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So upset. Other half has been feeling ill and hasn't been transparent. WTH.
yep, hiding things from you isn't a sign of protection, it's a sign that he doesn't trust you to be able to make your own choices and decisions about risk. he probably doesn't see it that way but it's worth emphasizing to him that respect includes respecting your right to information relevant to you that may effect your choices. omitting that information is patronizing.
I am sorry this happened to you. I posted Something similar this week. He got covid, didn't tell me. I don't know what happens at your husband's school but at my school there are only two of us that mask. He probably isn't masking there. I keep windows open.Three fans running and a CR box. Kept me safe. I would have a very difficult time trusting him in the future. Livid.
I'm a teacher, too, and take the same precautions. I don't have a partner, thankfully. Those that used to be careful at school, no longer are. I could see why someone might not be careful when surrounded by supposedly educated staff that were careful in the past and now are not, and coming to the conclusion that there's no longer a threat but humoring their partner.
my spouse also has alpha-gal, and your concerns about medications and treatments are not unfounded.
i feel you and i would be upset too.
have you been able to express any of this to him? any meaningful dialogue about it?
I'd be PISSED if I were you. That's such bull shit on his part. If he wants to be with you, he needs to not get you sick. He just completely broke your trust, and it sounds like he knew what he was doing when he did that.
i’m dealing with something similar with my father. he won’t keep my mom safe and just exposed us and my partner to covid. i’m hoping i keep testing negative but it’s stressful and terrifying. it’s honestly just so confusing and none of us understand how he could be so selfish. he makes a lot of money but that’s the extent of his care for others. i’m trying to express to my mom that i think this relationship is uneven and that she’s with someone fundamentally selfish. i don’t know your partner but it sounds like you’re dealing with someone you can’t trust, who doesn’t take your needs seriously. i want better for you. i know it would be heartbreaking to lose another relationship. but it would also be heartbreaking for you or your mom to suffer the consequences of his selfishness.
but seriously, what an awful situation, i’m so sorry ❤️🩹
How are you going to handle this?
He clearly doesn't think it's important to tell you, or doesn't care if he gets you sick and it's not the first time.
Is he too burnt out to take precautions anymore since he's a teacher and he's constantly exposed to all the things going around?
I feel like figuring out why he won't tell you immediately is important.
My partner and I let each other know immediately when one of us doesn't feel well so we can air the house out and isolate or mask as needed.
I would feel so violated if my partner hid that they were sick and then passionately kissed me. I’m not saying you feel that way or that you should feel the same way, but if you do, you’re not crazy. I wish you the best in navigating your relationship, the life context of your relationship sounds tough to navigate (to say the least).
I agree with you. We don't know their full story or relationship well enough, but I'd also feel violated if people aren't truthful about being sick and then carry on as normal with me (my sister lied about taking covid tests for over a year and no one in my family understands why I feel so betrayed by her)
Last time my partner woke up with a sore throat, I leant in for a kiss before he went work, and he politely refused. He told me he had a sore throat, and he went downstairs to take a test, and it came back positive, so he called in sick to work
We joke now about how I pouted at him when he refused to kiss me, but because he was transparent from the get-go, we went into 'ventilate and separate' from each other mode, and I didn't catch covid
I am so sorry, you are right, that was awfully selfish of him, I hope you are not sick. Are you able to isolate for the time he is ill?
That's not a loving way to treat someone. It seems like weaponized incompetence and carelessness on his part. I'm sorry you are dealing with this.
Time to throw the whole man out.
If my partner wasn’t taking serious Covid precautions I would be single. If someone can’t even bother to keep me alive there’s no room in my life for them.
You know, there was a post on the marriage subreddit from a teacher who was trying to figure out how to tell his wife he hadn't been masking at work anymore. In the post, he said his wife was currently sleeping in anther room because she tested positive from covid. He asked the marriage subreddit for help so he could not only come clean, but convince his wife she had been living in a paranoid fantasy world by continuing to care about covid.
I hate to say it but are you sure he really is masking regularly?
This was my first thought too. I would be really skeptical.
Same :(
Ugh. And chances are, he’s the reason she got infected.
I have the same issues with my kid (who is supposed to make in school) but I cannot get rid of my kid. Have an open discussion with your partner, I know you are mad but masking makes a relationship even harder. Good luck, I hope it is not covid. My kid was sick recently after over a year getting nothing and it was not covid, more like a sinus infection.
It sounds like he isn’t serious about protecting your health. It’s easy for some rando on the internet to say this, but I’d reconsider the relationship.
I’d rather be single than permanently sick. I gave my partner an ultimatum to mask 100% or have me in her life 0%. She chose the mask.
So he
- hides being sick despite the fact that he knows you want to be informed, have health problems, and take care of someone with health problems (multiple times)
- kisses you when you don't want to be kissed
- gets upset when you enact a boundary
Without knowing anything else about you or your relationship, it doesn't look good. Just gonna drop this here because everyone should read it https://archive.org/download/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
There are so many explanations for these symptoms, he likely told you as soon as started to think it might be something contagious. Some allergy medication, dehydration, eating spicy food, smoking, talking too much or yelling, sleeping with you mouth open etc. can all lead to a sore throat for a short period. Nausea can result from all kinds of things too, including dehydration, a hangover, stress, having eating something that didn't agree with you, overeating recently, fatigue, etc. I don't think he was trying to deceive you, he likely just attributed it to something else at the time, and told you once he started putting the pieces together.
So many people are telling you to leave him, but leaving someone because they didn't mention every tickle in their throat, or every time food doesn't seem appetizing when it usually does, doesn't make sense. People usually only start thinking they might be sick after symptoms are persistent for a bit or with a group of symptoms. I wonder how many times he had a glass of water and went to bed feeling like he did yesterday, then woke up feeling just fine, because it was only stress, or eating the wrong thing at dinner? There is a line somewhere for everyone when they start thinking some might be wrong, and you might put that line at a different place than he would have.
Talk to him, and try to give him the benefit of the doubt. Don't jump to the conclusion he didn't say something yesterday because he doesn't love you, that will only hurt you and the other people you love. This sounds like a very human mistake, and possibly a bit of hindsight being 20/20.
You deserve so much better than this
Can you financially manage to be alone for a while? He's jeopardizing the rest of your life.
I’m so sorry this has happened. Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate the relationship with him. At the very least you must come to terms with the fact that this is not a person you can trust
He kissed you knowing he is sick and how you feel about it.
It's time to dump him.
Get out while you can.
I'd be looking for a new partner
Do you know it is illegal to spread HIV/AIDS by having unsafe sex? While C-19 isn’t HIV, it operates in a similar manner with similar severe repercussions. I would consider this sexual assault with bodily harm, as he could literally give you brain damage and (further) disable you. This is a very serious thing my friend.
i wonder if people are downvoting this because it’s painful to read it this way, but it’s absolutely valid if someone feels the way you described. if OP doesn’t feel that way, thank god! but if they do, that’s a very valid perspective.
There are many that will downvote anything that mentions AIDS and COVID as being even a little bit similar.
yikes…. that’s not good. we have a long road ahead of us 😬
I tend to not sweat the downvotes, but I think LostInAvocado is likely right. I don’t mind being disliked when I know I’m speaking truth. Thanks for your support and consideration, though.
You absolutely knew this was likely simply because he’s a teacher. Children have always been known as vectors for disease. You should have broken things off when you saw that this isn’t going away, if you’re serious about protecting yourself and your mother.
He probably rationalizes this as not wanting to worry you unnecessarily. If I were you I would try to emphatically convey that now, and in the future, the way he needs to show love and respect for you is by being totally transparent, and that he needs to get comfortable and habitual about sharing symptoms with you, no matter how brief.
In other words, make sure he understands that if the first thing you hear about him being sick is that he felt the need to take a test and it was positive, he fucked up. You should be hearing about it, and he should be testing right away, followed with masking even if the test is negative, till you feel any better.