My mom has never stepped foot in my home.
She never comes even when she is invited.
She has never been there for me in a way that moms are normally there for their kids.
I had two kids. They mean the world to me. My mom never came to visit, help, offer assistance, I have very rarely ever had a phone call where she just called to check on me. If I ever did mention something the entire conversation circled back to how hard she had it or some memory for her. She often laughed at my emotions. There was no room for me.
All this being said, her golden child had his first baby. My mom has already allowed my dad to be there to help with their dogs.
We never got any help with ours. I even offered up our home and told them to bring theirs. It wasn’t even plausible for them to do.
My moms changed one diaper. She is now already showed up for my brother in ways she never could for me. She has giving baby bath. Checks on them often.
The hurt I feel is unrelenting. My brother shares pictures of his daughter and I kept help but notice he includes my parents help. But when I showed pictures of my kids I was annoying with it. He often ignored and never had anything kind to say. I always felt I was pushing him to have a relationship with them when he had no desire. Now he has his child and wants to share pictures. It hurts to see my parents participation. I also cannot deny that although I am happy for him he has never been happy for me.
I never had the recognition he had. And what hurts worse is that this is being passed to my children. Where does it end? I want to ignore my brothers photos and put an end to the hurt by removing myself. It just feels even worse because I had always wanted this tight nit loving family. And I feel if I close the door and stop responding I will be labeled bitch of a lifetime.
I am so sorry you have such a lousy family. You deserved better, as we all did. My relationship with my brother was awful in our younger years -- he tormented me, and of course I did everything in my power to 'make' him like me, if not love me. Part of my recovery was recognizing that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, I can't change it. Not alcoholism, not my parents, not my brother. In therapy and ACOA meetings, I slowly learned to focus on myself and my own recovery, instead of constantly trying to figure out ways to deal with my family. Eventually I was able to stop trying to get my brother to like me, and I accepted him for who is is, not for who I wanted or needed him to be. Same with my parents. My grandmother was so toxic I finally told her I was backing off and would not be in contact for awhile, for my own mental health. "Awhile" turned out to be permanently, and I have never regretted my decision. As an outsider reading what you wrote, it's clear to me that your parents (for whatever reason doesn't matter) cannot love you the way you need. Your choice is to stay in that toxic family relationship dynamic, or change your actions and expectations. Therapy, self-help groups, reading about adult children and recovery -- all helped me so much. I wish you light and strength on your journey!