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YTA.
Dude. First off, you haven’t said why people drinking makes you so upset. This level of anxiety over having alcohol is absolutely not normal. You are automatically saying “you can’t trust anyone around you to not be drinking* is a level of paranoia and fear that is, quite frankly, completely unwarranted. The vast majority of people can handle themselves with a drink or two.
The best you can ask for is for them to not drink in your presence. If you personally aren’t comfortable with drinking, then it’s absolutely okay to solely want to be around people when they’re dry, or attend non-alcohol events. If that’s your personal limit, then go for it.
That being said, you also went overboard - yes, being controlling - about your girlfriend’s clothing and actions. You do not have a right to dictate her clothes. Clothing has zero to do with how loyal someone is in their relationship. Monogamous couples can go to nude beaches or clothing-free colonies. You have some massive insecurities that you need to address, and she rightfully called you out on that.
The drinking is more iffy. You have the right to not be with someone who partakes if you have a personal issue with it. That being said. She is at an age and in a social situation where most people will experiment and partake. It’s part of learning about personal limits and freedoms. So while you’re free to break things off for it, you also need to understand that many people go through a phase where they do indulge - and sometimes overindulge - but many also learn what their limits are and grow to be responsible drinkers. You are unlikely to find someone who is a teetotaler that also hasn’t ever experimented a bit. So you will have to figure out how to deal with that.
I wish you a lot of luck in therapy, because your current limits on things are a mix of barely-reasonable and completely unreasonable and controlling. You have a long way to mature before you should be in another relationship.
Edit: it also seems that she was experimenting and pushing against boundaries with her newfound freedoms. This is not unusual, especially for much performers in HS. It can make people go wild. Sometimes you need some leniency for that.
The reason I have such a problem is my ex, her drinking made me feel awful, but like I knew and know it’s normal for people to drink in college it became a real problem in my head and I told her hoping she would give me some time to work through it and she said yeah but drank and I found out through a second source which made things rocky to say the least. I appreciate the kind words though, I will be working on myself for sure.
"Second source"? Please don't tell me you had someone spying on her.
She told her whole friend group who reached out to me because she told them that she didn’t tell me