We’ve dated for just under a year. He had a rough childhood growing up. I had a very healthy and well adjusted upbringing. I have a job that I really enjoy and I feel like I’m on my way to making a career out of it. He was at a temp job when we met, he was later offered a full time position there or to part ways.
There was an opening at the company I work for and I knew I’d be able to get the job for him. I told him that the decision is 100% his and he should go with what his heart tells him, but if he was interested, I had an opportunity for him with potential to make some decent money. It was super early in the relationship, and yeah, I now know how stupid and naive this was, but I saw so much potential in him and wanted to uplift.
Obviously he agreed to take the position, I made it clear to him that my reputation at this job is incredibly important to me and if I’m the one recommending you, you’re performance is gonna reflect on me to a certain extent. He led me to believe that he was gonna excel and be the hardest worker on the team.
It didn’t take long for it to become evident that it wasn’t gonna work out with the job. Things simply weren’t getting done. I assumed it was external factors stemming from his living situation.
I was blindly in love and figured if he got out of that environment he’d become that hard worker he had promised. So what did I do? I offer for him to move in with me of course! (Again, stupid, I know, can I keep blaming it on infatuation at least?)
After living with him it was clear that his environment was not the problem and it was just pure laziness. At the time I was too stressed with my own job and just hoping things would change with time.
Well things got worse over time, he ended up quitting over something super petty. He didn’t give 2 weeks notice or anything. Frankly I was relieved because working with him was stressful for me.
He’s been unemployed for like a month now. He had a job lined up this week, good company with potential for growth. He didn’t write down his interview time and completely blew it off. There was also a hiring event the week prior that he blew off because ‘his neck hurt.’
He seems perfectly content with being unemployed considering all his food and expenses are taken care of by me. Tonight I told him that he needs to apply to every place he can and has to get a job asap. He agreed but then brushed it off and went back to gaming. I gave it like an hour and kept peeking to see if his screen switched from games to applications. It didn’t so I went in and asked him if he was gonna apply for jobs tonight. I even fixed up his resume for him to make it extra convenient. He said he would, but he still hasn’t.
He later made a joke about how fast food joints probably pay pretty well now; which I took as ‘I don’t feel like applying for anything better because fast food will just be easier’
It disturbs me with how okay he is just being completely reliant on me… yeah I’m financially secure right now, but the future is uncertain and I’d like to have a partner that want me to be able to lean on them
On top of all that family is everything to me and he doesn’t like being around any of my family and he doesn’t exactly hide that fact.
It just seems very clear that we don’t align like I initially thought we did. For the last few months, the thought of being alone is significantly more attractive than being with him. But he has basically no support system, no money, no job, and his car is on its last leg. I feel like it’s my obligation to wait until he gets hired somewhere since I am partially responsible for him not taking that original position he was offered. Plus if I break up now he’d probably be living in his car and I don’t think I could allow that to happen in good conscience.
Not sure if anyone will even get this far but any advice on how to handle this is appreciated. I know I got myself into it by trying to help in ways that just ended up enabling, but I need to make it stop. Personal growth is important to me and it’s hard to see how a partner like him wouldnt severely affect my growth.