticize one aspect of their being in a joke, they go straight to ridiculously offensive stuff. I sometimes really mean to be light-hearted and funny and it gets me slapped in the face.
The worst is when they make these "jokes" about something personal or embarrassing in front of others. Makes it exponentially worse.
And get confused when others don't find it the least bit funny.
Iāve had random white parents literally express concern to my family in public and ask me if Iām okay because they overheard something they said
I've had friends of my parents exchange looks and become very uncomfortable after they "joke" about something.
Not my family asking me to consider a nose job multiple times AS A JOKE
Yeah, my mom called me miss piggy 2 weeks after I gave birth to my son. It went on for months and whenever I got upset she would say āyouāre too sensitive I was just jokingā
That is awful. She wasn't joking she was being a petty jealous bully of a child.
She laughed constantly whenever she saw me and called me Miss Piggy and now that Iām back to my pre pregnancy weight she keeps claiming she was saying that to motivate me to lose weight
This either means she meant well but can't help but resort to toxic methods because she believes it is the fastest and easiest way to get results my mom does this because it worked was I kid and thinks it will still work even though I'M A FULLY GROWN ADULT or your mom is being a butthole. Either way it sucks.
My dad used to do this when he was still alive. He would also have weird moments of being immature (like take my portable CD Player from me while I was just minding my own business at a restaurant either reading a book or working on a workbook) while he was talking to my mom. Like wtf?!
Yeah there is a switch in their head that makes them a butthole year old that can't control.
Yes, this seems to be a theme for various APs I know, including my own.
My own male parent, who physically abused me when I was a child I generally hate being touched as an adult (at large, I'm healing now), can and have airily make physically abuse joke.
I love that for him. š