For those that have gone through a hard time (e.g. death of a friend/family member, serious illness and other losses), what did you need at the time, that you now understand in hindsight?

My partner has a relative with a terminal illness. He'll be spending as much time as he can with them interstate.

I've gone through my fair share of tough situations, but nothing quite similar to this to draw from. I'm a believer that everyone's journey is different and trying to compare is usually reductive anyway.

I'm not confident that I can anticipate his needs and he's not always good at articulating his own needs.

I know the answer generally will be to ask, but I'm conscious that I wasn't always aware of what I needed and couldn't predict how I'd feel until I was feeling it. Truthfully, mostly I just needed life to carry on as normally as possible around me so I could focusy energy. I didn't want extra support, or extra space.

I will be asking how I best support, but I'd love to know from others that have experienced a similar process and what you would have done differently yourself, or what you would have appreciated from your partner during those times?

I'm not looking for a panacea for this situation, more to understand the range of experiences, needs and perspectives from others.

EDIT: Thank you everyone for sharing your experiences and perspectives. There have been some really insightful answers, heartbreaking stories, and encouragement.

To summarise some key themes: - Reduce cognitive load: Take the initiative to just plan things and offer narrow choices to take away decision fatigue - Reduce everyday stress: Take care of menial tasks without asking, so they can focus on what matters - Allow for normal: Sometimes we need to feel in control, or we just need some semblance of normal, find out if there's something better left under their remit, or whether they just need some distraction - Sincere support: Be earnest in your approach, without expectations and without prioritising your own role/desire to feel better about the situation - Be present: Sometimes you need someone to just *be there. Available at the drop of a hat (e.g. key milestones), content to listen without response, happy to physically exist with them in silence - Remove guilt: Communicate that you are there to support in the way they need as a given, that they're not offending you if they need time alone, and not burdening you if they need you - Give space: Not just physically, but emotionally. - Fit your own oxygen mask: You're most effective as a support when you are well supported (self-care and from others). - Be patient: Hardships don't have a hard stop. Grief is there for life.

*All depending on their needs of course.