For an example everytime one of my characters do something I feel the need to add something like “he grumbled” or “he laughed” but in my case right now it doesn’t fit… can you guys give me a few words that’ll help? It would be fairly appreciated ☺️ my current one is “you like?”
^^^ Truth.
To add on, contrary to what some people say, the use of 'said' is not dead. 'Said' is one of those great invisible dialogue tags that can and should be used when and where it is appropriate. Books where every piece of dialogue is exclaimed or chortled or barked or whatever else can be exhausting to read.
My preferred method of dialogue is:
"Blah blah blah," John said.
"Blah blah blah," Jill said.
"Blah blah blah."
"Blah blah blah."
"Blah blah blah."
"Blah blah blah."
That good too. Establish the order of the back and forth and it should be pretty easy to track who is speaking, especially if their voices are distinct.
I write scripts as well as prose and it feels more natural to me this way. Occasionally, I will throw in some actions if it matters to the scene, but usually it's just a back and forth.
It’s called ping-pong speech.
Poing poing
My thoughts T_T
It's pretty easy to go too far with that and lose track of who says what.
Throw in another dialog tag or an action periodically.
That's what I was getting at, yeah. Just because I, the writer, understand it perfectly doesn't mean it's great to go a half-dozen lines without reminding the reader.
Second that, I’m reading a fantasy novel where the author is on a noble quest to exhaustively use these dialogue tags and I’ve put the book away multiple times now - its too much!
Exhausting and annoying
Yes! I used to do that x verbed thing all the time before I realised it was toning down the effect. Edited it all out to replace with "said" or removed the dialogue tag entirely to make place for action. So much better!
This!!!
A lot of people don't understand the "show, don't tell" rule. But this is a example.
Stop telling what the MC does and show!
Tell way: "Ugh" he said, while holding himself to not punch the man.
Show way:
The moment he heard those words, his heart jumped for a fraction of time, and his hand moved to slap the man.
But on those eyes, he also saw his father.
"Urgh"
He turned and left, to not see that man ever again.
....
Something like that.
Please don't do that every single line. It's really distracting. Have a mix of talking tags, action tags, and lines with no tags if only two people are talking.
No no it’s not in every single line but out of nowhere one of my side characters comes and starts talking so I feel the need to address who it is! Also what are those tags?
“It’s not even vaguely fair,” said Dan, twisting the fabric in his hand, “that Simon gets the lion’s share of the loot.”
“Don’t care. Shut up. Work.”
“You’re no help at all.”
Mike looked up at him, and put his hand on the release switch, “I could kill us all if that makes you feel better?”
Dan paled.
“No? Fine. Shut up. Work.”
Almost correct! The comma after "switch" should be a period.
And no comma after "up at him."
Address him by context.. no one just jumps in from nowhere, people walk, fly etc.. they said hi, or etc..
Like: I could see from the corner of my eye, that stupid freak, stalking me, just waiting to talk, like if anyone could care about what came from his mouth, he knew no one gave a shot about him here and yet, here he was, etc.etc.etc...
Oh thank you so much for this example! You’re a good writer just saying! 🙌🏻
Instead of your character saying, “I’m angry, Don!” describe how the character’s body is closed-- tight lips, narrow eyes, deep breaths.
Minimize using identifiers by:
Creating a unique pattern of speech; Using descriptive follow ups. (i.e., “That’s not what I said.” Vincent reached for the rock.)
This way you can show what the characters are doing to further emphasize their words or add context to the scene.
When you have to use a descriptor, you can always just use "said," which many authors swear is the way. Here's a list that I've compiled to add more variety.
Anger: Shouted, bellowed, yelled, snapped, cautioned, rebuked.
Affection: Consoled, comforted, reassured, admired, soothed.
Excitement: Shouted, yelled, babbled, gushed, exclaimed.
Fear: Whispered, stuttered, stammered, gasped, urged, hissed, babbled, blurted.
Determination: Declared, insisted, maintained, commanded.
Happiness: Sighed, murmured, gushed, laughed.
Sadness: Cried, mumbled, sobbed, sighed, lamented.
Conflict: Jabbed, sneered, rebuked, hissed, scolded, demanded, threatened, insinuated, spat, glowered.
Making up: Apologized, relented, agreed, reassured, placated, assented.
Amusement: Teased, joked, laughed, chuckled, chortled, sniggered, tittered, guffawed, giggled, roared.
Storytelling: Related, recounted, continued, emphasized, remembered, recalled, resumed, concluded.
Affectionate: admired consoled comforted sighed reassured gushed soothed praised professed beamed empathized invited offered volunteered
Sad: sobbed wept pleaded grieved mourned sniveled mewled cried blubbered lamented bawled mumbled sighed wailed begged sniffled
Anger: shouted yelled growled bellowed nagged accused fumed criticized seethed snapped demanded retorted hissed upbraided remonstrated scolded taunted teased lied mocked provoked
Fearful: screamed cautioned warned stammered gasped stuttered blurted trembled quavered faltered shrieked quaked thundered swore
Excitement: cheered cried out beamed rejoiced exclaimed gushed yelled crowed hollered trumpeted sang
Uncertainty: wondered asked queried questioned hesitated inquired supposed speculated
Emotionally Neutral: advised implied entreated hinted concluded claimed held contended suggested insisted expressed voiced chimed in put forth announced observed imparted noted began continued uttered shared revealed replied explained whispered went on
These are good, but said is generally best, and as an editor, we recommend said around 80% of the time (if using tags at all) and the rest sparingly for effect. If there are more than one "unusual" tags like these per chapter, it's starts to become distracting to the reader.
I know that is a commonly expounded theory of writing, and I did comment on that near the beginning of my comment, but I find it extremely distracting, and even more so in audio books. It was very noticeable in the first Jack Reacher book, "The Killing Floor," which I listened to recently, and it diminished the experience for me.
"That's right," I said.
"We should go," he said.
"Not before we clean up the evidence," she said.
"Are you sure it's necessary?" He said.
Yes, he actually used it in questions instead of "asked." This might be a little exaggerated, in that I'm using it with every sentence of dialogue, but I'm really and truly not that far off. I find that certain descriptors within dialogue do make it more pleasant to read. Along with actions and simple, tagless back and forths when possible.
Heads up: they add more dialogue tags in audio books since it wouldn't be obvious who's talking by paragraph changes and whatnot.
So the book would actually be written like:
"Dude, shut up."
"I don't think I will."
But the audio book will say:
"Dude, shut up," Kyle said.
"I don't think I will," Betty said.
Oh! I didn't know that!! Thank you for that. I know a new thing now!!
Np! It's a thing that annoys me with audio books tbh lol
Do you have evidence that they add dialogue tags to audiobooks? All of the audiobooks I have read (traditionally published) are just a straight read of the book.
If I'm reading an audiobook, I have an ebook version open along with it. My sample size is very small but of those books (trad pubbed and from different publishing houses and authors), they all had minor differences. The biggest difference was added dialogue tags when it might not be clear.
I'm sure it's not every audiobook but it was enough of a pattern for me to mention
Wow, now if you don't mind me asking, what is the reason for having the e-book and the audiobook simultaneously? Genuinely curious! Do you like to hear the narrator but see the words on the page? I have only done two audiobooks in my life so I am not super familiar with that medium (though I overhear my kids doing audiobooks often). I prefer to read a book. In the two that I listened to, the narrator did such a good job with the different voices for each character that the addition of "so and so said" wasn't necessary, and while I can't promise they didn't add additional dialogue tags, I noticed they were absent at about the same amount that I would expect from reading a print book. I actually heard the opposite from an aspiring author friend: she said that printed books have "said" and other dialogue tags because we can't hear the voices, but in an audiobook format it becomes jarring and her opinion is that they should be left off in favor of different voices. So now I am confused! Maybe it is just the preference of the author/narrator team.
what is the reason for having the e-book and the audiobook simultaneously?
It helps me focus more. I don't always read along with every word, but I make sure to look at least every few sentences or so. I'm really just not a fan of audiobooks but sometimes they're more convenient so I pair it with the ebook lol
Maybe it is just the preference of the author/narrator team.
I think that's probably it?
I agree that they shouldn't add stuff because it gets very annoying very fast lol
YOURE AN ANGEL!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS OMF
Thank you for this!
Be careful with it because people very often use words that aren't speech (when they really mean how the person said it- should be it's own deception, not a tag)and I've heard agents criticize that a ton in query critiques, saying it's indicative of problems in the pages.
You honestly don't need them as often as you think, and said is just fine.
You're talking about dialogue tags, and:
"said" is nearly invisible to readers. You can use it regularly and the reader won't notice.
Dialogue doesn't need to be tagged every time. If you feel the context and content of the dialogue makes it clear who's speaking, you don't need to tell the reader who is speaking. I naturally prefer to write untagged dialogue, and have had to make myself add tags every now and then to help add clarity to conversations.
It's very noticeable to readers when you're working out your vocabulary looking for new words. You should write what comes naturally or feels right to you. The more you read and write, the prettier your prose will naturally become, and the flow and structure are the important baseline you need before you can start busting out the mental thesaurus.
The context and content contributes to the reader's understanding of a situation. You don't necessarily need to explicitly state that a character shouted, you can use an exclamation mark, they could be in a loud environment, they could be engaged in a fight or other strenuous challenge. Sometimes you do want to use dialogue tags to help paint the picture, but they are just one tool in your toolbox, don't rely on them alone.
"Too many dialogue tags are distracting," I confabulated.
This is a good one ahahaha thank you!
Open a few of your favorite, well-written books and do what they do.
Instead of "XYZ said" or "XYZ exclaimed" and phrasing like that, try using actions instead.
"XYZ took a long, drawn-out sip from her mug, eyeing me coldly. '[Insert XYZ's dialogue].'"
or
"'[XYZ's dialogue], she nodded."
That sort of thing flows more naturally and helps the readers better immerse themselves in the scene.
I sometimes don't add any words after someone says something, if it's dialogue between two characters, you only need to specify who's talking once at the start. The audience is smart enough to tell who's talking, trust them.
I'm going to need context. If nothing fits, then consider if you really need one. Once you've established a back and forth between two characters, you don't need to use tags for every line of dialogue.
I could send you that part if you want to check it out!
I swear some of you have never picked up a book before
I agree. It’s mind-boggling.
Example:
“So when are we going to storm the Citadel?” We swivelled around to see Than leaning against the doorway.
It doesn’t have to have dialogue tags to achieve a purpose. You could just continue on with the story after the dialogue.
Never use grumbled. Well I wouldn’t say never ever. But I would never use it.
Your dialogue tags should be “he said” “she said” etc. But if the reader can recognize who is speaking then you don’t need a tag.
i can give an example of writing i am quite fond of, heres a text:
"you know im not sure football is for me" jacob says towards his coach
"i am not sure im cutout for something so intense" he grumbles
or
"you know," Jacob frowned "I'm not sure football is for me." jacob is fiddling with his shoelaces, brows furrowed, while feeling his coach's eyes on him, he continues to ramble;
"I'm not sure I am cut out for something so intense" he blurts that last part out, unable to stop himself he has been thinking about this for awhile and he's scared if he doesn't say it now, he is so afraid never will.
he glances back toward his coach wincing, expecting disappointing eyes and to be ridiculed but (whatever you would finish this with :) )
it shows that hes nervous, that hes scared of disappointment while also showing his own actions and the scene of which theyre in. shitty example lol but just alot of show!
using like facial expressions as a way to explain dialogue is something i do often like "his face crinkles with disgust" or "his eye squint as if trying to evaluate what i had just said" HAHA HOPE this makes snese
Thank you so much!! Yes these examples help a lot ☺️
This is a good example of showing rather than telling emotion (mostly, but some telling is useful). But because "frown" is not a speech verb (as opposed to "grumble" or "shout" or what have you), it's an action beat rather than a dialogue tag. So this should be something like:
"You know..." Jacob frowned. "I'm not sure football is for me." He fiddled with his shoelaces, brows furrowed, and fell silent. But under his coach's gaze, he twitched and fidgeted and finally blurted out, "I'm just not cut out for something so intense."
He bit his tongue at once. He hadn't meant to say it, not consciously, but it had been eating at him for weeks. If it hadn't escaped then, it probably never would have. The relief of honesty was immediately displaced, though, by the fear of what he'd see when he raised his eyes to meet Coach's. Disappointment? Ridicule? Or worse, pity?
Some more examples: "Dialogue tags," he pontificated, "are part of the dialogue sentence and set off with commas, but they must be verbs that actually express an act of speech."
"But that's not all you can use!" His sister Melanie raised her finger to make her point. "Actions that are not speech acts are separate sentences, set off with full stops or whatever else. They are still useful for characterizing your speaker and reminding the reader who's running their mouth now." Her rant concluded, she swept an elegant bow.
exactly! so much more well said haha
How about simply showing rhe emotional response.
I.e. Sally released a deep breath and stared out the window.
I am super old school about this, and see nothing wrong with "said" with an occasional action to break it up. It is a HUGE pet peeve of mine that it seems like every character puts on an entire interprative dance, complete with an entire cornucopia of different speech patterns, every time they talk recently. I blame JK and her "ejaculating"
"He said" or "She said" is usually good enough. Tossing in something like "He grumbled" can get a little silly -- it should be obvious from what is said the tone in which it is said. Writer James Blish called phrases like "He grumbled" a "said book-ism," and they should be avoided. Describe your character's mood at the time they speak and you won't need to add more hints for your readers.
I watched a video where an Author (I can't remember his name) was discussing the use of dialogue tags. He had written an entire book and did not include a single dialogue tag.
When it's obvious two people are talking to each other, dialouge tags aren't necessarily needed unless you want to emphasize a change in mood or an action (laughing, a pause, contemplation etc...) Using "said" all the time can be clunky, but don't be afraid of it either. Just good balance, what reads well to you tends to read well for readers.
"She said."
"It said."
"He said."
Do you really need anything else?
A tip but when two people are having a conversation and it’s semi long, you can get away from not saying “he/she said” because if you’re continuously bouncing between the two characters, people will catch on. At that point, you can just cover their actions.
Edit: the first four exchanges should have it. You want just enough to establish the back and forth.
Alright I will try that thank you! I’ve been reading books as I was reading and I realized loads of books have the “he scoffed” “he chuckled” type of things after a dialogue
Yup!
I wanted to put an example of the above for clarity sake.
“Are you sure we can?” John asked.
“We’re going to find out!” Ralph answered.
“Why do I feel like this will end badly?” John said sarcastically.
“Because you worry too much?” Ralph joked.
“Because you don’t worry enough!”
“Yeah, well, I know how to live in the moment”
“And throw yourself into danger”
“Worry wart”
Thank you so much for this! This does help a lot, can I send you the part I wrote and hear what you think? You seem the be good at this!
Sure!
I haven’t worked on my book in years so I’m rusty, but I’ll do my best!
You don't have to have a dialogue tag, it's actually better to break up dialogue with actions and movement rather than ",x verb-ed" all the time.