Am I being groomed?

Relationships

I (16F) attend a local university through a dual enrollment program. In my Calc 2 class, I met this guy (20M) and towards the end of the semester we really hit it off. I’m talking texting for eight hours straight, falling asleep on FaceTime, meeting up between our classes and walking everywhere around campus.

Two weeks into this, I went over to his house where he lives alone off campus. Three weeks into this, we cuddled on his couch and he was touching my thighs and waist and stuff but no further than that. A few days later we went for a drive and asked me to be his gf. He came over to my house, met my parents etc, and we had our first kiss in my bedroom and he was touching my chest, initially over my shirt then under my shirt.

He claims he’s a virgin, he’s also from a REALLY small town (<3000 people) and that he never kissed anyone before me, so I’ve been chalking the fast pace up to us both being inexperienced and curious.

We set boundaries after that and had a talk about sex which he was very respectful of. We set “red zones” which are groin area and yellow zones which are my chest area. We go on dates and stuff like museums and go biking and hiking, he’s met my parents etc.

He heavily dislikes my parents, given that I’m not allowed to go over to his house, not allowed to go out after 7o clock, not allowed to be home alone with him or have the door closed. His parents are Christian fundamentalists and he completely cut contact with them after he turned 18. He says that if my parents make me so miserable I could cut contact with them too. He’s constantly asking where the relationship is going and he says he wants to have a long term relationship with me.

We end up doing a LOT of cuddling when we’re together and making out. It’s very fun and I’m totally into it but my parents and friends say that we are moving WAYY too fast and my parents have begun to think I’m being groomed.

Thoughts?

Edit: I told him a few days after we met that I was sixteen, before any sort of romantic intent between us began

He has NOT tried to have sex with me. The age of consent in my state is 16. He does NOT drink or do any sort of drugs and is vehemently against any ever doing them, even when he comes of legal age.

None of his other relationships have been with people younger than him

Part of his dislike of my parents stems from the fact that they placed a microphone in my room a few years ago and won’t let me take it out, and that they will every so often remove the door from my room

EDIT #2 FOR CLARITY

He has never explicitly and repeatedly encouraged me to cut my parents off. He has mentioned it a few times but it was generally in reference to us talking about his childhood and family life. He and my dad mutually heavily dislike one another (my dad thinks he’s disrespectful, encouraging me to break laws, and that I “could do far better than this scumbag”). I was telling boyfriend about some of the crazy (crazier than mic and no door) stuff that my parents have done and he just said “if they make you that miserable, you could cut them off once you turn 18”. He HAS NOT talked about me moving in with him or relying on him for any financial support.

I believe he treats me well. He does not pressure me, does not get jealous, does not attempt to isolate me from my extracurricular activities and my friends, does not belittle me or patronize me, studies with me/helps me with homework/projects, encourages me in my hobbies and sports. He is happy to end things when I have schoolwork or other activities that need to take priority over talking to him. He doesn’t like my parents because of a few incidents where they have criticized him to his face, because of their rules, and because of this one time that my dad kicked him out of our house for a minor incident over eating dinner together.

in AdviceForTeensby nowandneveragain

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14d

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Busy-Collar3958

14d

yes and as a 20 y.o woman, sorry to say this, he sounds like a loser. no well rounded good 20 yr old man would go after a 16 year old, it means he probably has 0 confidence and lacks the balls to talk to girls his own age, or no girl his age wants him which is a red flag in itself. when i was 16 i was like you and had friends like you, i thought it was completely normal up until i turned 20, and realized thats its fucking weird and kinda creepy😭. Unless it’s my boyfriend’s siblings or someone i know personally , you won’t see me talking to any 16 yr old. most likely we’ll have nothing in common other than probably some social media jokes. im getting off topic, but, yes id say you’re being groomed as he probably finds it easier to be himself around someone younger. i say run, and focus on your studies, not every 16 yr old gets a dual enrollment, thats awesome congrats. find someone thats on your level, as intelligent and ambitious as you. not a grown adult loser who finds comfort in 16 year old little girls.

nowandneveragain

14d

Idk how to say that he’s not well rounded tho, he was valedictorian of his highschool (I’ve seen proof of it), he’s really good at basketball and plays for our school, he got a full ride scholarship for college, he plays guitar and is going into the healthcare field with a difficult major, he’s vegan just like me, he’s writing a book and was REALLY happy for me when I finished mine, he works out a lot and is active in clubs at our school. He isn’t some creepy basement dweller who can’t get a gf who’s not 16

JustCoffee123

13d

It's hard to explain to someone your age, but the metrics you are rating him by do not apply to if he's a looser or not. It doesn't apply to if he's a creep or not... you are looking at him through the lens of a teenager. I feel young reading your response. The flags are the things it takes time and maturity to see. Those flags are also the more reliable metric. My ex-husband was also a hugely active guy in high school and looked like he was on his way to be a stellar adult... the flags were there, though, and he was not the great guy he seemed.