Like for example arranged marriages.
Is it possible to be fall in love with the person you don't like?
According to my female and male indian co-workers, it seems to work. They mostly have arranged marriages.
They won’t say no, tough…because of the implication
To me.. the difference is "treat someone with love" vs "love them".
Seriously. They also report higher levels of happiness due to the effort they put into their marriages rather than relying on fleeting feelings
Mr. Rogers taught us the love is a verb, not a state of being.
Statistically the earlier you get married into your relationship less chances of divorce.
People over time can learn to love someone etc.
As someone who got married after 6 months, and been married for 18 years now. I agree. Little stressful overall at first. But I can’t see myself married to anyone else.
Or they’re just used to the misery because they never experienced anything else due to staying with the first person they met.
By earlier, do you mean younger in age or the amount of time you have known someone ?
Interesting! I would have thought it to be the opposite.
"Ah! There's nowhere for me to run!"
Well think about it she's surrounded by her family with some dude she barely knows. You know, she looks around and her family are all smiling telling her what a great match it is and how happy they are for her. She's thinking "Ahh, he seems nice I guess What am I gonna do, say 'no'?"
Okay. That... that seems really dark.
Nah, no it's not dark. You're misunderstanding me, bro.
I'm-I think I am.
Yeah, you are, because if the girl said "no" then the answer obviously is "no"...
No, right.
But the thing is she's not gonna say "no", she would never say "no" because of the implication.
...Now you've said that word "implication" a couple of times. Wha-what implication?
The implication that her family might dis own her if she refuses to marry me. Now, they probably won't but she's thinkin' that they will.
But it sounds like she doesn't wanna marry you...
Why aren't you understanding this? She-she doesn't know if she wants to marry me. That's not the issue...
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6d
Not at all!
But there’s an implication.
which ones?
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6d
Oh I saw an web episode about this!
An Indian woman who poisoned her nearly her entire family of in-laws! & husband!
Many of them want to after a few years, but it has the risk of getting caught for murder.
It’s all about the implication, not that anything would actually happen, but there’s always the implication that it could happen
They have some sort of attraction.. there's a photo album for them to choose from.
Then the parents meet up together and the couple meets up. They could reject each other at that time.
But are they in love...?
I do not know, honestly. Are most Western self-choice partners still in "love"? Or is their marriage just ongoing because of kids or the hassle of divorce and stuff?
Well, with a "love match" you at least start in love.
your brain can't process what you're reading. arranged marriages are agreed upon. you're thinking of forced marriage. i know plenty of people who get married from arranged marriages, all are happy relationships.
The QUESTION was about LOVE. You can't process anything, apparently.
Do we even know what "in love" means? Because it's not lust, but it has to involve that maybe...I don't know...what if it's not an actual thing?
Love doesn't exist?
The problem is having to deal with a not so compatible partner for a lifetime. It's better to remain single than marrying someone whom we don't love.
Love and compatibility don't often go hand in hand...
Well... Divorce rates show that personal choice is often wrong too...
I mean given that how many marriages in the west end in divorce , which started out as love .
Hasn’t there been studies on this? People end up falling for people who are in their proximity. That’s why a lot of cheating happens with coworkers.
I was thinking more of how people date so much in high school and college...it's who's available at the time, not necessarily those who fit within their typical attraction.
I think it's highly possible. People grow in one another all the time. Opposite can happen too
Yes, I grow in women all the time.
Lucky you
Of course it's possible. While two people can be more compatible than others, love is built through constant effort together.
Yes, its called Stockholm Syndrome
Patty Hearst
Hail Yourself
Uhh what a strange response..
I'm getting the net
Let’s ask bing bong
I love this
Do you, or have you just been controlled by Stockholm Syndrome for so long you think you do?
May be the best joke ever posted on the web.
It’s definitely not lol
It's your first week here?...It gets better
Of course, after all every feelings are based on chemicals produced by the body, which doesn't necessarily cooperate with mind residing within.
Since he looks confident and is wearing a suit, I'm convinced.
My Japanese friend has an arranged marriage, they have 2 kids and are still married. I asked him 20 years later if he "fell in love" with her because she is the mother of their children or being with her for that long. He told me did not fall in love with her but he's happy 🤷♀️
Yes. I’ve just come out of a nine year relationship. I still love her but I don’t like her at all.
Same but seven. “She” decided to go back to living as a guy.
Love boils down to a chemical reaction. Its not really possible to choose who you love, so it can happen that you fall in love with a person you dont rationally like.
I disagree with part of what you’re saying. I think you 100% can choose. I had a pretty good idea of what I wanted in a spouse. I kept looking until I found her!
These statements dont contradict each other:
You can 'expose' yourself to people you rationally like and eventually probably fall in love with one of these people.
But if you are unlucky, you have a 'love at first sight' moment with an entirely different person while on the bus to your dream date. Your brain releases happy juice and no amount of rationale will release more than that.
"Love at first sight" isn't love though, it's lust.
I think people have to define what they mean by love. Real love to me is the emotion/commitment that is able to last until death. If you rely on the chemical excitement of a new relationship, you'll never be happy in a long term relationship. You'll just be jumping from one to another to get that hit.
Wow dude, your comment literally MADE MY DAY. There's hope yet for us all
No... love is a choice. You are taking about infatuation and affection, it isn't a feeling.
Infatuation and affection are feelings.
"Love is a choice" is a great quote but it's also a simplification. Don't quote it at face value. The chemical reaction of love isn't much of a choice. Your brain releases happy chemicals in response to certain stimuli. One person makes your brain happy, another doesn't.
When people say "love is a choice", they are usually referring to long-term relationships, and the gist of it is to continue consciously placing yourself in situations where your brain has the chance to get good stimuli from your chosen person, while minimizing situations where your brain would get those stimuli from another person. The trick is that you already know your chosen person "clicks" for you because you've got this far. You just need to maintain it.
"Love is a choice" means to continue nurturing an intimate dynamic with a certain person. It's an extension of "the grass is green where you water it". It doesn't mean you can literally pick anyone off the street and fall in love with them through sheer willpower.
How do you know you don’t like?
Not in my opinion. The best wife in the world is also my best friend.
I would say yes it’s possible but not for everyone. If you’re stubborn like me, I doubt you could ever fall in love with someone you didn’t choose yourself.
Yes.
I fell in love with a Tory once; we were polar opposites, hated each other’s politics and world views, which meant we had some amazingly heated discussions and conversations and which probably also explains why the sex was so good.
Lasted two years. I think of her often.
I am a conservative but I feel myself drifting out of this movement and SUPER attracted to hardcore leftwing types.
It could lead to some interesting connections.
I'm really surprised but I fell about a yr and a half ago for such a person, at which point I was already coming out of the far right in general. I still retain some aspects of the right, like not hating men. :D
It’s certainly strange when it happens, but it does, and can work, as seemingly, both you and I know…
Who knows, maybe a left and a right would create the perfect balance, most are probably afraid or simply unwilling to try.
I’m glad you’re holding to some aspects of your views while exploiting others, it’s what makes the world interesting.
Yes.
Not quite an arranged marriage but I had a female coworker who I didn't get along with or vice versa; we joined at the company at the same time.
We kept bumping into each other at events and courses, etc....and eventually went from enemies to neutral to friends.
Absolutely! It's called "plot twist." Sometimes, the person you initially can't stand ends up surprising you with unexpected qualities, like a rom-com but in real life. Arranged marriages can start with indifference or dislike, but shared experiences and understanding can lead to genuine love.
Most cultures where arranged marriages are still common will also ostracise women who go through with a divorce. It’s not really a good comparison.
My best friend married someone she hated at first 🤷♀️
Yes, for sure. It's hard to grasp for most Westerners who decide if they've got "chemistry" on the first date as if it's gonna matter 10 years later. But I've met people in arranged marriages, and they believe their way is the happy and right one. They genuinely believed that they're too young and stupid to pick the right partner on their own, and appreciate the help of more experienced "matchmakers" who may know what's better for them in the long run. And they genuinely love their partners to death.
James Potter and Lily Evans (Harry Potter’s parents) they eventually started going out after Lily’s 6yrs hatred/disgust of James.
Years of therapy indicate this is not only true, it's practically guaranteed 🤣
I think there’s a study that says if you spend a lot of time around someone, you’re more likely to like them. My memory could be making that up but it sounds reasonable
I want to say the mere exposure effect has a reverse effect that nobody seems to talk about. The more you spend around someone you are indifferent over, there is a chance you could end up liking them less and less.
It happened to me with some people. I saw them for what they were and I couldn’t stomach them.
Yeah... I think, as someone who is an introvert and loves my alone time, this happens to me even with people I do like. Too much of someone and I like them less.
Mere exposure effect.
Yes it is possible but the odds are probably not that great.
it's possible to get stockholm syndrome, now fall in love, i hardly doubt it
Stockholm Syndrome
No
I couldn't because I would remember every time I try to love them that marrying them robbed me of the freedom to marry someone I actually love. And they knew they were depriving me of freedom. And that means that's what I did to them too... And that I showed to everyone around it was ok to do so.
Deprive me of freedom=I can't ever love you. Which is why I'd rather be dead than marrying without loving.
Arranged marriages with ennemies to lovers stories are a nightmare to me.
Not an arranged marriage, but i married the person i initially ddint like, that old thing about fine line between love and hate
Short answer no. Love is a two way street, requiring both to be lover and loved by each other.
No
It's possible yeah especially if the person is kind with you
Yes. It's possible unless the other person is not doing anything for you to like them.
yeah if you have a crush because of their handsome look
Yes but the relationship might not be a happy one.
Lust, definitely.
What would be the difference between an arranged? Marriage and someone setting you up with a friend that they think you would be a good companion with. In that sense, I think it is possible that if 2 people grow to like each other that they could become fond of each other. As long as he treats her right. And they have compromise in the relationship.
But you know something depicted? In a lot of movies is women who will say oh, you will just get used to him and you will start to like him.
Been there. Absolutely once loved someone while didn't like them!
Can you define don't like? As in, you're a Jew and they've expressed anti Semitic opinions? Or they behave in a manner you find distasteful but ultimately tolerable since you're not directly affected (i.e. you're not a Jew and they're anti Semitic) ? Or is it they got a physical feature you don't like? Or do you not like them simply because it's an arranged marriage and you always dreamed of meeting your one true love? Or perhaps you dont like them because your current relationship got broken up so your parents could force you to be with this person, and you dislike them on principle.?
For most cases, I think it's possible to fall in love with someone with proximity and frequent interactions, assuming of course, the option to leave the relationship and find another partner does not exist. Maybe it's Stockholm syndrome or something similar.
I think it's totally possible for Belle to fall in love with Gastone should her dad not have gotten himself into trouble with the beast. She pretty much hints at it being an eventual outcome in her initial songs.
Liking and loving are separate emotions. I think it's possible.
I know it is possible to love someone that you don't like very much. My ex is a terrific mother, very smart, and practically a robot with her mental discipline. I love her, but due to how our personalities and likes clashed, I definitely don't like her. I didn't like her much the last 5 or 7 years of our marriage. Though if she needed me for something, I would still be there for her. It is a weird dynamic.
Yeah. You can argue that it works out better than the normal way. The "adopted dog theory"
Yes
Yeah
Stockholm syndrome
And
Trauma bonding
Are examples of where people show affection/empathy towards their abuser / captor
Essentially, with enough time and limited access to other people.
It happens.
Yes. Hormones alone can do it but mostly it's loving through adversity and consistency
I’ve fallen in love with people and learned to dislike them plenty of times. 🤣
About as possible as drinking water that has already evaporated
You can certainly grow to dislike someone you love.
More like lust - strong feelings can create passion
Iv known a few people who have arranged marriages and are still together after 20 years and they seem happy.
It's definitely possible. That's our case. Not till we had the time to get to know each other through simple Q and As. I was so dumb to assume that she's like how I first perceived her.
Yes...totally is!
Anything is possible but this would be an indicator an unstable mind
Not really no. I'm not Islamic tho.
It’s a hit and miss case, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t..
If they’re together, home, family and kids . Then it works .
If anime is to be believed.
Sure... why wouldn't it be?
There are probably a lot of marriages out there that are happy and solid, between two people that didn't like each other initially. Either due to an arranged marriage, or just that those first impressions didn't click, but after spending more time together they finally connected. Like, the introvert and extrovert might not get along well when they first meet, but then they realize they actually do fit really well together after hanging out a few times.
It depends why you don't like them. If you aren't immediately attracted to them I'd say yes, it is possible for that to grow over time if they are a compatible personality.
If you have major problems with their personality however, like they are unethical or unkind, I don't think you are likely to ever really love them. It's possible to be infatuated/in lust with someone you don't like as a person, but I don't think real love can grow in those conditions.
Yes.
There are many instances of couples in arranged marriages falling in love with each other over time - that is, they develop romantic feelings towards their spouse because they become emotionally bonded.
There are even more instances where people lose their attraction and romantic feeling after being with their partner a while, and then they divorce thinking they don't love them anymore. These are the people who jump from marriage to marriage - or romance to romance - hoping the next one will be THE ONE.
There's a difference between loving someone and being "in love" with them. Being "in love" is when you have romantic feelings, and those almost always fade with time. But love itself is an act of will - a choice to care for someone else more than yourself and to seek what's best for them.
People who marry because they're "in love" get divorced way more often than people who simply CHOOSE to love their spouse.
You can be infatuated with someone for a while and later discover that if it weren’t for being infatuated with them, you couldn’t find three things to justify why you’re spending time with them, that the things you don’t appreciate about them would be fatal to entertaining any type of relationship if you weren’t intimate with them, that you don’t share the same values, or you are not being fully yourself and for that matter not fully honest with them. But the attraction (including even on their part only) fooled you into thinking that you were in love. I think men are very apt at that.
On the other hand, falling in love requires that you more than only like someone. It’s when the person’s wellbeing matters to you to an extent where it has become as easy, if not easier, to pick up on how they are doing and to want to remedy anything jeopardizing their happiness than it is to do the same for yourself. And if you took that away you’d still have dozens of “reasons” why this person is extraordinary for you.
If it’s in love that you “are in” and not a form of fantasy or infatuation, then yes, you actually like the person.
Realistically, so long as someone is a normal, not bad person, you usually grow to love them by virtue of familiarity. My friends became my friends because they’re the people I played basketball with. My sisters are really good people, but in all likelihood , I love them because they were the people that were just always around when we were growing up.
Yes it’s possible. I was once in a relationship that was causing me a lot of angst. One day the problem dawned on me: I loved the other person but didn’t actually like her.
That realization really helped me and gave me the strength to end the relationship.
Like in almost every movie ever made?
Enemies to lovers
it are as unpossible as put put be and fall togather
If they are attractive enough youll get the same oxytocin chemicals in your brain that simulate being in love.
umm what?
This is literally every plot in a romance novel.
Princess Leia Organa would say yes. The love of her life is a scruffy-looking nerfherder whom she can’t stand for most of 2 movies, but by the end, she loves him.
He knows.
absolutely. one of my favorite phrases is “hate is just a different form of love”. there’s a lot of passion & emotion that goes into not liking someone. sometimes your brain gets confused and makes you fall in love with that person instead. sometimes, you spend so much time around someone that you become comfortable, which can turn into affection. the brain is unpredictable, and people fall deep into love in unpredictable ways all of the time.
You can absolutely learn to love sombody, you m8ght see things in them below the surface that on first look you could never tell. Alot of attraction is beyond looks
Oh absolutely
arranged marriage =/= "don't like". arranged marriages are neutral. most people I know that have them fall in love just fine. don't like suggests you dislike a person or find them unattractive.
Yes. If they treat each other right.
Why you guys think it’s possible? If you found that person ugly af, do you wanna sleep with him/her because he/she has good personality?
I mean yeah 100%
At the end of the day, they are just 2 strangers forced to marry. Any strangers can fall in love so it's not much different for them other than the fact they start out married
People are not static, but constantly change in their experiences, behavior, perspectives etc.. So yeah, it is definitely possible. I would never bet on something like that, but I wouldn't claim that such a development can be safely ruled out.
Enemies to lovers?
If you initially bounce off each other - yes. But! Only if you resolve your disputes in a healthy way. Chances are if you start trying to date someone you don’t like, you’ll very likely argue with them ALOT - especially in the beginning.
If you progress these arguments well and resolve them then chances are you’ll start to dislike each other less and understand each other more - this mutual understanding could foster deeper feelings in the end because you both love being understood. This is one way that you can actually fall in love with someone whom you initially dislike - you could also have a thing for displaying a positive feeling in a negative way
In case of arranged marriage, there's a liking to begin with or some attraction. Later on, as life progresses, you get habitual to each other and fall in love.
My wife was a fling, we had a little whoopsie, got married to look after the new person. She might be a colossal pain in my ass more often than not, but I don't think I could love someone other than her like I do.
Indians often mislabel what "arranged marriage" means. I know plenty who dated for several months before committing but they still call it "arranged marriage".
I'm a pretty firm believer in the idea you will love anyone you're around a lot unless they have some traits you absolutely hate at a high level.
Yes
Yes. Definitely. But it may not be the same kind of love that would result from just going the usual route.
Falling in love is chemical and irrational. You can fall in love with almost anybody.
Yes, takes time and effort, not to mention commonality, it's not every day that it happens, but it does happen. It's not ideal and I wouldn't relish trying to make something happen from an arranged marriage, but it's not the sentence some people think it is.
safe 100 %
You won't get into a relationship with someone if you don't like them, unless you find something about them very attractive.
Yeah, I think I’m starting to like a guy that I’ve known for three years and never liked because we argued when we first met. Now that we share a group of friends we occasionally have our arguments but they’re playful now and I think it’s become flirting. I can imagine in a perfect scenario it - could - lead to love, while we disliked each other first.
No, you just want dick.
Yes. Among other reasons (see other posters) biology can kick in over olfactory and pheromonal cues and lean hard on your perspective.
Lots of people fall in love before they really get to know their intended.
Not good for long-term relationships
Every Rom com is based on that trope
Yes. Watch season 2 of Bridgerton for a sexy example.
Not at the same time.
Is there actually already dislike going on? Or are the two people just not yet acquainted?
Most arraigned marriages these days, the woman can choose to say yes or not, per my Afghan co-worker, she told me back when I worked with her, so it's not 100% forced!
With that said, I think you can, if the person is a really good person and treats you right.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes it is.
I’ve seen several people who couldn’t stand each other later fall in love over the course of years (although my experience is outside of the realm of arranged marriage). Some of these couples worked out and several didn’t.
Hate and love are a lot more similar than most people realize. Make sure it’s love and not obsession though.
I hated my wife for a good 10 years before we started dating.
Yes. Next question.
Yes
My wife and I didn’t like each other at all when we first met through mutual friends. People can change or we can realize we both had misunderstandings about each other.
Tbh 90% of the people you don’t like irl you would probably get along with if you could sit down and be honest with each other.
Not arranged marriage but in high school I HATED with a boy named Jonathan for 2 years, so much so that I would cringe at the sight of him. Then, in Junior year I fell for him hard.
I mean love is a choice and you can also learn to love somebody, so yeah it’s possible
Only if you don't respect yourself
Love and Like are 2 entirely different perceptions. Like is a person's respect for another's character, love is one's desire for compatibility with another.
There is a fine line between love and hate, does that person actually hate the other person or is it issues and insecurities within themselves that they are projecting onto the other?
Flip it, most people hate their ex, why? Because stuff they themselves did in their relationship that caused back and forth issues that lead to the break up. But it’s easier to blame others for most people, instead of taking responsibility.
There are a ton of stories where two people hate each other and end up becoming best friends for life, turns out they were just insecure and jealous but as soon as they started to open up and spend more time with each other they clicked.
Fall in lust maybe.
Absolutely! It's like ordering food you didn't pick but ended up loving anyway, sometimes, love surprises us like a sneaky but delicious dish.
That is love.
Yep :)
i've never dated before, but i think initial attraction always fades. attraction that builds up over time from seeing someone in person on a regular basis? that is much more difficult to shake off.
Love and hate are an example of the horseshoe theory at work. Both involve passion, obsession, and deep seated emotional investment. Look at every "enemies to lovers" romance.
Probably, yes. I've always heard that the opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.
I don’t think it’s possible to fall in love with someone you hate. It is entirely possible to begin to hate someone you love though.
I dated a guy who really pursued me. Wasn’t exactly sure about it. Ended up being one of my deepest and most important loves.
It’s the basis of many, many romance novels.
I had some insane chemistry with a chick who hated me once… I despised her as well. I don’t really know how that happened…
Yes just as you can hate a song and then after hearing it so much you end up liking it
Yes, it's possible, but only if you each give each other reasons to like the other such as respect, forgiveness, mercy, empathy, dignity, etc.
I have a mutual friend that I dislike (hate is a strong word, and I don't truly hate anyone), or even colleagues, but if I feel that they are being unfairly attacked I will step in to defend them.
I don't see how, you love someone your able to overlook physical issue, character defects, whinny voice, things that I would find impossible to dealing with some I hate. Now can you fall in love with a person, at one time you disliked, I got friends, buddies, and work mates who have gone through something like that, weeks, months there talking about someone that annoyed them , that they found them driving them crazy, the all of a sudden there in love with the same woman
Idk that’s possible for me. Even if I loved the person, I’m gonna eventually fall out of love with them if i don’t like them.
If you mean, can you dislike someone and it can turn into love over time, then yes.
If you mean "I fell in love with someone that I currently don't like..." then no.
Love?! I hope not. I have however liked the person I hated. I still hate him. But there's this weird chemistry which I cannot explain. He's such an ass, used to be my senior at work now we are at the same designation, we are the best work team in the company but we are also competitive with eachother, however we do stand together against others. I hate his work ethics. He hates my bossy attitude. I hate the fact that he's an alcoholic and a chain smoker. He hates that I'm too uptight and don't party enough. I like him in a way I always want his attention when he's arround. But oh god I hate him. Does that make sense?
One does not 'fall' in love. That is infatuation. Love is a choice. You choose every day to love someone. If you choose not to then the relationship will die.
Maybe, everyone is different and emotions are just chemical reactions in our heads. I think arranged marriages were developed by incels like my username who were too ugly to get laid and had to cope somehow 😭
The purpose of a marriage is to start a family. If you're both of the mindset to do just that, it works out fine. The people I know from arranged marriages have strong families
Probably. People change and grow. If both people genuinely want it to work and make sincere efforts to make it work, it probably will.
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