I found out two years ago that my dad wasn’t my dad and that I had a paternal half sister and a maternal half brother. I matched with my half sister on a DNA test and that’s how I discovered my NPE situation. My mom told me about my brother. She had placed him for adoption in 1971 when she was 16. 18 years later I was born.

I’ve spent the last year looking for him, just to let him know we’re here I guess. Thinking about him. I finally was able to reach him via confidential intermediary (so I don’t actually have his contact info or name) but he wouldn’t speak with her at all and handed the phone to his (adopted) brother. His brother explained to the CI that he had had a tough life, was estranged from almost his entire adoptive family. His adoptive parents divorced a few years after he was adopted. His first wife died after 12 years, second marriage only lasted 13 months. The CI said it seemed like he was maybe afraid we’d let him down.

I understand and sympathize. I respect his decision. I am still sad though. I was hoping to get to know him. To know how he’s doing. I don’t know. He can always change his mind and sign up for the state registry, so there is that. I’ve been telling myself at least now he knows he has bio family out there who know about him and cared enough to search for him. I hope that means something, a good feeling maybe.

Just here to shout into the void I guess. His birthday is tomorrow. Hard to imagine that 53 years ago my 16 year old mom was about to give birth to a child she’d never even see. 💔