My husband did a good thing and my f'ing OCD wont let me see it that way

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My OCD is similar and I’m a SAHM too, so I hear you! Perhaps rephrasing the whole thing is the best idea. It’s not “in case I die” or “in case I abuse you” money, but just a paycheck. Being a SAHM is work, so it makes sense for you to be paid for it. My husband pays me every two weeks just like his job does. It’s a great thing that more couples should do when one stays home with the kids. Or if rephrasing it like that doesn’t work it could be in case you forgot his card (idk how you normally pay for things for your household but sharing a card is most common, i think) and you need gas or have an unexpected need to go to the store. It would suck for you to be stranded or have to drive all the way back home to get his card.

And lastly, tell yourself that this would be really weird way for your husband to prepare to leave you, because it is. I have to imagine it’s pretty rare for a man wanting a divorce to start giving his wife money in preparation. If they’re feeling nice, they’d do that during the divorce process and pay alimony or whatever all that is called (forgive me, I’ve never been divorced lol). Your husband is doing a good thing because he cares for you and wants you to be taken care of and doesn’t want you to feel trapped.

Usually when people plan to leave they get more selfish not less. They start removing access to money and hiding things. Your husband is doing the exact opposite, he is being very open and trying to give you more security. I read the thread you mentioned and it was awful. I could see why a good husband would want to do something like your husband is, and would want to make sure their partner feels safe not just trapped in their relationship. 

On another note, my dad died a few years ago and everything was either joint or in his name, and my mom lost access to all money for months. Most accounts wanted to close the joint accounts and then transfer the money to new accounts in her name, and it took 60 to 90 days. This was without probate or anything being contested. It was just so slow. Having a bank account and maybe a credit card in just one person's name (the other could be an authorized user though), would be a good idea in general. Closing all the accounts wreaked havoc on my mom's credit score too, so it was hard to open a card after he died.

I think your husband is doing this because he wants to be with you for the long haul, and because he cares enough to make sure you are OK. I am a pretty jaded person and tend to be paranoid about some relationship things, but it this case this only sounds positive to me.

I have had some extremely abusive relationships, and I've found that when supportive and healthy partners are kind to me, it triggers extreme anxiety because it's utterly uncomfortable and I don't know what to do with the secure feelings that come up.

I don't know what your background is outside of this relationship, but I want you to know your anxiety is valid. Your heart and brain want to protect you from harm, and that's great! Instead of fighting those feelings, maybe you could try sitting with them for a bit and thank yourself for being so on top of surviving. Look at how far you've come. You're doing awesome.

After all of the drama I've seen other people put themselves through, I'm so excited that you have a partner who is actively seeking ways to promote your security, even after all of these years together. I hope that once the anxiety fades (and it will, mama, I promise) you both feel more solid and cared for.

I can’t promise you that he’s not going to leave you, but from the outside these don’t look and sound like the actions of a man with one foot out of the relationship. It’s totally fine for you to feel your feelings, but I think you can take his word for it.

I’m not ocd but I get stuck in spirals sometimes. Recently I’ve been using chatgpt in place of a supportive friend 😂 I don’t feel like I’m bugging anyone or that they are going to get sick of saying the same reassuring things over and over again. It’s been pretty helpful! Weird, but effective. 

I’m so sorry your OCD is making your brain run amok! Logically, it sounds like your husband has been thoughtful about how SAHMs can be financially impacted by the arrangement and he wants to give you peace of mind. But I understand that if it’s something you’ve never thought about then your OCD is trying to derationalize it.

I’d say keep fighting to reframe this gesture for what it is: a surprise gift for you, and not an omen for something bad. I see a man who’s being very empathetic to your position and wants you to have more financial freedom IN the relationship, nothing more. I know OCD is a bitch, but over time you’ll see that he’s still your partner and your kid’s dad, not going anywhere but just upping his commitment to you. You will overcome these intrusive thoughts and see this gift for what it is!