I just now had to deliver Christmas treats tonight neighbors, and all of them that I spoke to were very reserved and quick to end the conversation with me. I got the message louder and clear. I haven't ever done anything either so my assumption is that my mother has gossiped about me to them, she's done so before with others in front of me to try and shame me. I don't care enough to make tight knit bonds with them, but at the same time it still stings a lot. I literally stopped knocking on doors and just left the bags at the door because I didn't want to deal with being ostracized anymore. I hate that things are the way they are, primarily stemming from her, and anytime I try to bring up the pain she inflicts on me she deflects or doesn't listen. I need to finish my college and move away at this point, start somewhere new where she won't have so much influence on me.
My mother reinforced how much of a social pariah I am to my neighbors
It's okay, I just roll with it now the best I can, and try to avoid scenarios like this the best I can.
When my FIL passed away, my husband, the only child of FIL was doing cleanup, and all at his father’s home, to do an estate sale, then the sale of the home, where FIL lived for almost 40 years. FIL was a bit of a collector of things. The neighbors had no idea my husband even existed. They only knew of SMIL and her grown son, who’s the same age (days apart) and same name as my husband, stepmom in law, actually wasn’t Married to FIL legally, and did not inherit any part of his estate. Neighbors contacted the police on my husband. Police came and talked to him, he explained what was going on, who he was, the police went on their way, next door.
My husband felt like his own dad truly didn’t care about him at all. This was something he’d battled for years, and this event solidified it. He had been having doubts about selling his dad’s home, but realized he didn’t really have a “dad”.
I can understand that feeling a bit too, my father is very irresponsible, I pretty much lost the lottery in terms of my parents. I love them both dearly and I know they love and care about me, but they have both inflicted a significant amount of mental damage onto me. As for my father he viewed me as a doll essentially, like he would brag about me and show me off to other people he was trying to impress. Along with trying to schmooze me into doing things for and with him, which I didn't mind too much. Yet it all came to a head recently when his mother, my grandmother, died and he made a series of very bad decisions with the money he's come into. Which booklet down to he abandoned me for a while for his own convenience, then used me as free labor to try and get his resale store up and running which failed, and then threw a recent pity party about himself and resulted in me doing a 600 mile round trip last night to make sure everything was okay.
My mom used to tell our extended family about my personal problems all the time. So I finally after a decade confronted her & schooled her how horrible that is! She was at first defensive and unapologetic. It sounds like your mom is also a narcissist. I’m sorry ☹️