-When I was a child and my grandma came to visit and I asked if I could go with her for the weekend to which she said yes and then proceeded to leave me for a year without telling me (she denies ever doing this)
-When my cousin lived with us and he was really grumpy in the morning after waking up, and once he wouldn’t let go of my bookbag and when I tried taking it from him he punched me in my stomach. My mom just said I “shouldn’t have tried taking it from him”
-When I tried standing up to myself to my mother by telling her she cant treat me like a punching bag just because her and her boyfriend were fighting, and she proceeded to make a fist at me and gesture as if she was about to punch me and said “HE’S MY HUSBAND. IM MARRIED.”
-When my cousins would gang up on me and beat me up/hold me down and dry hump me and I told my parents and she just told me to “lock the doors” (they knew how to unlock them) and “stand up for myself”
-When my aunt knew how her kids were hurting me and saw I was going to run away and she did nothing to stop me
-When my mom got mad at me for some simple ass shit while her and my dad were separating and she got into the tow truck and drove off (I thought she never was gonna come back)
-When my mom and dad would fist fight so much that I made mental notes of anything around the house I could use to kill him
-When my cousin lied about me breaking his phone so I got spanked and then when I told my mom she said it was my fault for not standing up for myself
-When my parents found my suicide note and just basically went “don’t do it again” and nothing more
-When my mom learned I was assaulted and just pretended like I never told her
4 more years till freedom yall pray for me
I am praying for you. You are experiencing child abuse. You are being neglected and emotional abused . You are being violently abused and sexually assaulted and emotionally raped. You are being gaslit. You are purposely being provoked and punished for reacting. You are being scapegoated.
Your parents have failed you. Your parents have failed at the single most important job of being a parent, keeping your child safe from physical harm. That comes before food, shelter, clothing and education. Your parents are failures as parents and as people.
You have been standing up for yourself. And when ever you do they escalate the emotional and physical violence. A child turning to their parents for protection is exactly how a child is supposed to stand up for themselves. You have done the right things.
This is a them problem. It is not a you problem. You are not overreacting. They are addicted to the hormones their own bodies release when they see negative reactions. They are abusing everyone around them. You are just the easiest target.
Learn about gray rocking. It is about making yourself as boring as you can. It feels like you are in a no win situation because right now you are in a no win situation. I think the book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents would be really useful to you. You maybe a child in years, but like all abused children, you are an adult in maturity. Your parents are expecting you to fill the role of your own parent so that they can continue to act like out of control preteens.
To help get you through the next four years, take every opportunity to be away from them. Do any after school activities you can. Go to a library if you can. Hang out with friends if you can. Hide in your room reading or studying. Hide yourself inner self from them. The more you share of yourself the more ammunition you give them to hurt you with.
Get a job as soon as you are able. Turning 18 without the money to leave will keep you trapped there. Save and hide all the money that you can so that you can leave at 18. Expect that they will both try to push you out of the door and do everything they can to keep you trapped. I made the mistake of sticking around because they promised to pay for college. They didn’t pay for college, but they were able to keep me financially trapped for 12 more years.
Be wary of anyone that tries to rescue you. Predators search for people that have suffered childhood abuse. Our desperation to get away from our abusive families makes us easy targets for other abusers.
I wish I had magic words that would make everything better for you. But, these are the best words that I have. I hope they help. Hugz & Hugz & Hugz