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AIO? I got upset when my gf said that her ex would “kick my ass”
Correction, you can be picky no matter how long you've been with someone. Don't get trapped by the sunk cost fallacy.
It might also be that she is immature and didn't think. Maybe she just needs to hear it and then she will understand.
That's what I'm thinking happened, he was saying a MMA dude could win against him and the closest person she knows built like that is the ex and that's when she proceeded to stick her foot in her mouth 😅
😅😅😅
Yeah this could be indicative of something deeper, or she could have just said something stupid. Reddit likes to pretend that everything is analytical and logical all the time, but sometimes we make mistakes and say really stupid shit. Lord knows I have.
The important thing is how she reacts when you bring this up to her. Letting her know that it’s kind of a fucked up thing to say, if she’s genuinely apologetic and remorseful then I say no harm done. But if she doubles down on it then that’s when I say cut your losses
This should be the top comment.
Exactly. If my partner said this to me I would definitely be hurt, but as long as he listened to me and understood where I was coming from it wouldn’t need to be a huge issue. Being comfortable talking about uncomfortable things is important. It doesn’t need to become a fight. (Unless she responds in an undesirable way. Then, who knows)
Yeah, once you get older and/or have been dating for a long time, you no longer have a choice. Make sure you write that down.
You’re not overreacting. She shouldn’t compare you and her ex. There’s no need to bring him up in conversation if he’s not the topic.
Yeah thats fucked up ngl, you didnt ask if he could beat you so her randomly blurting that out is annoying
Super annoying. I would ask her why she felt the need to say that.
That was a weird thing for her to say. I'd ask her if street fighting is her main requirement in a partner. Personally there are traits I'd value more. I am willing to bet you could do better than this one.
This comment, OP
Obviously not or she'd still be with the ex, lol.
Maybe she didn’t have a choice in the decision
He had too many other suitors who wanted a 150 pound violent military man.
She didn’t say anything like that though?
Yeah it's a little weird to bring up the ex but we don't know how douchey op was being. Power lifting and a little boxing? Lol. She said nothing about fighting being a requirement.
You probably have skin too thin if this really bothers you. She didn’t say she preferred men that could kick your ass, just that her old boyfriend could. If anything it probably signals that isn’t what she values in a man. But maybe immaturity is and then relationship will work out.
Meh sounds like she still thinks about her ex often if she snapped to that so quickly and compared you. Been there before, it does suck. We’re still young, eventually she’ll be comparing you to her new boyfriend in the future lmao.
Is he still in the picture?
nope, 3 states away and a new gf
Tell her that his new gf is hotter than she is
she’s definitely not tho 😭
Did the guy dump your girlfriend or did she dump him? Cause it sounds like she’s still into him. Sorry 😞
Then pick someone else. Your ex, a distant acquaintance, a stranger. Don't pick someone that you actually want to maintain a friendship with.
Also, you could just tell her her opinion doesn’t matter here. She hurt you and what she said was shitty. The end.
And if she can’t see that, it’s time to move on.
Call him up and tell him your ex wants him back, and to give her a call
So, here some very unhealthy, childish an most likely relationship destroying idea: start flirting with girls who have what she is insecure about... Who knows, you might even succeed 🤣 SCNR.
She’s welcome to go back to him too. What a crap thing to say
The fact that the Ex has a new gf says it all, and since she thinks so highly of her Ex maybe OP should follow Ex example and get a girl who doesn’t think her ex is better
Tell her last girl friend looks better in shorts than she does. Even.
that’s what i told her it was equivalent to but she doesn’t get it ig
Nah, she gets it and she knows she’s wrong. Shes lying.
Do not attack your gf. If you have to resort to trying to hurt each other in an argument, it’s a toxic relationship.
Give the conversation some space, and come back to it when y’all are calm. Explain how that was disrespectful and you did not appreciate it. Let her respond and listen to her answer. If she refuses to accept she did something wrong then there’s not much hope for a healthy relationship moving forward. If she does acknowledge and accepts responsibility for her actions then y’all can move forward. But at no point should you be trying to hurt her to prove your point.
Not telling her an equivalent. State it matter of fact. About her chest, behind, her physique, whatever. You know her insecurities... But be prepared for the fallout. She seems to be hung up on her ex.
"You're much jollier than my ex"
This is advice for if he wants to blow up the relationship. One stupid comment from his gf doesn't justify going nuclear unless he decides they're breaking up. You're the dude in the back yelling "fight! fight! fight!" whenever an argument happens lol
Seriously, people on Reddit used to give mature, rational advice. Now it’s trying to one up the other person in the shit Olympic
Awww man, clearly only one of you has a heart
Ya honestly OP you’re way too young to listen to that bs. You didn’t ask her who would win in a fight so I’m confused why she volunteered that information. Also, she absolutely gets it and would be so pissed if you told her my ex was thinner than you or had a better body or would out dance you or whatever. She would be livid and she knows it.
Oh, she gets it!
I don’t understand how she doesn’t get it. Comparing your partner to your ex and implying that the ex is better in any context is not the way to foster a secure relationship. Also makes it seem like she thinks about him often by randomly blurting out stuff about him. Which begs the question if she’s really over it. So you didn’t overreact. But if she truly doesn’t get it no matter how you explain it to her, all you can do is try to let it go. If she brings keeps bringing him up just ask her not to for the above reasons.
Idk tbh I’d feel pathetic just randomly bringing up my ex even to my friends/family. If I brought them up bc it was a situation I experienced that involved them in some way, that’s another thing.
For example, talking about getting caught sneaking out, trying psychedelics or something, I’d mention them cause they were there and part of my experience. But I’m not just gonna start dropping random facts about them. My man’s talking about how he likes to skate and play football, I’m not gonna say “oh cool so did my ex.”
Also just doesn’t make sense to bring up her ex here anyways? Unless you knew him or something. Doesn’t really add anything to conversation, it would’ve made more sense to use an example of someone you would actually recognize. Or just say “like a military guy who went through basic training.” Or a maybe “a woman with a black belt,” or some other random ambiguous shit
My ex warned me that her “friends” would kick my ass if I didn’t treat her right. That was 5 years ago. I’m 68. I found out later she’s a consummate liar.
I always find it so absolutely cringey when the friends/relatives of a girl I'm dating give me the "we will kill you if you hurt her" talk. It's so performative and weird and infantilizing.
“Pfffff - you have friends?”
Tell her it was disrespectful to bring up the ex. Ask her, since he's on her mind, if she wants him back, because you're ready to walk away.
I dunno, it might be that she just blurts things out. It may not have anything to do with her desire to be with ex.
If my gf is going to blurt out weird and slightly hurtful things with no control, she's not going to be my gf for long.
why do you feel the need to justify shitty behaviour? genuinely curious here.
I get that, I also think it’s a weird thing to blurt out. No one likes being compared to an ex, especially if it’s in a negative light. It’s something she should/could have left in her head
You need to dump this chick since she clearly still carries that guy’s torch.
You're young, time to find a new gf.
That is emasculating as fuck. Very disrespectful to say to your current partner. Out of anybody she could have picked to say is stronger than you, she chose her ex. Seems telling.
Exactly, if she had said like Connor McGregor I wouldn't have said a thing and agreed with her, but why mention him of all people. And for what it's worth her ex wasn't even trained in martial arts he was just in the army for a few years
You know how to beat up a marine? Throw a handful of sand at a brick wall and tell them to "Take the beach!".
You know how to beat up an army guy? Tell him to "Follow that marine!".
But you won't walk away from the disrespect because you like the sex too much or are too afraid to be alone. When the penis talks the spine walks. 🤦♀️
Yeah that comment just isn’t necessary, especially an ex of all people. She might be trying to play some mind games to try to make you feel insecure, or if you were coming across as super cocky, she may have felt the need to knock you down a peg or two. Either way, you probably want someone on your team to build you up. I think you could kick his ass OP!
Nah, that's extremely disrespectful
Seems kind of like a jerk move.
"or context he was around that size and in the military"
The amount of hand-to-hand combat training a typical military recruit gets is miniscule I think.
former army girl here and this is extremely truly. way more physical fitness, but that does not equal fighting ability — at all
*true, obviously i didn’t learn how to type
Unless special forces, the average jarhead can barely throw a punch
She sounds clueless. If you compared her to any of your exes, about anything, you'd likely have hell to pay, wouldn't you?
Tell her your exes fucked better or something if you wanna be petty like her.
Then play dumb and act super confused that she would find that hurtful when she tries to talk about it
Not overreacting, that's an AH thing to say.
Ya, well my ex is a lot tighter than you.....lmao
You never say that to a girl. Their first response is that you aren't big enough. A buddy said that to his ex-wife during divorce proceedings and within a millisecond she responded with the nuke response.
Answer is I'm larger than average and if that's too loose it's a you problem Lol. But I'm surmising that you'd have to have a hammer in order to talk like that
Just can't win that argument dude.
Sorry to hear that bro. I will.
Lmao
Whether or not he could kick your ass is irrelevant.
Whether the conversation you were having reminded her of him is irrelevant.
The fact that she thought it, said it out loud, and then refused to understand why you were upset is the problem. Either she's stupid, or she knows exactly what she was doing when she said that.
Either way, I wouldn't want to be with an idiot OR with a girl who says something like that.
For what reason? To test you? To knock you down a peg?
If he's so strong, then why aren't they together anymore?
Imagine if she was talking about some new jeans she bought and how they made her ass look, and you said, "My exes ass would've looked even better in those."
Again, she's either stupid or playing games, pretending not to understand. I wouldn't put up with it. Life's too short for bullshit. Let her ex deal with that. Oh wait, he probably got tired of it too.
OP this is the right response, and that last statement is probably so spot on! Think about it before you do anything further…
I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’ll be pissed off too.
Huh no she was an asshole for saying that. She could’ve just said her ex was a tough guy and left it at that. The fact that she was talking about violence against you is absolutely wrong. Don’t talk to that bitch for a while.
Ya she shouldn’t of said that your not overreacting she’s very disrespectful
Make a similar comment about your ex next time your gf cooks something. She’ll get the point.
"but i told her it was disrespectful to say that to my face and asked why she would even say something like that."
You leave out how she responded to you
He's leaving out a lot. I'm guessing she didn't quite blurt this out as much as it was just part of the stupid conversation he brought up about fighting people.
Tell her you fucked more girls than he ever did.
Probably not a deal breaker for me, but is a very big red flag and now I’d be looking out for other signs. How did she react after you called her out. That would determine how I felt about it.
"yeah and my ex would win in a beauty contest"
Imagine, IMAGINE the nuclear fall out that would fall due to that comment.
Generally bad manners to tell your SO that they're inferior to the ex, regardless of gender or circumstance.
I think it’s a disrespectful thing to say. NTA . No one wants to be compared to an EX for anything.
It's a power move. Usually, in this situation, the person feels you're out of their league and needs to knock you down so you'll be at their level. Eyes wide open - I doubt this is the first or last time she's done this. May be the first time you've noticed the insult, though.
Yeah I'd encourage OP to consider whether she has a habit of subtle put downs and this was just the first one to cross a line. Dating an insecure person who tries to tear you down for their own self esteem sucks.
Negging is the technical term. Backhanded compliments and passive-aggressive bullshit comments about someone's attributes. Could be mental, but typically, physical qualities get criticised
Unless you’re years into this relationship, then bounce. Why the fuck is she randomly comparing you to her ex? It’s because she thinks more highly of him than you.
No. The fact that she just blurted that out means that she's been thinking about it and doesn't really care if it hurts you.
If the genders were reversed and you blurted out something hurtful to her, redditors would be getting their bloodhounds out to chase you through the woods. So why wouldn't it be fucked up since it happened to you?
Tell her to set it up.
You know she thinks about him all the time
Yeah, that’s weird, you were talking about a hypothetical situation of different strengths in a fight. There was no need for her to bring anyone specific into it and especially not her ex. I think that you handled it well though, she needs to think about how that would make you feel. How she acts from now on will show if this is a stupid thing she said that she thought about and learned from or if she is thoughtless generally.
Simply tell her you're not going to play those games and she can find someone else if she continues to do so.
I understand why everyone has the reaction they're having, jumping right to "comparing you to the ex," but can I offer a different perspective, based on Hanlon's razor (ie, "don't attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by incompetence")? Because I absolutely understand your point of view, but I think there MAY be another explanation for hers that you're not thinking about due to the fact that you were (understandably!) hurt emotionally by her words. So if I may point out a bit of context/ask some questions that may make you rethink where she was coming from so that you two can talk about it and why her choice of words hurt you with maybe a bit more understanding on both sides? Communication is key afterall...
Anna (21F) and I (22M) were talking and i was talking about how in a fight, size isn’t everything.
Ok so the comment didn't come out of nowhere, and wasn't said in anger or spite. You two were in fact talking about fighting and what makes for an advantage in a physical altercation.
INFO: you specify that
I train for powerlifting and a little boxing on the side
... but you don't mention if she has any background in combat sports or anything involving training that would carry over to physical combat. Does she know anything about fighting?
Because to me it sounds like when you said
I told her that despite my size and strength, a 150 lb MMA fighter would probably beat me up due to their advanced skill
she was attempting to continue to contribute relevant information to the conversation with her reply. So in her mind, you're describing this hypothetical 150lb MMA fighter that you're gonna go up against, right? But does she KNOW a 150lb MMA fighter? My guess would be no... so, being human, her mind reaches into the crevices of its memory in order to fill in the blanks with the closest thing she can imagine that she DOES know - which ends up being her ex, who was smaller than you and a marine. Is a marine the same as an MMA fighter? LOLOLOL hell no. But to someone who (again, I am assuming based off of your description of the conversation itself, and if I'm off base here, ignore me, by all means, lol) doesn't have a background knowledge of combat/combat sports, nor does she know many people involved therein, aside from you and her ex? It's the most logical analogy her brain would have come up with to affirm the example you had previously given, and seeing as though she was caught up in responding to the conversation, I highly doubt it occurred to her how such an analogy would come across as a comparison the way it did.
So IF my assumptions about her and what she does/doesn't know about combat/combat sports are correct, may I suggest you sit down with her, ask her why she made the choice to use that example, HEAR OUT HER REASONING (which, if I'm correct, may sound a lot like what I've typed here), and THEN explain to her why that choice hurt you?
Again, COMMUNICATION IS KEY TO A GOOD RELATIONSHIP! And that has to be on BOTH sides! Meaning she has to hear you, validate your feelings, understand and apologize sincerely, and make an effort to keep in mind to think about what she says regarding those things in the future - but it also means that YOU have to hear HER when she explains her reasons and motivations rather than attributing malice automatically and understand that people make mistakes, and that how they act AFTER you have communicated like a reasonable adult that should dictate where the relationship goes from here. If she hears you and realizes what she did because she really didn't think about it at the time, acknowledges her mistake, and makes the effort to be better, that means so much more than the words she said, even as hurtful as they were in that moment. However, if you communicate with her and she really doesn't think it was a "big deal" after you tell her how hurt you were, it also says WAY more than the original act, even if in fact it was still an unintended slight. If after talking with her you find she already knew, or even suspected, that bringing him up in that context would upset you and did it anyway, again, you'll quite clearly have your answer.
tl;dr - I wouldn't say over-reacting, just having a very human emotional reaction, and I suggest taking a bit of cool down time and then TALKING. Communication usually wins when people take the time and effort to really do it right. I wish you all the best, OP. 🖤🖤🖤
thank you, i feel like this is the only rational helpful comment here
Well thought out and well stated-K_P-! Made me really think here, take my upvote!
Yeah that's not a cool thing to say. Make sure she knows you didn't like it and the reasons why, then go about your day.
If she keeps saying stuff that upsets you, consider your position!
This is diabolically disrespectful I would break up with a woman if they said this to me.
Lol tell her that when it comes to emotional maturity and someone you easily connect with your ex bears her hands down. Then watch that cook for a while.
If you want to be more mature then me, tell her what she said is equivalent to telling her your ex is the best sex you ever had.
So you think he should be emotionally immature to...checks notes...show that he's emotionally mature?
How would it be emotionally immature to express to someone what they said upset you and when they don't understand why, you draw a comparison for them to understand.
That's not a valid comparison, and you might understand that if you were more emotionally mature.
It would be spiteful to attack her appearance just because your feelings got hurt since she doesn't think you're the biggest, strongest, fighting man.
Well, there smarty-pants, try reading my comment again, I didn't say anything about her appearance.
You see, after i read that he worked out and teained in some sort of physical combat, I surmised that being able to handle himself and protect his loved ones might be important to him. I'm assuming that's why her comment stung so bad.
Then I asked myself what would be very important to someone, either male or female, they could provide in a relationship. That would be hurtful to hear your spouse say an ex was better at. This led me to my comment. The comparison that I spoke of that would shed light on just how hurtful her comment was.
Me misquoting you is irrelevant because it's the same school of thought, and what you actually said is even more ridiculous and off-base, so that's for pointing that out to emphasize how off the mark you are.
Saying anything out of spite and to be intentionally hurtful is ✨ emotionally immature ✨.
It doesn't matter if it's about her appearance, her sexual performance, or even her cooking. If your masculinity is so fragile that your little feelings are hurt that your significant other doesn't think you're the strongest man in the world who could beat every man in a fight, you're emotionally immature and an absolute fucking joke.
The comment she made wasn't hurtful to anyone remotely secure in their masculinity.
Me misquoting you is irrelevant because it's the same school of thought, and what you actually said is even more ridiculous and off-base, so that's for pointing that out to emphasize how off the mark you are.
Saying anything out of spite and to be intentionally hurtful is ✨ emotionally immature ✨.
It doesn't matter if it's about her appearance, her sexual performance, or even her cooking. If your masculinity is so fragile that your little feelings are hurt that your significant other doesn't think you're the strongest man in the world who could beat every man in a fight, you're emotionally immature and an absolute fucking joke.
The comment she made wasn't hurtful to anyone remotely secure in their masculinity.
Compare her negatively to one of your exes and her reaction will show you how much you are not overreacting.
Yeah she still thinks about him bro. Probably best to enjoy this while it lasts and move on.
No you are NOT overreacting. It is extremely disrespectful to compare your gf/bf wife/husband to anyone else ESPECIALLY to their face. How would she feel if she was talking about how she looks and she mentions that some other girl is prettier than her and you just go "Yea like how my exgirlfriend is way more beautiful than you are?"...like what? I hope she apologized. You were right to let her know it was disrespectful.
Side note: The fact that he is on the front of her mind like that is sus. Should dig a little deeper into that to make sure you aren't wasting time with this chick.
Of course you're not. Just like it'd be fucked if you made some comment about your ex being prettier or better in bed. I'd need an explanation and heartfelt apology at least, if I even wanted to keep dating.
The insecure male mind goes to the same place every single time. Commenting on her appearance or sexual ability out of spite isn't remotely the same thing.
I couldn't imagine living my life with such fragile masculinity.
You're overreacting a little unless you said something and she doubled down on it. She most likely just wasn't thinking. I doubt it was intentionally disrespectful.
OTOH, you brought up the whole fighter thing and her mouth probably outpaced her brain. If you said something in the moment and she doubled down on it and didn't apologize, then you should talk about it. If you didn't say anything, well that's on you.
Bro you literally said you would lose to someone at 150 lol. If you don’t take combat seriously I don’t know why you would be upset.
You can find this annoying & it not be a big deal... you know that right?
This is a mild irritant at best lol. If it happens again maybe worry but otherwise...? Meh.
This can also be true…
It really just feels like “My dad can beat up your dad” level of maturity
I mean it all seems dumb. I never enjoy these hypothetical fight conversations with men lol.
Just laugh it off. Who’s taking her home at night? You, right? You win the fight that counts
Sit her down and calmly ask her to put the shoe on the other foot. How would she feel if you blurted out that your ex gf cooked way better than she did, or dressed/smelled better? That feeling of instant anger or insecurity in the pit of her stomach just from you asking the question is how you felt times 100. Now tell her you would like a formal apology because it deserves one, then you hoped for the sake of the relationship it never happens again. Tell her to always think about how she would feel if what she says to you would hurt her feelings if it was said to her…
No you are not over reacting.
Hahahahahahahahahah she is still mentally with her ex and will leave you for him 100%
Her ex outscrews you too?
Wonder why he is ex?
What was her response like why would she ever
The only solution is to fight the ex
That's really weird. Sounds like the ex dodged a bullet. (possibly literally.)
Honestly, that sounds like something I'd say without thinking. One of those honest/ factual comments that aren't necessarily helpful or advisable when talking to your partner, but it doesn't have to mean that she still thinks about him.
Also, she may think you're very secure in your body given that you have a conventionally strong/ large masculine body. It may not be obvious how much her comment hurt. It's good you let her know.
You’re overreacting. Just tell her that bothered you so she knows things like that are hurtful going forward.
Not overeacting. Your girlfriend gave you her honest unguarded opinion of you. She doesn't love or respect you. You were just the next guy in a very long line. You can do much better than her. Don't be nasty back to her. Give her the hump and dump before she does it to you. Cause it will happen soon to you.
You’re nicer than me, my immediate response would be “If you said things like this with him, ’m starting to understand why he moved on “.
Maybe you are the rebound
Tell your girlfriend that your ex could kick her arse
She's still fucking him.
totally, even though he lives across the literal country and has her removed on everything and has a kid with his new gf now, definitely still fucking
No woman does that kind of thing without having feelings. Good luck my man, I'm almost 50 and experienced a lot of stuff like that. You should definitely find out what her feelings are.
I would have sent her home bruh, we can jack off to our exes on our own time lmao
negging you fs I'd drop the cunt
Why is he in her mind so mich that sees making comparisons.
Sorry, but what are you saying was an over reaction? You saying it was rude, as in open conversation? You're asking if communication is overreacting?
Oh, and BTW, imo - unless you guys have a legitimate open and expressive conversation type relationship - she still is harboring feelings for her ex.
Military don't mean a thing lol
Not overreacting. She is being very disrespectful. Think about if you had mentioned that your ex was superior to who at certain things. She would be upset.
Not at all. She'd be my ex.
This one is defective.
Replace.
Sounds as though she's double-trouble to me!!!
Bring up an Ex of yours in a conversation comparing the two of them. See how that is accepted.
Your GF is young, immature and inexperienced.
And my ex wasn't a cunt so I supose we are even
Quit being so insecure man. Not a big deal, do something about it or don’t. But it is a little shitty of her to say, but if it’s true, is she wrong? Lol
Damn your hoe doesn't want you 😒
Not overreacting I don’t. I can’t see why she’d say that to you unless she either wants to take a shot at your pride and knock you down a peg (not the kinda thing people should be wanting to do to their SO), or she’s just clueless and inconsiderate and just blurted out her assessment about you 2 fighting, which means that she’d been comparing you 2 in her head like that and couldn’t help herself. Either way, not cool
You’re not overreacting. It’s funny how all these people are quick to tell you you’re insecure. Anybody would be upset if they were compared to an ex in a negative way.
Prove her wrong.. Upload vid here.
That's not an overreaction at all. Ex is still on her mind. For her to say something negative like this to you makes it sound like she sees her ex as more of a man than you. Idk. I wouldn't put up with that nonsense. What's next? She gonna tell you he's bigger and better in bed too?
She got upset because she felt attacked when you said the 150lbs comment, she should’ve defended you not him ,sounds to me she still has a thing for him and probably still talk.
Ask her if she’s still into her ex
Let's assume that she just said something stupid.
That’s so trashy lol
So when you called her on it, what did she say next?
She’s 21. Presumably she doesn’t know a ton of people who are built like that who she thinks could beat you up. You brought up a body type where the clearest reference she has is her ex. She stuck her foot in her mouth, but chances are this wasn’t meant to be emasculating or her saying you’re not as worthy as he was or 95% of the things these comments are saying. Just tell her you didn’t like how it made you feel and see where it goes.
All I know is my dad can kick your dad’s ass.
How would she feel if you said that your ex-girlfriend is prettier or more fun or better in bed? She’s basically saying that her ex-boyfriend is being better than you. It’s insanely disrespectful And you might want to consider if this is the person you want to invest your time in
yea one time i was having a talk with my ex, and i told her that my other ex is more sexy than her. why would she be upset? (this is irony.)
My real answer would get me kicked out of reddit so my fake answer is to tell her that her sister is a better fuck than her.
But yes, that was disrespectful. No, dont take offense about it. Say your goodbye and cut her out of your life.
her sister is seven years old so i don't think i will be doing that lol
How would she feel if you said your X had a better body than her. Same thing.
If it bothers you (and I can completely understand why it would), in the same situation, I'd change my tone (probably talk more quietly and deliberately) and say, "please don't say things like that. It bothers me. OK?" And when you say "OK," smile warmly. When she says "OK," put your hand on hers, smile, and say , "Thank you." And just go on with life.
I don't think times like this are the place for a confrontation. I think it's more of a correction.
By the way, as a weightlifter who trains to box on the side, you're training to increase conditioning and agility. As a member of the military, he is trained in hand-to-hand combat to kill people. Don't ever get into a fight with a guy like that, no matter how well you've been hitting the pads. Guys like that know so many ways to hurt you...
Aw, your little man feelings got hurt because your girlfriend doesn't think you're a big, strong fighting man. That's cute.
i've said before my problem isn't who would win in a fight, it's being put down against her ex? What do people not understand it's like saying aww her little feelings are hurt that i told her that my ex was better in bed aww poor girl
Say you're insecure without saying you're insecure.
Your feelings are so hurt because you think like most of these fragile men commenting.
yes i am insecure, i am a young person, i am a human, and yet i AVOID making her insecure by deliberately NOT putting her down or comparing her to others who might be better at something
And you're also immature and can't accept that people are and will be better than you at things and that's okay.
i accept that, but why should i be okay with my partner putting me down? it would be like me telling her that my ex would wipe the floor with her at a beauty contest
You're not being put down unless you're a pro fighter and he's just some regular guy.
And, no, comparing her appearance isn't remotely equivalent. Especially after YOU stated who could beat you in a fight. Like another commenter said, she's basically agreeing with you.
If you need her to lie to you and tell you that you can beat every man in a fight so that you can feel secure and masculine, then that's the conversation you need to have with her.
Or you can just come to the realization that someone's ability or inability to fight doesn't add value to them nor does it determine their worth as a man.
Getting upset at little things like this will take away your value as a man in the eyes of a woman, and I'd hope you want to be more desirable to women than you are to your bros.
So, um, I reviewed your post history and I have a question.
last year you were a F19 worried about whether or not you were having an emotional affair and cheating on your boyfriend Sam. Has there been a lot of change over the last couple of months?
that was a hypothetical i posted for a roles reversed situation for a different partner. obviously i'm not using real names or ages that's the point of posting anonymously
No need to apologize. I was just being nosy/curious
Big overreaction. She was agreeing with what you said. You might have a case for it being said rudely, but it’s definitely not worth a fight. Life is short. Pick your battles.
The thing is, while you were taking about the subject she was thinking about her ex to come with this answer. I ended relationships for less.
INFO: What was her response? It’s kind of weird that you’re leaving it out.
You lost by getting so worked up at the comment. A simple "He can try" would show her that you're confident enough to not be bothered by it. Girls will say shit like this just to test you. If you get upset or give an emotional reaction then you've failed the test.
I'm an experienced boxer. "You can try" is the proper response to anyone saying they can kick your ass. I don't feel the need to let people know that I can beat them in a fight. My ego doesn't depend on that.
Triangulation. Some people like to pit others against each other because they think it makes them feel powerful.
When you're reading replies telling you that you're not overreacting, keep in mind that Reddit is primarily composed of misogynistic incels who absolutely hate women. These are men who think they're catches but go to bed every night alone.
NTA. I totally agree about the disrespect.
You need to dump this girl asap. She is very immature for her age. You can do better.
So cringe. She probably just wanted you to shut up and I don’t blame her.
That was wholly disrespectful and emasculating. Apparently she thinks less of you than her ex. Tell her she can have them. This will stay with you.
Of all people, why would she choose to compare you to her EX? That just sounds odd. The topic wasn't about him and could have been literally anyone. But she chose her ex to compare her current SO to? You're not over reacting, I'd be beyond upset being compared to someone my partner used to be with
It was an unwise comment but to be fair she was agreeing with you when she said it so you at least have something to build on. Maybe I'm kidding and maybe I'm not but either way your feelings are valid and maybe this is an opportunity to discuss them in a calm and rational state of mind. This is more of a teachable moment than a deal breaker. Consider this for a moment: since you were the one to open the door and all she did was walk through it, would you still have this same reaction no matter what man she used as an example? I know that in your shoes I wouldn't have liked it even if it was her dad, her cousin, her coworker, or Jean Claude Van Damme. So talk more about why you felt it was disrespectful and how you would like to be shown respect in the future. Now this is important: also ask if you have saud anything to her in the past that may have been taken poorly. Women are notorious for not speaking out when these things are said and the resentment can be carried for years. So ask her and give her a safe space to express what she felt about what you said without recrimination. Don't be defensive and don't say that it is a stupid thing to get mad about. Because respect is a two way street.
Yes you overreacted. You were posturing even if unintentionally and it backfired. Then you got your feeling hurt and overreacted. Both of you were fools but you started the foolishness let it go and move on. You do some powerlifting and a little boxing, that's not the same as military training so it's not a toss up and that's ok. You're a civilian and still a kid. Get over your ego and grow.
You're overthinking it. In context of the conversation, she just blurted out what came to mind in response to what you said; there was no forethought of malice involved. Just let it go. There's a reason why he's an ex-boyfriend.
When people compare their current SOs to their former ones, it indicates that they haven’t entirely moved on from the previous relationship. You should in all ways be judged on your own merits, so should she. If you two can’t give each other this much, you might as well break this off and either go heal, or go find a healthy relationship to be in.
Yall are both young. You’re not overreacting for being hurt by it, that’s okay your feelings are reasonable. She also probably just said something stupid. She immediately associated with a person she knows that makes sense for the scenario to try and interact and it was a foot in mouth moment.
Happens all the time, just tell her it hurt your feelings,l. But also if you don’t care maybe you can reflect on why it hurt your feelings. Did you feel like she was comparing you to someone who it didn’t work with and that sucked, or maybe you’re feeling like it’s just disrespectful to throw it in your face. Regardless I don’t think it was malicious. Probably just ignorance. Has she had many relationships, maybe she hasn’t done this before or if she did they never said anything and so it didn’t occur to her it might upset your current partner to bring up an ex in a scenario that puts them in contention.
Think of it this way, if you’re like I would suck at surgery I’m not a surgeon any surgeon would do better and she goes oh yeah my ex would be definitely do surgery better (and they’re a surgeon) you’d be like “yeah that makes sense lol”
I dunno I’d just share your feelings, after you’ve had time to figure out what it was about the situation that upset you.
As someone who’s awkward and my brain hates me, this sounds like a stupid off the cuff comment that she didn’t think through. Sometimes mouths go faster than brains and it doesn’t sound like she meant anything by it, just trying to come up with an example to illustrate the point you were making.
If you are willing to throw away the relationship because she’s awkward, sure you could do that. Though it doesn’t sound like she means a whole lot to you to begin with if you do.
Or you can be an adult about it and just say “it really bothered me when you compared me to your ex, I would appreciate it if you didn’t do that moving forward.” Then let it go.
The way you're wording, this worries me. Your feelings aren't a questionable "reaction." Meaning they can't be an overreaction. You have to accept that this is how you feel when someone makes this kind of comparison. Then, decide if you want to salvage the relationship through communication. Then, explain to the partner this is how her words made you feel. Then, she decides if she wants to make the correction or dissolve the relationship. Whatever she says about herself to defend the response should be taken as fact. Come to a compromise you're both comfortable with, then move on.
This is a very nuanced thing that I've stripped down to core values.
I think you’re right. Anna sounds like a jerk
That's a complicated answer to give an absolute to; only you can find the answer that resonates truthfully winthin' yourself. We can give our take of, "she's a bitch" or "you're too overly sensitive" but those are half ass answer that end up causing you mental harm and internal turmoil. It could influence you to be more cold, hateful, selfish, or cynical, but you won't gain anything, or you may not learn from this ordeal.
Moving onward, though, what can you recall about that day in question? Can you recall her body language when she said it? Can you recall the intonation of her voice or if there was in inflection detected? Can you recall the steps within yourself, how your brain reacted when you heard these words?
An example of the process may be: As I heard her words, I processed that her voice was cheeky, kind of teasing, as if she was wanting a jealous reaction out of me. Her body language was changed and was a kind of relaxed, fluid gesture, as I'd her body was trying to convey the message of a "whatever" demeanor. I did react quickly with my emotions and wasn't able to process the scenario until after all was said and done. Because I was able to distinguish these details later on when i was self reflecting, I was able to ask myself the who, what, when, where, why, and how's. Did I over react. Did react to hastily. Why did she say what she said. How she said it. What I could have done differently if it was my fault, etc.."
Obviously, reacting with emotion is the first instinct every human chooses instinctively; it's part of the flight or fight response. We are always ready to fight with our emotions to a situation, whether good or bad, but forget to exercise our brains to freeze that moment in time, look at the finner details, assess how our emotions are reacting, determine all the factors, and then come to the best resolve; all which has to take place within that split second in time.
You may be wrong in that moment of time. Who could really say since we weren't there to bare witness to the scenario. We aren't you or her, so we don't know how you felt at that moment. But after you've asked yourself all the questions that need to be asked, will you be able to ask for forgiveness within yourself and allow yourself to forgive yourself? That is, of course, if it was your fault. Would you be able to forgive her if it was her fault or forgive her for not wanting to take any responsibility for her words and how it made you feel.
In my opinion, if I were dating someone who interested me, my exes, the names or stories of my exes, would never leave my lips. I would never compare my current boyfriend to my ex-boyfriend in any shape or form because they are two different people, two different souls, two different upbringing, different personalities, that each had something that drew me in. It is insensitive on her end, which makes me interpret her mindframe as someone who doesn't have a separation filter, only seeing men as all the same thing; something that helps secure stability, mate with, and reinforce the idea of unity or "us" but unconsciously are conscious that my needs are to be taken care of first before his.
It's a tricky thing with dealing in our emotions, whether or not we are truly self-actualized, and recognizing that regardless when we enter a partnership and say "us" or "we", we all have the desire to be selfish and make the partnership work souly for just ourselves, so that we recieve the most out of the unionship of two souls coming together and have experienced and accomplished the most with the short amount of time that we have living and leave with the most happiness before our end. It's easier to be selfish and feign ignorance of our own selfishness than to really be in it together and make equal decisions and equal sacrifices.
So now, sit with yourself and start asking some questions, question those answers, and keep diving inward, no matter the ugly truths that may come to surface, and ask yourself what comes next from it.
You're young and if you haven't been together long you can be picky who you want to spend time with.