Does anyone else believe that they have grown up thinking they are not allowed to have any feelings or feel like their opinions do not matter? Was treated like both the lost child and scapegoat within my family and I now struggle with having a voice and feel like nothing I think matters.
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Yes, but actually my feelings do matter to them. Making me feel small makes them feel big. Making me feel insecure makes them feel secure. Being able to control my feelings makes them feel in control. Putting me in my place places them above. They want my reactions. They want my negative emotions. They want my attention and all of the benefits they get from me trying to win their love and approval.
My feelings are actually the most important thing in their lives. They put enormous amounts of time and emotion to getting and keeping my attention. There is no amount of self-harm they are not willing to do to themselves in the hopes of harming me. By controlling my emotions they can control my life and get 80% while giving 20%. And then I am supposed to be unendingly grateful for the 20%.
Your feelings do matter to them, just all of the ones that that no one ever wants to feel. It gives them a coping mechanism for their own pain and they also get so much more than they have to give. From their perspective it is a win-win. Why would they want to give that up.
They do know what they are doing is wrong, because they are the ones that taught you that treating a person this way is wrong.
Feeling a bit militant today. These people need to get over themselves. This is a them problem. It is not a you problem. Arg. And Hugz & Hugz & Hugz.