You're not supposed to add more water...
Looks almost like super fucked up oatmeal or grits lol
Fried rice flavored rice porridge.
So congee or arrozcaldo!
Cursed risotto
Or congee
I thought it was a very overcooked mix of peach and strawberry packet oatmeal before I read the title
I mean he basically made the shittiest congee sort of
Congee
must've been following the jamie oliver recipe
Not sure where you went wrong cause two day old rice is ideal for fried rice!
I think adding what appears to be at least a cup of water, therefore not frying the rice, miiiiight have been a problem
Using a frying pan would have helped too
My thoughts too😅 who uses a pot to fry?
Somebody on pot.
Someone who needs to do dishes
If we're not counting deep frying then nobody who is sane
User deleted comment
1mo
So cod liver oil is ok then?
It's oil isn't it
No, this pan is creating more steam than anything. Show me one person, or chef who would fry rice in this pot?
If the rice is 2 days old there shouldn't be any water to turn to steam unless you ADD water.
The whole point of using older rice is that almost all the moisture has evaporated out of it. It's basically impossible to just steam old rice like that unless you add water. This pan could not create enough water for that, mostly because pans could only theoretically trap water, not create it. I like how people are just upvoting your confidence, despite you being incredibly wrong.
It’s not ideal, but it’s possible
User deleted comment
1mo
You can technically fry in a small pot, but you can’t make fried rice in a small pot unless it’s an extremely small amount of rice. There’s not enough room to allow the steam to escape so results would be closer to boiling or steaming
You can trust a chef named Velveeta Smoothie!
I've made fried rice in a dutch oven with no issue
My first thought lololol
Everyone knows the first step to frying cooked rice is adding more water! 🥴
The new healthy frying method that's taking the Internet by storm. You've heard of air frying, now try WATER FRYING
Wait till you hear about MILK frying
Milksteak
Boiled over hard with jelly beans raw of course.
I like my steak sloppy
Is that you Jamie Oliver? Haiyah
Fucking Uncle Roger.
They made fried rice pudding
Maybe they added a shit ton of oil
Oil wouldn't create that starchy gloop, I don't think
It looks to me a mix of using a pot and just pouring eggs into the rice and mixing it all then leaving it in the pot to cook
Now it’s congee
If your rice is wet, you fked up!
Fuiyoh, not the colander
Uncle Roger?
You only need to add water the first time you cook rice
The pot I’m sure
How do you fuck up fried rice this badly. What did you do?
Yeah OP, I'd love to hear the full process of how this came to be lol
Most of the comments got me pinned correctly! This was a stoned experiment gone wrong. I dont know what i else expected...
If i remember correctly this slop consists of rice, day old carrots, soy sauce, garlic, onions, white vinegar, light brown sugar, two eggs and some broth from a packet of top ramen. Oh, and a lot of water 🤦🤦🤦
I actually remember it tasted pretty decent but after sitting down and thinking about my mistake, i quickly changed my mind and flushed it down the garbage disposal, never to be seen again. And yes, the texture is just as gross as it looks... 🤢
Side note: thank you for the tips btw! I will definitely do more research and put down the devils oregano before attempting fried rice again.
Dog that’s not what a garbage disposal is for. It’s not a trash can, you’re not supposed to just casually throw things out in it. You’re gonna fuck your pipes up.
Haha, "slop" is a good descriptor. I've definitely had plenty of equivalently bad stoned experiments gone wrong. 😂
I would guess step one is throwing up in a pan
"If the rice is too moist it might clump together and not fry"
adds a jug of water
Look at the filthy cooktop. Details are probably not a priority.
A couple of burnt spots on a stove does not equal filthy. Never step foot in a restaurant’s kitchen if you think this stove is inedible
TBF I wouldn’t try to eat the stove, whether it is clean or not.
Indeed, that stove is completely inedible.
So that’s all you’re seeing is a couple of burned spots?!
Yes. Food that’s cooked sometimes spills out onto the oven during the process. That’s called cooking
I'mma be real, my stovetop is way filthier than that most of the time and I've never fucked up fried rice anywhere near this bad
5 day old pasta in the corner lol
User deleted comment
1mo
Yes. Very gross.
Username checks out. Do not eat this persons cannolis
That's not filthy???
Bro, yes. This looks like it hasn't been wiped down in at least 1-2 weeks. That's just pure laziness too tbh, a wipedown daily with a wet paper towel or clorox wipe takes like 1 min.. I just do it after I wash the dishes.
He put the rice inside of the rice without making sure the rice was properly put in the pot and in doing so the rice located the nearest pool so it could cool off how could you not know this 🤦♂️
Amateurs everywhere!
But if the rice was put in the rice how were they sure the rice put in the pot for the rice to cool?
Exactly what i'm saying
God awful small pan is a starter.
How does one boil fried rice?
The scenario my brain cooked up was op made the rice himself two days ago - didn’t measure water or rice, so rice soup. Left the pot on the stove for two days, decided if he just cranks the heat to high that should “fry” his rice.
I feel ill
It appears you are a philosopher of stoner logic.
Like left the rice out for two days? That’s actually a dangerous thing to do. I didn’t know this until relatively recently, but cooked rice shouldn’t be left at room temperature for very long. It’s supposed to be treated more like how you’d treat cooked meat, as opposed to cooked vegetables. Bacteria can cultivate in it like a motherfucker.
I know! That’s why I feel ill, just thinking this might have been his logic path
Special frying water.
Are you telling me a special fried this water?
Yes
That’s some thick congee right there
Silver lining!
They can just eat the other pan of fucked up ramen behind it anyway. That stove has seen some shit.
Not congee yet, maybe risotto.
Too much liquid
Just call it congee at this point
It's rice pudding at this point.
I don't think you know what fried rice is
In the future:
Cold cooked rice is perfect for fried rice. Only use a small amount of oil, and toss the rice and oil until it's fairly well coated. Then just keep it moving in the pan (pan - not pot, as others have said. You at least need a big frying pan, at best a wok).
Do not add any liquids, except maybe splashes of soy sauce or something here and there. It looks like you added a lot of liquid.
If you do add liquid (for flavor), save it for the end when the rice has already been fried.
Or better yet, don’t move it for a few min, then toss, then leave it. I like crunchy bits of rice in mine.
Thank you! Despite me watching how fried rice is made multiple times in my life, i had no idea what i was doing.
The whole reason i used the pot to begin with is because i mixed the refrigerated rice with day old carrots that were already in the pot, which i found out after the fact were overly sweetened with brown sugar already.
Ill take this as a hilariously embarrassing learning experience! Also, dont do drugs, kids!
I like coating the rice in egg the same way and it sticks to the pan less
I mix together soy sauce, fish sauce, brown sugar, chili flakes, fresh ginger, and garlic. Then add it at the end after veggies and eggs have been cooked. Toss and let thicken shortly. Plate and garnish and serve.
Thou cannot fry-eth rice if one useth water. As Lu Bu has said before
Was there some frying that never happened?
No pot. Pan
Kinda looks like risotto. Does it taste good at least?
start adding sugar to it and treat it as oatmeal at this point
Nah, add chicken stock and call it congee
It actually does have light brown sugar in it. That was probably where things started to go bad.
This isn't frying
You're telling me water fried this rice 🤔
why is there so much liquid ?
Edit : of course OP wont answer any questions lmao im genuinely intrigued 😂
Using a frying pan might have helped and no liquid
Kinda wannabe congee?
Judging by your choice of cookware, the age of the rice has nothing to do with this. You were doing a porridge.
Don't use the saucepan for fried rice. You need more surface area.
So you made rice congee/porridge
Not sure, although I'm fairly certain that if you don't have a wok, a pan is better than a pot. Also looks like you either added water, or your rice retained too much moisture.
Hopefully it at least tastes good and isn't a total loss. Like Ms. Frizzell said, if at first you don't succeed, find out why!
Oatmeal
so I guess there are some peeps that can’t cook to save their lives.
OP, I'd love to hear the full process of how this came to be lol
Found Jamie Oliver's reddit account.
Old (safe) rice is optimal for frying because the liquid has crystallized. You want to FRY the rice to remove that water and crisp up that stale rice. This looks like you added water to it, which is the opposite of the goal
Haiyaaaaaaa
This is double boiled rice
Looks more like congee
Nice oatmeal
This looks like porridge
You mean wet for 2 days fried rice?
You know the “fried” in “fried rice” means you have to fry it, right?
It's not because of the two day old rice, it's because you don't know how to make fried rice.
Porrage now.
Looks like congee
You failed at making fried rice but looks like you succeeded in making rice pudding so that’s cool
Maybe look up how to make fried rice first lol
Have you tried adding more water?
Looks like oatmeal to me but good try!!! Keep trying. Fried rice is the best!!!
Did you fry the two day old rice? Because it looks more like you drowned it.
Where you fucked up was adding oatmeal.
Your rice only needed to be fried, not boiled. I know it looks dry when you put it in the pan but I promise it gets better.
Also you need a wide skillet or a wok, not that saucepan.
Rice too wet, you fuck up.
-Uncle Roger
this looks like a you problem, not a rice problem
Why is there so much liquid?
You do realize that "(not) having a pot to piss in" is just an expression and not culinary advice for wealthy people right?
Confucius once said “If your rice is too wet, you fucked up”
My brother in Christ watch a video on how to make fried rice before you try it
Don’t use a tiny pot that forces you to boil the rice before it can contact the cooking surface.
Control the amount of liquid you add.
Use more heat.
Foolproof fried rice recipe to work for any pan OR pot. I've salvaged the worst rices with this method:
-Microwave the leftover rice, if it's crunchy dry from the fridge just sprinkle some water on top (few drops go a long way)
-saute garlic or onion in pot or pan with a little oil or butter if you're out
-right before you add rice, drizzle some soy sauce with sauteed garlic/onion. Add rice
-stir a lot. Add some pepper and if you have it umami, or mushroom seasoning. Or some garlic/onion powder and pepper
This gives that classic fried rice base, and then you can add whatever else you want (I usually just chop up some sausage and scrambled eggs and green onions).
That's rough.
Did you try stir frying it?
You made frisotto
Well there's your first problem. And your second. And third....
Yo what the fuck is that? It's not fried rice. Where's the fried part? This looks like you accidentally spilled your water into it.
Looks like my cat’s throw up.
Okay tell us what you did..
Genuinely, I want to understand your process. Did you add more water to it? Why?
Where is it?
You're generally supposed to fry it
You used a pot instead of a pan I’m not sure how this was ever going to be fried. It’s just rice oil and egg bro. In a pan.
Is this porridge Goldilocks ate?
Well, at least you didn't try to fry unboiled rice.
wow, not even sure how you fucked that one up so badly, fried rice is probably a top 10 easiest dinner to make of all time
Looks like soy sauce porridge.
Looks more like porridge or congee
Nice ole cup of oatmeal
Congrats, you almost made congee
That looks like 2 day old Quaker oats...
Most of my friends don’t even understand a basic concept like boiling water first before adding pasta. So I guess this shouldn’t come off as too surprising.
I don't know what's worse. That rice or that filthy stove.
Old rice can grow hella bacteria hella fast . Careful . China had an epidemic about it not too long ago . Bacillus cereus , look it up
Why did you try to fry rice in a saucepan?
Why did you try to FRY rice in water?
Why didn’t you use canola oil, or vegetable oil, or avocado oil?
I’ve made better stir fry absolutely hammered off of Deaths Door gin.
This... isn't frying. I'm not even convinced it was rice
It looks bit mushy..
J... Just how?
Look, my fried rice would probably be considered a hate crime (not least of all because I put enough garlic in it to commit vampire genocide), but at least it doesn't come out wet.
Welcome to the world of tiktok cooking
Did you....boil it again?
…how did you think fried rice was made…?
That's the best rice to use though! How did you end up with such glop?
Well you used a sauce pan thats probably the leading cause here
What the actual fuck did you do?! 2 days is like, perfect dryness for fried rice
Watching too much Jamie Oliver
If you put in some broth and a potato… baby you got a stew going!
You made a questionable risotto instead
The fact that it was 2 day rice aint the problem. Infact that should have been an aid. Looks like overnight rice cripsies bro
so you went with a risotto rather than a fried rice. That's your problem.
That'd probably hold wallpaper
Please, never cook again
The rice was not the problem here. You added water. For frying. Put the weed down for a while dude. You tried to fry with water.
Mmm. Goo.
HAIYAAAA
Looks good to me! (I’m British)
I'm sorry.
Well well well. The Anglo-Saxon once again demonstrates his unrelenting lust for gruel.
Jamie Oliver, what you doing
I’d like to apologise to anyone that thinks this is acceptable even in the UK. u/CollarOK3931 is alone in tolerating this.
I'm so sorry
Truly the worst compliment ive ever received...
Someone needs to take an Unlce Roger master class.
Leave it for 2 days once more and try again
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