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My bf (22m) going out to the bars and I (21f) don’t feel comfortable with it, what do you think of the situation?
First of all I would try to get rid of this ‘letting your partner do something’ mindset. That’s honestly weird and in my eyes problematic. You don’t get to tell him what he’s allowed to do, how long he’s allowed to stay out etc. You can communicate that something makes you uncomfortable and you can decide how to respond to what he chooses to do.
The way this girl acts is definitely a little suspicious/weird. But it seems your bf is doing nothing wrong. He’s telling you about everything and is being very open. So I wouldn’t worry about that. In the end you have to chose if you trust him or not, but you can’t control how others act towards him and he can’t either. I’m really sympathetic to his situation and can understand that he doesn’t want to miss his chance at making friends. I feel like if he would stop going out with them completely for you it would likely lead to resentment towards you.
ABSOLUTELY! Control the controllables! I’ve been trying really hard to focus on that, but it’s hard when people say they wouldn’t feel comfortable if their bfs were going out with someone who has weird intentions. Because I just really don’t wanna be the fool when all I’m trying to do is be cool with the situation. And I am happy he is able to make friends, it would just be a lot easier if those friends were guys lol. This is both of ours first relationship too, so we’re learning as we’re going.
You should go with him next time and see for yourself.
Yeah I want to! I want to see what vibe is but also to have a night out with friends lol :/
You don't get to choose when he comes home.
He's allowed to go to the bar. With our without you.
He's allowed to go with any friends he wants also. Male or female.
If you actually trust him. Then trust him. If you don't want to go with him. Let him go have his fun.
If he's a cheater. Then he's a cheater. Move on.
If you can't trust him. Then move on.
What exactly were the text messages? that’s a big factor in whether he’s a good guy or not
Basically they were friendly texts, but kind of had a tone of flirting (her bf said the texts were flirty too). But there was nothing sexual or “you look pretty” absolutely nothing like that. It’s kind of hard to explain but for a week they were pretty much talking all day, like responding every hour from like 10-6ish. It kind of felt how you talk to someone you’re interested in but keeping it causal? But like the post says he doesn’t have any in person friends and also really wanted someone to study with (she goes to the same college), so I do believe his intentions were for a friend, but I don’t talk to my friends like that lol.
Commenting for updates
I don’t think anyone in a relationship should be ok with their partner acting single . Going to the clubs bars etc without their partner is disrespectful if you’re not going with them .
She knows what she is doing and is telling him what she is doing and he is either ignoring it or choosing to pretend everything is “just friends”.
Her BF sees it, he sees it and you see it so she is going to keep on until something gives.
Ikkkkkkkkk like it frustrates me how my bf can still brush it off. But she also told him she “used” to be very insecure and talking to him feels good because she thinks he’s out of her league. My theory (if you can even call it that) is she just has deep insecurities and likes the fact she has a bf but also another man “wants” her. I genuinely just think she likes the attention by bf gives her and believes he wants more. Idkkkkkk
I would be frustrated too.
She probably does like it, as in likes it a lot but don’t discount that he likes it too. Getting attention can be intoxicating and TBH guys generally don’t get a lot of it even from SOs so when there is someone it’s hard to ignore.
I used to get a lot of attention, much more so when in a relationship I guess because I was safe. I never cheated but way too many people do and it’s almost always someone they say is nothing to worry about.
Yes my bf does find it flattering, and loves compliments. I give him plenty and plenty of compliments, praise, and love but he always says it’s different when people he doesn’t know as well give him compliments. He thinks it doesn’t count when I give him a compliment because I have to say/think those things because we are in a relationship . He is both very insecure and very confident at the same time lol
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