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Why would working hurt her or the baby? Have worked with tons of pregnant women?
She's later in her pregnancy (late 2nd tri) and the majority of jobs she would apply for would have a physical aspect to it such as standing/walking for a long period of time, lifting things.
She always complains about back pain when we go out or when we try to cook together, be it not a lot, but still comments here and there.
I don't think being forced to stand would be a good ide even if she thinks she can handle it.. I don't think it would be harmful necessarily but very uncomfortable. And for a few hundred dollars a week. Its not a tradeoff I want to make with her well being when it's absolutely not necessary.
But doesn’t she get a say in the matter? You speak like it’s only your decision?
Of course. I told her that if I can guarantee money is not an issue would you still feel the need to work? I asked her if she enjoys the rush hour traffic, the rude customers, and the feeling of being helpless to the requests of your boss?
I asked her if she likes having to wake up at 7am, the midday crash, and the feeling of exhaustion at the end of the day.
She told me no. She was like, I guess I just like the idea of something to do, but the only thing she could remember was that she used to work.
I then went on and continue to walk down a path of helping her discover hobbies and interests. I gave her my credit card and said go out and find something you want to do and if you think you wanna start knitting, go buy a knitting kit.
If you think you wanna start cooking, go buy the ingredients needed.
I only asked that she doesn't spend a ton of money and keep it within reason hahaha.
So far, she continues to look all while we currently have more arts and craft materials than I know what to do with. We have tons of markers, pens, pencils, clay, watercolors and an art easel that will likely never be used.
I found my old Pokemon cards and she tells me she could try to sell them for me and really tried to pursue this idea, but I said its not necessary. I'd rather keep them than the few hundred you could sell them for.
I think with her coming from a poorer family, along with the way society is built today, if you're not doing something that generates money, you feel as if it's a waste of time.
I do think that when she gives birth and has a child to care for, it will make her realize that she's rather spend time with her child than giving it to some employer.
My man. You are setting your wife up for postpartum depression. This is so similar to the conversations I had with my husband when I was pregnant a decade ago. Needing connection and meaning is fundamental. I thought once baby arrived I’d find that sense of meaning, but I was just more lonely and isolated because I always had baby with me. And I did yoga regularly, made art, even illustrated a children’s book. But I wanted a job. A place I went to regularly and interacted with other adults and made money. Instead of telling your wife what she wants, help her figure out a way for her to do what she wants. If she hates it, she can quit. Don’t pre-hate her job for her. I wish I had gone back to working at the coffee shop, just a few shifts a week. Yes, it would’ve been challenging physically, but then I would’ve enjoyed my days off more. I thought it would be dumb to pay as much in childcare for what I would make. But it was dumber to stay home and try to be a mom 24/7 when I was slowly losing my mind. My husband and I almost got a divorce over this, but therapy and putting our daughter in childcare saved it. After that, I served on the board of a nonprofit and then got a contract with another local nonprofit doing some social media work for them. I found my way back to myself. But it was a long road. Don’t do this to her. (Also, local art clubs, Urban sketcher meetups, and online live art classes on YouTube are great ways to use those art supplies in the company of others)
Well she has her family who lives close by which we visit them multiple times a week. She has a sister who has 2 children of her own who absolutely can't wait to have playdates. She has a community of neighbors that we see regularly and even extended family (cousins, uncles, aunts) that visit regularly too.
She has a group of friends she still sees on a regular basis, and I even rope her into going out with me when I visit with my work friends.
Over a 3 years ago she told me she would move across the country and live with me, and I firmly told her no. The community of people she lives with are going to be critical to her well being. I asked her the other day if she thinks that she could have moved. She told me she realizes now that she could not have
I am a bit weird. I don't need that community as much as I'm much more self sustainable being an introvert and find myself being much more connected to my side projects.
Long story short, yes, had she moved across the country to live with me, I would have approached this much differently, but I was the one who packed my bags and moved to her.
While you have valid points, I don't think our situation quite mimics yours over a decade ago.
Thanks for the input though and will take her thoughts with more insight iff it comes up since you've shared your experience.
Last thing, the main times she gets bored would be the 2 or 3 days a week where she won't visit a friend or won't have a family visit to meet or visit. One of the main things that hold her back from say visiting a friend or family member, is often they can't afford to go out, and while I tell her it's not a big deal to pay for them, $30-50 3-5 times a week adds up.
Oh, to be clear, I live in my hometown. I had baby play dates and close friends and saw my parents and aunties and uncles regularly. I found baby play dates so boring, and exhausting because I was trying to juggle caring for my baby and trying to have a conversation with other moms also distracted by babies, and it was just endlessly about spit up and food and sleep schedules. I still wanted a job, because I felt like I was just drifting and wanted to talk about stuff that wasn’t about baby. Lots of people love that though, so maybe your wife will actually be content with it? Everyone is so different, and my husband is like you, fairly self contained, caring, but just never understood why I wanted to work. He was jealous of me “getting” to stay home and be with our baby while he was working so hard. He had ideas and solutions and plans for me that just weren’t right for me, because it’s what he would do in my situation. What I needed/need is different. What she needs is different. The fact is, if she’s not happy, something needs to change.