AIO that the guy I went on a date with broke things off cuz I was too sexually foward?

I mean, you didn’t really react. You felt insulted. You recognized that he didn’t lead you on. He didn’t sleep with you and then break up with you for being willing to put out on the first date. He didn’t slut shame you, you didn’t tear into him.

People all have different standards, and you seem to recognize that. Your views and values just aren’t compatible. It sucks you had a good time with this guy and it’s not going to go anywhere, but it’s just a fact of life that every time a door opens, another closes. Some guy is going to go on a great date with you, love the fact that you invited him in, and share your views on sex and you’ll have a happy and fulfilling relationship. He’s gonna meet some girl who feels the same way he does and they are also gonna be happy.

He didn't do anything wrong. Neither did you. But accept that you're not compatible.

A lot of women have this expectation that men want to get into as many women’s pants as possible and that’s just not the case with a lot of men. No one is shocked when a woman doesn’t want to go on a second date with a man who was too forward, why are women so surprised when a man gets turned off by the same thing?

Well. You're clearly not a match...

Can't force someone you gave the ick to ,to reconsider.

Being upset that you didn't continue dating someone who is fundamentally sexually incompatible with you is an overreaction, yes.

Yes, you’re overreacting.

He didn’t say anything about you personally or try to shame you in any way. So I’m not sure why you’re insulted.

He’s just not into that and that’s valid. If you want to have sex on your first date that’s fine too. 

But I don’t see why you’re like I was going to say something to him. 

I mean what retort could you give him?  

He is looking for a LTR. Honestly, most men would have taken the offer and then never spoken to you again, so this guy is actually very cool and knows how to set healthy boundaries.

So.. you got your answer? He can feel how he does and you can too. You wanted an answer and you got it. Next guy might not feel that way.

It’s mental how guys with standards and preferences have to explain themselves to women when it’s literally the same shit they do too. And it’s all valid, we like what we like.

Who are you George costanza?

I’m the complete opposite of Everyman you’ve ever met

Everyone has preferences and you should respect them just like they should respect yours. Nothing to be insulted about; take the rejection and move on

Yes. He has his preference and you yours and he rejected you politely and asked if you really wanted to know etc.

Amazing how men with standards always have to defend themselves.

Yeah, you're overreacting.

Anyone has the right to break up with and/or stop dating anyone at any time for any reason. He was very respectful, courteous, it's not like he ghosted you he politely rejected you.

Everyone has preferences, and if yours don't match, then it's just as well that you didn't continue dating.

There is no value (good or bad) to your wanting sex on the first date, and there is no value (good or bad) to his not. It just is. Or rather, both of them just "are."

And regardless, yall had been on one date. One. So it's not like you wasted each other's time.

I'm honestly a little confused as to how you see this as anything other than a good thing, and not just that but you're taking it personally.

There are other fish in the sea, and plenty of other fish who fuck on the first date and like fucking people who like fucking on the first date.

Get over it.

Yes you’re overreacting.

That’s nice that he didn’t fuck and ghost you. Seems like a decent guy. Oh well.

If one of your girlfriends said she didn’t have a good time on a first date because he was too interested in having sex you wouldn’t think it was weird

Yes you’re overreacting.

Would you judge one of your friends for not wanting to date someone because they wanted to get frisky on a first date? I know plenty of women who refuse to date someone who expects sex on the first date (which is reasonable!). Have you considered at all why you don't give men the same grace?

Also, you demanded an answer from him. He could have said literally anything, literally anything and you would be in the wrong to be offended. This guy comes across as a saint and you're desperately searching for some way to make him a devil.

Not all first dates lead to second dates since not all people are compatible. Be grateful that this guy communicated with you honestly twice instead of ghosting you.

Nothing wrong here , that’s just his choice for himself, and your choice is for you , sounds like you were both just not compatible off the hop, don’t waste time thinking about it

You didn't say anything. That is the the appropriate reaction. What's going on in your feelings? I mean, if you don't like it - change. Being insulted and thinking it's his problem? Nah. That's not an overreaction cause it's not a enhanced version of a logical reaction. It's an insane reaction; you're justa ... yeah.

[Bunch of background info to set the stage].

Things went amazing, and honestly, at the end of the date, I wanted to sleep with him. I asked him if he wanted to stay over at my place, after we had made out and he said no.

I figured no big deal.

The next day he texted me and said he had fun, but didn't think we were gonna work out.

This is the time to ask why, etc.

Fast forward a few months and we run into each other again, we catch up for a bit, and I couldn't help but ask him what went wrong with our date.

This ship has left port. The time to ask was early. Not months later. So if you're asking if you're over-reacting by holding on to him rejecting you, yes. Yes, you are.

Guys get rejected all the time. What would you think if every guy you rejected waited months, only to ask why? Most people would say they need to just accept it and move on.

He asked if I was sure I wanted to know, I said yes. He said the he didn't want to be with a woman who would sleep with someone on the first date.

Completely understandable. People have different preferences and standards.

I felt insulted and wanted to say something, but I couldn't really say anything, cuz he did reject me after all.

Why would you feel insulted? If the roles were reversed, and he wanted to sleep with you, but you didn't want to (for whatever valid reason), would you think it was OK for the guy to be insulted because you rejected him?

Idk, am I overreacting?

On multiple levels, yes.

One, being insulted because he didn't want to sleep with you.

Two, not accepting him not wanting to continue any relationship with you regardless of his reason(s).

Three, not letting the rejection go - even months later.

After all, he is entitled to have a say in all of this, even if you don't like it.

He might have been under the impression that you slept with every guy you went on a date with.

I wanted to sleep with my current boyfriend on our first date, and he definitely wanted to sleep with me, but I made him wait a few dates.

Only because I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea about me. That’s just my strategy though

Definitely overreacting. I just imagine how many other guys have you hooked up with the same day as meeting them? Not a good look in my opinion if your goal is to get into a meaningful relationship

If you're upset yea. You are ovrrreacting. He respected you. Didnt judt sleep with you to sleep with you. He broke it off, not just ghost you.

Then some time later you run into him and you had to bring it up. There was no reason to force him into that conversation. He tried to get out of it. You insisted. He told you. And ypu got upset.

Not only are you overreacting but you are overly pushy and self centered. Which is likely more reasons he said it wouldnt work out.

Dude dodged a huge bullet. Good for him.

You should be happy he didn't sleep with you then ghost you. At least he had the respect to say no.

You’re overreacting. Many guys don’t want to date a girl who sleeps on the first date. It’s not a bad thing if you do, it is your body and you live how you choose, and you’re not harming anyone by doing it, but it’s a reality to be aware of.

He told you why, was upfront and honest. Not everyone wants to or believes in sleeping together right away, and having a point of view isn’t automatically a judgement on someone else’s.

He’s allowed to feel that way lol. He views sex as something more

His body, his choice. Find someone more in sync with your expectations.

If it's too good to be true, it is.

If it's free for you, it's free for everybody.

Sexual compatibility is a thing and it didn't match in your case. Giving yourself to someone on the first night is a red flag for a lot of people for a number of reasons - sexual promiscuity is not always it though.

Chasing it will only make things worse and you should move on. He's allowed his preference and you shouldn't really be mad at him for having one.

Being insulted isn't an overreaction in my opinion. It would only be an overreaction if you insulted him or something like that, or were really grief stricken, etc.

People are entitled to their own preferences and that includes stuff like this. It's just a matter of compatibility and if you only had one date then it shouldn't be too hard to just move on. Of you had a good date with him then you're probably very capable of having wonderful dates and connections with other people, and they may share your views across the board.

Hmmm I wonder why you deleted your post history. Could it be because you're ashamed of your actions and that's why it hit a chord when he rejected you for being too sexual for his liking? Your insecurities are your own, don't take it out on other people.

Deleting your comment/post history after someone asked about it is so fucking funny to me. You didn't even do anything wrong but doing that shows you have something to hide so maybe he dodged a bullet.

You did you. He did him. That’s all there is to it.

Women don't like to be turned down sexually. Not every man is a sex maniac who never turns it down, despite what media portrays.

I think you need to ask yourself why you're offended when this dude went above and beyond to try and protect your feelings.

• He didn't sleep with you, just to dump you the next time
• He didn't slut shame you
• He was honest when he said he didn't think it was going to work out
• When you ran into him again, and asked your question, he even gave you an out with "do you really want to know?"

This dude's a unicorn. Not many other guys would have done any of these, let alone all 4.

So, why do you feel insulted? Are you ashamed of your actions? Because that's the only answer I can brainstorm for why you feel the way you feel.

Also, yes, it seems like you're overreacting.

I don’t blame him. You sound like the type of women that’s loose. You were willing to sleep with a dude you just met. How many guys do you do that with?

I hope with all sincerity you don’t take this wrong now first of all I’m a Gen X woman but still very vibrant and still out dating. I made my mistakes in my youth as we all have but I see so many men ready to just bed women on the first date and even first meeting and I always wonder why are these men like this are there women out there who are encouraging this type of behavior and women who are inviting men they don’t even know home and to have sex? I often have the opposite issue, I stop talking to them because they want sex too quick and I want to get to know them. I would love to meet that kind of man because honestly dating isn’t working for me because no one wants to wait and take time to get to know me. I respect your date and to answer my question of where these men are getting these ideas for quick sex I guess there are women who make it easy and they don’t feel the need to try and get to know women like me or go deeper because they can just get it elsewhere. As I said I’m not judging at all because adults do what they want and that’s fine. Your question just helps me to understand why things happen the way they do for me.

Yes. Your ego took a hit.

Honestly, if you're trying to sleep with him on the first date, he probably thinks that you sleep with everyone on the first date. Just not something he wanted to be a part of. He seemed polite and didn't lead you on. No need to be offended.

You met a decent person that is not a match for you. So many men will sleep with you then ghost because they don’t want to date someone who will sleep with them on the first date. Meet an awesome guy who recognizes you are perfect for him just as you are.

Yes.

You're insulted he didn't want to sleep with you. That's an overreaction. Not every man is going to want to. Best you learn that now, since you didn't learn it before.

Not saying that to be insulting. It's a fact.

He has different values that don't align with yours. He made a decision that aligns with his values. He handled this well. You're not.

Yes, you are over reacting.

Guy was a stand up guy, was honest with you and didn’t sleep with you and then tell you he’s not into you.

It's not an insult so let that part go.

Just incompatible.

I mean...I would say it's an appropriate reaction?

Although what you feel isn't an insult...it's the sting of rejection. Pretty normal.

Sister I get that your upset cuz he said no. That’s a normal human reaction to something like that. Don’t beat yourself up

He is entitled to not date anyone for any reason. So are you. You may not agree with his reason for not wanting to date you, but that’s entirely his choice.

Also, he did try to let you down gently but you insisted on knowing why he didn’t want to date you. If you don’t like hearing negative things about yourself, it’s best to not ask someone why they rejected you.

I can understand feeling upset about it but at the end of the day he did nothing wrong and neither did you. Just let it go.

That’s a Chad right there. He noticed your intentions and didn’t want to be with someone like that so he bailed instead of leading you on. Great for him

everyone has boundaries.
its OK.

His rules are his rules.

Well, there’s really nothing to react to so much. You asked him a question he gave you an answer so now think about that answer and move on. Think about what kind of person you want to be

You aren't compatible, no big deal.

Most all guys would judge you for being so promiscuous. That includes the guys that take you up on it. Going around and putting out to someone you just met isn't going to earn you any respect from anybody. Amazing how society has devolved to where anyone could find such behavior acceptable. Sorry to sound like a jerk but yeah... There's nothing attractive about being easy.

I also wouldn't want to sleep with someone on the first date. I don't know if I'd end things just because the other person wanted to, but either way we would be sleeping separately that night.

I expect there to be a certain window of "getting to know each other" that spans at the least several dates before sleeping together becomes an option I'd be willing to entertain. If the other person just wants me for fast sex, they'll remove themselves from the equation for me after the first few dates don't give it to them. But if they actually like me for reasons beyond lust, they'll stick around.

This guy might value selectivity, and you might have telegraphed the opposite by wanting to sleep with him after the first date. He might have looked at you and seen someone willing and prepared to sleep around a little, which may not have jived well with his values. That could very well be a mistaken evaluation of your habits, but he wouldn't know that. I can understand that perspective, if that's his reasoning. I don't live a lifestyle that's very compatible with or relatable to people who have a habit or history of being willing to sleep around. If I'm dating someone who makes me think they do that, my best move would be to save us both the trouble and put an end to it before we get emotionally invested. Because it's not likely to work out, given my observations or inferences.

Yes you're over reacting. You have to understand that some people have certain standards when it comes to dating. I recently saw a thread where a guy ghosted a girl he was dating because she hadn't slept with enough men.

In the future, causally bring up aspirations for dating and boundaries to get a feel for his mindset for dating. There was a girl I was really into that offered sex on our first date and it was a real turnoff for me. I bolted soon after. In retrospect, I should have declined and talked through it with her.

What if I refused I second date if you didn’t sleep with me on the first one. See there’s a double standard there for sure.

Why buy the cow, if you can get the milk for free?

Yes you are. Men have been rejected for the same thing. Get over yourself.

You are not over reacting but I'm gonna be pretty blunt about this one; sleeping with guys on the first date is not a good look and most guys worth having a relationship with are not gonna see you as a keeper if you do not show some restraint and self control.

Yes you are. Sex on first dates is not associated statistically with long term relationship success.

You’re easy and I wouldn’t date you either. I don’t blame him.

fucking based

Nothing bad happened here. It just didn't work.

No one is wrong in this situation. He was honest with you about the reason when you asked and you can't be mad about his preferences and vice versa.

Yes, you are overreacting. He did not insult you. There is nothing wrong with him wanting someone a bit more conservative in that aspect. You guys just aren’t compatible.

No worries at all. He is not trying to be insulting! Just different preferences.

If you’re happy with the way you handle your sex life then it’s no problem.

Lesson learned-don’t ask a question you really don’t want to know the truth about. Your hurt because you really didn’t want to know the truth if it was something about you that he didn’t like. Everyone has the right to their feelings and you didn’t give him a negative reaction so it wasn’t an overreaction. Just don’t ask questions unless you’re actually prepared to hear the answer. His preference was to take things slower yours wasn’t. That’s being incompatible. It’s not a bad thing for either one of you, just not you two together.

He told you that yall are not a good match. It is fine for him to be that way, it is fine for you to be the way you are. Nothing wrong with either. Don't be upset, be glad he did not waste your time further.

Did you actually react in any way though? You can feel however you want! You can feel insulted, that is allowed

He didn't do anything wrong. Neither did you. But accept that you're not compatible.

It is ok. He doesn't want someone that puts out on the first date. Nothing wrong with it. Just like nothing is wrong with you.

as long as he wasn’t rude or nasty, he’s entitled to have his opinion. He’ probably thinking , if I take this girl out in two weeks from now what you’ve already slept with 2-3 other people since the last time we met, you can be you and he could be him you’re just don’t have the same values in casual dating. He also probably feels that if he gets in a committed relationship with you a year and a half down the road , would’ve already slept with 30 people, in that time frame, you both should find other partners that standards.

He did nothing wrong. I would want nothing to do with someone who tried to sleep with me on the first date as well. No match move on

It's hurtful to hear his explanation, but you did nothing wrong and neither did he.

You are naturally going to be upset. Women don’t get rejected often and often don’t handle it well.

But it happens and you just have to accept it. Sure you’ll still want him but I wouldn’t stress it. If he’s more prude than you that’s what it is. You two are just not compatible.

He did nothing wrong.

Neither did you.

You're just not compatible.

This seems more like you just wanting to tell a story of rejection, rather than a description of any reaction of yours. You asked a question to the guy you are obviously experienced enough to know the answer to, then you got the number one most common answer. Then you provided us with no reaction really. No depth of emotion or actual actions.

This comment is not meant to offer judgement, or concrete advice but rather to provide information.

In the study of interpersonal romantic attraction there has been observed a strong tendency for individuals to have different partner criteria for short term relationships (i.e., casual dating, or one night stands) and for long term relationship (committed partnerships). These differences show up in different patterns for men and women. (Should you subscribe to evolutionary theory, this is thought to have developed due to different reproductive dilemmas, specifically parental investment and paternal uncertainty.) The pattern for (heterosexual) men is largely a difference in the acceptability of sexual conservativism vs liberalism in women. When men seek short term relationships they are likely to pursue more sexually liberal women and when they seek long term relationships they are likely to pursue more sexually conservative women. (Applying the aforementioned evolutionary theory here, the explanation given for the shift towards more sexually conservative partners is an attempt to increase the certainty that your female partner will not cheat on you and therefore any offspring produced are more likely to actually be the father's biological offspring.)

So while I can offer you no value judgement on this behaviour I can suggest some inferences that I can extrapolate from this phenomena. First, this may be something you encounter again in the future. It could possibly act as an indicator of what kind of relationship this person wants to pursue. While there are certainly many influences acting on his ability to explicitly be able to verbalize this opinion, including religion or other ways of ascribing value, it may evidence some more or less innate anxiety about interdependence and commitment that I think to some degree influence us all.

I hope I was able to offer a helpful framework for you to evaluate this situation. The entirety of the second paragraph is based on a psychology course I recently took on interpersonal relationships, and unless I have a memory error, doesn't include any new interpretations.

He's allowed to have a preference. As are you. You also didn't want to be with someone who would think that so it saves you both time.

So yes, if you can't handle a rejection without it being an insult, then you are overreacting.

Not at all. 33m here, in no way turned off by a girl wanting to have sex on the first date. If the vibes are right I'm more than happy to put out on the first date. But as others have said, some people have different standards. Sounds like this ultimately went the best way it could for both individuals and hopefully you find someone who's down to clown!

No is a full sentence, you don't deserve an explanation full stop.

That's the line I see women using on men now at least.

NTA. Also, you didn't overreact you handled it maturely like an adult should do. You both have your own ideas of how you want to proceed with a potential new partner and they just didn't match. No harm no foul. But his statement about not wanting to be with a woman that would sleep with someone on a first date sounds pretty misogynistic and you are lucky to dodge that bullet.

Patriarchy rewards women for feigning a disinterest in sex, and punishes them for refusing sex or liking it too much. You dodged a bullet dating a guy whose conceptions of dating and women have more to do with social constructions of gender than desire or honesty. Imagine the relationship you would have had if you had to wait for him to initiate every sexual encounter and worry about being judged if you were in the mood?!

I would have felt insulted too.  However y'all just aren't compatible. You didn't overreact at all.  And don't ever think of changing. Nothing wrong with knowing what you want sexually! I'm the same way. I know if I want to fuck you about 3 minutes into the date. Nothing shameful about going after it!

Not overreacting but learn maybe then it’s not a good idea to sleep with basically a stranger

Be careful, jesus

Reverse the roles. No, there’s nothing wrong with what he said. You’re just not compatible

I would be just like him

oh my gosh, a woman dealing with rejection!!! 😲 🤯

people are allowed to have standards.

Some people are ok with risking a pregnancy with people they barely know, others aren't. Your body, your choice. His body, his choice.

People move at different speeds, and your speeds weren't compatible. That's all there is to it. Nothing wrong with enjoying sex and being open about it, but there's no sense getting offended over the fact that others are different to you. That's literally all this is.

Why would you be insulted? He has his morals, you have yours. They aren't compatible.

Well if the genders were reversed this wouldn’t even be a discussion. Guy asks for sex on the first date and woman doesn’t want to see him again. I don’t know why it’s confusing when it’s the woman getting turned down

In his mind if you did that with him that's just what you do. 

Yes, you are overreacting. You're not compatible when it comes to expressing sexually and that is what it is.

Some guys don't want blowjobs on the first date.

yeah u should respect his wishes.... plenty of other fish that will have the same interests as you.

I wouldn’t be interested in anyone that wanted me to have sex on the first date, I’d prefer to get to know them first. That’s your problem, men don’t like needy or easy.

You should wait until the 3rd to 5th date, if you actually want a boyfriend. If you only want a hook up then it doesn't matter. This guy told you the truth, you should listen.

Lol, when I was dating I was the same. I was looking for a woman not a girl. Someone with restraint honor and dignity. How would you expect loyalty from a girl who will sleep with any guy that impresses her off the street.

so heres the lesson, nice guys don't want girls who sleep with everyone right away. Is that why you felt insulted because you didn't want to be put in that category??? and if thats the case then don't be that person, pretty simple

Great rule of thumb for guys to adopt this same mentality to weat out the bad ones

Sexual compatability is a big part of a healthy relationship. I'd be glad to know early on how different his views are from yours. Take it as a win in not having your time wasted.

Yes you’re overreacting. He has every right to have standards. You have every right to be a ho. To each their own.

That man is looking for a wife not a 1 night stand or temporary girlfriend. He has standards and knows what he wants.

One time i went on a date and it went great.the girl asked me if she could come over to my place after the date to have fun, i said no I’m good thanks,it was a turn off for me,she was so easy so I assumed she was that way with all man she goes in dates with and decided to cut her off.

The exact same time happened with my now fiancé but it wasn’t a turn off,she asked if she could sleep with me after the first date and I said yes, I went agains my own rules and standards because I really really like her. In my opinion he wasn’t really into you or felt you guys was not compatible, man and woman always break their standards for the right person.

A man has standards. Uh oh.

Guy probably got cheated on and saw it as a possible red flag. That shit puts you in a weird headspace

That dudes the real MVP

Not wifey material

Give him credit for not taking advantage of the opportunity before moving on.

Just be prepared to date guys who are mostly like this one. If we think you’re doing that with every guy you’ve had a successful first date with, it’s really a turn off. Could be a high body count and most good guys are repulsed by that. But then there probably are a few who aren’t. Not trying to offend. To each his/her own.

Well, you asked 🙄 some people see that as a red flag

It's a turnoff for anyone seeking a relationship.

You’re overreacting a little bit. He was honest with you.

Neither of you are wrong though. It’s not wrong to sleep with someone on a first date. And it’s not wrong to wait awhile. You both have different values. It’s best that he didn’t pursue a relationship with you. You guys wouldn’t have worked out.

You are overreacting. You’re not his type. Most guys respect women more when they aren’t so fast and this guy was mature enough to know that and have standards.

your overreacting he didn't even insult you and didn't wanna tell you pried and paid the prict

Some men have high standards. Men with low standards get low women.

☕️☕️☕️

Some men don’t want to on the first date bc they think if she did w me then how many others? To me this is stupid but everyone has preferences. It never mattered to me if it was first date or second or third or longer.

I mean, you made out with a dude on the first date and wanted to drop the pants right away. Seems like he’s just a smart man with morals to me, if you took it as disrespectful, maybe you’re doing something wrong and should look inwards. Bros a fucking chad ngl tho

No one’s fault. You were thirsty and he was not, goals not aligned 👍

I mean. Just flip the roles.

I don’t blame him. No offense. It’s just that sometimes with past experiences, guys will see patterns. If it’s just a booty call most guys I don’t think will care. However in a commitment, the psychology is very different. Sounds like he’s looking for something more permanent. A lady jumping into bed with you on the first date is nice. However, I would much rather stay with the lady that took 2-3 months before she was ready to do that with me. From my experience everything seems more real and organic waiting than just jumping into it immediately. Kinda kills the sense of surprise and reward when done too quickly for some people.

I don’t think you are overreacting, just learn from it if you can.

Good for him for having some character. He assumed if you’d sleep with him on the first date that you’d done it multiple times before. A man with character is hard to find. Take it slow next time. Once you cross that line whatever true and good friendship you could’ve built went out the window.

Imagine if the genders were reversed on this one.