I just tried out a podcast with a grief recovery meditation and couldn’t finish it. The guide asked me to call up an image of the person, then speak my unfinished business, then imagine that person at their most receptive. And, I just can’t. Because I have no memories of anyone in my family ever being receptive to my feelings. It made me so angry and jealous and sad.

Of course, it’s possible they were accepting, sometimes. I guess I can’t know for sure because, now, in my 50’s, I really have very few memories, and the ones I do have are all negative events.

And I do understand that the main reason I remember only the bad stuff is because it was unsafe to remember good stuff because that might make me try trusting them again. And trusting anyone in my family with my feelings always made them very angry at me.

So I get that the bad outweighed the good so much that it forced me to remember only bad things.

That seems to say that going no-contact is the right path, but I struggle with how to grieve that loss, if I cannot get closure by imagining them accepting my unresolved feelings.

Does anyone else struggle with this? Have you found any ways to process such unfinished business?