Hello, welcome....
I've been here well over a year and I've read 90% of all posts since arriving. I have written what I learned and just share it with people as they show up. It's a bit formulaic/spammy but people keep saying they find it helpful.
Agender doesn't really have a rigidly defined box... or it's a magic box that fits whoever gets in it.
Agender is a pretty diverse, entirely self-actualized label for humans who may not even like labels all that much. You can use it like a hermit crab until you find a better one. You can use it with other labels if you want.
So here are some pointers....
Some agender people don't understand gender or how people feel it.
Some agender people reject social gendering.
Some agender people feel like gender(s) don't fit.
Some agender people are null, void, indifferent, or detatched.
Some agender people have other parts of their identity that are dominant.
Agenders may or may not care about pronouns and can use any they want.
Agenders may or may not present any particular way.
Agenders may or may not have gender dysphoria or body dysmorphia.
Agenders may or may not feel they have/had a gender at birth, and thus may or may not feel transgender.
Agenders may or may not care about being out.
A number of agenders even have mixed feelings about identifying non-binary and may not really identify as NB; many are fine with it. Nonbinary is both an umbrella term but also a specific gender identity. Nonbinary people can still feel that they have a gender, but their gender isn't strictly man or woman. Agender people generally feel no gender or don't connect with gender. This technically falls under the nonbinary label but not every agender person uses nonbinary as a label.
The one common defining feature is that agenders don't feel or relate to gender (e.g. social constructs of male/masculine or female/feminine), or only weakly feel it, most of the time.
The ethos is you should call yourself agender if you feel it based on how you understand it. If you're something else later that fits better, it's all good.
Recognize there's no set way to be an agender. I personally like it this way because trying to define a person based on an absence of things is hard (you don't often respond to the question 'how are you doing?' by telling them everything you're not feeling). I find the lack of a set way to be agender very affirming. I thought I was a trans woman for a long time...but never did anything about it because gender at the forefront wasn't a compulsion. I might have had better body alignment, but I don't think I would've fit in any better.
Remember, you're a person first, the label is just there like a marker on a map to see how you might relate to others. As you will see, there's lots of ways to be agender if the label suits you. Hang out, read other people's posts, see how you like things.
People get here lots of ways though, more than I even say here I reckon.
Hope this helps get you started.
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Hi everyone. So above is a post I often share in here. I was helped in this sub Jan 2023 when I found myself in need of expressing transgender thoughts I've been carrying around my whole life, but never acted on. I had felt very much out of place for decades and was shocked (somewhat stupidly and for entirely too long) that there were people out there in the same kind of place I was.
This has been my way to pay the help I received forward, because new arrivals sometimes don't quickly understand how flexible this label is. I had my moments of doubt, but the openness here help make it click.
However, I don't think of this post as static. I have changed it as I learn. People have already said things in this thread that's inspired tiny changes. Please don't think this is the be-all says-all of agender experiences.
