The Driloids (the galaxy's largest known species) launch an assault on Terra to test out their new megaships, which each weigh a whopping 90,000 grams
writing prompton an audio call
A:sorry they tried to invade you we barely managed to stop them from reaching you
H:thanks could we try to join this galactic uinion?
A:sure i just have some general questions about your race
H: well we are bipeadal mammles
A:oh thats not good mammals especally bipeadel ones are usually small compaired to others how large and heavy are you?
H:around 150 lbs and 5'5
A: there must be a mistake i asked for your size not the size your of super weapons platforms
H:no really thats our size
A:ok the ambassitor things have to be modified and our biolgy teams are going to have a field day studying mega fauna
Our super weapon platforms are actually in the hundreds of kilometers scale, and those are the small ones
A:*faints*
Human: While looking at alien war ship in a picture: what is this a ship for ants?
well yes
Should we tell them about our "Planet busters"?
Only if we have someone oddly excited about using the technology for mining purposes
You mean our “not a moon”s?
Shhhhh.
It was a moon until someone put engines on it.
I am reminded of Invader Zim…
And have our entire species blacklisted because you took a tiny alien to Taco Bell?! Are you mad? Wait, that is what you meant by Planet Buster, right?
Omg I can just picture adorable aliens going bonkers over MEGAFAUNA. They probably made a really small Cake!!!
Let's show them a t rex
Or a megalodon.
Heck, let's show them an herbivore! One of the giant sloths should do the trick!
Everybody mentioning species that are currently extinct when shit like Elephants and Blue Whales exist
Exactly. Blue whales are the largest known animal to have ever existed.
Also Moose, Canadian goose, honey badgers, poison frogs, crazy frogs, dancing frogs, uhhh I think I had a point but can't remember what it was.
"Canadian goose" No sir!The correct term is "Hissy Cobra Chicken"😎
Wasn't that "Angry Cobra Chicken"?
A moose 🫎 would work
Yes yes, live ones are freaking scary on their own. But could "jurassicpark" some extinct one to add flavor. 😀
NASA speaks metrics.
you write a story then
Oh sorry about that, wrong comment lol
thats ok
Why wooosh?
Wrong comment lol
H: "Wait, wait, wait. The Driloids megaships weigh how much?"
A: "90,000 of your grams each, as I said."
H: "...Are you sure you're doing your math right?"
A: "Of course we are, human! Why do you ask?"
H: "I ask, because that would mean that they would only weigh as much as an average adult human male. Compared to our ships, theirs would be tiny."
A: "...what."
Wait. Aren't people around 70 kg though?
Now? I believe so. If they’re Master Chief sized? That might be a tad underweight, if I’m not mistaken.
The Chief's armor alone weighs in at 1,000 lbs.
I'm 93.6kg and people think I'm thin for my height
Thank you as a slightly out of shape 40 year old I'm 6'2" and hover around 90kg and I'm the small guy in my family.
I am at 91, i am heavy for my height
100kg == 220lb
Take from that what you will.
I don't understand Ib much but I have realized that my family is pretty short compared to most people here 😓
I lost 2 inches/5 cm in lost cartilage. Sigh.
Now I am, at 5'5" average female height for the US
...hmmm. I'm not sure. But I think I'll take a =.
Thank you, very generous.
==, the man's probably a programmer. Give him his = back
I don't wanna 😈
I'm 91kg and just barely overweight
Oh, I see.
My family is pretty short it seems...
The average weight depends heavily on the country. In Asia and Africa, the average is somewhere around 60 kg, while in the U.S., it's around 80 kg.
Even if it's above the average weight by a bit, though, I think that phrasing is acceptable for pointing out an orders-of-magnitude issue.
Your average Midwestern American here I'm 1.86 repeating meters tall and 89. Some odd kilos in mass. I'm considered small for my family. But by the by I'm a big guy.
Small people are
I'm 145 kg, but I'm on the heavy side.
I myself (a tad overwieght but eh) weigh 170 ish lbs
Might be ok for your height. I've learned that my family is probably shorter than most people here 😓
I haven't weighed 90 kg in at least 25 years. Add about 2-3 years for 70 kg.
I'm 110 kgs... But I'm kinda fat...
I weigh about 140 kg...
By no means am I average in size, as I’m 6’3, but I do weigh 93kg, so it’s not too far off
Depends on the person, I'm 179cm, and down to about 116kg.
Ok, that makes sense. Seems the people I know are pretty short compared to everyone here 😓
I'm not overweight - I'm under-tall
90,000 grams = 90kg which is roughly 198lbs.
I'm approximately 134 kg, but I tend towards the larger end of humanity
Reminds me of this lol
The mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across - which happened to be the Earth - where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.
Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, #1)
I’m having some difficulty with my lifestyle.
Lmao I'm just imaging some dog owner yelling "fido! What kind of bug did you just eat! Spit that out right now mister!"
"I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle"
H:hey look at this wierd pipe i found
H2:ok lets play ball then
A:THE MOUNTANS MOVE THEY ARENT MOUNTANS THEY ARE GIANTS AHHHHHH ESCCCAAPPEE
90,000 grams is about 200 pounds, though I like your idea.
their largest ships are 90kg. But a smaller vessel? ~1kg is reasonable then
they are useing a heavy baseball bat for heavy hits
Human : Please don't freak out. If that's your size, you probably class us as a planet of hive-beings. Each human includes trillions of beings your size or a bit smaller, but they aren't each sapient. Only the overall collections called "human beings" are.
Oh - and don't land at the spaceport coordinates we sent - your armada will get lost in the cracks.
Intelligent bacteria, man, humans would be terrifying. Beings the size of Mountain rangers made of uncountable amount of corpse and living, mutated animals. Inside of it live clans of strange monsters that attack everything from outside world with immense ferocity, chasing until them until the end of the world.
I mean the bacteria aliens would have mega cities of their own... Size of single human. Damn thats an interesting idea
There’s a post on the Goblin Punch blog about such megacities, told through the analogy of people in a magitek ark-ship encountering a space whale.
I mean the bacteria aliens would have mega cities of their own... Size of single human.
I was just thinking how smaller races would have so much more space on a single planet. Now the size of bacteria. What kind of mega-civilization have we run into, that they need to expand to other planets? Especially if they feel the need to expand by force.
WE'RE GOING ON AN ADVENTURE!
https://www.reddit.com/r/HFY/comments/gu98co/humans_are_a_hivemind/
Ok the bacteria are macroscopic and more like these guys but interesting.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unicellular_organism#Macroscopic_unicellular_organisms
I mean… we do qualify as megafauna based on our own definitions. We’re bigger than 99% of animal species on our planet.
Damn bugs, driving down the average size, being megafauna used to mean something
And the bugs drive it down heavily whether you count it by individuals or number of species.
Nature is obsessed with beetles.
And crabs, for some reason, lol
Even just looking at mammals we’re still up there with most mammals species being around the size rats or smaller.
Yeah humans are megafauna monkeys.
What are elephants...
Gigafauna tuskrats
And T-rexes, Stegosauruses are....
Extinct
Hah. Say that to Jurasic Park
Being reproduced primarily via cloning on a Caribbean island doesn't really count.
Not with that attitude, we will double the efforts to TWO islands.
Gigafauna Froggybois
To be classified as megafauna you need to reach an average of 44kg in adult weight. That’s about 96 lbs and most adult humans are well above that when healthy.
Only 44kg? That's really low but also means that we are in the lower ranks of mega fauna
A ambassador (AA): Terran Ambassador, we must remind you that to join the galactic trade confederacy all members must give up biological weapons as a form of defence, we outlawed these millions of cycles ago due to the horrors they inflict on us all.
T ambassador (TA): We didn't use any biological weapons, we told you before we have thousands of hazardous species sharing our home world with us, the Driloids came into contact with a species we call the Mosquito.
AA: this is not the time for subterfuge ambassador, we require you to cease use of these biological weapons.
TA: tell the Driloids we're sending them the recipe for a repellant, make sure the DEET levels are 25% or higher and kindly inform them that the Mosquitos are the least of their worries should they attempt to invade the human society of Mexico again.
AA: Thank you ambassador, I would also like to remind you that celebratory music at the defeat of an enemy is viewed as bad taste amongy the confederacy...
TA: Maybe next time don't try to invade an quinceañera
ROFL..
DED
Uh... I think you're missing some magnitude... 90Kg is only about 200lbs or roughly the size of a human or so. This is there... megaships?
For a comparison the F22 Raptor is 19,700kg or 19.7T aircraft and it is not even the heaviest that we fly, but it is certainly the meanest.
For a "megaship" in our modern way the Ford Class Super-Carrier is measured in Displacement at 100,000 Tons and it can shite out into the local space 75-ish F35s which come in at 70T fully loaded, each.
Ok say you messed up a few orders of magnitude and you meant 90,000 Kg or 90T putting you at the same weight as the F35-roughly. And still 3 orders of magnitude under our MODERN carrier ship.
sighs no please come so we can slap you out of the air, run your pockets, built it bigger better badder and unleash us on the galaxy.
Go Home. You're drunk.
I think that went way over your head, the point was that the alien species were all very small.
Give em a break, they don't even have a computer
I think he got the point. A little punctuation and that's a nice little story itself. A snarky captain convincing an alien race this isn't the fight they want.
I think this is the right answer
. <- the point
o <- your head
_. So big... _|. Always has been...
Dumbass
They’re responding like an ambassador making sure the alien isn’t confused about scale, not arguing with the poster.
I'm confused, did the joke go over your head? Beacuse this answer is perfect for these aliens.
I think this response went over a few other people’s heads. I read it as an ambassador making sure communication wasn’t being mixed up.
The joke is that the aliens are smol, so are their ships
And the aliens don’t realize the difference in scale. That’s why he said we’d slap them out of the sky
"Are you sure the sensors are accurate?"
"Yes sir. 90kg each. With approximately 50,000 life signs on each of the 12 vessels."
"Launch a single fighter, and let Jackson play Galactus, he always liked those movies."
The invasion got off to a poor start when the fleet commander's flagship was destroyed. It landed on an interstate and was obliterated by a Toyota Camry travelling 65 miles per hour. The five surviving crewmen, who were interviewed by human military intelligence three days later (once it was determined that Earth had, in fact, been invaded), all agreed that it felt like being hit by a planet.
All in all, the invasion force suffered approximately 30 percent casualties on the first day. Most were due to inclement weather, or encounters with human vehicles (one mighty dreadnought had an unfortunate encounter with an irate moose). Once human militaries determines that an invasion was taking place, the Driloids learned that human propensity for violence was both intense and widespread. Some units reported encountering devastating artillery which was later determined to be firecrackers thrown by children.
After a week of losses piling up, and clear evidence that the humans were only just beginning to bring their terrifying military might to bear, the acting fleet commander broadcast a general surrender. Prepared for the usual execution and consumption, the Driloids were surprised to learn that, not only did the humans not find them particularly threatening, they compared them to 'cute, furry frogs', and that many human households were quite happy to house a Driloid companion. He or she was given all the sustenance they could want, and given an enclosure of their own. In exchange, they would assist on the mighty construction projects the humans called 'housework', do battle with hordes of 'pests', and use their considerable mathematics skills to assist the homeowner's young with their 'homework'.
The human-Driloid alliance was neither expected, nor sought after. But ten years on, most people agree that the Driloid 'invasion' was the best thing to happen to Earth in a long time.
Well written.
C - Hey dad, look at those large bottle rockets
D - Wonder who they belong to? Let's see if they put return instructions on them.
A - OH shit!!!
Ships are likely to be at least partially armored, which would mean really dense materials... So we're looking at megaships that could be mistaken, in size, for large, but not record-breaking, hailstones.
Something like Jonesy the cat and an xenomorph in her mouth...
Wait, if they are the largest known species, and their megaships weigh about the same as an adult Great Dane, how tiny are the Driloids themselves?
Maybe field mice?
Nah. But mice does rhyme with grains of rice…..
TFW, they send their biggest, strongest warrior on the attack
Driloid Warrior; battle cry and runs full tilt into a terran
thunk
Average terran minding their own buisness; looks down at the sudden pain in their leg "Who's baby is this?"
Edit: grammer
AT. Aww did you want "uppies?"
the sounds of futile struggling can be heard
DW. PUT ME DOWN YOU FOUL APE! I AM A MIGHTY WARRIOR! RELEASE ME!
AT. Aww is baby sleepy? There, there'
*the sounds of struggling grow weaker as the warrior is gently rocked to sleep.
DW. What witchcraft is this? Yawn...How dare.....Yawn....I'll skank you if you stop now..zzzzzzz
AT. Aww poor cranky little baby, just needed a nap.
Some time later;
The DW is now in a comfy green and yellow footed onsie with little cows on them and placed in a crib belonging to an actual, yet slightly confused, terran baby.
90kg?
That size i bet pluto is a super planet to them never mind earth
The driloids ship along with an large escort burst right in to the sol system and began their 40 hour prowl towards the insect race known as humanity. By this point they had been scattered and now trying to peace themselves back together. If they did succeed in taking earth then they could enslave the rest of humanity. 40 hours till first engagement
The earths defence ai zax almost instantly picked them up. 30 flag ship sailing the cosmos on a direct corse to earth. The ais cogitators and super processors analysed and filed the situation as an X.E.E. (xenos, extinction, event) the ai notified all the governments of the world, battery satellites shifted orbits towards this threat. 5m railguns, mazer cannons and warheads were primed by the ai as a way to slow them down. Zax held no illusion the he could fend them off but was more then ready to make the last stand of humanity the most agonising campaign possible. Zax also had an desire to study the xenos crafts to add to his masters arsenal. 30 hours left till engagement.
The generals of earth were not ones to simply let humanity burn to the ground, nor were they ones to let an ai to do all the work. They scrambled their ships and prepared plan to give the illusion of a stronger force than they did. Carriers, destroyers fraghters, and fighters leped in to extra lunar orbit, accompanying the battery satellites zax set up. 12 hours left till engagement.
General Makerov radioed the opposing fleet. He was an old and scarred man adorned with badges of his victories. Where most would have their sholders adorned with a flag or a symbol, makerov wore pn the right shoulder, the skull of an barbrozian, and on the left the skull of an serpaninian. The two comanders met on a video channel, the scared hulking face of the drilloid flickered on the screen. His plaged with disgust, then confusion befor resting on what apered to be interest in the generals macabre attire.
"Attention miniscule creatures, I make this call to tell you this, there will be no surrender, no record of your lowly existence and no one to help you in time. You are a mere footnote to our progress and it will be carried out. Any other last words for the record?"
"I am general makerov of the solar guardians, captain of the steal wings, I have served for 20 years and I have rearly known defeat." He pointed to the right skull "former war boss basha man of the big stompaz" He pointed to the left skull "hissspha former fleet commander of the blue scaled marauder band." He turned to the giant face infront of him now a slightly more pale shade. "Where would you wish to be?"
The giant face snorted "my hand could flatten you and you threatened me so"
"If size is of any issue to you, I could strap you to the front of my ship with the other two."
The two glared at eachother for what felt like hours. After a growl from the driloids generals cut communications between the two ships. The crew of the driloids looked at eachother with concern. They expected little to no resistance, tribal people at most These were a competent and experienced civilisation, the only thing preventing the crew fleet from a retreat was the confidence in their technological. 2 hours left till engagement.
Stealth ships began to slithering their way behind the enemy fleet, warheads primed and ready, the crew setting bullets as the rusting ship heved and growned.
30 minutes, zax had made estimates on the ships size, weight, composition and distance. Once done zax orderd an rocket with a sun stuck on to the side of it out of its silo and positioned towards the largest of the ships. In theory zax the missile, amongst the chaos, would hit the flag ship and create an mini sun incinerating and sucking in any ship near by.
1 minute the ships came in to range, both unwavering and grounded. The human ships opened up with a variaty lasters, the sattlites unleashing a salvo of mazer fire, only to have it seemingly go unnoticed. Energy attacks returned in kind, the human ships shealds glistening blue electricity, the Hull singed by the bolts of energy. The battery satellites aimed their rail guns at the fleet and fired. In an odd discovery, the shots that made it not only tear right through but also sent the ships flying in random directions.
Zax began to crunch some numbers, now with the knowledge of how the ships reacted from the hits concluded that they were in significantly lighter than they seemed. If this material was collected for further study, it could lead to great leaps in engineering and innovation. But first they needed to cripple them. Zax and the general began to draw their forces back to feighn weakness. Once the driloids greedily left forwards, the stealth ships detonated the engine of the alien ships sending them spiking out of control. The humans ships immediately decended upon the crippled ships, gravity slings held the ships as energy weapons fried the shealds and outer hull and kinetic weapons punched hole after hole into the titanic ships.
Zax calculated that given the current time and resources expended and the sheer size of the driloids vessels the battle would likely result in a peyric victory at best. In one moment some of the largest ships humanity has ever seen, even in a crippled state, managed to strong arm some of the greatest machines man kind has ever witnessed, the next a massive hole appeared, decapitateing the driloids flagship. A blinding light erupted from the void, a sickening radiance washed over space, the earth glistening with light, the ships shut down as the radiation destroyed their systems.
Zax imidietly sent out a squad of repair ships to help the humans ships restart early and execution drops to pry out the captains of the driloids from their command consols and crush any foolish sentiment of hope. The driloids promptly surrendered after days of bombardment and being hunted by hulking bloodthirsty automatons. This victory while costly and long gave humanity the confidence it needed. Not only that. Massive leaps and bounds have been made, space travel was made easier, new and more advanced mathematics and sciences, better materials, communications etc. So great was this victory that the reclamation of mankind, once an unreachable goal, now an eve inability. Their first human settlement to view these new advancements was a bleack manufacturum where the line between man and machines were blurred
Great story, but the point of the prompt was that the aliens are tiny
My mistake i thought it ment that they water large but their stuff was light
This Luggnut, he's a 109kg. 250 lbs.
Helmacrons!
r/Animorphs for clarification
No wonder that can move from star to star so easily
Me realizing I'm 183 kg and double the size of their megaships
90 kilograms, just say 90 kilo grams; there's no need to be special when metric was designed to be simple!
The point is that you see 90,000 and it looks like a huge number but it's actually really relatively small because it's just grams
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