Mine is having different names for the grandparents. Before LO was born, I was super annoyed at the idea of having a na na, mo mo, mi mi, pop, pop pop, and uppa (all real names btw). LO is 14 months old now and we’ve gotten so much help and support from these people I don’t know how we would have survived without them and now I would literally refer to any of them by any name they want. “Na na the all-knowing queen of everything the light touches”? You got it, boss! Just keep rolling that ball back to him.
What is something you’ve totally changed your stance on since having a baby?
Happy/FunnySame, and special washer fluid for baby too. Everything gets washed in Kirkland now.
We just started using the Tide Free & Gentle in bulk from Costco (I’m sure the Kirkland version works the same) No harsh dyes or stuff just like the expensive baby detergents!
Just keep in mind that’s mainly marketing designed to make you think it’s a free and clear “gentle” brand, still uses much harsher synthetic surfactants than other baby designed detergents that are actually natural. We had to switch since our daughter has sensitive skin got a reaction from it I should’ve remembered since I used to work there (P&G) and we did the same thing on dish soap the pure essentials just being a marketing spin not actually natural like 7th generation for example. Easier to redesign the packaging to mislead consumers than to change the entire supply chain with the chemical. They called it a “commercial innovation” when they changed nothing about the product but redesigned the branding to charge more. Those always pissed me off from an ethical standpoint.
The free of dyes is 100% true notice they don’t lie they understand the legalese, but it does use harsher synthetic surfactants (the chemical that removes grease etc) but with the marketing you think it’s more gentle and they don’t have to lie about the chemicals
Pretty sure they also don’t list “baby” on there for that legal reason, whereas other sensitive designed detergents can slap baby right on the name with no fear.
Question!! I’ve used 7th generation detergent forever and recently bought Tide to get some stains out of something. I just want my clothes CLEAN and it seems like you either get “green and dirty” or “clean and harsh/residue.” Is there a happy medium?
It’s one or the other unfortunately. Natural cleaners are weak as shit. So when something is super soiled Tide is the strongest on the market, I prefer Gain for my personal laundry weaker but scented, the green brands just aren’t great I don’t think this will ever change tbh seems to be the limitation of science like someone else mentioned with deodorants using aluminum that’s what stops the sweat production so if you want non aluminum it’s just a perfume really
In general, probably no happy medium. Kind of like with deodorants. Those “all natural” ones just mean you’ll naturally stink.
Color catchers are the greatest invention known to man I swear
The solution is actually never owning white clothing :)
Can’t you just wash with cold water? I’m in my 30s and have yet to have colors bleed! I just use cold water for my clothes.
What is a color catcher??
A little sheet you throw in the wash that collects all of the color that bleeds off so you can wash colors and whites together
Cool! I never heard of this. Thanks for letting me know. My mom turned many an item pink when I was a little kid and because of this I specifically do 3 separate loads - dark, lights and whites. Maybe now I can change it up a bit.
Also cold water washing when mixing colors!
Folding laundry 😂😂😂 I’ve just been throwing my clothes in their drawers to clear out some laundry bins. It hurts but it’s the only way I stay caught up at the moment lol
Somehow I’ve been the opposite? I sort laundry now to keep the baby clothes cute and bright lol but I might just be fixated on something I can control 🙃
omg yes. yesterday I found a onesie with the blowout STILL IN IT within a random load of laundry my husband did (not sorted). I’m NOT washing my face with a washcloth that was in a load of laundry with a blowout. I couldn’t believe how the poop didn’t get properly washed out (I think the washer was too full and he didn’t use hot water)🤢
My husband always does loads that are way too big. I’m gonna use this as an example of what can happen when there isn’t enough room for the washer to do its job!
Ewwww!
Same here. Also I never really used the dryer but now everything goes in, if it can’t survive the dryer then it’s dead to me
If it’s new and red it goes in with black or other red stuff. White stuff I care about goes in with stuff lighter than dark blue. That’s my entire system.
This is me now. My husband asked why we don't separate anymore. Told him we have a kid now 🤣
Literally same. I used to try to train my husband to separate laundry so when he saw me chuck in a load of whites darks and colors, he asked what changed. We have kids now. We’re a mixed load family now. Lol I think he’s happy about it too
Girly outfits. We didn’t share our baby’s gender until right before her due date and I was very adamant about buying gender neutral stuff to save money in case our next is a boy. Now that my girl is here, though, I really enjoy dressing her in cute little outfits.
I was ADAMANTLY against anything pink and/or girly before my daughter was born. Made my beliefs known but of course she got tons of adorably girly outfits from family & friends, many in pink. Guess what. She looks SO adorable in them and loves the color so I voluntarily purchase all shades of pink now.
Yep! I hated everything pink, told the family not to get her pink clothes. Lo and behold, almost her entire wardrobe is peach and dusty pink. I love it! I think I let go of my own prejudice towards the color.
Same! It could be every pink shade under the rainbow. Free? Keeping it.
Same 💗
I was the same! But it turns out that she looks best in peachy coral pinks and not hot pink like some of the gifts were. But really her colors are blue and purple, just like her dad. I am enjoying baby color theory — still trying to figure out her color palette.
This was us! I was 100% against cutesy outfits, shopped at boys section for onesies because they had animal prints and white colours. She got a huge goodie bag from her cousins and had dresses, pinks, purples and now has chosen to love everything pink on her own. She’s also a sassy toddler now, with strong opinions so even if I did want to keep her in what I like, she would protest and get her own clothes.
My neighbor is a super punk chick like black clothes and fishnets everyday, green streaks in her hair, winged eye liner every day (I’m like hooooow??) and her daughter is about 3 and almost exclusively wears pinks and it’s so freaking adorable.
I love that! It’s great to see parents just letting their kids choose what they like!
I mean, yes to that, but also the market doesn't make it easy to find non gender clothes. We have a boy and we wanted gender neutral things for him. Now everything is blue and dinosaurs lol. He's too young to choose, but trying to find non gendered clothes is a lot to do on top of the exhaustion. So dinosaurs it is. He looks amazing, but honestly he'd look just as awesome in shades of beige or orange.
i was kind of avoidant of super frilly things and instead bought comfortable/practical clothes. then one day my 1.5 yo got a bright pink tulle minnie mouse dress. i put it on her and immediately she ran to the mirror and started twirling around and giggling. it was the cutest thing. so i’ve definitely changed my mind on that.
My girl loves playing mommy and dress up and with dollhouses and has no interest in the dragons or tools I buy her.
I would recommend going one step further and not finding out the gender until birth. It’s pretty great announcing to everyone “it’s a…” like the old days.
Hoping I can convince my husband to do that when we get pregnant with our second.
Same! And it was even my second child too. I have all these boy clothes saved for my daughter and all I want to put her in is pink and dresses 🤦🏼♀️
It’s also so hard because “gender neutral” clothes barely exist!
I ended up buying a lot of "boy" clothes for my daughter, since a lot of them look pretty gender neutral.
Earth tones and animals, ftw.
My friends were like you for their daughter, and then passed the clothes on to my son (a few months younger). So the most stereotypical "boy" stuff he has is from our friends' little girl, which I love!
Anything can be gender neutral, unless it says "girl" or "boy" on it. My son wears clothes with flowers and rainbows, and ones with sharks and construction trucks. Sometimes you have to ignore your own judgements about the clothing if you want your child to have a broader interpretation of what is "for" boys/girls.
The cut is different for girl clothes, which is stupid since girls and boys have the same body at that age. Gender neutral essentially means boy clothes without dinosaurs or trucks on them.
Are they? I have lots of clothes for my LO that are green, yellow, red, orange, etc.
I found that most are the beige kind of gender neutral! I did end up finding some online but after quite a lot of work. And I still think most gender neutral ones aren’t that cute. It’s like companies put less effort into them imo
I found myself buying a lot of boy clothes that weren’t overly “boy”, mainly more neutral or primary colors, but there aren’t too many true gender neutral options.
We were all about gender neutral until everyone, everywhere kept referring to our daughter as a boy. I never in a million years thought I’d be the type of person that would bother. But here we are. Now we put her in more girly outfits or at least include one girly feature like a headband with a bow or something.
Honestly, breastfeeding… I never thought it was so hard and difficult and sometimes just impossible… Women that breastfeed are my heroes.
I stupidly thought it was intuitive. You just pop that sucker on but god no. Also you BF that baby whenever/wherever you want (not that I was against it before but even more supportive now).
I was the same. Definitely not intuitive. At the moment we are two weeks in and he can’t latch and my nipples are raw and l hate it.
If it’s any consolation, I found week 2 to be the hardest. For me it did get better
Hydrogel pads the lactation consultant gave me in the hospital saved me in the early weeks!
Silverettes or similar saved me in a similar situation!
Silverettes were the MVP of my postpartum
Thirding silverettes!! I tried lansinoh cream and was like ok maybe it takes a few days. Bought the silverettes in a moment of pain and they worked SO fast. Worth every penny!
Hang in there!! Week 2-3 are so hard. But breastfeeding my baby is now something I genuinely love. I love getting the uninterrupted snuggles from my baby and the pain was basically gone by week 4!
It does get better ❤️
If you can get a prescription for APNO, do it. It’s the only thing that actually works.
Make sure baby has nice big wide mouth before going in. If it’s painful once baby is properly latched (not the first few seconds, but after that) then you should contact a lactation consultant. If it’s just getting on and off, it will go away soon.
Same. I planned on having this lovely breastfeeding experience.
Instead I got inverted nipples, power pumping, triple feeding, and ultimately gave up on it.
Big boobs do not equal easy breastfeeding.
or even milk production! I was an early developer, busty even in 8th grade, and when it came to breastfeeding, could only produce a few drops. What a fakeout
Me too. Turns out my boobs grew but the glandular tissue didn't.
So yes, these boobs are just decorational. Took me awhile to process but I'm ok with it now.
these boobs are just decorational
Love this!!
My production was definitely on the low end. I was able to pump about 12 oz per day. Definitely not enough to sustain the little fella. I pumped vigorously 5x a day for 20 mins for the first six months until we introduced solids, then I stopped.
In hindsight, I wish I'd stopped earlier. It was such a physical and emotional drain (literally).
ugh same. except I could barely do an ounce a day. All the advice I got boiled down to “double down on what’s not working!” I wish id quit sooner too
I'm willing to bet you got that advice from an LC?
Mine was like "oh it's a tongue tie!" (It was not, according to my pediatrician and three nurses who specialize in lactation support.)
That put the nail in the coffin for my BF journey.
In the end, I gave my baby what he needed most, which was me being ok I'm the head and not crying every day. I'd rather give him that over breastmilk a thousand times over.
when I tell you I have never breastfed I. Public because my massive boobs need their own support staff to be utilised 😩. My friend was quite openly judgy absolutely refusing to breastfeed in a cafe and going to my car. But in my defence my boobs would drown my baby so i needed to perch her on a pillow so i could hold the damn boob for her. The logistical nightmare of holding baby at the right angle to access my boob that I am also holding was not for public viewing. Lol I hated breastfeeding my goodness!
As someone who is currently attempting to breastfeed a baby that is 24 hours and 44 minutes old right now... Vibe.
Congratulations! 🥰🥰🥰
Stay at home moms became my heroes. I hated my mat leave.
I love my son but I truly cannot wait to go back to work.
It was so much better when I went back to work!
My wife got mastitis that turned into staph infection requiring surgery and a month of healing.
I thought the same. I thought milk just come busting out of your boobs as soon as baby latches. Oh boy was I wrong. Baby may not latch, milk may not come at all immediately, etc.
What about when the milk that finally came in comes too fast and drowns the poor baby? Or when your breads are rock hard and painful? So many issues…
Same. My baby latches fine and did within 30 minutes of birth. My milk came in on day 3, but I don’t produce enough milk. On week 4 we did a weighted feed and she hadn’t gained any weight in a week. I started exclusively pumping and only nurse when she needs help calming down. This is not what I expected!
I was told via a comment on Reddit that it was a matter of persistence and education. I can study, I’m smart (and I know A LOT about breastfeeding) and I’m stubborn and rarely give up on anything.
If your boobs don’t produce though all you’ll squeeze out is a nervous breakdown and you’ll miss out on much needed healing and bonding postpartum.
Next time, if my milk doesn’t come in without intervention, it’s staying that way so I can focus on loving my baby not hating my body.
I told my husband that was the single only thing I was fully unprepared for. All I read was “breastfeeding is a new skill you’ll both have to learn!” I wish someone said “ya your nipples will bleed it will be so hard and you’ll have to keep doing it every couple hours and it’s literally fucking impossible and the baby also has no idea what’s going on and the hospital will just push a bottle and the baby will be screaming and you will also cry.” And then not say “but you’ll get through it!” I did but that wouldn’t have helped
Same. I didn't even know shields were a thing! And even those come in different sizes! How did women do it way back in the day without pumps, ergonomic pillows, shields...? Then you have to keep up or you'll get engorged, or risk a blockage! How are there companies that don't have mat leave?
I hate to say this, but I was really worried and prepared for breastfeeding to be really terrible. But in my case, it was easy and painless. It was intuitive. I was still worried about doing it right and got in my own head, but it wasn't hard. I think everyone's anatomy, including the baby's, is different. For me, making formula would have been harder. But I really don't care or judge anyone if they don't breastfeed. To me, the women who deserve praise are the women who pump and feed. So much work and time!
Saaaame. Then my baby had to get formula supplements because she wasn't gaining weight and now she completely refuses the breast. I've been pumping for nearly 4 months now and it's hell.
Literally! It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done🥲
Yeah the whole breastfeeding journey has not been what I expected. Don’t know why I kept on going when had several nursing strikes and crying at the boob. Baby does not nurse in public places and scratches my poor boobs. Now when I’m more that ready to give up she wants to nurse
It is absolutely so hard! I had no idea either
I am right there with you. I plan to wean sooner than originally planned. That being said, I've also gone longer than expected. The first 2 weeks were awful and then it got better. My MIL is a lactation consultant and that helped so much.
That Crying babies on planes are annoying. Or to blame parents for rowdy toddlers.
My heart is now so soft for any and all mothers. I know not everyone is a good mom. But almost all moms I have met with very few exceptions are trying to be the best moms. And kids are very hard.
I’m about to fly back home from an international trip with my sweet but rambunctious toddler in two days. I needed this reminder.
In my experience, most people are very understanding of crying babies and whining toddlers on planes as long as the parent is actively trying to settle or entertain them.
People only get annoyed if the parents just ignore their children and let them do whatever they want without trying at all to curtail bad behaviour in toddlers or just let a baby cry without trying to soothe them.
I've also had people on planes offer to help me -- hold my baby while I get a bottle ready, help me carry the crazy amount of stuff I need to bring on board etc so I think most people don't mind and just know that it's hard for both the kids and parents. Babies struggle with the altitude changes and toddlers with the boredom and been confined to a tiny space!
There's that joke: before I had kids I would see kids' tantrums in public and think "lord, what is that mother doing to her child?" Now when I see a kid crying or losing it, I think "dear God, what is that child doing to that poor woman?!" 😅
🥲
OUR phone use. We need to get off our phones. I say whilst scrolling Reddit 🤦🏻♀️
This is my daily struggle. I’m trying to be better
It’s so hard isn’t it? I’ve somehow gotten worse as my toddler has gotten older just because she can play independently now
Ugh yes. I'm so much more aware of it yet I think my phone usage is getting worse. I'm so tired and my day is so broken up that if I have downtime I just scroll instead of starting a new task.
I feel this. I’ve slowed down a lot but I need to put more effort in putting my phone down. That said…
Having visitors during the newborn phase. I remember thinking NO VISITORS before 8 weeks old. I was begging for family to come help after 2 weeks.
Same. I was also out and about after like a week. I was so bored and cooped up. Newborns are easy to take out too imo
I loved having people over!!
My son is 8 weeks old and it's so easy to take him anywhere, we try and take advantage of it.
Same. I’m just like okay I want to see people too, I don’t want to be this isolated. We will all be fine.
Same. Our original stance was 4 weeks. I thought I’d feel the usual pressure to have myself and my house in order and to be a good host. I ended up really enjoying the help and company of the grandparents much sooner, and I found I didn’t mind that my hosting skills were overshadowed by recovery and newborn care
Haha oh yeah my wife and I said the same thing, NO VISITORS until 8 weeks… we made it to the end of week 3 and were begging my parents to come. We were HUMBLED
I wanted to show off the baby to everyone. I would have thrown the Lion King intro ceremony if I could have.
You survived two weeks? I wasn’t able to get through the first 4 hours of being home. FTM.
Same. I called my mom crying asking her to come over and help us 😂 She was like I thought you didn't want any visitors yet?? Lol I was delusional
I'm a pregnant FTM and my plan is to ask my sister-in-law to come home with us from the hospital to help us with the transition. I feel like I'd be terrified and overwhelmed otherwise!
And I am the opposite. I was all, yeah we'll have people over no problem. Here we are at 8 weeks and I'm like PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE. It's just been a revolving door of people (who admittedly are all very excited for us and it all comes from a place of love but still) and I'm so over it.
This one definitely depends on what your family is like. Mine were the kind to take the baby off me to "give me a break". But I needed to rest, not entertain guests. So I was really glad I kept a no visitor rule for the first week. Even when they came, it was exactly what I thought. Plus my mother brought extended family without informing me.
Well im more firm in that camp than ever before
never having visitors again if i can help it
waste of my precious time to sit and listen to other people without working
When I used to hear crying screaming inconsolable babies in public I used to be that completely naive idiot: “surely it’s not rocket science to calm a baby? Surely there’s something they could be doing?”
Now I’m like:
I feel you.
I so feel you, hang in there 🥲
Leashes. No explanation needed.
I was so anti leash as a young adult. I thought it was lazy parenting…until I met a toddler who absolutely needed a leash. That kid waited until mom had something in each hand to bolt into the street, multiple times.
My toddler is a stage 5 clinger and we’d both trip over her leash, but I am a pro-leash advocate.
I’ve known several toddlers that see Mr. Chips the friendly golden or a squirrel or a leaf blowing in an interesting manner and take off in a dead sprint across a street. No fear and no problems stepping off a curb. Leashes are life-savers.
I once babysat a child whose parents wanted me to take her to story time at a library with a leash on and I got the dirtiest looks from people, they didn’t hide their disgust at all. I was so uncomfortable. That said, people need to back off and mind their own business as long as you’re not doing anything harmful. And no, leashing your young child who will not blink an eye if they tried to walk in front of a bus is not harmful. And, our mental health matters too. I would like to be able to take my child out in public without chasing or worrying something may happen to her because she doesn’t know any better, thank you very much.
Growing up I though child leashed were absolutely ridiculous and made fun of them.
Then my sister had kids, and now I have my own. 0 judgement coming from me.
Yes! Got one for my kid who might be on the spectrum. We were able to take our first walk that way. Haven’t used it in awhile but now that I think about it, I might need to find it
I was never the biggest fan of them until my toddler decided she LOVES running without us nearby. Even on walks now I keep the leash long enough for her to explore but she can’t go into the street. Once we’re in a safer place it’s off but until then, it’s on! I get the dirtiest looks though
I love the cute names but my mom wants her grandma name to be "Queenie" and I just hate it. I told her if she wants queenie we're gonna teach kiddo to call her meemaw so lets settle on grandma or ouma (afrikaans version of grandma).
Mine suggested we call her Glam-ma. I shut down that cringe right away 😂
I hate all of these grandma and grandpa names tbh. Just own it
It’s so weird. My mom and MIL both got their unique names and my dad and FIL argued about which one got to be “Grandpa.” I told them they could both be grandpa, but the not-grandmas insisted otherwise.
Idk, I had 2 grandmas and managed to keep them straight just fine. Not sure why our parents generation seems to think it’s such a problem
I was hoping we'd get 2 grandma's and 2 grandpa's to keep shit simple... But my mom went and decided to reuse the unique and kinda blehhh names that I used for her mom and my dad's dad. It breaks my brain!! My MIL picked something nice and my FIL already has 15 grandchildren and hasn't picked anything cuz he gives zero shits 😆
My mom INSISTS on Lola (and no, we are not Filipino…) I hate it, but have given up.
My mom is trying to be Yaya. I told her no because we are not Greek and that’s what my brother called me before he could pronounce my name. And my nephew has been calling her Nana for 17 years. She’s so weird lmao.
Hahaha trying to change it when your nephew already calls her Nana is wild!
To me this wouldn’t be the hill to die on! I think it’s nice and easy to say and non offensive!
LOL Queenie. Honestly meemaw sounds better to me
Same! No idea where she got that name. The only plausible explanation is some old british tv show she watched after a drink or two.
My mother has all her grandkids call her G. She is a character.
Dying. I never really care before. Maybe it's because I'm a single mom and dad is very not never been in the picture. But I'm suddenly afraid of dying. Like very much. It's awful.
Gah this is me too. Like a full blow existential crisis when my baby was brand new whereas before I was so blasé about the inevitable
I take a shower at least once a day, sometimes twice a day. I assumed we’d give our baby daily baths. We watched a birth class online and they told us that that newborns really don’t need a bath for the first week or so. I shuddered. No bath for a WEEK? Gross!
Fast forward to us with a newborn. We were so exhausted that the thought of learning how to do another new thing, even something simple like giving baby a bath, seemed insurmountable. He got an initial bath in the hospital and we wiped him down with clean rags every so often, but it took us awhile to give him a full-blown bath at home, definitely longer than a week. We still don’t give him a bath every single day, although now that he’s older he gets one most days.
Baby bath time before they have fun with it is such a chore. I hated it
Holding a 12 pound baby up to clean their back while your back is killing you is a pain
Now she can sit up by herself and splashes and tries to drink the water.
So so so much better
I hated the baby bathtub, it was such a hassle, but now that we bathe with my son he gets baths every other night. It's relaxing for me to soak and let him splash around, he loves it and even gets a bathtub nurse sometimes.
How old is yours? Ours is a month old and we're basically at once a week for him and every 2-3 days for ourselves.
We're triple feeding though so everything that doesn't involve pumping, feeding, or preparing bottles feels frivolous.
He’s almost 18 months old, so I think I’m a former new parent now. (Am I even allowed to be here anymore?) 😅
We did triple feeding early on and it was ROUGH, so I can sympathize. It will get better, I promise. In the meantime, you’re in survival mode. You only have so much time and energy and inevitably some things will drop off your radar for a while.
11w and same cadence as you! We give baby wet wipe and washcloth baths as needed and a full bath on the weekend at some point. He starts day care soon tho, so we will probably do more frequent full baths to help with germ spreading and build more routine.
I know what you mean about frivolous! You got this :)
we didn’t bathe our newborn for a good 3 weeks after he was born because we were too scared haha! he got frequent wipe downs and definitely wasn’t gross, but it took a lot of courage to start baths. now he’s 13 weeks and we do a bath every night as part of the bedtime routine! soap only every couple days, but he loves sitting in the warm water!
Feeling disappointed that I rarely saw my friends that were moms. I mean I sort of got it, but now I GET IT. I love you but lower your expectations about hanging out with me please and thank you.
Co-sleeping was adamantly against it but baby basically slept in my bed for months. cry it out method - I was always like “oh just let em cry” but I cannot stand hearing my girl cry.
This happened to me too.
Screen time. At first I said I want him around zero screens but now I will turn on Hey Bear Sensory/Super Simple Songs so I can pump when he doesn’t want to play on the activity centre or in the play yard. It’s really a last resort thing when I need to go heat up some lunch and whatnot. I’m still trying to keep it at a minimum though and I try to be interactive still like pump sitting next to him in the bouncer and sing it to him and stuff.
Same! I’m home alone for 12+ hours a day. I’m not using the tv as a babysitter, but Sesame Street has to be better than my baby sitting and weeping while I make his food or use the bathroom (he’s in the velcro stage). And some days by hour ten together, when we’ve read a dozen books and sang all the songs, watching tv together is what saves my sanity. Already working on making baby a Jeopardy nerd!
Judging parenting decisions of others in 90% of cases. Obviously there are some parenting decisions which are never acceptable. But when I see some parenting choice being made in public (scolding, allowing/disallowing different things) I now find myself way less likely to make a judgement that what a parent is doing is right or wrong, I recognize in most cases I just don't have enough context to know. I find my childless friends way more likely to blast parenting decisions in public then turn to me as if I will back them up.
For example, we have done a pretty good job of limiting screen time for our LOs. When we are out, in a car ride, or at home they almost never given something like a tablet to keep themselves entertained. But I recognize that our ability to do this heavily reliant on the fact that the children ALLOW us to have this restriction. Different kids are different. I see lots of comments on reddit from childless people blasting parents for giving kids an ipad in public. But dude. You don't know. You don't know what that kid is like. You don't know what he would be doing if he didn't have it. You don't know if the annoying audio from that Bluey episode he is watching is taking the place of the kid screaming at the top of his lungs. You don't know what the first 8 hours of the day for that parent looked like. You don't know if what he is doing on that tablet is educational or not.
Hey now, Bluey is not annoying.
(To me, lol)
This is the one for me too. Pre-kids I was fully judging any parent that did anything I considered questionable bc obviously I knew everything. Now as long as you aren’t putting your child’s safety at risk I’m not making any judgements. Parenting is hard.
this is a grim one, but suicidal thoughts. i had them for as long as i remember, from early teenagehood through my 20s. i got pregnant and never had one again. i never want to live without my daughter, and i never want her to live without her mom
Hahaha, thanks for the 3am giggle!
I said id be absolutely fine switching to formula if breastfeeding got hard - here I am with my difficult second furiously pumping and persevering despite it hurting my mental health.
Things are better than they were a few weeks ago but it’s rough and I wish I could just pull the plug but I really want to have tried everything!
I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to stop pumping if it’s affecting your mental health ❤️. Please be kind to yourself! You’re also my hero for continuing if that’s what you choose ❤️.
I felt the same way about breastfeeding. I was like "I'll see how it goes, formula is an option if it all goes wrong."
And then I felt SO BAD when it was 2am in the morning and my baby was starving but I was in pain. The idea of giving formula made me feel like a failure.
Old me never would have realised just how complex that feeding relationship is.
Super difficult. My wife is struggling with breast feeding and I am in favor of us totally switching to formula but I'm not even trying to convince her of anything. It's complicated and I am not the one breast feeding so I just try to remind her we have formula if it's needed.
It's so hard! In retrospect I think I would have liked it if my husband had put his foot down, made some formula, and taken the baby off of me and said "take a break, I'm going to try this out." - there's a bit of an assumption that because you're doing breastfeeding it means you're in charge of the feeding. I hated that burden.
But we were both scared first time parents. You feel like anything you do is going to break the baby. And I never anticipated just how carnal and strong the hormones are for your baby.
I stopped pumping for my sanity too. I couldn't do everything. I had a really really bad birth. I had infections due to my baby pooping in me during labour. Took me weeks to recover. As well as stitches. Couldn't walk. Had to crawl to reach my baby and pull myself up holding on to furniture to get him out his basinette every time he wanted feeding. If I didn't get sleep, I was going to scream. I could feel the frustration build up in me for weeks and I knew I was going to lose it. I didn't want to develop PPD or PPP (psychosis).I don't have a history of either of them but I didn't want to start developing the symptoms. Milk wasn't coming through because of the medication I was on. Midwife told me to pump every 2 hours to really get that milk coming through. I tried so hard, I really did. But after a couple of weeks I couldn't do it. I said to hubby if I don't sleep I'm going to lose it. I slept 8 hours that night. I pumped in the morning after feeling refreshed for the first time in weeks, maybe months. Milk was dwindling. I said I'm giving up. I can't do it and this isn't enough milk to sustain baby. We switched to formula and I've been able to heal ever since.
To anyone reading, don't feel guilty about going to formula. A happy mum is invaluable. If mum is happy, baby is happy.
I told myself this too re: breastfeeding and formula but I also knew deep down I’m a bit type A and might try to push myself. After months of our whole lives taken up by feeding, we combo feed and I pump once a day. Much more sane.
Abortion. I didn’t have a super strong opinion on abortion rights. I was always pro choice. But didn’t think about it like I do now.
After being pregnant and giving birth my position went to the extreme. If someone forced me through pregnancy, birth, and everything after (physically, hormonally, etc.), I’d consider that torture and want to kill whoever forced me through it against my will.
Yes! Going through a much wanted pregnancy and birth made me so absolutely pro choice it’s not even funny. And thinking about a young person being forced to go through it all (the pain, the meds, the lifestyle change requirements, the aches and pains, the heartburn, sleepless nights, constant peeing, the pain of labour, the recovery, the sore breasts… it goes on and on) it seems so cruel and yes akin to torture.
In fact, we are selling my house in Arkansas to move to the northeast in the coming months partially due to abortion laws here. I have two baby girls. If the state doesn’t give a fuck about their well-being, I’m not living here.
I was just talking about this with a friend who also has a newborn. She happened to have a hard pregnancy and traumatic birth. We both tried for our babies, but if we didn’t want a kid or weren’t prepared? It would be hell.
I was so miserable while pregnant. I couldn't stop thinking about how I desperately wanted this child and was willing to go through so much pain, but all these poor people are forced to go through with it against their will. Suffering
I was pro choice before pregnancy, but being pregnant absolutely solidified it for me. No one be pregnant if if they don’t want to
Cosleeping. I was soooo anti. Like couldn’t wrap my head around why anyone did it. I avoid it but there are times when I’m so exhausted that I know it’s safer to cosleep following safe cosleeping rules than to risk falling asleep somewhere unsafe. I’ve nodded off in the rocker before and it’s so scary.
That being said, I didn’t start that until he was over 4 months old. I’m not a fan of cosleeping with a newborn who can’t roll over or control their head at all
My child and I would not have survived without cosleeping.
Lol same, although I coslept more with him as a newborn than now. He used to sleep on my chest a lot, now he sleeps cuddled on my side, but generally only from 4am until wake up 😅
Was going to say cosleeping as well. I would even go as far as tell people off for cosleeping before giving birth. I’m such a hypocrite because I do it all the time now, especially with my husband gone for the month. Baby sleeps better and there’s something just so… beautiful to wake up to your baby cuddled right next to you. I’d like to think she feels safe and connected with me.
I'm jealous of cosleepers. It seems like such a cozy bonding experience.
I don’t know how you waited 4 months. This is legit the only way I can get a nap in. Was also against it and terrified to try it but good lord if I wasn’t losing it before. I made it one month before I broke.
Yep, we've been co-sleeping every night since baby was around 5 months and started waking a lot to feed and refusing transfers to the crib. It's been life changing, and I never thought I would regularly co-sleep.
Staying home or leaving early for naps. I used to think “oh they’ll be fine if they miss their naps.” But saying we always do this but if possible we do
Drinking. It's not worth it. I'm not really into mommy drinking culture and I need all the quality sleep I can get lol
when i was pregnant i couldn’t wait to have a mimosa after the baby was born… my kiddo is 13 weeks now and i’ve had 2 beers total, both intentionally in the afternoon so that they wouldn’t impact my sleep. sleep is too important to mess up with an evening glass of wine!!
Screen time and sweets
Lol I’m at SAHM and there’s no way I’d survive being sick, throwing out my back, etc without help of screen time
Also sweets. She doesn’t eat it in excess or daily, but Id she works hard and I want to reward her, here’s a cookie. Hot day? Yes ice cream. I like seeing the look on her face when she’s excited or eats something new that makes her eyes bug out
EDIT to add I don’t have any outside help whatsoever. It’s just me winging it daily while my husband works. So in a pinch, it’s screen time
i used to think people were silly for being upset about someone kissing their baby til mine got covid at 2mo.
Formula, for sure. I was ready for EBF, I was excited and kinda pious about it. Super against formula for us (though totally supportive of other moms).
Baby needed it on day 3, and we've combo-fed ever since. It's been a huge relief. I love seeing my husband feed her, and I definitely love the freedom to go somewhere alone for more than a couple hours. But I also get to latch her and have that experience. We do it all, basically, and I feel like I have the best of both worlds.
Ooh I get that! I was 10000% down with fed is best, but assumed since I had a relatively easy pregnancy that duhh how hard can it be to just pop a nip in the baby's mouth and slurp slurp good to go!? Nooooooope! Baby latched once during the golden hour and never opened that cute little mouth wide enough for my boob again 😆
We asked for formula the first night (I was half unconscious and immobile from surgery) and he took a bottle with no problems, so we combo fed formula and pumped milk from then on. Honestly though, I truly never wanted to nurse. Respect, but I didn't look forward to it! The sensory overload was awful to contemplate for me, but I told myself I'd power through it because it's good for baby and me and it's efficient and saves money... I love feeding him though, it's very intimate even with a bottle and I get to keep my clothes on and not get gnawed lolol. And I love watching my husband feed him too, and I think it empowers him as a parent.
I'm so happy with the way it is now. Baby gets some immune support from me, but I also get to sleep full nights if I want, since I don't make enough to require a MOTN pump. I do it on my nights to keep/slowly increase supply but the best thing for baby is me being happy and rested and present!
Same here I was so hard on myself at first. I definitely feel like it’s a relief now.
Going out and getting a sitter. I want as much time with my baby as possible. I don’t want to leave him to go out 😂
Oh, I am the opposite. While I absolutely love baby time, I also love giving my baby to her dad or a trusted family member and being alone for a bit. I get overstimulated, I need it.
I understand it! I am comfortable being in my own house away from him in a bath or working out, but am not ready to venture out yet. But that’s also probably because I really only trust my mom with him and we also haven’t started with bottles again yet
My husband said he was looking for mother's day ideas for us but so many involved taking the kid somewhere so mom could have time to herself. He was like, yeah that doesn't sound like something you'd enjoy at all! I hate leaving her when I have to work for a few hours, I want every minute I can get. This is the smallest she'll ever be and I want to absorb the snuggles into my soul.
Anti vaxers suck. I used to be on the fence but the thought that they are willing to risk young infants for their “science” is disgusting.
Sleep training. I was super against it until baby went through the four month regression and started waking every 30-60 minutes. I made it to six months on less than four hours of sleep every day until I finally did it. Now baby wakes 0-1 a night for a bottle and I look like an alive human being again.
Screen time. I did fine for 2 years. Now I feel like sometimes I have to put it on just to get some things done. I feel terrible about it. And I feel terrible for judging others when they used to do it.
Co-sleeping
Screen time
Toddler leashes
What constitutes a meal, lol
Honestly, pretty much everything changed for me. It was a huge mental shift becoming a parent and I find in general I’m much more fluid/flexible than I thought I would be, or ever was before the baby.
Cosleeping after feeling the reality of teetering on the edge of insanity from no sleep, i gave up and realized it was a great decision, we both sleep great and i get those sweet baby cuddles all night.
In Indian culture, each grandparent has their own moniker which is in line with what you mentioned. We use those - dada (paternal grandfather), dadi (paternal grandmother), nana (maternal grandfather) and nani (maternal grandmother).
On a personal note, I've gotten firmer with boundaries. I struggled with people pleasing a lot before and would just do things so I could avoid confrontation. Now, my son comes first and anyone that has anything to say (looking at my husband's extended family), can f off.
Wearable breast pumps. I thought they were an expensive novelty that I was being overly targeted for online. Then I started struggling with how trapped I felt with a traditional pump and caved and got an Elvie in a moment of despair. Best thing ever for me. I feel freer, pump more often and with higher output than my traditional pump.
Letting baby spend time in a car seat outside of the car. I read about how it's not recommended and I immediately got myself a bassinet stroller to use at home, and had epic plans to babywear for other instances, I was not going to have baby in unsafe positions! Welllll then I had a C section. And husband went back to work. And I needed to go to the store sometimes. And I quickly learned baby hates having a carseat in a shopping cart, he needs smooth suspension.
Anyways the Chicco keyfit caddy saved my life and gave me so much freedom. We even took baby to a restaurant in it and he was perfectly at eye level with our friend in a motorized wheelchair and it was sooo sweet. I know babies aren't supposed to sleep in a car seat but I've realized every instance where baby's in the carseat outside of the car is one where he's being stared down anyways so the risk is mitigated for sure.
Screen time and extended breastfeeding. I was never SUPER adamant about zero ST, but I tried my hardest and made it to just over a year. Since then, we've relaxed a lot, and she's doing just fine, prefers playing pretend and doing arts and crafts more than watching TV.
I shamefully admit that I judged women who breastfed their toddlers 😒 I don't even know why. I guess I just assumed you stopped whenever you wanted to stop. My daughter is almost 3 and we still nurse every morning and any nights I do bedtime. She's just not ready, and it isn't hindering my life in anyway.
Can I ask possibly silly supply questions? Are you pumping to keep up your supply? Or is your body just able to produce as needed after possibly 24 hours of no stimulation? And are you super engorged at that point? I'm asking because I plan to wean in a few months but wondering if it is possible to keep morning / occasional bedtime feeds going for longer without pumping or nursing throughout the day. Thank you!
For lack of a better word…correctness
The other day I looked over and my toddler was drawing on the window on the back door with a crayon. I did not care one little bit that she was doing it. Does she have coloring books she could use instead? Yup. Did not care.
She was keeping herself busy. It wasn’t anything that couldn’t be easily cleaned. Everyone was happy. Keep on making your masterpieces little one.
Cosleeping! I always said I would NEVER. Not safe, partner and I need to stay snuggly, etc. Hell no, I love [safely] cosleeping. I’m in no hurry to kick this baby out of the bed. The thought of her in a separate room wreckkkksss me. I always thought I would sleep train but now I can’t imagine (no judgement to those who do- just not for me)
For me it's how crucial boundaries can be, not just to protect our immediate family, but to protect others' families as well.
Now I make sure I apply to myself the boundaries I expect for us. For example, I don't touch a pregnant woman's belly without asking (I don't even ask if I don't feel close to her).
I also don't dare get near a newborn baby without the mom explicitly asking me to. The same goes to touching other people's kids to say "hey" or "good bye". Now I always ask my friends' kids if they feel like giving me a hug and I make sure to let them know they have a right to make a choice. If they say "no", I tell them "thank you for being honest. No one should ever force you to hug them or kiss them or anything!"
I was adamant on no visitors in the hospital - once baby was born all I wanted to do was show her off to her grandparents! However I wish I’d reigned in on the visits at home. Most days, especially in the first two weeks, I’d spend the late evening crying because I felt like I had no time to relax because we had constant visitors.
Pets. Used to be the sort of person who would dress my dog and treat them like a child. Now they're just... Dogs. I roll my eyes at people who do the stuff I used to do. Sure, we'll get a dog again someday, but I don't see myself treating it like a child.
I feel this. I had a child free friend gently remind me I had my baby and they had theirs, except their baby is a dog. They are incredible dog parents but I had to bite my sleep deprived tongue and just leave it.
I still dress my lil fur baby up and treat her like my child. Roll your eyes all you want! 🤣
Same with my cats, still treat and look at mine the same! They were my first babies. They got outfits to match the human baby 😂
People’s weird hatred on children. You’re allowed to be annoyed with a kid, but being outright mean is such weird behavior to me.
Bedsharing
my relationship with my family. i lost my dad after my stillborn and now it seems i’ve lost all of the rest of my family after my rainbow baby was born.
Needing to separate laundry. Everything gets thrown in now 😂