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I’m a supervisor at a grocery store right now, and before that I was just a cashier
Two of my friends followed this path and are doing fine for themselves. They have more home life balance than I ever did while working. They weren’t rich, and also not poor. They were very happy and fulfilled with their priorities.
Please don’t let others, including your GF, steal your joy.
This guys right. You value is determined by you and you alone. The only way you'll be a loser is if you let other people convince you that you are. I failed out of college three times, have no degree, got a job as a lifeguard at my local YMCA and now I'm the assistant human resources director. A path is a path man. Don't get bogged down in other peoples couldawouldashouldas.
You don't have to LOVE your job, but I think it's very important that you don't HATE your job.
Exactly. Look at Peter in Office Space. Absolutely hated his office job. Got out and into construction/road work. Much happier being outside, physical work, bs’ing with the guys.
We are all different with different things that make us tick. OP hated insurance. My wife is an insurance agent/marketing manager. It’s not fun so I understand, but She makes 90k though.
We all have bills to pay, just find something that don’t crush your soul while doing it. If it’s going to be soul crushing, at least make sure you’re getting rich.
We have a friend who was a lawyer working in a district attorney's office. He absolutely hated it. One day he was driving to work when he saw some guys roofing a house. He had done roofing during the summer when he was in college, so he stopped the car and asked if they needed help. They said yes. He went out and bought coveralls, called off from work, and went back to the work site.
He quit his law job but was too scared to tell his wife for two weeks. When he finally mustered the courage, she said she had wondered why he was coming home tanned and happy.
He ended up doing some law stuff on the side (wills, for example), but roofing became his main gig, and he was supremely happy. And because he was happy, so was his wife.
I don't know why but this made me tear up.
Really sweet story to hear someone having the courage to just stop and make things right...
I used to do roofs with my Dad growing up. That would be one of the last trades I would pick.
Yeah, as someone who used to work the trades and now in a boring office. Fuck roofing, I almost rather be shot at
One of my first Lieutenants was a former lawyer. His childhood dream was to be a Soldier so he figured he'd give it a shot. Had tons of money, a Beamer and went to a great school. Dude took a hit financially joining the Army but absolutely loved his junior officer time. Nothing made him happier than sleeping outside, blowing things up and getting a lift in with the boys.
He ended up getting out once he realized most of his career past Company Commander time would mostly be staff work. Regardless though he was one of the best dudes I had the privilege to work for.
Take a look at my cousin. He's broke, don't do shit.
But seriously, I don’t think any job is dead end as long as you get some enjoyment out of it.
Ideally you just don’t have to think about work unless you’re at work
A million times this. I love my job, but for a long time it was my identity. It was what I talked about, how I judged myself, how I measured my success. That one dimensionality made me both boring and bored. Now my hobbies, the people I spend time with, and the ways I measure my self worth are very diverse and I couldn’t be more fulfilled. People that judge you by your occupation likely do that themselves and in my experience that just plain isn’t a good way to evaluate myself as a person.
Also, you're job will never love you back
Capitalism teaches us to conflate our job and our identify -- to tie our value to how we contribute to capitalism. From a very young age, kids are asked "what do you want to do when you grow up?"
Your value is inherent. You are enough. Your job does not dictate whether you are worthy of love or care or respect
Usually the question is “What do you want to BE when you grow up” which conflates ID and work that much more.
Right?! When people used to ask my son that, he always answered ‘A big man!’ with a look on his face that kinda meant ‘Duh’ 😂
Respect
My friends dad worked his way up through the grocery store industry and he does totally fine financially. Plus he used his career as a chance to mentor TONS of teens/20 y/o's that were in need of someone to invest into them at any level. He also used his grocery store to impact and donate to the community. I'd hardly consider him a loser.
Not that you need to stay doing what you're doing, just make the most out of the platform you are given. If that's not enough for her, tell her to get fucked.
My husband's colleagues are leaving for greener, better-paid pastures one after the other. Like 50k-better paid. Sometimes we talk about why he doesn't pursue that, because he definitely has the same abilities and experience they do. But you know what? He's happy in his role in that company. If I want our household to make more money, I should do it myself.
That's great, but a 50k raise in a vacuum is pretty incredible and would make one wonder if he's being properly valued at his job.
Now, if those jobs are in totally different areas of the country/world, CoL changes, and everything else, totally different.
I'm glad he's happy, but I guess what's throwing me off is you said his colleagues are leaving for "greener" pastures - it sounded more literally than figurative (i.e. the hope of greener pastures), so I guess that set me on a path of expecting everything to be better. Hence being a bit taken aback by the rest of what you said.
These types of jobs really are a good opportunity to impact youth and help teach them the skills and work ethic that could impact the rest of their lives
Seriously dude. My brother worked his way up from a cashier to store manager at a grocery store, and lives very comfortably now. He’s in his early 30s with a home and takes a few vacations every year, has all the newest gadgets he wants. There’s nothing wrong with that career path
Guy in Florida - Ricky Wade, started off flipping burgers at McDonald's. Now he's one of, if not the biggest franchise owner in Florida.
Seems to me that line server, cashier, supervisor is on an upward trajectory....
Depending on what store you work at you can make a lot more money being a Manager. You can make way more being a Regional Manager. Apply yourself and try to move up and up. No one will think you are a loser when you are making 400k a year and have a nice house and car.
Oftentimes it is better to advance your career by moving to other companies as opportunities present themselves than to sit and wait to be promoted where you are.
If you're unhappy as fuck because of it, you might feel like one still though.
400k a year being a grocery store manager??
I worked for the highest paid store manager at my chain according to people in the know (big regional chain) and the dude was pulling 200k for sure when he retired. Credit to him though he worked crazy hours all the way to retirement. But yeah I imagine my regional must be close to 400. That's about 15 stores.
Regional
Ah I somehow missed that sentence
Regional Manager vs Regional to the Manager
Regional ain't making 400k, maybe 150 upper maximum in a expensive cost of living area
Regional manager at my chain was pulling over 400k annually, and was getting over 50k as a cash bonus. They collected vintage Porsches as their hobby. People vastly underestimate how much money you can make in store management
We had managers lower than the main store manager making 120k
My gfs dad was a store manager for another grocery chain and was making like 250k when he retired
People don't understand what regional means. You aren't just managing just 1 store. More stores = more responsibilities = more money.
I know someone that is a Trader Joe's Regional Manager and manages 4 stores. He started as a stock boy and moved up. Lives by the beach now.
Lol right, when I worked in a grocery store the store manager made just shy of $200k/yr, including the bonus. That’s one store.
The district manager had to manage 13 stores. The regional manager? 100 stores.
Regional managers of big box stores can make bank, like Walmart, superstore etc. However the majority of them do take advanced education usually a bachelors degree or a fair bit of in-house education so the key is not so much which job it is as much as how you apply yourself to that job.
No one will think you are a loser
Well. Except most of the employees you supervise. Regional manager roles these days are a giant bucket of stress. EVERYONE hates you, from all of your employees to the management above you, you will get blamed for absolutely e v e r y t h i n g, including all the things you weren't even involved with, and you'll spend a huge amount of time traveling around to a ton of run-down middle America towns with jack shit to offer aside from a bunch of surly, 20-something employees at the store who wish you would leave immediately, and absolutely DO think you're a loser.
Your friends/family won't, though, which is what OP is worried about. But you gotta balance that with your job being the absolute worst on a day-to-day basis.
If your girlfriend is putting you down like this.. then she needs to grow up or you kick her to the curb
Depends on whether she’s talking about OP, or OP’s job. If she’s putting OP down, I definitely agree - find someone else who’s into you. On the other hand, if the angle is more “I can see this job is not taking you where you want to go in life; there must be better options”, that sounds like an important conversation to have.
Right, 2 more steps upward and you’re golden (assuming a larger grocery chain).
From supervisor to assistant manager, and from assistant manager to store manager. As a store manager a lot of the time you’re making six figures
You nailed it!
Yep. People always think time is money, but forget that money is time.
Sometimes spending less energy on work and gaining less money will result in a better life. We dont all need to be filthy rich, we just need to enjoy life.
So much this! Thank you 😊
You're not a loser. You have supervisor experience so you could always interview for a supervisor position at a different kind of company that you find interesting or more fulfilling. Or work your way up to manager and then interview for a manager position as a different kind of company.
THIS!! I came to say the same. You are building a career in a supervisory and managerial position. Should you ever job search for other opportunities, YOU HAVE A GREAT START. Resume will look good 👍🏻 YOU'RE DEFINITELY NOT A LOSER. However, your gf sounds like one, no offense.
Yup I know someone went from server to supervisor to a temp admin job in an office (she wanted out of food due to antisocial hours and don’t mind starting at the bottom again), the small business owners loved her and trained her up in project management and now she does that for a much bigger organisation with great benefits and prospects. Life’s what you make of it, if that’s what you want. Equally there’s no shame in sticking where you’re at if you’re happy with it.
Yeah unless GF has her masters in petroleum engineering or some shit, what the hell is she on about? Not her place to tell you whether your current life progress is adequate or not.
I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that she’s frustrated that she isn’t married and a stay at home spouse by now, so she’s taking it out on you for not being some sort of consummate all American Demi god.
I know a guy who was a manager at a sporting goods store and got hired as a software dev manager because the owner of the company was shopping there. Liked what he saw and hired him on the spot (for probably 2x what he was earning). Not a normal situation, but it shows that managing schedules and people works across many industries.
That’s one way to piss off devs by hired a manager without any software development skills
I think there is a misconception that a manager needs to be the best "x" on the team. It can be useful, sure. But ultimately, leadership is its own unique skillset that's more about knowing how to take goals and individuals and align them correctly so that tasks are done efficiently and team morale is maintained. A bad manager is a bad manager regardless if they have the "on-hands" knowledge that their team does.
A good manager at a software company is not necessarily the best software engineer, but 0 software engineering skills is plain weird.
As a dev looking for their first position, that story pisses me off.
One of my buddies worked his way up to district manager at Blockbuster Video (when that was still a thing) and switched to commercial sales manager for one of the big auto parts chains.
Why doesn’t your girlfriend become a brain surgeon, so you two wont need to worry about money?
I don't think this is about money...
Yeah, I think it’s more about her image when dating him. But there is nothing wrong with his job and no kind of work is shaming. Some people just can’t appreciate anything besides something that sounds powerful and rich.
She is moving from dating criteria to marriage criteria and realizing that he may not meet her requirements. I hope OP takes this as a warning sign.
She's probably in the wrong for how she communicated it, but I don't think her worry is in the wrong.
It could just be different priorities. They should figure out what they want and if those plans can work together or if they'll lead to conflict.
Unless she's just significantly more ambitious than him then that would be pretty hypocritical
Well OP doesn't provide that info so nothing we can do but guess.
Yep. The dude is working and has progressed in his path. GF is a fucking loser. Tell her to go get a job in advertising or IT and show you how it's done.
Sounds like you’re projecting considering OP didn’t even mention what his girlfriend does in the first place. She also didn’t call him a loser, he called himself a loser.
I think OC meant GF thinks grocery store supervisor is insufficient, and that something in IT or advertising would be "sufficient," and OC assumes GF doesn't also have a "sufficient" job.
Well.... it's not about HER money
wow! I didn't expect this kind of comment when I clicked this post.
I mean, that is the attitude and confidence this guy needs and if he has this kind of attitude towards his gf, I am pretty sure he will find himself with a better job soon enough.
Well done, well said and tbh, I need this attitude myself a little more in my life. Thank you bro.
If not a “wage slave,” then what else? What jobs count as good enough?
Way more than half the country are wage slaves. Most of the world. If she is, that is important context.
99% of us are wage slaves. That dream is gone.
I mean, what does she do?
Everyone should aspire to do their best, be the best they can be and be financially secure, but this doesn't come from bringing those closest to you down.
We don’t know. She could literally be a brain surgeon and just want more for her boyfriend
“Wage slave” jobs tend to have much greater work life balance than prestigious salary positions. You leave work at work, you are not on call, and generally in supervisory spots you get decent insurance and PTO too. I’d like to hear what the GF does that she thinks any kind of income in unacceptable.
But she didn’t have to phrase her judgment of his jobs in such a negative way. We all want to feel appreciated and lifted up by our partners—if the guy was already feeling like a loser, her comments certainly didn’t help. I appreciate that the guy has worked hard all his life. I wish his girlfriend appreciated that too.
phrase her judgment
What phrasing did she use?
Yeah but if she's calling him a loser because of it, big big nope. I agree with you but need more context
need more context
Yeah, I wouldn't judge unless I got more context. It's possible the GF is giving constructive feedback on what OP can do in a good way and OP taking that as "my GF thinks I'm a loser".
she's calling him a loser
When did she say that? When did OP say she said that?
if
We don't know if she said it or OP took it that way, hence we need more context
Damn I literally read only what I wanted to read. My bad
Not at all, it totally depends on where you want to go in life, like I doubt it pays as much as a maybe a engineer (dunno country so it could vary) but Commentor says specifically they had a fine life
I kinda get doggo-having vibes
Is it better for her to speak up in her relationship about this matter or should she have broken up and dated a person with a different job? Straight up curious cause I can see it both ways.
Majority of the population are wage slaves. There's very few people compared to the population of the world that do not work for a living.
I think this is less about money and more about having a fulfilling job where you can learn, grow, make an impact on the world and your own life, etc.
who gives a shit about making an impact on the world.
make an impact on yourself. if cashier does it for you, go for it.
that being said: the first step for op is to figure out what's important to YOU and who YOU wanna be and what YOU want out of life.
I agree. Every role is important. Without any cashiers, janitors, whatever, we’d be fucked. This trashing of vital jobs sounds to me like a way to justify paying them shit.
I see a lot of posts about people having abusive managers. If OP can be a manager that really is looking out for his employees in a meaningful way, he could be having a huge positive impact on the lives of the people around him.
Came here to say this. Op, you're not dead-end, you're advancing. You started at one level, you're at another now.
If you want to continue with your grocery store, their corporate office very likely has a management track program or a corporate transfer program. Getting the training you need for that is also very likely a certification-based system, not a degree-based system. You have a college degree: very few people in the real world care what your GPA was, and if you want to go back to school it's easy enough to write a heartstrings narrative to explain it.
If you want to change careers, tech fields are not hard to get into; again, it's mostly certification-based stuff. Cybersecurity is very hot. Low-code platforms are also quite common now - if nothing else, many businesses need SharePoint and ServiceNow-certified people.
It's never too late. You might want to consider a new girlfriend, though.
I had that with my ex, we had a long discussion. She had worked at total of two jobs in the last 20 years, one was with a movie producer, and another was with the government. She had two great jobs, and still dipped her toes in production and writing. I loved that she had all these little projects that she had undertaken and even wrote a published book.
She asked me about mine. Well, my work history not so straightforward. I've done a LOT of jobs, including being a teacher for five years. But when I met her I wasn't working very much, and was really struggling, trying to find something.
She wasn't happy about that lack of progress and asked if I had plans for the future that would secure our future. I told her that the plan was to go back to school, and have me teach in her country as my credentials did not transfer. Beyond that, it was pick up work where I could and then leave and be with her as that was her request. I also said, that I think that's a better choice given how much you make at your job and the security.
She did the same thing that OP did. We ended up splitting, but not for that. She got sick, and broke it off. I felt bad.
Well, fastforward a couple of years. I finally found a decent job, worked my way up from flex to now managing an OTC department at Walmart. I make way, way more than I ever made with her.
She ended up losing her job due to the pandemic shutdown and as far as I know hasn't been working, living on her savings. I got an email from her asking for a substantial amount of money. I hope it's not because she already spent through her savings when she wasn't working.
If so, that's a pretty big swing for a couple of years.
There's a lesson there for OP. You're doing fine. Just keep it up and don't worry about what other people think. There's nothing wrong with ambition and wanting to move up - I will do the same when the time is right. But for now, I'm happy in my job and paying down my bills.
Good luck!
Tech fields aren't that easy to get into these days, lots of people with 4 year CS degrees and internships are struggling to find roles
This account smells like ChatGPT
It drives me nuts when people come to subs like this looking for advice and everyone tells them they’re perfect the way they are. The only advice OP is getting from everyone is relationship advice, which is based on the one thing we know about OP’s girlfriend; that she thinks every job OP has had was dead-end — where OP didn’t disagree!
Harsh truth, IMO, if you are a supervisor at a grocery store with a college degree, you could possibly be underemployed and seeking out a better paying gig with a clearer track to career growth isn’t a bad idea.
Actual advice: seek out a recruiter who can help place you in a job that might be able to put your talents and education to a more financially lucrative use. They may have resume advice, they may have a job that puts you on more of a track to advance. This track may even be in grocery services. Wegman’s, for example, has a robust management training program that could eventually lead to store management or corporate opportunities. And if groceries aren’t your thing, you can work with a recruiter to find literally anything else you’re qualified for. No shame in trying to better your career position, OP.
But to answer your question, you’re not screwed for life. It’s almost never too late to pivot and change directions.
This needs to be higher up. Degree and supervisory experience. There are plenty of things op can achieve outside of their degree field.
This right here is EXCELLENT advice. I changed careers in my 30's. Went back to school, and I am much better off for it. Might take a while to do it, but you got nothing else but time.
To jump back to relationship advice for a second…probably all she wants is for OP to have plan to progress life. Sure, money is probably a component of that, but also will OP be happy in the long term with the career choices he has made. Is he fulfilled by and happy his work?
It sure seems like the answer is no, and she sees him thinking he’s a loser and is trying to help.
Yup, bingo. I was a manager of an adult store for several years and the role facilitated absolutely no growth and I was stagnant. Granted, we're talking about an adult store compared to a grocery store, but OP himself seems to agree it's dead-end.
I'm now a recruiter, coincidentally enough, and moediggity3 is right. There are recruiters who can get you into a similar or lateral role that will conducive to more growth.
OP, I assume you're young, and I would suggest that you don't pigeonholed yourself. Employers will typically only want to see that you graduated college. They typically don't care about the major. I bet you could ask my last three employers what my degree was in and they wouldn't know. Same goes for what your GPA was. Most will not care.
You got this, OP!
the fact that the top rated comments are people telling OP "you're perfect the way you are" reflects on a severe issue with society. No, you're not always perfect the way you are, sometimes you are actually heavily underachieving or being a total loser.
Maybe.
What worries me is that his degree is in writing. That is a hard one to sell.
Perhaps your advice for a recruiter is good; a marketing job maybe?
And I want to agree that he is not screwed for life, but he is going to have to make some hard choices and probably struggle a bit to gain some momentum. Of course, once you get some experience, your college stuff barely matters beyond: was there; got the paper.
Get a better girlfriend
Yeah, she sounds like a dead-end job to me
She may or may not be an asshole: there’s not enough information in the description to tell. But really, is it so wrong to want your partner to be successful? I dated a chick the better part of a decade ago who had no real skills or any drive to improve her life. I worked at a grocery store at the time and helped her get a job there - her first job. By the end of the relationship, I was advancing into an IT career and she was still at that grocery store, working like three days per week. She said she wanted to live a “rock and roll lifestyle”. No shit, she literally said that to me. Last I heard, a buddy of mine told me that she’s got a kid she can’t afford with a guy decades older than her and is begging for rent money on Facebook. I’m making way more goddamn money than I ever thought possible, and I’m now with a gainfully employed partner who is continuously advancing in her career (and doesn’t need rides to work every morning). It’s mean to say, but my ex was, and still is, a loser. I was too for a while there, but I got my act together because I didn’t want to be a loser any more. That’s life, and people offering empty affirmations on the internet doesn’t change it.
LPT Request: How do I get my girlfriend to stop being a loser?
Worst of all? From OP's comments. It seems like the girlfriend is unemployed...
What the fuck are you talking about? Are you genuinely this disconnected from reality and have no idea how relationships work? Are you suggesting to cut off every person who tells you a harsh truth about yourself that you already know AND FULLY AGREE WITH? Would you tell OP to break up with his girlfriend if he was addicted to heroin and knew it would kill him, and his girlfriend pointed it out to him?
Jesus fucking christ.
Working as a supervisor in a grocery store is not the same as being addicted to heroin.
Don’t forget to take your meds.
My girlfriend just told me she thinks every job I’ve ever worked has been dead-end.
Well, ya see, there's your problem right there . . .
Dude, seriously. If it weren’t for my girlfriend, I would probably be making half as much at a job I enjoy even less. She realized my managers were taking advantage of me and saw that I didn’t have a future at that job, where I would have probably just tried to push through. Then again at my next job where it was too easy of a job that didn’t help my skill set become better. Now I’m in a more fulfilling position working with a team I really jive with.
I had an uncle that progressed through Kroger stores up to Regional and corporate and was a buyer. Basically went around and made deals with food manufacturers or producers for what was going to be sold in the stores.
I would consider him successful. Not rich, but wealthy enough to golf at fancy resorts and nice vacations, nice house, Cadillacs, put kids through school, able to live the same life after retiring. Died at 90 with a full head of hair.
So there’s that.
That's not exactly true. Go get a job at walmart, for example, and stay there for years. If you're smart and hard working, they'll promote you. You can make good money rising through the ranks. Like, buy-a-house, -take-cool-vacations money.
But you have to get promoted. You can't be lower level and live well anymore. Maybe in a union shop. Maybe.
Get a new girlfriend who respects and loves you. Your current one is an asshole.
There's a fine line between rudely insulting a significant other, which is bad, and lovingly spurring them towards more ambitious goal. One of the major benefits of a committed relationship is that mutual support
Came here to say something like this. I felt similar to OP's state of mind when I got in my relationship. Before the one I'm engaged to now the previous gf wasn't pushing me to grow if it would mean that she wouldn't get the flashy things. At one point I floated the idea of getting back in school since I never really had the chance and she flat out told me that 26 was too old to try and do that and it really ripped at me. Fast forward to now and my fiance has nurtured my confidence to a great level, and she was the one who encouraged me to give up the "too old for school," mindset and helped me turn things around.
OP I haven't seen you respond to many comments, but please take the above persons into serious consideration. It's one thing to be frustrated at your SO's drive and growth, its another to belittle it and make you feel worse. The best love comes from when you accept and learn to love yourself. If she can't support your growth and encourage it in a healthy manner than boundaries need to be set if you want to continue with this relationship. Sure you got your degree in writing, sure you feel that it was got by barely scraping by, but you know what? That's still more than many people can say! Furthermore, you can use that degree to get past a lot of HR filters that people without it can't. Take some time, find what makes you happy, what motivates you, and what you feel you are good at naturally. See what the jobs, even if entry level look like in that category, then take the jump and apply! Hell take that resume, brush it up with your degree and see what it takes to take the next steps at your current job if you want to.
The only time you are ever fully down and a loser is when you tell yourself you are, the only time you don't have hope to change are when you tell yourself you can't. You are in control of your life, make the most of it while you can and surround yourself with those that make you proud to live it.
we dont know how she phrased it. we only know his side of the story. i know where you are coming from and a partner should be there to support you, but maybe that's exactly what shes doing.
should she sugarcoat it when she sees hes not happy with his work/career or try to make him change, even it's a kick in the ass?
good friends are good friends cause they are able to tell you uncomfortable truths.
Dude, a job is just a way to make money. Too many people put their entire purpose into their profession and it's really not that serious. Also, what is her job that is so much more important?
Too many people put their entire purpose into their profession and it's really not that serious.
There's not a right or wrong answer to this. Some people find a lot of meaning in their work, and that's great. Some people find meaning in other areas of life, and that's great too. Most people probably somewhere in the middle.
Posts like these are always interesting because a whole lot of the comments just end up being projection and defensiveness.
It’s because adults first reaction to a kid enjoying or being good at anything is associating it with career. A kid throws a football really far and it’s “oh i see a position in the NFL for you”. We are ingrained with the idea that what you are good at should be your money source
You are not a loser no matter what type of job you have or don’t have. It’s important to realize you’re not content with what you’re currently doing or have done. But there is no shame in working a job that helps you keep the lights on. Think about what you enjoy doing. Begin to figure out a way you can make a living. Besides that, working at a grocery store is actually a very important job for society. We all go grocery shopping to feed our loved ones. It may not be a lucrative job, it is just as important as anything else.
Many people over look customer service jobs like that. I myself currently work at a grocery store. Believe me when I tell you, people appreciate what you do. You should also appreciate what you do.
Good luck, you got this
I thank the grocery store staff for their service around the holidays and during weather crises. While everyone else is prepping for either family fun or family safety, they are not. Rather, the staff are hard at work serving us.
Thank you.
In high school, I went with a family friend to spend the weekend at the Lake house of the then President of the Kroger grocery store chain.
Turns out he started out at a janitor for a Kroger store. He worked his way up to become president.
That guy wasn’t a loser. Neither are you.
You have plenty of opportunities for your future. Including finding someone who sees the best in you and helps you to see it too.
Start writing in your free time and create something unique if you enjoy writing. Then you are a writer with an uncomplicated day job that lets you be creative all day in your mind as you brainstorm and plan what you’ll write each night. Or learn computers enough to do technical documentation - that should be better paying.
Most of all take this awesome time in your life to really figure yourself out. You are so capable - being good in college does not translate to being good in life. Don’t let your college experience get you down.
Get busy creating something, learning something, reading something.. Monitor the time you spend consuming vs creating.
Your girlfriend sounds like she sucks so I would start there. It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you’re happy.
He doesn't sound happy at all and we can't even know if she said it to spur him on, to be more ambitious or try to make more of himself. I don't know but it sounds like most of the comments in this thread are full of inferiority complexes and projection.
Get into philosophy and you can win the argument. All jobs are dead ends, it's if you enjoy them or what you do when not at work is what matters.
If there’s one thing philosophy can’t do, it’s pay the bills.
I think that is a pretty important aspect when it comes to job hunting, that a lot of people don't think about. What is the next step after this job? Is there anything for you to move up to where you are at? What skills do you have and what are your strengths that could translate to something else, somewhere else?
Jobs that require or train for a marketable skill are going to be less of a dead end and more valuable than those that don't. Avoid jobs that have high turnover or that can be trained for fast. Those are going to treat people as more expendable and not pay as well. If there are companies in your area that are known for treating people well, start there. Use your strengths if you can. The job will come easier, be less stressful, and make it easier to advance faster.
People have unrealistic expectations. The reality is that most people don't have exceptional jobs. The economy simply needs way more people in dead-end positions than it needs youtuber stars or star athletes or brain surgeons. Moreover most people simply can't fulfil those exceptional positions.
Honestly, you being a supervisor at a grocery store might mean that you're slightly better employed than the average guys. There's plenty of guys who are homeless or jobless or doing even lower-tier work than you do.
Maybe you can go into trades or start some kind of company, but the reality is that most people end up doing fairly average jobs. That doesn't make them a loser, that just makes them average. And most people are average.
If your girlfriend is fairly average, then most likely her options are either being single or dating a fairly average guy. There's just way fewer male superstars than there's women wanting to date male superstars.
Here's another perspective. 44% of American men are suicidal. So the problem isn't really that you're somehow uniquely flawed. The problem is that the system just sucks. The issue isn't with you, it's with the system.
when someone goes through the system and underachieves (2.0 GPA, not using degree) the problem isn't the system.
Well currently you are a manager. Why not try to go for a management position somewhere else like Walmart? Those guys get bank
Or Costco. Heard they have good compensation and benefits.
Yes another good place to work
This is a great idea. One way to get a pay hike and position hike really quickly is hop to another company. Start interviewing for some other opportunities that you would like to go into. Even if you don't get them, you can ask for honest feedback and work on whatever they say you might need to advance.
Also, if you're happy where you are, maybe just live your best happy life and not disrupt a life that you love? We have a saying at work for those working under you: there are superstars (those that great and want to advance upwards) and rockstars (those that are amazing at what they do but are happy where they are... like a rock), you need both.
I know everyone here is saying that your girlfriend is absolute trash based on an out of context paraphrased statement, but I don't see that is necessarily true.
Nuance. Context. Intent. Was she trying to spur you to do better for your own sake, or to support her? Is she genuinely worried that you'll be stuck in a job and miserable your whole life? Does she want you to find something you are passionate about and will make you happy?
Because the little snippet you gave doesn't immediately tell me she thinks you are a loser. It tells me you think you are a loser. Doesn't make it true, of course. Sometimes people say things to those they love that may seem hurtful, but in reality they're trying to wake them up to their own situation that they may never have realized they were even in.
Seems like she woke you up. Now you have to decide what to do with it. She is right. Those are dead end jobs. You only get to progress so far and that isn't very far. They are low skill entry level jobs. There's nothing wrong with having those jobs. They need to be done. But they are dead-end.
You don't need college to be successful. You don't even need a lot of money to be successful. You need drive and to find the right opportunity. Find your passion or your talent and lean into it. Look into how you can use that or improve upon that. Use your strengths. And keep working your job in the meantime. And if you think you bring more value than you're paid for, ask for raises. You'd be surprised how quickly companies will give in if they think a genuinely valuable worker is at risk of leaving.
As for your writing degree... keep writing. Keep working but also writing. It may be a difficult field to really take off in, but once you get in you can soar. See if you can't use it for a side income. And if you play your cards right, you can turn that side income into your main income. But these things do take time.
Good luck out there.
You’re bringing in money and doing something that you don’t hate. I don’t see one problem with that!
change your mindset. this is very capitalist way of looking at life. you are not your job. you will never be your job. who cares where you make your money? work on finding meaning within your community and not through your job.
While I agree he needs to change his mindset, life is way easier with a lot of money. This guy should go do a career that’s guaranteed to make him rich. Like nursing.
his post isn’t about needing money. it’s about feeling shame around his job. putting jobs on a hierarchy is wrong. i don’t believe that nurses are better people than store managers. people who have more money aren’t better people.
depends on your age. if you are 50 or over it might be tough to get the energy to build a completely new skillset and related career. However if you are anywhere under 50 you certainly can. Here is one of the main keys to this: Distractions - you might think you are not able to focus or to learn to do something great, but the human brain actually has some neat tricks related to attention. Here is what you do: 1. Eliminate as many things from your life that you dont need as possible. 2. Only eat healthy simple food. no booze, no processed food, no added sugar. 3. Come up with an easy daily workout of 30 minutes cardio (easy like long walk or jog), 15 mins weights (watch vids for perfect form), 15 mins stretching/pilates 3. Go on a hunt for inspiring educators on youtube. There are so many helpful health oriented people its crazy. Huberman from Stanford is a good one, but there are a zillion. 4. Do less hanging out especially with any negative people. 5. Leave time for quiet contemplation and mindfulness instead of watching any TV or social media
All of this will hurt a little, be uncomfortable a little, seem unhelpful at first. But when you ease into this life you will shed uncertainty and self doubt like an old skin. Ideas about what you can do will just come to you, and you will know you can do whatever you want. Good luck
This is great advice. I always say do a little research and figure out something you can train to do that 1) Is in high demand, 2) Pays well, 3) You can stomach doing it for 40 hours a week.
Most skilled jobs do take a lot of effort to get in the door and get established, so this isn’t a 30 day plan. All of those 30 day plan jobs are saturated because everyone wants the quick and easy way. Expect to have to stay at it for a while in spite of some frustration and rejection. You can get there, and some time between now and then you need to get rid of that unsupportive b***h.
How is it a dead-end job if you've been promoted? Lol
I have to know why you got a degree in writing? Surely you spent large amounts of money to get a piece of paper saying you're "educated", yet you are working at a grocery store. Not that there is anything wrong with the job. So many kids I went to high school with got these bogus degrees only to be working at random jobs, not even remotely related to their field of study. At the end, you mention grad school... but why? There is no need to waste more money.
I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. You're in a tough spot, and that can be incredibly discouraging. But, my friend, it's important to remember that you're not alone and that you don't have to figure this all out by yourself. It's okay to lean on your network, professionals, or anyone who can lend an ear or offer advice.
I understand that the jobs you've had so far may seem like they were "dead-end", but they've given you experiences and skills that are more valuable than you might think. The grind of being a cashier, a line server, and a supervisor, they all build character. They require patience, problem-solving, and a knack for dealing with people - that's gold in many fields. So, don't undersell yourself.
Your degree in writing? That's another feather in your cap. There are people who dream of having those skills, trust me. It's a tough market, sure, but your abilities can be used in many places. The world runs on words, after all.
Remember that quirky local newspaper or the non-profit working for a cause you love? They might be looking for a writer. Websites and businesses are always on the lookout for content creators and copywriters. Your words can sell products, tell stories, or even move people to action. I don't know, it's just a thought.
You could also consider freelancing. I know, it sounds like a jungle out there, but websites like Upwork or Freelancer are full of people searching for someone with your skills. And it's not just about earning some extra money - it's about gaining experience, expanding your portfolio, and making connections.
I hear your concern about your GPA and grad school. But remember, a number doesn't define your worth or capacity for success. Life isn't a neatly paved highway - it's a path we carve ourselves. There are many online courses and workshops out there that can help you build up your skills without the pressure of grades or tuition fees. Who knows, you might discover an interest you never knew you had.
What I'm saying is, there's hope. There's always hope. This moment of feeling stuck is just that - a moment. Things can and will change. It might take a bit of brainstorming, some courage to step out of your comfort zone, and maybe a few tries to find something that resonates with you. But every step, no matter how small, brings you closer to a place where you want to be.
Don't lose faith in yourself, okay? You've got a lot going for you, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Take it one day at a time, and remember, it's perfectly fine to ask for help. Life's a journey, my friend, and it's filled with unexpected twists and turns. Hang in there.
If your gf were not saying these things might you be feeling differently about yourself?
How you earn an income is nobodies business to scoff at (as long as you earn it honestly and without hurting).
You are NOT a loser. Talk nicer to yourself too, friend.
Dude if you have a job, are living on your own and paying bills, you are not a loser.
Never allow the opinions of other become your opinion of yourself.
So you're going through a rough patch. Got it. But that doesn't mean it will always be that way.
Here's the thing. You've already made progress in life and don't seem to realize it. You got a degree, for starters. Once you have a degree, it doesn't matter if you had a 2.0 or graduated summa cum laude. So what if you're not going to grad school. You don't need to go to graduate school to be a successful writer.
You are working on a grocery store. You were good enough to get promoted, right? And if you do your job, you'll get promoted again.
Life doesn't work according to some grand plan. It really becomes what receives your energy and time. If you stare at the television and think badly of yourself, that's no way to live.
Let's get back to writing. You work in a grocery store. You talk to people every day. You learn about their lives, their concerns. You see funny things.
A writer is less a scribbler but more a witness. A translator of what he or she sees onto the page. A person who sculpts meaning from events, shaping those things into a blistering narrative arc.
You have that within you.
Do yourself a kindness. Read The Writer's Journey. It deals with how all stories are a retelling of a hero's voyage. How he begins in comfort, goes through his ordeals, and comes out on the other side somehow transformed. Think of yourself in this way. And then get to work.
My first thought was that you’re probably not a loser. Then I read your post and confirmed my initial reaction. You were promoted to supervisor; that’s excellent! Even if it’s a small local grocery store (i.e. not a chain), you’re getting management experience that will help you get some kind of job elsewhere. If it’s a larger chain, there are likely more senior positions that are possible for you later. Only if that’s what you want, though… if you enjoy your current position and have a good relationship with your employees, there’s nothing wrong with staying where you are. Never underestimate the value of working on a good team.
How are you a loser? If you have any kind of consistent work history, you are a contributing member of society and paying into taxes and being self sufficient. Millions of people work these type of jobs and they aren't all losers and they are important jobs.
Don't measure your success according to other people's standards, it seems like you are moving up in the grocery store and doing good. Could you do more? Sure, nothing wrong with pushing yourself.
If you have a writing degree, it means you have the general curriculum, which means a new major would only take 2 years. Maybe redo your bachelors? Slowly but surely, start with one or two classes while continuing working! You can do it. PS, i also think you need a more supportive gf!
I would imagine it matters what your girlfriend said because it rings true for you. You have already thought of this. You must release yourself from the scarcity that you'll never stop being a "loser".
Think about what might make you feel more honorable. If the goal is to not be a loser, write a list of things that, 1. Make you feel like a winner, 2. Make you feel like a loser.
We must identify our feelings. What exactly makes you such a "loser"? Most people will wave off this feeling, but I think it is a prompt for you to end this chapter of your life. Start a new chapter, and try to focus on what makes you feel successful, sexy, honorable, etc.
Perhaps we all get too sedentary at times. It's easy to identify as a victim of society. Let that go. Maybe you're a workaholic. Let that go. Do some self care like Epsom salt baths, quiet time outside, recreations, take "mental health" days. Cultivate that warrior in you that does not want to be dishonored by perhaps getting into shape, trying out a martial art, hiking, fishing. Take your energy back and become less available to people (don't always come when someone calls you).
Just some things to try.
How far out are you from college? If it’s 5+ years, your undergrad GPA will mean less to admissions councils, especially if you work your ass off and do really well on the GRE.
LPT: Since you agree with your gf that you are in dead-end jobs, I'll give advice about that. Apply for promotions within your current company and apply for higher positions in other companies. Your degree field and GPA aren't strong points of your resume, but you still have a degree which is all that some jobs want. Apply, and apply and apply to jobs, and follow up..and you'll eventually get call backs then go from there.
Having work experience and a degree can get you interviews. Then it's on you to just come across as a normal and sane individual.
You’re a supervisor. AND you have sales experience. HOW are those dead end things? You’re not hopeless.
Are YOU happy with what you’re doing?
I kinda wanna say you can get a new girlfriend but you only have one life.
Ok that’s fine for her to maybe encourage you to be more ambitious I guess but I just feel like this is not a good way to do it?
- I have a few friends who did not graduate college and are objectively doing better than me (I have multiple graduate degrees and don’t work in my “field” anymore). They make more money, get more time off, and pursue lots of hobbies they love.
- Are you content with your work right now? Does it pay the bills, give you good work/life balance? Do you pursue things outside of work that bring you joy and fulfill you?
- If yes to the above (and please don’t read content to be “happy”) then tell your GF to leave you alone. Jobs are means to an end-they do NOT define us. Most people work in jobs that they don’t particularly care about. The Millennial and Gen Z generations have been fed a steady stream of BS about working in your passions and etc. I’d suggest reading Work Won’t Love You Back for more on this pervasive myth.
- I worked in a field that I was passionate about and was underpaid, overworked, had no life balance, and finally burned me out. Now I work in a job that pays me better and is less meaningful to me, but the stress is way better: I can pursue those other things I care about. I’ve reconnected with passions and succeeded in things I cared about and never had the time for.
TL;DR: YOUR JOB IS NOT WHO YOU ARE, OP. Your job is a means to an end. Don’t let work define you. (I struggled with this when I switched, it was a hard won lesson, but still. I hope you know it too.)
Something doesn't add up here - why would a loser get a promotion from cashier to supervisor, and how can a job that is allegedly a dead end, result in a promotion?
I just have a high school degree and I work for a bank to handle inheritances. I am a direct contact/advisor between the bank and heirs of the client, notaries and colleagues of local agencies who have questions about an inheritance.
I just had to sell myself to my boss (with complete honesty and genuine interest).
So I have no real degree, but now I'm an advisor in estates at the bank. Which I find super interesting and fulfilling
Don't give up buddy, there's interesting opportunities for everyone. You just have to look and have the guts to go for it!
P.S.: Your job doesn't define you. You're not a loser just because you don't have an ambitious job.
I have fun hobbies, I'm learning to cook simply for my own enjoyment, I'm slowly learning a new language on Duolingo. Just find something you want to achieve and go for it.
My girlfriends Uncle worked in grocery stores his entire life, many of those years as a manager. He unfortunately passed away last year from cancer but he and his wife were an unbelievably happy couple. They had a nice home and were constantly soloing things together. There’s a lot more to life than climbing a career ladder. As long as you are happy and able to live comfortably (relatively speaking given the state of the global economy) then you’re doing fine. Also, when he died, nearly all of his current plus a ton of his past employees showed up to his funeral. The store he worked at supplied free food and drinks; it was really quite beautiful to see and really showed that he meant something to a lot of people regardless of being a “dead end store manager”. Plus, with the price of groceries right now, I would imagine there are a ton of incredible perks that come with being a grocery store manager. Don’t let jaded people get you down, there’s people out there that will appreciate your worth.
I was a grocery manager as a young man, happy and not rich. I wanted to provide for my wife and get a better job. Went to school, got a trade, successful. Now I work in camp, make well over 6 figures she left me because I’m never home.
Find a work / home life balance where you can be happy. Money will give you security but not happiness. Find a women who loves you with nothing my friend.
Grocery is an industry that still very much grows it's own. There is so much upward mobility if you take opportunities, and there are plenty of people who started as baggers and end up in upper management making a good living. It's not glamorous, but the food industry supports a lot of people with good jobs and good quality of life. The best health insurance and quality of life I've ever had was working in the grocery business. Your girlfriend is a fool. If you embrace this career path, and look for the opportunities, it can take you places.
You are not a loser man. Who told you that.
I don’t have a degree, I turned out fine. Who gives a f what people think, so things that make you happy.
Public Service! Non-profits, public schools, youth programs, etc. You'll probably make nearly the same amount of money, but you'll feel like you're contributing to society. There's room for advancement, and usually some fair benefits. It could easily become a career youll be proud of. Good luck!
Who says you’re a loser? Maybe you just need to really figure what you actually care about and focus on that
I met a guy working at a craft brewery and loves his job there… he has two masters degrees but chooses to work low-stress instead of a hi-paying desk job. Absolutely no shame in that - do what make makes YOU happy.
Do whatever makes you happy. If your bills are paid, you're chillen.
Join a trade union like electrical or framing and become a bad ass, you'll look cooler in your work clothes and get strong. In all seriousness though, you could get enough skill to and experience to start your own company someday, then she won't be shit talking. Plus, working outside!
Edit: Also, your girlfriend doesn't appreciate you, brah.
You sound like you lack some confidence. Who hasn't at some point? Your GF seems to have tied your identity to your job, which definitely doesn't help. You don't sound like a loser.
You should consider applying for a new girlfriend
your GF projects her ambition onto you. Don't let her change your own value system.
My brother in law worked his way up from a 16-year-old bag boy. When I first met him, he was a produce manager, later came his first assignment as assistant manager, and finally he became of the most respected and well-liked store managers in the chain. He took an early retirement offer at 55 (too many people coming up the ladder!) with a handsome cash-out, then was asked if he'd like to help with store interior re-builds. He's always been a hard worker, and it was right up his ally as well as lucrative. He's been to so many towns and cities to move shelves and produce bins and chest freezers that I doubt even he knows how many it's been! Along the way, he married my sister, they had two sons, both successful in their own fields, and are now grandparents to three kids. I have nothing but admiration for the man, and consider him a success in all regards. He learned, moved ever upwards, and it has paid off well. Don't dismiss your job as dead-end unless you have no interest in moving upward. If writing is still your thing, use your weekends and evenings to pen a novel or whatever interests you. See what happens. You have potential, and shouldn't be listening to whiners calling you a loser.
what area are you in? Trader Joe's managers can make in the 6 figures after some years and get decent healthcare, PTO and 401K
Are you happy doing what you’re doing? If yes, your girlfriend’s opinion shouldn’t matter. If no, it still doesn’t matter what she thinks of this matter but you should do something to change how you feel. Also that doesn’t sound like someone I’d wanna be with
Do you think you're a loser because that's what you think or because that's what your gf thinks? If it's the latter, I'd start by getting rid of her.
You have low self esteem and you should address the source of that. The correlation between college performance and professional success is flimsy. You just need to watch like Tony Robbin’s or something and get inspired to take ownership of your shit and start trying to be the best you can be. I’m not like an especially talented person and I had like 2.0 in college. But I’m confident and I work hard and I stick up for myself. And 20 years into a career I make a lot of money and have most of what one would want professionally.
Man, I wish I could take you out for a beer and convince you are doing well. A supervisor at grocery is in line for jobs that pay big money, by the way (especially if maybe you take some night classes in business accounting etc/ that they would likely pay for, FYI). My best advice is to stop looking at yourself through other people’s eyes, especially your girlfriend, and get some space. Then take a clear look at what you want from life, list YOUR wants, and right down the steps it will take you to get moving on the path toward them. Cheers bro.
My friend, you are not a dead beat nor are you at a dead end nor are any of those things you listed a bad thing.
One of my favorite people in the world is married to a UPS supervisor and she loves him so much. Another man I know also sold cars for a living and hated it and became a merchandiser. He made less money, but he was so much damn happier to this day is.
My point here is, unless you are actively harming someone, you’re totally fine and should not feel an ounce of shame for your chosen job.
Stores every where have people working in them. A lot of them work hard and have happy lives. They are not all losers.
STOP telling yourself you are a loser
Dump that bitch she don’t even fuckin know shit
Not a loser
Side note. You may want to see a therapist
You have a degree in writing, and here is one option.
If you're in the US go to USAJOBS.gov, make an account and create and a federal resume. There are a non-negligible amount of jobs on that site that only care that you have an education. If you're willing to move for a job it increases your chances of hire, too. All in all if you get a position you'll be guaranteed regularly occuring raises and cost of living adjustments your whole career and you'll be in a pension system. Good luck.
I don’t know how old you are, but it’s quite common these days for people to completely change their career multiple times during their life. I went from being an office administrator to a special education aide.
What matters is, do you enjoy what you are doing? Do you like the company? You could work your way up to a higher position, look for jobs within the company. You’ve already done that according to your post, what’s stopping you from going further? Or you could apply to supervisor positions in other companies. If you enjoy what you do, you’ll be far happier through life than if you were spending most of your time at a job that might seem more successful but you hate. There’s a supervisor at my local grocery store and he’s one of the happiest guys I know, everyone seems to know him when they go in and he seems to recognise a lot of customers.
Well what does she do lmao
LPT: leave that joke of a woman
You have a 4yr degree? Apply to any job that's looks interesting to you that requires a 4 year degree. It gets you so much further than grocery supervisor. Doesn't even have to be a relevant field they just really want that piece of paper and the initiative to accept less money than the boomer that refuses to retire.
Also, dump the dead weight and move on to better things in your life.
Start by thinking about what you enjoy and what you're good at. Some jobs may be in a subject area that isn't particularly interesting (eg sewage management, wind turbine manufacture, etc - - I'm just throwing out random examples here) BUT a job could still be a good fit if the actual day to day of a particular role plays to your strengths. Are you good at managing people? Sales/Interacting with customers? Are you an introvert who likes working from home or are you bored unless you are meeting face-to-face with new people all the time? It may be helpful to brainstorm based on the work environments you'd enjoy and thrive in, rather than focusing on the industry those jobs are in.
Work out and get off of social media. It does wonders for mental health bro. Only you can dictate if you're a "loser" or not. If you're happy and confident it doesn't matter what other people say or feel
What you do for a living is not who you are. It’s just what you do.
That’s a perfectly respectable job. You are not a loser. You have a good resume and work history and you’re advancing in your current job as well-that’s great! Your girlfriend is being way overly critical. How would she feel if you called her a loser? No one deserves to be spoken to or treated like that. It seems this is a pattern. You are working hard! If anything you should evaluate the relationship aspect of your life and see if you are truly happy and fulfilled in this relationship.
There’s more to life than work, and you’re doing great in that area anyway. You don’t need a 4.0 to find success or happiness. Focus on your goals, and on bettering yourself in ways YOU care about and that will bring you fulfillment-whatever that looks like to you.
If my boyfriend had that kind of a job I would never think he was a loser I would be so proud of him for making it up the ranks to a supervisor position, if he were happy. Are you happy with your job, OP?
I personally hated working in a grocery store, I did that at 18. My grandfather loved working in the grocery store when he was younger. He eventually managed an A&P before going to the firehouse for 20 yrs, then contracting/construction.
I worked retail for a long time before getting into call centers, worked for a travel company call center for 9 years. Half of which was mostly off phones. Pandemic took that job away. I work in insurance operations/mailroom/data entry now. Salaried, holidays off... close to 41k a year (still not enough for how expensive things are). I don't even have a college degree. Couldn't afford to stay in school.
I'm not sure what your gf thinks a real job is... but ALL jobs are real jobs. Some just have better benefits. What kind of benefits/pay are you getting?
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