AITA for rejecting the worst name ever for our offspring?

Not the A-hole

So, my husband (38M) and I (36F) are expecting our first child, a bouncing baby girl due in a few months. We were both over the moon when we found out the gender, but now things have gotten . . . complicated, to say the least.

See, when we first started talking about names, the “boy name” was immediately decided: Stuart Jr., after my husband. No problem there, it’s a classic name and carries family meaning. But, for a girl, things got murky.

My husband suggested Stuarta. No, you’re not having a stroke. Apparently, his logic is that since Stuart ends in “t,” we can just add an “a” to make it feminine. I tried explaining why that doesn’t quite work, how it sounds more like a furniture brand than a human name, how she’d be endlessly correcting people and explaining its origin. He’s adamant though, says it “honors” him while giving our daughter a unique name.

I’ve suggested alternatives: feminine names that maybe share a similar sound or meaning to Stuart, names he’s mentioned liking in the past, even just going back to the drawing board entirely. But he’s fixated on Stuarta.

Now, I love my husband dearly, and I understand wanting to honor family. But I can’t imagine subjecting our daughter to a lifetime of awkward stares and endless questions about her “unusual” name. I also worry about potential bullying and the impact it could have on her self-esteem.

So, Reddit, am I the jerk for refusing to budge on Stuarta? Is there any compromise I haven’t considered? Help a soon-to-be mama out!

TL;DR: Husband wants to name our daughter after himself; in a really, really bad way. I think it’s terrible and will set her up for a lifetime of awkwardness. AITA?

Looking forward to your thoughts and (hopefully) some sanity checks!

Edit: Please, no suggestions for other “-ta” names. The man clearly has a theme, and I need to gently steer him away from it, not fuel the fire!

in AmItheAssholeby Beginning_Date1924

12.3K

96%

3mo

Judgement_Bot_AITA

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3mo

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

I refused a name I’d be totally cool with if our baby was the opposite gender (in turn, really hurting my husband) just because of some hypothetical bullying.

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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.

Pollythepony1993

18.2K

Partassipant [4]

3mo

NTA. Naming a child is a two yes and one no situation. Means you need two times yes for a name to be it and one no to make sure that name is not the name you choose. Works both ways if you’d ask me.

Also, I am not a fan of naming the first name of a child after a parent. Because then the child will always be compared to their parents and need to fight harder to be their own person. I have less problems with the middle name being connected to someone else (parents, grandparents) because that is only a formal name and not used in everyday business.

Why is he dead set on Stuarta? I mean, there are so many beautiful names but he only wants to name his daughter after him? Why not after the mother? Like <your name> junior. It is a bit misogynistic to only want to name the baby after the father. Whose last name will the baby get? His as well?

Maybe you could find a way, like name the baby with the same first letter as your husband (Stella, Sally, Sanne, etc). Make sure the baby has a middle name (if she shares the same last name as her father). Because it will be annoying for simple things like mail and stuff.

shell37628

4.9K

3mo

To piggyback on this, what's his middle name? Could there be a feminine version of that thats less objectionable/actually a name, rather than just a weird mishmash of sounds?

lostrandomdude

4.8K

3mo

I suppose if you go by the meaning of the name, Stuart/Stewart means guardian of the House, so perhaps Hestia/Vesta

I suppose Stacy is an option but I presume OP doesn't want to be Stacy's Mum

Loud_Ad_594

2.4K

3mo

Just saying. I don't enjoy being Stacy's moms daughter. If that helps.

God I HATE THAT F@CKING SONG! 🎵 🎶

risunokairu

1.4K

3mo

Someone does not got it going on.

Nukemind

1.1K

3mo

Her mom does though.

Elocin_Yecats

546

3mo

I embrace it, if someone asks if my mum has got it going on I say “yeh but she’s married sorry”.

PerpetuallySouped

162

3mo

So was the original Stacy's mum.

TheTightEnd

144

3mo

She was either separated or divorced.

Cautious_Potential35

322

Certified Proctologist [20]

3mo

Stacey can't you see since your dad walked out your mom could use a guy like me

Safe_Ad_8879

273

3mo

It's even weirder being Stacy's daughter and picturing your grandmother whenever that song plays... I have hated that song all my life.

To be fair to grandma, mom was born about 40 years before the song. Lol

gooser_name

738

Partassipant [2]

3mo

Hestia is an awesome name tbh, I think more people should name their kids Hestia.

OP, please suggest Hestia with this argument!

goosebumples

817

3mo

Hestia is a bra brand in Australia - “Holds Every Sized T*t In Australia” :D

Maladee

669

3mo

Hestia was the Greek goddess of the hearth long before she was Australian boobslings.

Vesta is the Roman equivalent, but Hera (goddess of women and childbirth and marriage) is an option. She was queen of the gods, and Zeus was afraid of her, after all.

HauntedPickleJar

397

3mo

I’d be super careful about naming kids after Greek gods, if you read enough mythology you’ll soon find they’re all really fucked up and did really fucked up things.

Maladee

658

3mo

Yeah, but a few millennia of being a goddess before a bad end vs being named STUARTA? Easy choice imo

Bring on the cosmic powers!

HauntedPickleJar

461

3mo

Yeah, Stuarta is probably one of the worst I’ve ever heard. How into yourself do you have to be to curse your child with such a name? Not even the Greek gods were that cruel.

PerpetuallyLurking

212

3mo

Of all of them, Hestia rarely left Mt Olympus and notably did nothing much beyond keeping the hearth warm for the gods of Olympus. Hestia is definitely the safest bet with Greek gods.

lobbylobby96

108

3mo

Since im from the other side of the globe i would cherish it as a fun trivia moment ^{^} Its an awesome name tho

Gold-Carpenter7616

Asshole Aficionado [11]

3mo

Greek goddess of the Hearth is the more known meaning I'd say. 😂

MessyQueen13

582

3mo

Not Hestia. They make bras. If your DH expects a boy child to be named for him, then shouldn't it follow that a girl would be named for her mother?

SweetFrostedJesus

636

3mo

That's what logic would follow but I doubt someone who is insisting on naming a baby Stuarta is the kind of person to follow logic or give his wife equal consideration.

Moderator removed comment

3mo

AlectoStars

271

3mo

Hestia is the name of a goddess first.

It feels like people would be more likely to think of Greek Mythology first before bras? Especially with the popularity of stuff like Percy Jackson lately.

daringfeline

173

3mo

Definitely, seeing as most of the world doesn't live in Aus, I havent heard of this brand of bra.

autotuned_voicemails

190

Partassipant [1]

3mo

I presume OP doesn't want to be Stacy's Mum

Maybe it’s the millennial in me, but I was this close to naming my daughter Stacy so I could be Stacy’s Mom. If my fiancé and I hadn’t finally decided on a different name, she would almost definitely be Stacy.

Llama-no_drama

Asshole Aficionado [11]

3mo

I LOVE Vestia. Now going to have to struggle not to adopt a new critter just to name her Vestia...

jflb96

3mo

Traditionally it’s Hestia or Vesta, not Vestia

ssf669

1.3K

3mo

Here's the thing though. WTF should any child HAVE to be named after him in some way? I get the tradition thing but this is just weird behavior.

The name should be about the child, not him alone. It's not only selfish, but arrogant to insist children must be named after him. I'd be willing to bet that he will also still insist on Stuart for a boy.

This poor little girl is she's saddled with any form of Stuart as a name.

mMicKey110

717

3mo

This. So when she's old enough to have to explain why she was named Stuarta, what else is there for her to say but, "My father has such a big ego, he insisted his first child be named after him, no matter the emotional damage it would cause a daughter"?

I'm not sure why you're with this guy. You say you love him, but he doesn't believe that you should have any input on a name that is going to affect the entire life of the child YOU are carrying.

I'm not a fan of men naming sons after themselves anyway; I believe that everyone is an individual who deserves their own name. But to do this to a daughter for his own self-satisfaction is just wrong.

sailshonan

122

3mo

My husband is a Junior— and I have judged his father’s character every day of his life because of it.

FrogMintTea

513

3mo

If they have 3 kids it's Stuarta, Stuart and Stewart.

OP why are u raising a baby with this guy?

EnglishMouse

260

3mo

Fourth kid - Stewartina…

boudicas_shield

291

Partassipant [1]

3mo

I’m guessing the kids will have his last name, too. So why does he also get to name their first names after himself? If they’re going to have family honour names, OP and her family should be the prime consideration, since the kids will already have his surname to reflect his connection to them.

Thingamajiggles

234

3mo

This. Some poor little kid should not have to go through life having to explain her name over and over again. "My daddy is a narcissist who thought having a baby was all about HIM."

He needs to do some serious growing up in the next few months if he's going to have any chance of being more mature than that baby when s/he arrives.

User deleted comment

3mo

Atty_Aveline

423

3mo

I vote he gets to chose the last name, she chooses the first name, and they cooperate on a middle name.

he gets honored by the child that she gave birth to having his last name.

not enough for his ego. He wants it all.

Jerk.

Ncbsped

276

3mo

If he gets to pick the last name, YOU get to pick the first name. Fair is fair.

eileen404

266

3mo

And why is he so egotistical as to require that a daughter be named after him?

MyNewPhilosophy

245

3mo

One of my good friends has a middle name honoring her dad’s best friend name that was “feminized” (think Jimdell) she HATES it and has had to explain it her entire life.

The kicker, of course, is that her dad and that friend drifted apart decades ago

anyansweriscorrect

158

3mo

I know it's not the actual name but JIMDELL

Piavirtue

164

3mo

I once knew a girl named Mary Ralph. Both names were used, like Mary Ann. I felt sorry for her but at least once she got away from home, she could drop the Ralph.

[deleted]

1.4K

3mo

Girl, it is super simple. He gets to choose the name when he pushes out the baby. Why is it only HIM being honored and not you???

By the way, you need to let your nurses at the hospital know about this. I have read some horror stories here on Reddit where dad's or MILs have named the baby and signed the birth certificate.

NTA

CuriousCatkins96

918

3mo

The idea of having children as a means of "honouring" the parent is so incredibly fucked up, and bound to lead to a lifetime of dysfunction.

But then I'm flat out against ever naming a child for anyone else anyway... accept that you're not "having a baby", you're giving life to a human and raising them to adulthood. Give them their own identity, for the love of all that's holy...

Llama-no_drama

432

Asshole Aficionado [11]

3mo

This is why I tell people parenthood scares the shit out of me: you aren't raising a baby, or even a child, you are raising an adult. A whole ass human that will exist on and interact with this planet for 70+ years. I feel like having a baby is basically making a covenant with society not to raise an unspeakable adult.

Definitely don't make it harder by giving them the stupidest name I've ever imagined.

Pikersmor

242

3mo

Yes!! OP is definitely NTA. She is growing a person, not a tribute! If hubby wants to be honored, get him a trophy. But please don’t saddle a woman with an awful name just because her father thinks of her as an accessory.

Biddles1stofhername

147

Partassipant [1]

3mo

I have read some horror stories here on Reddit where dad's or MILs have named the baby and signed the birth certificate.

I've seen these too. Done while mom is drugged up on painkillers and doesn't realize what's going on. How is that even a thing? It should be standard practice to do all the documentation when BOTH parents are present and lucid (and no grandparents, since they aren't even legal guardians wtf).

lolzidop

724

3mo

Also why do they have to link to him, why can't it be OPs name Jr?

gooser_name

1.1K

Partassipant [2]

3mo

To honor him. No need to honor his wife apparently.

TK_TK_

1.4K

3mo

Imagine honoring someone who’s a big enough dipshit to suggest naming a human Stuarta

Spicy_Sugary

378

3mo

Stuarta is an AWESOME name.

It's right up there with Bradleya and Jeffreya.

Specialist_Return488

198

3mo

Except with those two you can go with Leya and Freya as nicknames and it sounds acceptable. Poor Arta or Uarta 😂

fourcrazycoons

175

3mo

Those last two sound like parts of the circulation.

SweetWaterfall0579

130

Partassipant [1]

3mo

I need a clamp on the arta to attach the uarta! Stat! We can’t have her bleed out dammit!

fourcrazycoons

3mo

Be carefull to only clamp the arta not the aorta, otherwise the patient may die.

Wolfsigns

3mo

I've seen a Bradleya before. That poor girl.

OriginalIronDan

142

3mo

Went to high school with a Keithette. Hillbillies.

Opposite_Community11

317

3mo

Well, he is doing all the work in growing her for 9 months, giving birth, and then feeding her after she is born, so why shouldn't he be honored? /s

HiRollerette

162

3mo

Don’t forget all of the cooking, cleaning, diaper changing, medicine giving, appointment scheduling and chauffeuring he’s also going to be doing for the next 18+ years. All hail the king!

lookalive07

138

Partassipant [3]

3mo

I know that you’re joking because OPs husband seems like exactly the type of person who would be proud that he never changed a diaper, etc.

But at least this generation of dads gives a shit. I cook, clean, change diapers, make appointments, and take both of my kids to different schools every day. My wife does too, but I’m absolutely involved as much as she is and it makes me sick that the previous generations just left all that to the mom.

Helpthebrothaout

243

3mo

The fuckin' egos on these people.

Dominoodles

236

3mo

Exactly. It's an awful outdated tradition but if you're going to do it, have a boy be named after dad and a girl be named after mum. Easy.

ssf669

152

3mo

It's bad enough to do it to a boy but to a girl too?

I wish this tradition would just end. It's so weird. Let the child be their own person and not invite weird confusion for everyone.

S01arflar3

197

Partassipant [2]

3mo

Even better, why can’t it not be a junior at all and let the child be its own person?

lolzidop

178

3mo

Even better, but the fact the husband feels only he "deserves" to be honoured is quite the red flag in itself, which is why I asked why not OP Jr.

ravynwave

633

3mo

I’m just gonna leave this here. I met a dude who was so obsessed with his name Paul, he not only named his two children Pauly and Paulina (or maybe it was Pauletta), he also forced his wife Olivia to change her name to………Paulivia.

PAULIVIA

Don’t let yourself be turned into a Stuartina. That is all.

ZapGeek

184

3mo

Oh lord. My husband is called Paul and we joked about naming our babies Paula or Paulina but it was only ever a joke.

The wife changing her name is an extra wtf

you_slow_bruh

294

3mo

Sounds narcissistic af, to me. What else could it be?

Winter_Excuse_5564

166

3mo

My brother is a Jr. My dad is, you guessed it... a narcissist.

knitlikeaboss

267

3mo

There are times when it works, like if a gender variation already exists (Denise vs Dennis, for example). Otherwise it’s fuckin weird.

Also Stuarta sounds like something you need an ointment for.

SweetWaterfall0579

346

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Do you have Stuarta? Ask your doctor if Hestia is right for you.

JackB041334

181

3mo

I always believed that if you want your child to have their own personality, their own name is the best place to start

mostlydefeated

112

3mo

Doesn’t he get the last name? How is that not the family name?

tazdoestheinternet

102

3mo

Personally, i feel that if the child is already named after her father if she's getting his surname, mum gets honoured instead, or at least has veto powers.

Celestial_Unicorn_

Partassipant [1]

3mo

My sibling is a junior, and it also makes paperwork and admin stuff annoying. One time, a jury summons was sent to our house, and they didn't specify if it was Jr or Sr. So they both had to call to find out.

Dangerous-WinterElf

3mo

Googling female versions of his names, stina and steena pop up. Stella and Stacy, too. So there are way more pretty versions the man could go with tbh.

princess_ferocious

9.6K

3mo

NTA

Tell him he only gets one kid named after him, so if he goes with Stuarta now, he'll never get a Stuart Jnr.

And how come it's so important that he be honoured, but not you? See how he feels about naming a future son a male version of your name.

Remind him that baby names need a yes from both parents or it's a no. You both need to be able to live with whatever you go with. Even if that means both of you missing out on the one you want most.

lolzidop

6.4K

3mo

And how come it's so important that he be honoured, but not you?

This is what got me, why does he think his name has to be honoured?

Tamihera

1.6K

3mo

The baby’s getting mom’s surname, I assume? Or does the father need double-honoring?

Jordan1701

2.4K

3mo

Oh, you know this kind of guy wouldn't allow his child to not have HIS last name.

I really hope I'm not smelling disaster imminent, but I'm pretty sure I am.

[deleted]

541

3mo

Feels like the start of a pissing contest with how adamant he is on Stuarta.

Hopefully lil Stewie still likes her dad for this when she grows up.

dontbsuchalilbitchbb

254

3mo

Good thing most hospitals (in the US at least) give mom final say on the legal name. He can bitch and moan all he wants but she’s the final authority on what gets written on the legal document. He can contest it later in court though. I don’t foresee a judge agreeing to this heinous “Stuarta” honestly.

miss_chapstick

173

3mo

That seems fair, since she is the one sharing her body with the baby, and then having it rip its way out of her.

Shape_Charming

163

3mo

This applies in Canada as well.

My dad was adamant he was going to name me Spike, and while my dad was in the washroom Mom called the nurse, demanded the paperwork immediately and wrote down the first boy name she could think of (my grandfathers).

Afterwards she and the nurse both told my dad that the paper work had to be done right then and mom panicked and wrote down her dads name.

He was... not impressed, but to be fair, he wanted to name a human child "Spike" so, fuck his opinion on the matter to be blunt.

EmotionalFix

145

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Almost always the baby gets the father’s surname. While there is a good chance mom changed hers to his so she also has it, based on the OPs husbands actions so far I would bet that any and all children would have his surname.

throwaway66778889

102

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

3mo

Why would you assume the baby is getting mom’s surname? Any man who wants a junior is going with their surname… otherwise it wouldn’t be a junior.

Zestyclose_Base_6686

3mo

I think that was the point.

BadgerOff32

599

3mo

Yeah, I never get why parents insist on naming their kids after themselves. It seems like such an arrogant, egotistical thing to do.

It's essentially like saying, "my full name is so damned awesome that we're going to force it upon our child too, so they can continue the awesome legacy of my name!"

Like, you couldn't think of something individual for this......individual? Do they have to become an unwilling extension/continuation of yourself??

It's so weird.

UnadvisedOpinion

102

3mo

This guy is gonna pull a George Forman on his kids

rattitude23

Partassipant [2]

3mo

What would be weird for me is during sexy time, my kids name being called out. Bletch

johnjonahjameson13

185

3mo

I said that in a comment as well. Baby has his last name and half his genetic material, yet he thinks she needs his first name to “honor him” as well?? Dude wants a clone.

saucychossy

822

3mo

Right?!! That's what I was thinking! Why does he HAVE to be honored on the first child. That's such an outdated misogynistic practice. I'm sorry but who's carrying the baby for 9 months and then dealing with the immense pain of labor?? But no, let's honor the father and his contribution! Seriously why can't the daughter take on one of your names?

julio200844

226

3mo

She carries the baby for 9 months and honor him for a 2 minute sex session

rattitude23

Partassipant [2]

3mo

I think you're exaggerating. 2 minutes sounds long for a guy like this.

DarkVelvetEyes

188

3mo

Exactly. Textbook patriarchal norms.

katamino

Certified Proctologist [24]

3mo

But it was never about being honored on the first child. It was always first born SON, this guy is stetching that mysogynistic practice to extremes. No one cared about girl baby names when this was common.

emmygog

3mo

She goes through all of pregnancy and labor but dude nuts and deserves a full parade, obviously. 🙄

Appeltaart232

577

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Finishing inside a woman shouldn’t give you extra honors, I would think. What about the actual woman who is risking her life and health in pregnancy and birth. Some guys want to show off with their family like it’s a trophy, it’s disgusting.

Little_Ad_1945

3mo

To honor Dad's amazing contribution, I'm suggesting "Sperma," Jizzina," or "Cumwadeen."

leomercury

564

3mo

Everybody flaming Stuarta is absolutely correct but also I feel like we’re all breezing past the fact that he wants to essentially name his son Stuart Little

SavviSpaceMermaid

3mo

That's all I could think of too 💀

Boeing367-80

417

Partassipant [4]

3mo

I tried explaining...

That's your mistake right there. Don't explain. Say "no" and move on.

I tend to agree with others who say that if the boy name is going to be named after him, OP pretty much ought to have a free choice as to the girl name. He sounds amazingly self centered to want both names to be all about him.

Narcissism much?

PrincessTroubleshoot

🍰

200

3mo

I think the no Stuart junior is a good point to push on. God, unless he wants Stuarta AND Stuart junior. But seriously, unless they are planning on having one child, I think OP should tell him that their next could be a boy, why not save Stuart for him

BlitheCheese

161

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Maybe OP's husband should emulate George Foreman.

His daughters are Natalie Foreman, Leola Foreman, Georgetta Foreman, Freeda George Foreman and Michi Foreman.

His sons are George Jr., George III, George Foreman IV, George Foreman V and George Foreman VI.

magnus_the_fish

176

Colo-rectal Surgeon [31]

3mo

What, having an electric grill named after him wasn't enough?

Paula92

3mo

All the Georges make me think of that time in Calvin and Hobbes when Calvin duplicated himself and they were all just addressing each other by number.

Push_Bright

138

3mo

Stuarta is the kind of name that gets auto corrected back to Stuart. It is also the kind of name that people will laugh at as soon as you tell them, or they will go “did you say STUARTA? NTA.

passionfruit761

3mo

Oh yeah, you couldn’t have siblings called Stuart and Stuarta, with their father being Stuart.

A lifetime of identity mix ups

TemptingPenguin369

5.5K

Craptain [195]

3mo

NTA. Stuarta sounds like a pharmaceutical product. (I can hear the commercials now. "In some cases, Stuarta can cause headaches, rashes and even death.") It doesn't have a decent nickname. And no, adding an "a" doesn't make it feminine in all cases; this is one of them. I'd go for Stuart as a middle name.

Laelith75

1.0K

3mo

And I don't know why, but somehow a laxative comes to mind.

Harmonic_Taurus4469

546

3mo

Really? It gave me yeast infection or topical ointment vibes.😩😂

Salted-Honey

265

3mo

Am I the only one that got antidepressant/stimulant vibes from Stuarta? Lmaoo

[deleted]

100

3mo

That's where my brain went lol. "I was still putting on a brave face to hide my depression symptoms 😔 so I asked my doctor about adding Stuarta."

BlitheCheese

176

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Because Stuarta makes you farta.

BlueRoseImmortal

108

3mo

Cause it’s a shitty name

Ornery_Improvement28

234

3mo

I need CREAM for my STUARTA. STAT! I've got a bad case.

NTA

ReaderAraAra

173

3mo

“I’m sorry mam, we’ve diagnosed you with a severe case of Stuarta, it’s malignant. We’ll have to operate immediately.”

~Somber music fades in as the young woman cries devastated tears in the improbably handsome and rugged doctor’s office. The doctor looks at the camera with the solemn look and 5 oclock shadow that won him 3 emmy nominations.

“Damn you Stuarta, someday we’ll find a cure.”

TemptingPenguin369

Craptain [195]

3mo

I smell a Hallmark movie!

ReaderAraAra

3mo

Or at least a strong donation drive.

~In the Arms of an angel starts playing in the background. The improbably handsome doctor walks into the room, stethoscope jauntily around his neck, his thick luscious hair perfectly styled to look disheveled-ly sexy. He looks at the camera with a sad serious look.

“We need your help America. Stuarta affects up to 500 million Americans today and that number only continues to grow. With your donation we could save millions from suffering the severe longterm effects of Stuarta. Please donate to help stop Stuarta today.”

Total_Maintenance_59

208

3mo

Weird. I keep hearing "this is Stuarta!" in my head. Like in the movie 300.

Can't help it. Sounds just so much like Sparta.

sexyrexy696

3mo

Honestly all I can think of is Stuart Little. Either way, their child will be named after a mouse 😅

dazechong

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Some people named their daughters plain Stuart too. And it seems a better name than Stuarta.

I googled "girl version of the name Stuart" and learned that Stuart came from the last name Steward and means "steward". Can't quite understand why this dad want his name inherited, but why not just... give her a nice name that both parents are happy with?

BeebopSandwich

180

3mo

Cool, so they can name her Stuardess 😂😂😂

drunkolive99

4.1K

Asshole Aficionado [17]

3mo

NTA

For the sake of your daughter, stand your ground on this one.

says it “honors” him

Also... this is a rather narcissistic mindset for naming your kid.

Classroom_Visual

1.2K

Partassipant [3]

3mo

Maybe OP should suggest the name ‘OP Jr.’ to honor her and see how that goes down.

This is a hill to die on. What’s your daughter’s nickname going to be, ‘Stu’? (Or if you’re in Australia Stuey. Even worse!)

TunaMarie16

170

3mo

It definitely sounds like the name of a pharmaceutical drug to me. OP, does your husband have any female names in his family of women he’d like to honor?? Maybe start there…or even females in your family who meant a lot to you.

Winter_Excuse_5564

107

3mo

Why his family and not just OP's name? That is the like-like way to go here.

Far_Replacement_8978

373

3mo

Exactly, I've never understood naming children after their (living) father, especially when usually the fathers are horrible

HappySparklyUnicorn

192

Partassipant [1]

3mo

And most of the time the kid gets the dad's surname too.

DoggyDogLife

100

3mo

I was just about to comment this. The surname most likely already honours the dad.

Muther_of_Tuna

267

3mo

Seriously, “honor” is earned in deed and action. This deed and action would be a clearly dishonorable thing to do to his daughter. He sounds completely self-absorbed and selfish. I hope OP shows these responses to him.

DarlingPandora

125

3mo

Is it just me or is the name Honor starting to sound pretty good?

Dominoodles

3mo

Zuko has entered the chat

Jerkcaller69

3mo

Yeah I don’t understand why he needs to be honoured? NTA but he is for wanting to subject the poor baby to a terrible name.

pandora840

3.6K

3mo

NTA!

There is a HUGE difference between wanting to honour family names in a new child and being SO FUCKING PIGHEADED AND SELFISH that you would saddle a child with a lifetime of ridicule just to get your name into theirs.

Suggest that you husband just change his name to a (bonus points if it sounds nonsensical) masculine version of YOUR favoured name for your baby. Because if he isn’t willing to at least consider that then it’s just his egotistical selfishness that is talking.

Iataaddicted25

867

Pooperintendant [61]

3mo

Or just tell the husband that if they are naming the baby after a parent they will be naming her after the person carrying and bearing the baby: op.

MoultingRoach

265

Partassipant [1]

3mo

I'm a guy who was named after my mom. Worked out perfectly fine.

smolstuffs

585

3mo

Yeah but MoultingRoach is a classic gender neutral name. It's not really a fair comparison.

SeaLow5372

309

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Imagine the conversations lol.

What's your name? Stuarta.

What's your dad's name? Stuart.

What's your brother's name? Stuart Junior.

OP should just change her name to Stuarta Senior, so they can be a little cartoonish family.

fire_thorn

332

3mo

Or OP could change it to Ofstuart.

Pantalaimon_II

3mo

yooo honestly this is the vibe it’s giving hahahaha

Hofeizai88

271

3mo

I suggested Jessico as part of another conversation about bad names. I am a teacher and sometimes there are names that are awkward or difficult to pronounce, and those kids hate the start of the school year. A name like Stuarta just seems worse because it will always sound odd and it doesn't easily shorten to anything that sounds like a girl's name. i imagine her friends will either get used to it or she'll want to go by her middle name (assuming it isn't something like Richarda or Jasona)

PrincipalonReddit

250

3mo

High school principal here. Concur with this!

Stwarta? Stu-ART-Uh? Stewart-uh? Every teacher EVER will not know where to put the emphasis.

life1sart

118

Partassipant [3]

3mo

One year I purposely mispronounced every name. For weeks after some kids would correct me and tell me to use the mispronounced version of their name. Great fun.

And some were really hard to mispronounce. Ever tried mispronouncing Sam or Emma? You're so used to saying it a certain way that it's hard to do it differently.

tan_and_white

3mo

My Dad’s nickname for me as a kid was Earmuff because when you drag out Emma in an Australian accent it’s Ear-ma.
Can’t help with Sam though.

ElleSmith3000

3mo

This! And OP, is your husband that selfish in other areas? This seems like a person who is not considering the child’s needs at all.

Thecatisright

1.8K

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Why does the name of your daughter have to honour him? Narcissistic much? Besides, the name is absurd and will set her up for bullying. It sounds like your husband really doesn't want to have a daughter. The name feels like a punishment for being a girl.

NTA

User deleted comment

3mo

kaybeetay

3mo

I couldn't agree more. I never understood the need for parents naming their kids after themselves. Why not let the child be their own individual instead of being a creepy mini-me?

Snapesdaughter

3mo

I think you hit the nail on the head with "punishment for being a girl."

Betelgeuse8188

1.4K

Asshole Aficionado [17]

3mo

"Hey I've got a good idea."

"Stuart...a." 😂

NTA.

I'm speechless. That's absurd.

Normally I'm all for compromises in a relationship, but dear god no. Don't budge. You can't subject your daughter to that.

Puzzled-Heart9699

304

3mo

Yeah, absurd. And to be perfectly blunt….ugly.

Husband needs to get over himself.

Loud_Ad_594

128

3mo

Well I mean we already have a Stuart...a (dad)

Wouldn't the baby then be Stuart...b?

Prove me wrong...

I'll wait.

Ok_Imagination_1107

1.2K

Asshole Enthusiast [7]

3mo

So do you guys have absolutely zero female relatives who should be honoured with a name? No worthy females at all who this child could be named after if it's?

Stuarta? Awful embarrassing will lead to bullying doesn't sound nice.

Competitive_Fact6030

516

3mo

Im thinking this too. Dude is so narcissistic he NEEDS that child to be named after himself, no matter how stupid it sounds.

Ok_Imagination_1107

Asshole Enthusiast [7]

3mo

Yes it is pretty needy isn't it? excellent observation I think

eireann113

315

3mo

Such as...the mom?

Ok_Imagination_1107

143

Asshole Enthusiast [7]

3mo

Indeed, although in many families it's traditional to go back more than one generation when looking for a name. I'd rather pick a name out of the phone book then go with Stuarta

EvilBeasty

246

3mo

I’d rather name my child Phone Book than go with Stuarta.

sihiif

3mo

Phonebookasey for girls.

Lukthar123

3mo

It's Phonebooka, obviously

eireann113

3mo

Oh absolutely. I just think it's bizarre that the husband wants to honor himself by naming the child after him, male or female, and it's not occurring to anyone to even make the other parent an option.

I think it would also be bizarre for both kids to be named after their parents , Stuart, Stuart Jr, OP, OP Jr but slightly less bizarre.

But Stuarta is bad either way.

Professional_Ruin953

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

3mo

No inspiring or influential or admirable female persons in society or history to name a child after either?

Tall-Negotiation6623

879

3mo

NTA and just wow. Your husband is so fixated on this child’s name having to be a honorary to him that he will subject your daughter to a life of misery? I grew up with a shit name and I hated it, but it was definitely not as bad as Stuarta. Don’t let him put it on the birth certificate without you

Edit: Why should he even be honoured? You are growing the child. His contribution is he came and didn’t miss

Motor-Class-8686

203

3mo

he came and didn’t miss

🤣🤣🤣🤣

AbsolutelynotAI

3mo

Exactly what I was thinking!! Why should he be honoured at all costs if SHE is the one actually GROWING the child? And I’ve no doubt that the kids will get his surname as well. Such an outdated tradition imo.

allsilentqs

873

Partassipant [2]

3mo

Maybe a girl should be named after you? He gets Stuart Jr and you get a name that honours you for a girl and that isn’t Stuarta. Seems fair and saves a daughter a lifetime of having a dumb name.

MattheqAC

318

3mo

Yeah, was going to ask why the plan is for the name to honour him regardless of gender

ReganRocksYourSuccs

110

3mo

Right as if the baby isn’t already likely to have his last name too… double honor

CircaInfinity

3mo

It’s so sad that I think we can’t be honest and too harsh with OP about why her baby daddy wants a child to be named after him, or else she wont listen, despite it being one of the worst names I’ve ever heard. Absolutely strikes me as someone who will stand by her man when the respect clearly isn’t mutual.

Dunkelelf

130

3mo

And that is what I was about to suggest. Why is he so adamant that HE should be the one the baby is named after? I'm already not a fan of Jrs but Stuarta? Yeah...no. That is a hill I would die on.

Dante1776

3mo

plot twist…her name is stuarta

Itchy-Confusion-5767

484

3mo

NTA.

This isn't a Will and Jada situation where you can name your kids Willow and Jaden to reference yourselves because those names existed before their parents used them. Stuarta isn't a thing.

We do an unlimited amount of vetoes in our house for kid names. All of our kids have had names by the time we need one for the birth certificate. Y'all will get there. It is just really hard.

hmartin430

468

Partassipant [2]

3mo

I was today years old when I made the connection with their names

DelusiveWhisper

128

3mo

Yeah, that just blew my mind a little bit

IOnlySeeDaylight

3mo

Ditto.

Jwlanna

462

3mo

NTA. First of all - the whole "naming your child after their father" is an extremely old and patriarchal thing. Why aren't you being honored instead since you are having a girl? Of course the reason could be that you are just the mother, you know the creature that spends 9 months creating the child?

That plus the fact that the child already has less chances of creating their own personality - if you are named after someone, especially with the whole Jr thing, then you will always be compared to the "original" - is that really what you want for your child? This or the next possible one?

Also if you would have a boy next, would he then insist that the boy be named Stuart Jr? Having siblings with names that are that close to each other seems like a nightmare. Me and my siblings all have names that start with J but the next letter is different for all of us and still it's easy to mix up.

And lastly - Stuarta? Stuarta?! Really? I'm sorry, brutal honesty here - in my head that name combines stewards with older hispanic ladies called Marta or Berta. And it also sounds like the brand name of a company that either makes drugs or sells flights. Or it's a word your cousin tried to use in Scrabble during the holidays of 1997 just to try and win the game - they didn't..

leftmysoulthere74

362

3mo

I’m assuming your daughter will carry your husband’s surname, so why does she have to have a first name to “honour” him too?

What are you? The incubator? A surrogate?

You get a choice in this, in fact, you’re carrying her, you get first choice and it’s about time women started recognising that and advocating for ourselves.

However, I also agree with the rule “2 = yes, 1 = no”. Don’t give in, for the reasons I stayed above and also because Stuarta is a really stupid name.

NTA

[deleted]

241

3mo

Oh, dear Lord, that’s practically child abuse.

NTA, mama. Keep up the good fight. Please don’t let him name her… that.

Competitive_Fact6030

172

3mo

NTA what the hell. That poor girl will be bullied to hell and back and absolutely despise you guys if you name her "Stuarta". Just give her a normal name, and if you have a boy in the future he can be Stuart. Or just give her an S name. Or even better, maybe name her after yourself...

im kinda weirded out by your husbannds need to have himself honored. Thats really strange and lowkey narcissitic. This gives the vibe of the dude bros who are so pressed about having their family name and "legacy" live on, while being the most average people on the planet.

Tldr, Sit the fuck down Stuart youre not that special XD

Worth-Season3645

135

Professor Emeritass [91]

3mo

NTA…Stuarta? Why must your daughter be named after your husband? He can nickname your child his chosen name, but nope. That is not a name for any child.

WikkidWitchly

126

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

3mo

Do you guys not have the same last name? Won't this child carry his name as hers? Is that not honor enough? Jesus.

Tell him to go with Tessa. "Do you want your daughter screaming at us over how she hates us for giving her a boy's name because it makes her feel like we wanted a boy and we're just making do with a girl? Because that's how that happens."

My mom REALLY wanted a boy. She wanted to name him Jeremy David so she could call him JD. She got me, a girl. And she gave me those initials. But she never called me JD. She also used to shave my head and clearly still wanted a boy.

This is going to give her a complex. Tell husband "Look. What if we have a second child in a few years? It could happen. And if it's a boy, we clearly can't name him Stuart if we have a Stuarta. Do you clearly not see how dumb this is?"

lysalnan

112

Partassipant [1]

3mo

NTA and why does your baby’s name need to honour him? You’re the one carrying and pushing it out of your most sensitive parts if anyone should be honoured it’s you.

Alternatively, you could give your baby a name that doesn’t come from a his name because you are creating a whole new human rather than an extension of him.

buttercupgrump

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

3mo

NTA

Children are not born to honor their parents. Your husband needs to lose the ego. But if he's that damn stuck on the idea, could the baby perhaps have his middle name? I have my dad's middle name despite being a daughter.

pollyp0cketpussy

3mo

NTA. How is that even pronounced? "Stuart-ah" sounds like "Stewardess" and "Stu-arta" sounds like a prescription drug. It's a terrible name.

pmyourveganrecipes

Partassipant [1]

3mo

NTA even if he was suggesting a remotely normal name, which this isn’t anyway. Naming a child should always be a two yeses decision. If there’s one no, then it’s a no and you don’t need to feel like an AH.

kicktheflamingo

Partassipant [1]

3mo

I don’t wanna be that feminist but…why is he the only one that should be honoured? Do you not deserve being honoured? Why does anyone need to be honoured? Can’t the kid have its own name and identity?

Thrown4a_fruitloop

3mo

Omg….Stuarta. For the love of god do not give in. Can you come up with some names you love so he sees some better options?

Arta? Still weird but way better (only if you like it) Lucy (kinda rhymes) Stella (adorable name for a little girl, means star and she’ll obviously be a badass) Or give her a girls name you like that starts with a T and use Tooey as a nickname.

Or use Stuart as the girl’s middle name - it’s very on trend to use boys names for girls.

God help us all no stuarta. Keep us posted.

DrunkThrowawayLife

Partassipant [1]

3mo

Does your husband happen to sell small kitchen grills?

User deleted comment

3mo

SailorCentauri

3mo

NTA. Stuarta is an awful thing to name a child.

mikeeteevee

3mo

It's not the best time to find out your husband is not firing on all cylinders is when he's impregnated you and trying to call your baby Stuarta.

Mindless-Yellow634

3mo

That’s an awful name. Why is your husband so obsessed with himself ?

blanketgoblin1317

3mo

He is off the wall. Stand your ground, that name is ridiculous. NTA.

Because he keeps going on about the name ‘honoring him’ i almost want you to suggest you own name with a ‘jr’ attached and see what he thinks.

Total-Catch-6777

3mo

Fuck is wrong with this guy😭😭😭”honors him” bro get a grip. Your kid isn’t yours alone

InvestmentNo7714

3mo

That’s the ugliest name I’ve ever heard

Figgzyvan

3mo

It’ll be Squirta before too long at school.

ForsakenSignal6062

3mo

God please no. Your daughter’s name isn’t meant to honor him anyway, she’s her own individual and doesn’t need her father’s name abominated into a not real “feminine” sounding version for herself. Please show him these responses and stand your ground.

Moderator removed comment

3mo