I (19F) feel very overwhelmed because of my baby and I don't know how to tell my husband (22M) how I feel right now. What is the best way I can try to tell him without upsetting him?

I got married maybe about a year ago. I have a son that is seven months old now. And I do love him, but it’s very hard. I’m also pregnant, maybe about twenty weeks now and apparently it’s a girl. But I don’t really like thinking about it. I know it’s my role to be a good mother, but I’m not. Everyone is really happy about it, my parents love him, but he doesn’t really feel like my child sometimes. Which sounds stupid, because obviously I gave birth to him. But when he cries, I just want to forget about him. And I can’t, because I’m scared of what that could do, but I wish I could. I’m also so, so tired. He’s always awake, and always hungry, and I’m horrible at breastfeeding, so that makes him more upset. They say he’s fine, I’m not starving him or anything, but I feel like I am sometimes.

My parents and I moved to America from Russia when I was thirteen years old. Back home, my parents weren’t very religious. We only went to church, they weren’t strict about it. I also had a lot of ambition. I thought I was going to be able to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to do ballet for as long as I could, and then maybe work in medicine, because I was very interested in it. I hated the change. I didn’t like anything about it, I wanted to be home again. And then when my parents joined a church, it was so much worse. I thought it was going to be like the one at home, but it was nothing like that. After that, my parents became very strict. They stopped letting me do things I used to do at home, or wear things I used to, and it was very difficult because I didn’t have many friends at all, and I had trouble talking and understanding people as well. I thought it would get better, but it never really did. While my language improved, nothing else did.

Sometimes there’s good days, and I’m happy with the baby, and I love him, but sometimes I wish none of this had happened. I know it’s horrible, and I’m so lucky I have him, but I’m very tired. I don’t sleep at all some days, or I end up just falling asleep on the floor sometimes, which makes me worried about the pregnancy too. My husband isn’t a bad person. He’s happy about the pregnancy, which makes him nicer, and he likes my cooking, which is nice because sometimes I worry it’s too foreign for him, but he doesn’t really help with the baby. Maybe it’s silly that I expect that, but sometimes I just want him to watch the baby for a couple of minutes so I can be sick and not worry about him at the same time. He just doesn’t really know how to help me, but I also don’t really know how to help myself either. I’m scared of making him upset, but I’m becoming really worried about what I’m doing to both the baby and the one I’m pregnant with. I don't really know how I could tell him this, because I get really nervous about it, because I know I should be doing better and managing but I'm just not and I don't know what to do.

in relationship_adviceby throwra48020

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throwra48020

-18

Sometimes. Not really. Maybe two or three. And I know some people do that, but I should be breastfeeding him, I have to.

jonni_velvet

-5

reddit isn’t going to help you unless you stop denying/refusing all advice. you have a problem, you have to actually put effort in to change it.

BRNYOP

you have to actually put effort in to change in

She is spending 24 hours a day taking care of a baby, while pregnant, while presumably also doing everything else around their home such as cooking, cleaning, etc, while likely dealing with trauma from being compelled into a marriage with an abusive man who does not care for her. OP is putting in SO MUCH EFFORT - it just so happens that her effort is, by necessity, the effort needed to maintain her situation and literally just survive. Have a bit of empathy.

The tone of this (and so many of the other comments on this post) is horrible and so unhelpful. Whether you intended it this way or not, your comment sounds like it is berating this young woman who has been trapped in an abusive relationship. That's not productive.

buon_natale

And she’s a teenage girl. No 19 year old should be in this position.

Creatething

You're correct. But I think the effort here is that most people are trying to help her SURVIVE first and get a little bit better. Once that happens, she can try the other resources people have provided, but currently, she needs help in understanding her situation. It's likely that she has postnatal depression, and she has another baby on the way!

I think first she needs to focus on not getting pregnant again, then try getting resources to help with her depression. I wish I could say she needs to get help for depression first, but with how close her pregnancies are, I wouldn't put it past her husband to try getting her pregnant immediately again, which will continue making it worse.