What is the best way to convince my husband to mutually divorce? I fear he will come after me and not allow me to leave
And if I’m unable to do so, how can I leave against his wishes with the most minimal damage? How can I come up with a safe plan?
I’m 25, I can’t drive and I have no savings, only a part time job.
Don’t tell him or ask him for anything. First, you need to find a way to get out of there, even if it’s to go to a hospital and tell them about the abuse and ask for a social worker. You can also try a domestic abuse shelter. Reach out to your family and friends (not mutual friends or his family) and tell them you’re being abused. You have to start telling people you trust that you’re in danger and need help. Once you’re out and away and have a place ready and go there. You don’t even have to tell him where you are right away but get your ducks in a row for a divorce and then let him know you don’t want to be married anymore and are filing for divorce. Get the help of an attorney or file online with a cheaper service like legal zoom. But again, do not tell him anything. Your situation sounds like he orchestrated things in such a way that it would be harder for you to leave.
Oh, the domestic abuse hotline helps with safety plans. If you’re in the us it’s 800-799-7233.
Grey rock. Become so dull and boring that he leaves you for another woman.
He will never leave me
You cannot make it mutual. Abusers above all else want control over you, and you leaving takes that away. It’s why they won’t accept. Reach out to resources in your area, friends or family, have an edit plan ready. I left him a letter with people to call about seeing his son and changed my number that day. He will not want to accept it and you need to be careful
Why did he want to do mine mutually!
It’s not really mutual if someone says “you can leave if you want” but then plays on guilt saying things like “even if you leave you’ll never heal” then scrambling and changing their mind about how to fix it then involving their parents to convince you to stay. Mutual would be like, “okay you want to leave, I respect that” then you split assets.
He said the second phrase fol
Too*
DO NOT TELL HIM ANYTHING IF YOU THINK HE'LL HOLD YOU HOSTAGE
This will take planning and a little patience.
Look up grey rocking and slowly start applying it in your relationship. Any sudden behavioral change on your part will trigger a bigger response from him. Go slow
Do you have any trustworthy friends in your area? You only need one, and if not, there will likely be DV shelters in your region.
does he access your phone? It might be safest to get an older model pay-as-you-go smart phone (locked with a PIN he'd never figure out) and start searching DV shelters and other resources. Clear the history every time you look anything up. Save any info to an unrelated email that's not linked to any of your other accounts
slowly collect anything of sentimental value. Again, don't let him notice what you're doing. Either pass it off to a friend to hang on for you, or put them in a handy location or go-bag
save as much as you can, preferably with a bank that's not yours already. Here in Canada, we have online banks
when it's time, wait for him to go do whatever, preferably work, grab your go-bag and anything else you can/need, and gtfo
notify the poolice that you've just fled a DV situation and there's a risk of violence. You just need to start the paper trail to protect yourself, find a family lawyer somehow, likely legal aid
The fact that you're worried he's going to try stopping you is a sign that you need to be careful. Abusive meh can get extremely violent at this point, and we don't want you to become a statistic.
It's a lot and scary, and it's absolutely doable.
Things are replaceable. You are not.
You cannot convince him to relinquish the power he has over you I am sorry. You are going to have to fight him. You do not need him to agree in order to divorce. Do you have any proof of the abuse ?
Be careful : it might be better not to let your husband know about your plans.
Are there supportive people around you ? Genuinely supportive I mean, not people who try to get you to stay with him.
I would call the nonemergency hotline and explain to them your scenario. I'm sure they can assist you or even direct you to the right path on how to proceed.
You should never feel scared in your relationships. Do you have any friends or family that you could reach out to?
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