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I know why you're upset; after all, I was left with no money for college because all my mother had carefully saved for us was taken by my father to indulge his addiction to porn.
However, there is no reality in which you can use your grandchildren as clubbing implements against him and not be a terrible person.
This. I really don’t understand parents who want up use their children (and grandchildren) to get revenge on their ex. It’s okay to feel wronged. I’d even say go ahead and get your revenge. But leave the children out of it.
The husband is also a risk to use any money saved for the grandkids. So yes, you do need to make sure the children are safe. Letting mom know what he is doing is very important.
Yup dad u ability to control his desires will cost him.. even the grandchildren’s schooling
Or warn them that during their split he may ask for money and in the case they do want to give him some they should absolutely get receipts to ensure it's not going towards his addiction. I don't think she needs to specify the addiction other than clarifying that it involves losing large amounts of money. The kids are adults, and I'm sure they will figure it out eventually without having to deliberately out him. Maybe he'll play it out as gambling which is fine because the kids would still be protected.
I was left with no money for college
were you able to go to college anyways?
This was my first thought
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17d
And it’s very, very harmful to the kids. Be the adult. Let them learn themselves and choose for themselves.
I agree with this, I will say: Keep the children out of this.
Weaponizing your kids is vile and will make OP as much as POS as her husband. These are her marriage issues. They belong to her, not them.
I had a parent who used me to get back at the other and it affected me even to today.
OP - don’t let your bitterness turn you into a shit person.
You can be honest with your kids without being vindictive. Be a better person than him.
Tbh if I was her kid, I would rather know than be lied to. My gpa had like 2 other families in different parts of the country and it just made me feel so sorry for my gma.
Her kids are ADULTS.
Yes but the motivation behind telling her adult daughter would be in the hope that the adult daughter would keep her children, his grandchildren from his life. She said it would absolutely crush him as they are his reason for living. Look, the guy might be a complete fuck up husband at this point, but I don’t think the life of a porn addict is nearly as rewarding as it sound/s. Plotting to promote estrangement from his grandkids is petty and toxic af.
Op is probably just assuming the thing about the grandkids out of anger. The daughter could be told without it having that effect
To the rest of the world they’re adults, to their parents they’ll always be kids. It doesn’t hurt any less as adult children, the mental anguish is the same. It may even hurt more in some cases.
Her kids have nothing to do with the fact that she CHOSE to stay with her husband for YEARS.
This type of behavior doesn’t just happen. It builds, it grows. She has known about him for years his addictive personality. His questionable activities. She made her choice. It’s just now that he finally did something she couldn’t ignore.
This is a problem with their marriage. Nothing in this post says he is a bad father/grandfather.
Attempting to cut his grandchildren off from him by poisoning her kids against him purely out of spite is vile - no matter what age they are.
She can be honest with them but she doesn’t have to be a vicious POS.
“If he was so horrible, why didn’t she just leave?”
You are kind of victim blaming here what that “she must have known”
Absolutely tell the children the truth about what happened and let them decide what they want to do with that information
I don’t get the downvotes, should OP tell her adult children “mommy and daddy just don’t want to live together anymore, but we still love you very much and you did nothing wrong” 😅
Nah. If my dad did this I would want to know. Just because they are your parent doesn't mean they aren't a piece of shit. They deserve to have consequences too. It's up to the daughter to decide, but she should know this information. She could easily be made a victim of her dad's lack of responsibility, too. It actually happens a lot wherein parents financially abuse their own kids. The daughter absolutely should know.
This is very good advice. If she does go the divorce route, she needs to make sure to ask for a financial audit. It will give her the real total. She should ask her lawyer if the 13k is going to be considered part of his share of the assets.
My mom’s ex hid 450k+ before their divorce. It was found missing during the financial audit that I talked her into asking for. The judge ordered him to deposit the money back into their joint account. At first he refused. The judge gave him a choice. Return the money by the end of the week (4 days) or sit in jail ( for contempt)until it’s returned.
In the end, my mom got what she wanted in the divorce settlement. The bastard was cheating on her the entire time they were together. 3 years dating and 11 years of marriage.
Several years after the divorce, that POS had the nerve to ask my mom to take him back. He was much older than her and his health had declined. He wanted a caregiver. Thankfully my mom had enough pride to tell him to go to hell. Of course she got several fancy dinners and all new tires on her Escalade before she no. She finally stood up for herself.
Leave the kids out of it. Period.
Ma’am get a divorce and get your money back that way. Leave grandchildren out of it. You’re way too old to bring literal children into old people sex drama. It’s weird. Grow up.
This! So much this. Tired of people doing that. You don't turn kids against somebody cause of the issues in your relationship.
Imagine the criticisms that it's inappropriate to employ children in such a way being downvoted to oblivion.
Sometimes, I really detest Reddit.
Well. Don’t forget that a lot of Redditors are childless teens and early twenties who clearly haven’t realized a parent who does this doesn’t actually love their kids. Not really. If you love your kids you do what’s best for them. OP just cares about her own feelings.
I misread. Sorry. We agree.
If you love your kids, you don't weaponize them to get back at someone who hurt you. That immediately turns you into the bigger asshole.
Yes! Kids are not weapons or pawn to be manipulated!
This. Just divorce him and take him to court. It’s unrealistic to think he has 13k laying around if he’s spending money like crazy on whatever tango is
Just looked it up, looks like a chat app.
Tango is a third-party, cross platform messaging application software for smartphones developed by TangoME, Inc. in 2009. The app is free and began as one of the first providers of video calls, texting, photo sharing, and games on a 3G network.
If that isn't it, the only other tango I know is the dance (which sounds like more fun).
Tango is also a gas station chain. Gas be expensive, but 13k in 6 months!?
Right? They love him just as much as he loves them. There’s a good chance her plan will backfire on her and her kids will distance themselves from her to stay out of the drama.
Big facts. Weaponizing kids and grandkids is crazy all because you didn’t pay attention to 2k per month is wild. At least take some responsibility iIf you’re gonna blackmail the man
The fact that OP didn't notice $2k leaving the bank account every month until it was $13k almost makes me wonder if the story isn't even real tbh
Like everything on the internet, it's probably not real. And if it is, considering what OP writes in the comments, they deserve each other.
Seriously what the fuck?? That's so disgusting of her
I agree with this. He has issues and wronged OP deeply… but, metaphorically speaking, using your children & grandchildren as a weapon in a fight against your spouse/their dad/grandpa? That’s straight up garbage. You should just move on and start rebuilding.
what?! OPs kids are grown. they deserve to know what their dad is up to. i'd wanna know if my parent did some crazy ass shit like that.
calling this situation "old people sex drama" is weird and ageist. he spent $13,000+. that is the problem. this commenter needs to grow up.
Letting the children know, and "mak[ing] sure our daughter never let's him see out grandchildren again" are two very different things. The daughter is a grown adult and it's up to her to decide whether her dad ever sees his grandchildren again, not OP.
As an adult child I’d most definitely would want to know, my dad did “something” 20 years ago which left them homeless and I’m now sat with both of them in my home looking after them. Neither will tell me what happened but at the end of the day I’m the one paying for everything because dad screwed up.
I agree, but OP is telling them as “revenge” (no literally that’s the word she used in another comment) and brining grandkids into this. Explaining what happened to them and using them as a pawn to hurt your partner even more is different. I don’t understand why people think you can’t hurt adult children
Ageist is expecting an adult to behave as an adult? It’s so trashy.
My incel ex stole every dime he could from my kids.
Yes! People who weaponize children to get back at a spouse are ethically and morally bankrupt. No one comes out a winner and the real innocent are hurt the most.
That said, if and when he tries to convince the kids that Mommy threw him out because he’s mean and hates fun, THAT’S when you tell them the truth.
I can’t be the only one who thinks she’s worse than her husband? Imagine being that old and getting on reddit to brag about manipulating your kids and, by extension, your grandkids. It’s pathetic.
Let your daughter make her own decision. She isn't some pawn in your war.
OP Since your kids would be the ones who suffer the most in this circumstance anyway, I think it's a bad idea to use them as a bartering chip. You do you, though, so what do I know?
Not defending the husband but trying to take away someone’s grandkids over $13k?
Agreed. She should probably tell the kids, I feel like they have a right to know. But let her decide who sees her kids
Dump him.
Stop bringing your kids into marital disputes. Makes me believe there are two horrible people in this relationship.
I’d want to know the reason for the divorce but let me make my own decision on how to proceed with my kids.
True
It sounds like the kids are adults
The grandkids are not adults, and she said in comments she’s willing to do about anything to make him miserable for the rest of his life. Basically, willing to fuck with her grandkids and their relationships because she’s upset with her partner.
Also, even adult kids don’t need to be used as weapons.
They are and have been grown for quite a while
Then let them decide for themselves whether your husband will be a part of their children's lives. That's not your decision to make.
Do not use relationships as leverage. Keep your kids and grandkids out of it. Get your money back, divorce him, and move on.
> and make sure our daughter never let's him see out grandchildren again. They are his heart and probably his sole reason for living. It would tear his whole soul apart if he couldn't see them any more.
Using your daughter and granddaughter to hurt your shitty husband makes me feel bad for them, not you.
What he did is horrible, that is for sure. But to use children as pawns in your marital war and woe is beyond disgusting. To use grandchildren also? Might want to take some long, difficult looks in the mirror; you may find the two of you are quite equally yoked.
Yup. She baldly states she intends to use the kids to make him suffer.
Agree with this. My mom would use me and my brothers as a way to embarrass my dad. I’m 36 now and think it’s so messed up that instead of working with my dad through problems, she thought it would be best to punish him by stooping to childish things. Unironically, I don’t talk to my mom anymore.
Y’all both toxic as hell though.
$13,000 is a lot of money.
No amount of money is worth emotionally damaging your kids.
But ruining his whole life on purpose money? He's in the wrong and she should leave him if she wants to, but shouldn't carry it over to her children and grandchildren.
I mean sure lock down your accounts and divorce him and what not, but what is this nonsense about keeping his grandkids from him? Power trip much?
"They are his sole reason for living. Therefore, I will try and keep them from him."
Neither OP nor her husband sound like people I'd want to spend time with.
Whats tango?
I figured it must be dance lessons, but did some Googling.
Seems like it’s basically a gift card service for buying and giving other gift cards. So, if I have a Tango account, I could load it up with cash, then conveniently send my girlfriend Scarlet Johansen the digital PlayStation gift cards she always needs.
You can also send Tango gift cards, which lets the receiver choose which card they get. There is a rewards system for using the service as-well.
my girlfriend Scarlet Johansen
Wait, Scarlet is cheating on me?????
Seek therapy
Blackmail or extortion in a divorce will DEFINITELY go your way. Keep it up!
As someone who wound up with zero college money because everything mom squirrelled away for us was stolen by father to feed his porn addiction - I understand why you're angry.
But there is zero reality where you wield your grandchildren like cudgels against him where you aren't a horrible person.
How the hell do you blow a college fund on porn?!?!
You pay for it. Subscriptions. Magazines. Videos. He also had a serious addiction to cigarettes and get rich quick schemes he was too lazy to ever follow through on. Honestly wouldn't at all be surprised if one of our funds partially paid for him and his buddies to do LSD. She had funds started for three of four of us at the time.
Tbf - it's because my mother never rebuilt it after he blew 10 years of savings and buried them in debt, and destroyed her credit score. She left him when I was 10 and she just finally managed to fix all that damage. Took her twenty years.
Ironically enough, by giving it to other less clothed college girls.
One urgently rubbed-out load at a time.
Yikes on both of you.
That’s right, take away HIS grandchildren, because they have anything to do with this issue
Please dear gods, get a great divorce attorney.
Your hubby deserves all the shade being thrown his way. But the kids don't need to be a part of it. If you get them involved you are no better than him.
Don’t use your kids a pawns.
Wtf is Tango? I tried google and first 20 hits were about the dance. My instincts are not to go digging any further…
Sort of a watered down version of Only Fans
THERAPY?
I can’t see an issue with OP telling her adult kids what her husband has done. But, the kids need to be able to make their own mind up about whether they continue to have a relationship with their dad or not.
It’s definitely not right for OP to use the kids and grandkids as a bargaining chip here. I’m not excusing what the husband did at all but he did it to his wife, not kids and grandkids. So does he deserve to lose his whole family? How will it be explained to the grandkids, sorry granda has gone away and you wont see him again? That punishes those children.
I feel like using your children as a bartering chip is a scumbag move, since they will be the most negatively effected in this situation to begin with. But what do I know, you do you.
That stuck out to me too. Why make it the grandchildrens problem? They didn't do anything.
I read it more as her exposing him rather than using the kids. She mentions grandkids so one of them is old enough to be a parent. If I found out my dad did this to my mom I'd ignore him until he paid her back too. $13,000 on a random woman is insane.
I don't think it makes any difference though, as much as I agree OP is angry...
"make sure our daughter never let's him see out grandchildren again" is not OP's call to make. We also don't know how the daughter would react to this news. It's bad... but empathy is also a thing.
Finally, if OP manages to convince daughter to not let him see grandchildren again. That's punishing the grandchildren.
User deleted comment
17d
"make sure our daughter never let's him see out grandchildren again" is not OP's call to make. We also don't know how the daughter would react to this news. It's bad... but empathy is also a thing
Yes I hate it when someone in MIL position feels they have this much power over other people.
Ah, I didn’t realize their kids were older. In that case have at it lol.
"I'll make sure my daughter never let's him see our grandchildren again"
She's trying to punish more than just her husband.
Right? The excuses people make for horrible people smh. She has zero thoughts as to the happiness of her daughter or grandchildren. Only cares about making him suffer.
Yeah, that’s using the kids. Exposing him to wreck his relationship with the kid is incredibly fucked up. That puts the daughter in between parents and the kids and grandkids don’t deserve to be punished for situations out of their control and none of their business.
Imagine the comments pointing out that it’s not OK to use the kids like that , being downvoted into oblivion
I fucking hate Reddit sometimes
all the top comments are criticizing op for it
A lot can change in the first few hours after a post. I think a lot of times the more sensible people start trickling in later and see comments like the one you respond to and then upvote the sensible opinions.
I don't think it's right that you outright plan to take his family away from him. That's extremely messed up and manipulative. Also keep in mind that your kids might see through your ploy and the only one that won't have access to your kids and grandkids is you. Wanting to take away someone's "reason for living" is extremely fucked.
Sounds like he has ED due to porn addiction.
I tried telling him that, he is a non believer.
Yeah I'm sure it's not an easy fact to face, he won't get better till he faces reality and gets some help. I'm sorry this is happening.
I don't care how mad you are at him, and you have every right to be really pissed off, but don't bring your kids into it and don't use them as weapons.
Cutting him off from grandkids is going way too far. They are not involved, so leave them out of it.
Stop letting him have any access to accounts.
I'm sorry for your situation, lmaoooo but that's incredible. What a story, 13k on some Tango floozy. Yikes
Wow! I can see why he sent that 13000.00 to someone on Tango. You are really a shitty person if you are going to blackmail him and have your kids hate him.
Leave your kid out of this wtf.
Both of you are terrible…I’m surprised the marriage isn’t stronger
What he did was real bad, but to use kids is beyond evil.
Well that got vindictive fast
My husband was paying another woman’s mortgage for six months and until I found out needless to say he’s my ex-husband now
tf, this the 2nd time today I saw a reddit post about their husband giving away over 10k to another women💀 Must be a special day
I’d rather die on my feet bearing the weight of the entire world then to allow my daughters and wife to see me as anything other than an immovable rock, a steadfast giant that was put on this earth solely to defend and take care of them. That’s why I go through things alone and I wouldn’t change it for anyone.
Lock down your credit too
Why hurt the grandkids?
Using your grandchildren as collateral makes it hard for me to feel sorry for you.
I was on board until children and grandchildren were brought in then I left the ship. Those 2 things you want to leave out of your own problems. They have nothing to do with your failing marriage.
I get that you're furious, but this is a problem between the two of you, not your kids or grandkids. Keep it that way. Weaponizing your kids against one another is a shitty thing to do.
Asking for the money back, fair.
Bringing kids into it that have absolutely nothing to do with the situation at all? Yeah you're a POS if you do that, don't bring them into shit because you're pissed off. Deal with it with divorce and be done.
Step 1, get a divorce Step 2, create a catfish Tango (whatever that is) account Step 3, find your now ex husband on Tango Step 4, get him to send you 13,000 over 6 months.
That wouldn't work, you actually see the person you are sending money to. 🤷♀️
If you divorce get evidence of his spending. You can claim the damage, because he misused martial assets.
Regardless of his mistake to try and turn his kids and Grandchildren against him is disgusting.
Why would you hurt your grandchildren?
What he did was terrible. You aren't much better for dragging your children into this matter and tearing your family apart by estranging your kids and grandchildren from him to get back at him.
Regardless of the money, those are his children and his grandchildren and he has a right to be in their lives. I'm sure your kids would want to estrange themselves from you knowing that you're willing to sink this low.
He wronged you, and you should handle it like a mature adult instead of being petty.
I bet he doesn’t have ed just says he does
Does your daughter not love her father?
You seem like a nice person.
Gee no wonder he looks elsewhere for attention and validation. You sound like a peach....NOT.
What he did was foul but telling him that he’ll never see his grandchildren again is crazy. Makes me wonder what was really going on in that house and why he felt like he had to step out.
He didn't have to step out. He could have gotten a divorce
I'm sorry
Wow. Consult with a divorce attorney on how to proceed. Don’t do anything until you speak with a divorce attorney! Also let him know more than likely it was a man in Africa pretending to be a woman that got his money
For sure I'd kick him out and divorce his punk ass , I doubt you can sue since y'all are Married , and if his addiction is that bad I doubt you will ever see a dime. Especially if he has to now find and secure new housing ect , which isn't at all cheap. I mean you can't expect him to live in the streets in order to pay you back. Obviously he don't have 13,000 just laying around or he wouldn't have used "your" money. Just as someone else said there is no world where you could take the kids from him, ultimately hurting them. Causing a bunch of rejection and abandonment issues if he is that close to him and they are his " heart". What exactly do they mean to you? Because as a grandma myself, I absolutely couldn't hurt my grandbabies ever. Involving children in grown folks business is never ever a good idea. PERIOD. Even tho he's just their grandfather I don't think " turning them against him " or " making sure they never see him again " is any different than custodial alienation, which literally is considered child cruelty or in some places.
But my question is how tf did he manage to get 13,000 with out you noticing? Because I get notifications straight to my phone anytime my bank makes a transaction and it's not cuz I don't trust my husband... It's so we don't overdraft and we always know what money went to what. I can't imagine $13,000 just slipping thru the cracks ... So I call bullshit!
Come on people you can do better than this .... If ya Gunna make some shit up make it interesting!! And don't be a punk and involve innocent children!
Leave the man off that’s what you decide but Jesus leave the kids out of this.
Hurt people hurt people. Be bigger - you’re going to hurt yourself by forcing your kid to keep their kids away from their grandfather.
Very narcissist behavior trying to use something they love to hurt them.
Two pieces of shit is all I’m reading here
Id like to think OP means that once her daughter finds out what dear old dad did, she'll cut off his access all on her own. We see this consequence all the time on this sub. I understand OPs fury and desire to burn the whole thing down, but she needs to stop and think things through.
He was wrong and you rightly feel the way you feel but to implicate your whole family is sickening. Are you ok?
You can tell your kids, but you can’t control their actions afterwards, and if you go too far, they may start seeing him as the victim, and then you have a big problem.
All good until the 13k or you can't see grandkids. What a pos threat over money. Probably same type of person that if they were younger would say you can't see your daughter thinking they are only punishing the husband and are doing the "right" thing.
Imagine this played out like that and that kid grows up and asks this lady, hey how come grandpa wasn't around anymore and her answer is 13k lmao
So extortion is never the best solution, however, if your kid (an adult I assume) presses you as to specifics on why the family is changing in a drastic way, you owe them the respect of being honest. How they react and tell/don’t tell the grandkids is their choice, not yours. If they know the truth and still keep their dad in the picture is totally fine and none of your concern.
Sounds like you want to hurt him when you should try to distance yourself from him. Do not traumatize your grandchildren due to their horny ass grandpa.
Your daughter deserves to know why you separated and decide if she wants to keep him in her and her children's life.
No one should push this info to the children. Just say it was boring and you hated each other, like normal grand parents dammit
I get you’re upset and I would be too, after all it’s not just the money he threw away but the betrayal. In situations like these our emotions get the best of us and we want to make them pay but please consider your grandchildren and that they are not at fault for what he did. You’d be punishing them for what he did , and that’s not fair at all. Leave them out of it. Your kids will not want to know how dad diddles himself, and they may even resent you for unloading your anger off onto them
Just get a divorce and move on. No need to cause stress and pain to your daughter.
Edited to add that I have parents like you, who cause me stress. I worry, I work myself up, I suffer, I detach myself and find myself thinking that it would be better if they weren't in my life at all. Because raising children, raising money and keeping a marriage functional takes enough of my energy, I don't need more bullshit.
All of this, and the depression that comes from realizing your parents no longer (or ever, maybe?) capable of having your back.
I can kind of see why he was looking elsewhere if this is the kind of person you are.
make sure our daughter never let's him see out grandchildren again
This is overdoing it a little. You want to punish him, that's fine, but keep other people who love him out of it because you're hurting them, too.
I think it’s awful to purposely use your kids and grandchildren against him, even though I understand being that angry that you’d just spout off and threaten crazy things, I would hope you’d not follow through with that, OP.
If I were OP’s child and my father lied, cheated, and stole from my mother, sending some random woman $13k and throwing their marriage away… it would be very difficult for me to want my young kids (or even my oldest daughter who is an adult) to have much to do with him.
He sounds like someone I would have no respect for, and someone I would worry about my kids looking up to, honestly.
I don’t know that I would want my kids, even as adults with families of their own, to know about something like this. Marital issues belong between the couple, kids should not be involved, no matter their age. But it might be hard to keep secret if it causes huge drama and ends the marriage.
I would certainly keep as many details to myself as possible.
What happens when your daughter cuts YOU out and tries to help HIM?
Dude, that sucks. But don’t be the crazy wife/ ex(?) Get your money back, if you wanna save marriage. He needs therapy, maybe an addiction group.
A good therapist can give him goals and benchmark to reach.
Otherwise, just get a divorce. Don’t waste your energy on a dumpster fire.
Divorce it is.
You both suck. You don't want to hear that but it is true. Sure you should get rid of him, but dragging the kids into it is a low blow. Keep this between the two of you.
Woah, you are toxic! No wonder he was looking elsewhere!
Wondering if he has ED or if he just can't get it up for this blackmailing monster. If you want a divorce then do it and the husband has that coming but OP is not guiltless and is being proactively evil to the man she presumably vowed to love.
Don’t use the grandchildren as pawns
don’t know about OP’s financial situation. is the 13,000 your money or his money or shared money?
anything done to get him out of the addiction before the threats about not letting him see the children and grandchildren?
I don't care that your children are grown. Using them as a punishment is disgusting. Deal with this yourself.
Your situation sucks, leave him.
Yikes. Definitely divorce him, but if its a joint account, it’s unlikely you’ll get the 13k back and I’m a be frank, it’s definitely not okay to be so vindictive that you would use your own kids and grandkids in this, when they aren’t a part of the marriage, and levying them as a weapon against him to get what you want is a crappy move.
I can honestly see why he would be watching porn or other things such as that, if this is the type of personality to begin with. Dude would’ve been better off using the 13k to divorce you from the get go
I totally understand how betrayed and pissed you must be feeling but using children as weapons is never the answer. If you don't have prior experience with addicts you should know they will only stop when they want to. Any carrot you dangle in front of them may make them act like they will change but usually end up getting right back up on the horse and will just try to hide it better from you. Tell the kids what you want but personally I'd leave out his ED and sexual perversions unless they ask and really want to know. Good luck
Is it fair to lose someone you loved and raised over $13,000?
You’re no different than a kidnapper asking for ransom.
You feeling wronged is valid. But holding your children and their mental health hostage is kinda fucked… you’re ready to scar them to hurt your husband and gain back $13,000…
Sounds like you enabled the behavior
Husband, 13k in 6 months, that's nothin.. also not nearly enough to take your children away either. You'll be humbled quickly in court when you find he has all the right to accounts & the house & everything else. If you change the locks, he can legally break in lolz.
If he does not comply I will tell our children what he has done and make sure our daughter never let's him see out grandchildren again. They are his heart and probably his sole reason for living. It would tear his whole soul apart if he couldn't see them any more.
Using your grandchildren as blunt objects for revenge is utterly fucking despicable.
Just because he's a shitty person doesn't give you the green light to also be a shitty person.
If it makes you feel better, my Dad blew 200k on multiple Women in the span of two years, I found out because I had to use his email for something.
I reset his password for his remeitly account & saw all the transactions and added them up. My moms a pick me so she won’t leave, and woman for some reason in our culture don’t leave & are used to men being abusive pieces of shit.
More power to you for being strong and actually leaving, because my mom would never, lol.
That had nothing to do with the grandchildren.
So your plan is to take away your grandchildrens' grandfather in hopes that he kills himself? But you're staying married to him in the meantime?
Jesus.
What is "Tango"?
Yess as a wanna be wife to someone like this thank you thank you for doing what I couldn’t phantom of doing you are my idol
WTH is "Tango?"
Sort of a watered down version of only fans
so, the money was his or yours? Or shared account? Im asking bc “I also expect him to deposit 13,000.00 into my bank account“...
Using your grandchildren as a weapon is gross behaviour. Divorce the moron but leave your grandkids out of it.
Eh. Not the end of the world. ED usually is the end for most guys and will cause you to do some insane things. Maybe this is part of that problem. I find it interesting that you can choose to destroy this person you've spent a life with in the way that hurts them the most. And you seemed more concerned about the money than anything else. Are to the sure you really want to hurt him in this way?
I'm super sick of men being horrible to their wives and then people shitting on the wife for not reacting perfectly and as maturely as possible. I totally get you wanting to fuck shit up right now. Fuck him.
Don't put your child in between you and your husband. Yes, what your husband did was horrible and I will cheer for you to leave him. Be happy. Be powerful, but don't involve your children. That is unfair of you to do to them You will be robbing your children and grandchildren of something.
I know you’re mad. But likely destroying a huge part of your kids lives for a dispute between you and your husband is truly petty and will only continue to add more devastation to the situation.
You clearly need to seek therapy for not only this event, but for your initial response to uproot your grown kids lives too. Makes me think that you are not a healthy person yourself and that needs to be addressed.
You BOTH need to do better. Dump the dude and move on with your life. Do not bring your kids down with this sinking ship.
It’s a shame that so many young children these days have vindictive, toxic, dysfunctional, and unaccountable grandparents. You absolutely have to do better. As a 30-something year old dad myself, I am making sure to undo all of the poor patenting and toxic behaviors my parents presented me. They’re like you. Turned their children against their parents over their petty bullshit. Your husband sucks. But you suck too.
I pray for you getting back the money. He has the give every cent back.
Did they take "for better or worse" out of marriage vows? I know posting about it on reddit will make it better!
Weaponizing kids is a dick move
Sounds like you've dealt with his ED in a super kind and loving way, right? Maybe not. Your post doesn't seem to contain anything kind or loving in it. You'll win but everyone will know and hate you.
Can only imagine why he sent another woman money. Using your kids as weapons is real classy.
$13,000 from a joint account means he owes you $6500 not $13,000. Of course you may split your finances differently than 50/50 but unless you are the sole provider to the account he used, make sure to split it correctly.
Also never use your children as bargaining chips. Your shitty ex will not care, but your kids will remember and it will alter their relationship with you. They'll know you care more about you than about them. Get back at the AH, but don't use your kids to do it.
You both sound pretty horrible tbh
Her comment history is... a lot.
The telling ur children and making sure he doesn't see his grandchildren brings you down to his level if not lower.
Sounds like he fell for some kind of catfishing thing to me. I bet it's not even a real woman he was talking to, lol
Protect yourself from further harm and be strong!
Change all of your passwords and move all of your money that is in a joint account to an account he cannot access, open a new one if need be, just make sure he has zero access to that money.
Also good on you for putting your foot down, I've seen so many women in similar positions who haven't got a clue how to move forward after catching their SO doing shady and expensive shit online and completely draining their shared savings. So seriously, good on you. Stand your ground
the worst mistake you could make is getting the kids involved.
Putting the kids in this will make u TA imo the kids and grandkids have nothing to do with any of this and u shouldn’t use them against him . Sorry ur husband did that but if u use those grand babies like that u are no better then he is
Really. Threatening his sole reason for living? What kind of beast are you?
I'm on the fence here...while on one hand he's paid for another person's whatever he purchased on the other hand you're willing to use the kids as pawns in this shit.
And to expect him to put $13k in your account for something he did is wild.
He did what he did but your kids do not need to be involved in this bullshit you've got going on. If hes guilty of just sending another woman money & your response is to tell the kids in hopes they'd abandon him then you're both fucking toxic & you more so.
He sent money too another woman. Shitty thing to do if yall are married & living together without an open relationship. You're wanting to go further by telling the family what he's done. I already really dislike you.
Lock down your accounts and any portable items of value, credit cards and other assets, split and safeguard any shared assets. He is addicted and addicts are unpredictable. Make sure you put a lock on your credit so he can’t open cards in your name. He may not do anything financially damaging to you, but there’s too many stories on Reddit about spouse’s blindsided after the fact. Protect yourself. Take screen shots of conversations and receipts in case it’s needed for the divorce. CYA. Better to be over prepared. You deserve better and are not responsible for his behavior, though he may try to shift blame. I hope you find your peace again soon.