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NTA, please don't get a kid with this guy. Imagine if he ever has a daughter and shames her like that? You deserve better OP, you deserve someone that supports you and lifts you up.
NTA... everything he said to you is his own insecurities. And questioning your ability to be a mom? Hell no. Many actual sex workers and pole dancers do their job and are amazing parents, which is hard for some to wrap their minds around. He's showing you red flags, don't ignore them.
NTA
YWBTA to not question whether he's a good fit for a relationship with you. He's the one who sounds jealous and insecure. You can do better than someone who's just looking to put you down.
NTA and do not move on to the next step unless he realizes why you doing a sport is not seeking male attention and apologizes for this shit
I wont say the classic , just dump him stuff
Give him a chance to walk that shit back , but also make sure he means it
If he refuses then dump him
Is he 'fit' to be a husband if he keeps attacking your confidence and criticising things you enjoy? Do you want someone wearing you down like that for the rest of your life? Keep the pole, ditch the boy. NTA
So am I the asshole for talking the photos and posting them online?
Nope, NTA
Your posts are about your achievements (and congrats, poledancing requires a lot of physical effort and coordination, I really admire those who practice this sport). Don't let him drag you down.
Look your husband or boyfriend wants a girl he can have all to himself, feel free to pursue your hobby, but he doesn’t wants girl who is out there like that, let him go, so he can find that girl. And you can go find someone who’s okay with that, simple. I would not be okay with it either, but no reason to stop you, just seperate
NTA pole dancing is incredibly difficult and requires a lot of strength so you should be proud, and he should be proud of you. The fact he’s not and is saying those things are major red flags and say more about his insecurities than anything to do with you. He sounds rather misogynistic to view your achievement and pole dancing as a sexual thing for the male gaze rather than the empowering feminist sport that it is
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I am a 30F and my boyfriend is 33M. I work an office job and he is blue collar. We have been together for roughly a year with some bumps in the road already. When it's good it's amazing, he showers me with love and praises me. When it's bad, we are always on the brink of breaking up. This time our most resent fight is about my sport, poledance. I have been training poledance since 2020 and just started competing. I'm good too and won nationals for my category in my country. So because of this I post photos and videos of myself doing my sport. Me and a friend just finished a photoshoot and I am really happy about the photos. I came home and wanted to share the result with him, all happy and proud. I was met with distaste and mean words. "Thats pathetic. You are such an attentionseeker. Did you post these to Instagram? Why do you feel the need to post such sexy photos, are you that insecure?" These where the type of comments I was met with. Really hurting my feelings. Not that it should matter but the photos where in great taste. In poledance you need to have less clothing to get good grip on the pole, so a sports bra and hotpants are the usual attire. With that said I am insecure about my body and usually tries to wear more fabric if possible. Not comfortable showing ass or cleavage, so the photos were with more clothing and the vibe was softer to show the artsmanship more then the "stripper vibe".
Me and my boyfriend had discussed our next step in the relationship but now question's if I am "fit to be a mom when I obviously need the sexual attention from other men more". So am I the asshole for talking the photos and posting them online? Would it have been more tasteful to just keep them to myself? We have really hit a wall here and I need some perspective and advice.
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NTA - let me stress this, you are absolutely NOT the asshole for being rightfully proud of your hard work and talent! This is a sport that you have dedicated your time and practice to, and his reaction is beyond unacceptable.
Imagine for a minute that you have a daughter or a younger sister that you love dearly. Would you want her to be in a relationship with someone who speaks to her that way? Who puts her down and tramples on her efforts and achievements? Who makes her feel anything less than loved, respected and appreciated? No, you wouldn't. You need to love yourself so much that you give yourself the honest advice you need to hear right now.
He isn't the one. You deserve so much more. Someone who truly loves you wouldn't ever talk to you like that. I just want to give you a hug and tell you how amazing you are ♥️🥰
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1mo
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NTA.
Pretty big red flag there. End of the day, it shouldn't matter even if you were a stripper as a job frankly.
I would sorta get if the guy had some worries about your choice of sport because of the stigma associated with it, but it sounds like he just flat out has certain opinions and has zero intention on moving from them.
I have a few friends who do pole dancing funnily enough and for all of them it's an artful thing. They're good at it, it's very intensive physically and they love it. I say this to suggest I have a good idea what photos of non-stripper pole dancing are like. Your bf is being mean to you with the one and only purpose to bring you down and possibly force you out of an activity due to jealousy. I can't think of any other reason for it. Like I said. Big red flag and it sounds like you have others. Consider your next steps very carefully. What will starting a family with him truly mean? If there's a big argument, what will it take for you to leave? How would it impact children? Marriage? Remember, people change, but going in with the mentality of "it'll be fine, I'll change him" is rarely successful.
NTA. Basically pole dance attire is similar to a bikini or swimming trunks for guys. Unless he's uncomfortable with you wearing a bikini too and in OP's case a pretty conservative bikini.
There's world championships in poledancing and damn that looks impressive. OP won nationals so she's not the average pole dancer either. He should be proud of having such a skilled gf.
He's projecting when he says OP is insecure. Think long and hard if you want to stay with this guy.
NTA
You have been together for a year. For most couples this is the honeymoon period and issues start later. It does not bode well that your already moving between happy and on the verge of breaking up. Next off pole dancing is a great workout and not inherently sexual, the fact that he is shaming you for doing something you enjoy is straight red flags. He is the one that is insecure, not you. He has no respect for your hobbies and I suggest you walk away now.
Brittany?
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1mo
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