I 34F have recently ran into a situation with my husband 37M and am curious about if I am the AH here or not. So me and my husband have been tother for 8 years, married for 7. When I got married my mother came to me privately and talked about setting aside money as a rainy day/ escape fund if worst came to worst. My husband has never showed any signs of being dangerous and rarely even gets upset, but the way my mother talked about it, it seemed like a no brainer to have.
When me and my husband got together we agreed I would be a stay at home wife, we are both child free so that was never a concern. My husband made a comfortable mid 6 figures salary, all was good until about 2 years ago he was injured at work in a near fatal accident, between hospital bills and a lawsuit that we lost that ate up nearly all of our savings. I took a part time job while my husband was recovering, but when he fully recovered we transitioned back into me being unemployed as my husband insisted that it was his role to provide. He currently is working 2 full time jobs and Uber's on his off days to keep us afloat.
Here is where I might be the AH I do all of the expense managing and have continued to put money into my "Escape account" although I significantly decreased from $750 a month to just $200 a month. My husband came home exhausted one night and asked about down sizing because the stress of work was going to kill him. I told him downsizing would not be an option as I had spend years making our house a home, and offered to go back to work. He tried to be nice, but basically told me that me going back to work wouldn't make enough. After an argument, my husband went through our finances to see where we could cut back.
He was confused when he saw that I had regular reoccurring withdrawals leading back years, and asked me about it. I broke down and revealed my money to him, which not sits at about $47,000. After I told him all this he just broke down sobbing.
His POV is I treated him like a predator and hid money from him for years even when he was at his lowest. I told him, that the money was a precaution I would have taken with any partner and not specific to him. He left the house to stay with his brother and said I hurt him on every possible level. But my mom says this is exactly what the money is for and should bail now. AITAH?