I (26M) have been with my wife 25-F (who has BPD and NPD) for 6-7 years total. We dated for about 6 months and she was abusive, controlling, manipulative, and unfaithful. We broke up and I later found out she was cheating on me with my best friend and was trying to convince her not to hang out with me anymore. We didn't speak for a about a year, except when she would unblock my number to ask for emotional support. I always responded because I'm used to being used by people.

We ran into each other one day and became friends again, but we were both in relationships so I thought it would be fine. She pressured me into sex while we were hanging out and convinced me to leave my girlfriend and go out with her again.

Around that time I was also needing to move out of my apartment and she was getting kicked out of her dad's place. I very stupidly agreed to live with her. The relationship was exactly the same with the stalking, paranoia, possesiveness, gaslighting, and emotional abuse only this time we lived together and I could not escape it. After two years or so she told me we needed to be married and when I fought against it she berated me into agreeing and even tattooing a ring on my finger to make it more certain.

In that initial two year period she was watching porn in secret the whole time (which is one of the main things she accused me of doing all the time), flirted with other men constantly (again she accused me of doing this all the time too), forced me out of any friendship I had (though she was allowed to have friends), emotionally abused me in all the ways she could, and even put a camera in our apartment to spy on me.

Eventually she started to get better, slowly but surely. We had healthier conversations, we were spending healthier time with each other, and she was even letting me spend time with friends and go out on my own. She then went on a trip to Maryland and everything changed. She was just as bitter and abusive as before and I eventually caught her cheating on me with a guy she met in Maryland. Her initial excuse was coming out as polyamorous. We talked it through and agreed to couples counciling.

She stopped going and even stopped saying she was polyamorous. All the while she kept finding it difficult to keep a job, making me the only income and causing me to rack up a considerable amount of debt in my name and my name only. We have openly discussed a separation and living in separate apartments, but she always ends up saying she doesn't want it in the end.

After everything I have been through for her, the years of constant "I want to have an open relationship" "I don't want an open relationship" "I'm tired of hiding who I am" "I don't want to be with other people", the years of abuse, lies, gaslighting, and cruelness we arrive at a the final event.

I got her a new job 4 months ago at the place I work and she befriended one of her coworkers. This coworker also apparently has NPD and or BPD (the coworker seems to just self diagnose herself with a lot of things). Her coworker also happens to be in a poly relationship. I noticed again that my wife was growing more and more distant and refusing to talk about our relationship in good faith. She was desperate to live in a two bedroom apartment so she could have her own space and talked frequently about how that would fix eveything. We can't afford that so we had re-up our current lease for a year. After two months or so at her new job I find out that she has convinced this coworker that she is trapped by me and I am toxic and abusive, which is not the first time she's done something like that. I'm desperately trying to fix our relationship and she finally drops the bomb on me.

She gave up on our relationship basically as soon as she got the new job and wants to leave me. She is currently texting a new guy that she claims she has no feelings for, but has already lied about it several times. She claims her coworker gave her number to him, but in a moment of weakness I went through her phone and saw that she asked for his number and the first thing she texted him was a cute picture of her.

She wants to leave me to live on her own and "get it all out of her system", but we have a full year left on our lease. I have no friends and no one to talk to about this and I'm going to have to get a second job to pay off the debt because she has made it clear she is not staying with me after the year is up and no longer will be paying off the debt as well. I am now in debt by a lot (18 grand), being left by my abuser who has built a support network that sees her as a good person who is leaving a toxic relationship (I might also add that her coworker has actively encouraged her to just up and leave and stop paying off the debt she gathered in my name), and yet she is still trying to pull the "I love you and only you, I still want to be with you" any time she feels sad.

I just need to speak this into the ether and hopefully get some positive feedback about how to handle this moving forward and also encouragement that everything is going to be okay for me. I'm feeling more suicidal and worthless than I ever have before. This is the only major relationship I have ever had, I'm already 26, and my relationship with her is all I have ever known of romance or love. I am very afraid of what the future holds.

TLDR: Abusive wife is leaving me in debt, alone with no support system, and I am afraid of what the future hold.