My biggest fear happened again. I got called fat

Spoiler

Edit: i am 157cm tall Growing up I was the fat kid. The only fat kid in the class. The bullying was horrible. I tried diets and gave up. I hated restrictions. It was unfair watching skinny girls eat burgers while I ate fruits. I stopped dieting and i went back to binging my favourite food. When i was 17 i got myself in check. I started going to the gym and lost weight. I went from 75 to 60 for 3 months. It was amazing. After that however the weight loss process slowed down. It took me 7 months to get to 50. And to make everything worse i worked heavily demanding job and going to the gym and started missing meals. Still. When i reached 53 i was in healthy weight range. I was still unhappy with my body. Something happened and let’s say i barely ate for months and started taking drugs that made me lose appetite. I went to 44kg. My bones became visible. Still had belly fat. I started taking birth control for 2 weeks to stop my period because i didn’t want to be on my period during the prom. But after the prom i had exams. My appetite increased. I gained the weight back. I never lost it back. Sure i went to 47 again but i want to be 35 or even 30.

During the first year of university i stopped restricting myself(i only didn’t eat when i was at uni thats it) and had no time for the gym. My appetite has increased even though i stopped taking birth control months ago. During holidays i ate so much it’s embarrassing. I gained weight. I barely fit into my jeans. I still do but at some point it was hard to zip them up. I bought them last year.

Now everyone is telling me i gained weight. I don’t like it. People tell me i look better but i don’t like myself. I purposely posted myself on here(deleted the post) and everyone called me fat. What hurt me the most was when someone said “I am the same height 54 kg and i look nowhere like you. You’re probably 65-70kilos.” I never stopped seeing the version of me that was 75kg. This was a punch in the face.

I am so glad i will have the chance to starve myself for month at work. The job is also physically demanding so i will win in this situation. I just want to be skinny. Is that too much to ask for?

in Rantsby Thr0wawayyy2001

67%

Greyattimes

This sounds a lot like body dysmorphia. OP you need to stop weighing yourself and talk to a professional about developing a healthy relationship with food and your body. 35kg is extremely skinny and is what people with anorexia weigh. It's extremely unhealthy.

Thr0wawayyy2001

Nah. I am more than 50kg now. People even assume i am around 70kg. I used to think i have body dysmorphia but my biggest fear was confirmed. I am fat

Greyattimes

50kg range sounds like an ideal weight. Every woman carries our weight differently. I have the opposite, where I weigh much more than I look like I weigh. Try not to worry about your weight and definitely not what other people think. The person that said that comment to you was being a complete jerk and probably dealing with their own body image issues. I am sure you are beautiful as you are!

1One1_Postaita

I'm going to be straight up with you, no matter how much you starve and lose, you will never ever feel happy with yourself. This is not about your weight, but your self-image.

You will not achieve happiness like this.

Focus on your mental health and feeling yourself properly.

You most likely have less muscle on your body than the average person. Starving yourself will make this worse. If you want to look skinny, rather than skinny fat, then starvation is not the method, it will not lead you where you want.

dragonflyladyofskye

Until you figure out and set your mind that others opinions of you are none of your business, nothing will change for you. Don’t let others have a say in your life. If someone says you’ve gained weight, say thank you and move on. Your self worth is what needs to be improved upon. I’ve been very underweight and I’ve been very overweight. But I’m still me no matter what skin I’m in. It’s what I think about me that counts! Don’t let others bring you down, they don’t matter! Love yourself, treat yourself with love and kindness and screw the rest. I hope you feel better mentally and physically! Worry about yourself and get that confidence back! You’ll be much happier when you do things for yourself and not for the sake or benefit of others. Best of luck!

royhinckly

I call myself a disgusting fat slob when i look in the mirror