AITA for not forcing my child to eat blueberries?

Not the A-hole

Today my wife gave our 11 year old son some blueberries. My son said that he rather not eat them because he doesn't really like blueberries. My wife replied "but these are really good" so my son hesitantly tried one blueberry and replied "Thx, but I still don't like them and rather not eat the rest". I thought that was the end of it and went to the store to get groceries for diner.

When i came back my son was crying at the table because he was forced to eat the remaining three blueberries. I asked my wife "why is he crying?" and she explained that he had to eat the blueberries because it is healthy. Thinking it was just about eating a piece of fruit i told my son that he didn't have to eat the blueberries but he did have to eat another piece of fruit instead like an apple or three strawberries or something similar. My son immediatly agreed, spat out the blueberries (in the garbage can) and started eating an apple.

This, much to my wives dismay. She said i overruled her authority and that my son will never learn to eat healthy. My reply was that it is not ok to force a child (or any other person) to eat something they don't like (especially after they tasted it). How would she feel if I forced her to eat something she doens't like? Why is it ok for her to not eat certain foods but not for our son? He likes enough vegetables and fruit in order to get a balanced diet so I think we should meet him halfway and not focus on forcing him to eat stuff we know he doesn't like (and he is not really a fussy eater so we have plenty of healthy stuff to choose from).

The situation escalated and at one point my son even said "i'll just eat the blueberries", in an attempt to de-escalate our argument (after which he took three blueberries from the fridge and swallowing them almost whole just to get it over with). Sadly for him, it didn't really work because we were already to far into the argument (although i did thank him afterwards for trying and apoligized for not being able to let it slide).

Am i the asshole because I didn't force my son to eat the blueberries and allowed him to take another piece of fruit he does like?

Edit : I wasn't expecting such a big response and haven't been able to read all comments. Thanks to everyone who responded, i really appreciate the advice. Maybe i'm not the AH in this situation but in the future I will try not to argue with my wife in front of our son.

in AmItheAssholeby DeleteMeLater4321

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Lanfeare

1.1K

15d

It’s not only pointless, it’s also cruel. Being forced to eat things you don’t like or to eat when you’re full is one of methods of torture. No one deserves this kind of treatment.

withbellson

703

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I have a traumatic childhood memory of being forced to bite into a cherry tomato as a child. My dad held a stopwatch on me to make me do it. I finally did it and spat it out into the sink because I hated it so much, and he laughed.

I fucking hated raw tomatoes, I still hate raw tomatoes and I’m in my 40s. It’s a power trip, not parenting.

lnmcg223

14d

It wasn't traumatic as much, but still miserable--for me it was saur kraut. And to your day, I don't understand why you would force a child to eat something with such a strong and offensive odor and taste. It's not a staple vegetable. I just think it was such a weird hill to die on

withbellson

14d

The main thing I understand about being a parent after having been one for awhile is: it's important to question the nasty inner voice that says you must do something X way for the good of this child, that stuff tends to come from your own damage and not actual good parenting. My folks both critically lacked introspection. I can only imagine something in my dad told him that me refusing to eat tomatoes was a childlike intransigence that needed to be nipped in the bud, and not, like, a strong personal aversion which is a thing and can easily be accommodated, or at least not traumatized about. Some of the stories in this thread, you wonder if we'd like these foods if they hadn't been turned into traumatic memories. (Well, not me. I cook with tomatoes, I still despise the flavor of raw ones.)

Oh, and don't get me started on my mom making tomato beef chow mein (basically the Chinese response to spaghetti, but the tomatoes are barely cooked and the raw flavor is overpowering) and then questioning me every single time about why I wasn't eating it. Neither of them could truly comprehend that I had preferences that existed separate from their own.