SI= Suicidal Ideation

Whenever I’ve attempted therapy and I am offered some kind of new coping mechanism or way of “working on myself”, all I can think is, “if that’s going to be hard and hurt, why don’t I just kill myself instead?”

A new psychiatrist I saw awhile ago insisted there was “nothing wrong with me”, and maybe she’s right but I don’t understand how she can say nothing is wrong with me, then act like the answer to “why don’t I just kill myself instead?” Is completely obvious when it is clearly not for me.

There is simply nothing in this world worth suffering for in my mind. No person, no thing, no feeling, no idea, nothing, is worth the pain of healing and getting better. So when I ask the question, “why would I put myself through the agony of healing instead of just killing myself and being done with it?” And she responds with “because there are things in this world worth suffering over” and I tell her I don’t see any. I really get the impression that there is something wrong with me, or something fundamental I am missing. And yet she continues to insist nothing is wrong with me and I just have to push through the pain.

Idk, I feel like I’m really stumping her so I’m just curious. Does therapy just not work if you deal with suicidal ideation?