In my understanding, salvation comes by grace alone. Is there any sort of repentance for sin or affection towards God that isn’t a gift from him? If it were our own doing, then it would be a reason to boast.
The trouble is that I do not possess these qualities. I spent years going to church and Bible study, doing devotions, asking God to make my belief genuine. It always felt a little fake, like it was for show even though I prayed in the quietness of my room. Now, I’m tired of doing these “works” without genuine faith or love for God. I don’t think I can do them any longer if God doesn’t help me truly believe. And it’s not like I haven’t asked.
I’ve waited on him for years, and I’m pretty frustrated at him. What else can I do, but accept that I haven’t been chosen by him?