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An intro to a short story I’m writing. Any critiques or thoughts?

Subterranean Homebound Operator

The scouts had nearly finished their repel down the borehole. Nearly a kilometer in radius and several kilometers deep not one of them had any idea what lay at the bottom. It was in the middle of the Exclusion Zone, approximately where Mount Kilimanjaro used to pierce the sky. Most rumors said it was an abandoned weapons facility or something to that nature, but the intense weather and unfortunate location made any surveying of the area impractical.

For days the scouts had waded through the unrelenting expanse of the New African marshes. Like much of the Exclusion Zone the ecological balance was frail, periods of isolation made whatever lived there very susceptible to foreigners. They had already lost 2 to Frost Caiman, 3 to Marsh Bears, and 5 to hypothermia. They were down to just 10. When they arrived at the compound where borehole was buried the climate changed one more time. The frigid marsh transformed into a temperate forest. It was calmer than the marsh, the wildlife preferred the life in the tops of the tree line rather than beneath the feet of terrestrials. Moss and vine covered anything of what was left from when people still lived in the area.

There was the skeleton of a military base lying silent and still. A scout walked up the large rusted gates and brushed away at the dead foliage covering a sign. In big red lettered it spelled out in several languages, “THESE PREMISES ARE OFF LIMITS FOR CITIZENS WITHOUT CLEARANCE. TRESPASSERS WILL BE REPRIMANDED”. The sign must have dated pre-war as the bolt holding it to the gate snapped. The sign fell to ground and was immediately swallowed by the dense foliage.

“Conducting heatscan”, signed a scout. Her officer signed back with approval. The visor affixed 2 inches from her eyes emitted a dim red light onto the ground. She began to make full revolution ensuring that no life was present. They couldn’t afford to lose another scout. She was slow in order to be thorough, only turning 6 degrees a second. Her other scouts held kept their hands near a trigger or hilt as she made the scan.

Every time her waist ran out of room her boots would crunch through the floor sending echo waves everywhere. Whatever life was in the area knew exactly where the scouts were. Every crunched brewed more anxiety in the squad. In their pounding hearts they felt the galloping of hideous fauna. In their stagnant breathing they felt the swooping and soaring of lethal birds of prey. She had 12 degrees left. One scouts hand had perspired so much his machete was swimming in his palm. The last 6 degrees. She gave the sign to the commanding officer.

Negative. Clear to proceed.

The ten looked among each other with shared relief. They had survived the last of the Zone’s legion of abominations and could now enter the facility which had puzzled generations of exiles.

Poetry help please !Advice

Hey ! I (18M) have been writing poetry for about 9 months now fairly liturgical, I've been writing longer but It'd always been fairly random before whereas now I have a 3 month period before university essentially free so I really would love advice and criticism on my plans to try and improve!

Currently I plan to spend the time reading as much poetry as I can, going through the poetry books I have and when done returning to them to reread, analyse and try and write poems inspired by them if it be as a response or just in style. In-between this I'll try and edit poems!

I often worry about publicity like why would somebody want to read a poem about a plastic bag? A bus ride home? My interrupted sleep? So that can hinder my writing when I'm figuratively inspired yet get beat back at times by my fear of its worth.

If somebody could give me some criticism and advice on my plans that'd be great ! I'd likely use it over the 3 months and when I start university too :)

Thanks !

Anyone know what happened to HelloPoetry?

Every time I try to log on, there's nothing anywhere. Trying to go to my own account shows a blank page despite me knowing there are at least three dozen poems there. My feed is empty, most things are 404'd. What few things I can see are the empty boxes of ads that my adblocker is removing.

Did the site get sold off? Is it no longer being maintained? I've emailed support with no response.

Letters to my baby

In the car on the way down to the beach, I looked back at you. You were sitting in the row behind me, my baseball hat huge on your head. You had it turned sideways. One of your feet was hanging slightly out the window, the air rushing in off the highway. You liked to feel it the same way I did, air conditioner off even in the hottest of summer days. I could see your toes wiggling. I used to call them your brick feet, almost square-shaped. They are starting to grow into kid feet, and my heart pulls with the thought that I will never hold you as a baby again.

You are all of four years old, and currently napping upstairs next to your little sister. I love you both with a feeling that I cannot explain in words. It's something so raw, so incredibly heavy that I feel it like a weight in my chest. This love. I think about it, in my head, in my heart beating, repeating, thank you, thank you, thank you. The weight crushing all of a sudden as I think what if I ever lost you.

I can't stop thinking about your little face. How absolutely adorable you are. It's weird, seeing myself reflected back in the micro-expressions you make. I know exactly how you are feeling, what you are thinking because I'm looking into a mirror. You made a joke earlier and I could see how proud you were as we all laughed. You laughed with us, shy, your smile twisted. I wanted to hold you in that moment, your soul to my soul, and explain to you in a way that words never could, there is nothing to be afraid of in this life.

You are going to be beautiful inside and out, always. I know it. You are sassy and strong. Shy still, but getting there. Not afraid to say what you want. I never want to squash that out of you. Even more than losing you I am afraid of that. That because of something I do or say, you won't be able to be you. I know what that feels like, the living based on the reactions of others. I know what it feels like to be controlled, dimmed, ignored.

Oh baby. What I hope, wish, dream, pray is for you to dance in a turquoise sea, your face turned towards the moonlight. That you always follow your heart. That you live. Please do not think that you ever need to dictate your life on someone else's terms. And when you feel that warm air wafting in out of your open window as you paint or read, or do whatever feeds your soul - please baby, for the love of all that is good in this world, do not stop yourself from following it into the electric night.

Come joint a writing challenge!Contest

Some friends and I have put together a writing challenge with a small group we have that we think will be fun! Here's the announcement and rules we made today. I think it will be a fun way to make friends and get some writing done. I'll add a link to the discord group.

Attention Students!!

We had a very unfortunate event last night!! After a staff party, the chemistry and the potions teacher may have gotten a few drinks mixed up. Some of our faculty has been turned into bookwyrms and have gotten loose in the school library! They have scattered some of the books around and we need your help to find them.

It’s very important that we find them soon since our Pride Book Affair is coming up on the last day of this month! We are looking for Hunters to defend our library and help find our missing books. If you are interested in being a Hunter please react to this post!

Hunters, as you navigate the library you might come across some things that will help you defeat the bookwyrms but be on the lookout. They can and they will attack.

Sincerely,

The Dean

Happy Pride guys and welcome to our Pride Event!!! We had a few last minute plan changes, so I do apologize about the lack of Mark Kart. Instead will be doing a month long event and a battle between your friendly mods and you guys!

The rules are:

Collect as many books as you can, each 5k words you as a group write, you get a book. Whichever team at the end of the month has the most books wins.

To get the potions and your attack bonus, you must sprint in our jog or sprint channel, every 10 sprints you complete you will receive a potion. To know which potion you have gotten you will be pinged in our Pride Book Rush Channel. You will ONLY be pinged if you haven chosen to participate in this event.

Please keep track of the spreadsheet listed below. This will also be pinned in the Pride Book Rush Channel. On the spreadsheet you will be able to keep up with your total of words written as well as how many sprints you do. You will only track the number of sprints you complete, do not track the minutes.

The only words you are allowed to count are the words written during the sprint you do here in the server. Example, if you complete 2 20 minute sprints and write 200 words, you will log 2 sprints and 400 words.

You are competing as a group, your word count is total. If two hunters each write 500 words your group total is 1k. As for the sprints, if more than one of you are sprinting only one of you needs to log a sprint. For example, if 2 hunters complete one 2 sprints and each sprint each person writes 500 words you will log 2 sprints and 2k words.

If you have any questions please reach out to a mod and happy hunting!!

https://discord.gg/WabBuhxMz2

Is this a good intro?[Feedback]

(English is not my first language)

The context would be a Second American Civil War, I've posted more things in my profile if you want to watch.

They say that the only people that have watched the end of a war are the ones who died in one. I couldn't agree more. Those people haven't seen the aftermath of the siege of Manhattan, the purges of the midwest, the total destruction of the San Francisco Bay area or the pits in the Appalachians. Those things could make even the strongest of minds go traumatized for the rest of their lives, fortunately, that's not my case. My family sometimes calls me insensitive due to my reaction to this types of things but it is the prize of every cell in your body being genetically modified, you become a demigod but you also become as sensitive as a rock. The Western Socialist States, the New American Republic and even the fucking Minot Government, so different and so alike at the same time. Not many people know this but... wait, let's start from the beginning.

I introduced my character, the factions and some events that we will talk about in the book. Anything you would change?

Maggotsnsfw[Feedback]

https://allpoetry.com/poem/17842398-Maggots-by-Curedmeatmel

this is personal nd i js turned 14, be nice plez

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How do you transcribe your stories when the motivation has died out?Advice

I have been writing for a few months now and I am constantly faced with the challenge of what medium to use. Be it laptops, phones or pen & paper. Personally, I enjoy writing with pen on paper but I am well faced with the challenge of transferring my content onto electronic media long after my motivation has died. Has any of you faced the same challenge & how have you maneuvered through it?

New Once Upon a Time Fan Poem Video "The Oncoming War" on YouTube![Discussion]
New Once Upon a Time Fan Poem Video "The Oncoming War" on YouTube!

The Oncoming War

An original poem by Cryptic Paw as seen and told by AI. A "Once Upon a Time" fan poem. There are two sides to every story...

https://youtu.be/X8PJXb_h8wk

[Image]

A Great Book To Read

Is there anything wrong when a writer encourages his fellow writers to read his books?

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Is using AI to proofread my work frown upon? Advice

I'm working on a mini horror series I'm publishing online. After finishing my first chapter, I needed help finding someone to proofread it, leaving me no choice but to rely on chat GBT. After using AI, I felt like I was doing something wrong.

Is using AI for writing considered cheating or cutting corners?

Looking for advice, I've never really tried this writing thing before. | Fantasy | TW: Thoughts of self-harm. nsfw[Feedback]

The jungles were at their thickest here. He remembered the density from the week before when he first made his way through the area. Teril Agashono was the greatest elven warrior in his village and it was his duty to thin the numbers of the beasts that infringed upon his people.

He had alone set off, and he alone would return.  His life had been spent training and growing in the shadow of his father, a renowned palace guard to the emperor of Taicozoa. Teril was skilled with the curved long sword and the spear, and he could press an arrow to a bullseye several yards beyond other elves. 

Hunting afar was not unusual for the people of his village, there were large beasts that roamed the outer jungles that were stable food. Many of them feasted on the berries or fruits high in the trees, but still more dangerous beasts prowled upon the thick floors. Fire-cats, Man-Eating Apes, and worse yet, the slender wingless drakes. The drakes swam the oceans from the North Boiling Sea and laid their eggs in the marshlands of Taicozoa. His people often encountered them during the mating season when the drakes traveled inland for food.

Teril often made the journey to the shores. During the wet seasons, he would prowl through the forest into the marshlands in hopes of slaying as many of the beasts as he could. The season had not been unkind to him. He was thankful for the dry days on the way there and now enjoyed them so on his journey back home, his several kills he accounted to the calm of the oceans and wetlands, and he carried the proof of his greatest kills in a satchel upon his scabbard. Three black drake hearts bled through the thick wool sack. 

On a range of years prior he had been caught in a torrential downpour, a flood sought to take him before he escaped higher into a fist of stone that burst through a clearing in the jungles. He watched as the world below him was overrun by the risen marshlands, he had been trapped for five days while waiting for the tides to pull back towards the seas. 

Trekking through the dry jungles with the sun beginning to fade, he was still seeking a place to safely lay his head for the night. He made camp at the base of an incline, prepared in case of a sudden storm. His crude tent had been pitched, and a fire lit for warmth. It felt as though he had slept for hours when he finally awoke.

A distant rumble and an explosion of thunder. His eyes adjusted to the shadows and his smoldering fire pit, its embers sent tumbling out of the safety of the stones from the ferocity of the winds. He felt the tent around him nearly uprooted from the ground. Standing and quickly readying himself to depart, he collected his longsword, his traveling pack, and the satchel containing the hearts of the fallen drakes, and he moved.

His elven feet beat against the shaking ground as he ascended a pathway. Like a sharp pain, a thought stabbed him: "What thunder would make the ground shake?" But no matter; he needed to get to safety. The wet seasons on this northeast coast were deadly and he knew within an hour of rain that the ground below him could be ripped away by currents towards the ocean, even though the sea lay miles from him.

"But where was the rain?" It did not matter, he knew it would soon pour over him, the trees shook violently in the ripping winds. 

His eyes adjusted to the shadows, and before him, the ground and the thickness of it were blotchy grays. His dark-sight was often troubled in this near twilight, though the sky was clear and lit as it tended to be. He broke from a clearing of trees and quickly sighted a small stone cliff face, an easy climb.

A graveled stone face sat under his feet as he left the trees behind. In this clearing, the light of the night sky and its moons and stars illuminated the streams of energy in the air. He was overtaken by a brief few moments of near blindness, as the dark-sight of his people was left in the shadows of the woodlands behind him. His eyes adjusted as his arms reached out to the cliff face and he pulled himself up. He clenched his eyes shut; they burned as they adjusted to the color and light that poured from the clear night sky, dust and debris kissed his face in the climb, forcing his eyes shut further still. 

Even half blind, these movements were simple, a few minutes of climbing passed before he pulled himself upon a flattened stone slab, flinging gravel and debris back down behind him the light pieces crackled gently across the stone below. 

Stopping briefly to catch his breath, and he felt another rumble in the air. He looked to the east expecting to see dark clouds and lightning, then to the north, then urgently all around him. "No sign of a storm" he thought.

The world shook around him and he knew that something was wrong. He felt the hairs on his arm stand straight up, pimples raced across his flesh at a sudden crack of thunder. The wind ripped; it would have tossed a weaker elf from where he stood, but Teril held strong. His heart raced, he felt his gaze lock to the west and felt a thousand eyes briefly staring back at him. He heard a thousand voices, calling his name but was it his name he heard? There were so many chanting voices, words echoing in his mind, languages he did not understand, yet some he did, but the words became nothing after they were spoken, even the ones he knew. 

Something in him felt like running, he wanted to sprint across this mountain and beyond the valleys that lay after, past it all and down into the jungles of his homeland, and further past them to the swamps before the ocean, and beyond that ocean and the one beyond it. Something urged him on, but that same feeling made his mouth dry, it twisted the muscles in his chest, and he broke into a cold sweat. 

Sick and disoriented he shifted as the rock beneath his feet rumbled. The weight in his chest burned as hot as his forehead, and part of him wanted to throw himself from these cliffs to make it stop. He felt pulled in every direction out of fear, out of unknowing. He gasped for breath and felt the fruits and nuts he had forged for the days before come retching up.

Tossing himself to the cliffside and letting the contents of his stomach pour down to where he once stood before, he saw the ground growing farther away, the stone shook under him, bits of rock twisted and broke free, and the sound of tumbling stones grew more distant as his senses felt to fade.

With his fading vision, he gazed below the shifting stone and saw animals frightened and fleeing. The whole world rumbled, and winds ripped leaves from the trees it kicked dust and debris from the mountains around him, and he was forced to cover his sweaty face from the sting of the sand. 

Then came the deafening sound of lightning crackling across the stormless sky. There was no light, no rain, no real thunder, he looked to the sky in horror.

It was as if the night sky itself had been cut open with a jagged blade. The dancing vapor streams of color and magic broke apart and melted into the sky, pulled violently from their path in the sky. Something pulled at him too; some force was strangling him, it seemed to strangle everything.

The stone under his feet began to split apart, little canyons fractured like veins across the surface. Further away, he saw the lands he hunted just the week before falling into the sky. "Am I sinking? Or is the world rising?" His mind raced to keep his footing, then he felt a great weight in the air around him, and finally, he felt pain.

A sickening hiss as the blood within his arms began to boil, and his body felt as though it was wreathed in fire. The sweat evaporated the moment it poured from him. He screamed as loud as he thought he ever could, his throat felt to rip and he swore he tasted blood burning to steam in his mouth. There was no sound besides the deafening quakes around him, the air now rippling so fast it felt it would peel the skin from his bones.

Falling to his knees he felt as if he was going blind. His eyes tried to adjust to the darkness of the night sky, to all the stars that remained in sight, to the two moons that hung so far from one another, both half-crescent and dancing apart, twins in a mirror.

Then he saw it from the jagged split in the sky. He saw beyond the colored streams that danced in the night, an ominous moon without pale light sat still above him, fire lept across its face. 

This world ate the sky below the clouds, it was growing so close, even in his suffering, he knew if he had wings he could touch it. He wanted to touch it, to prove that it was not real. He wanted to wake from this dream to relieve the burning of his skin. He wanted to be with his family, to be a guard of the emperor like his father. He was strong, and this could not be the end of him.

Throwing himself upon the ground in agony, he stripped his clothes to let air kiss his boiling skin, but as the night sky, torn asunder, gazed at his pale flesh, it only kissed him with more fire. He felt as if he was everywhere. He felt as if his mind was being pushed into the ground. He felt like it was being lifted into the air. He felt like it was being pulled to the west for a moment again, and a force not his own began to drag him to the edge of the rising stone.

Stopping mid-way at the edge, he began to convulse and lash around him, his skin scraping against the burning stone below him. 

"Was it the stone that burnt? Was it him?" 

Fighting for what seemed like hours, over mere seconds, he felt the last of him splitting away from himself. He forced himself to his knees and fought blindly past blistering eyes for his sword. A taste of steel to end this torment. He shuffled over burning clothes and finally felt the scabbard, his palms pale with sweat clumsily feeling for the hilt. He felt sick again, his eyes swelling, and blood running down his cheeks. 

Pulling the blade from its final place of rest, the fine steel serrated his satchel that held his trophies. The black heart spilled out onto the stone, one caught by the winds tumbled over the side, and as the blade was further produced, it kissed the tender black heart, splitting it like soft fruit, like the ripple in the sky.

Through swollen eyes, he watched as the shadows overtook him. His visions and thoughts faded to darkness, and his last sight was his arm peeling to charred flesh. The pain had finally stopped, and he dreamed he was falling, falling into the sky, falling towards this invading world that burned his body. He dreamt he passed the twin moons, Elocia and Noenya, he saw the last of all the stars he knew, and his soul drifted into the realms beyond what is known, just as The Titans once did ages before what is known. 

Yet he awoke. He was deep in the ground, covered in stone and rubble. His muscles ached and burned as he began to free himself from the pile, and he found himself in a cave of sorts. He could scarcely make out a blocked tunnel behind him packed with loose rubble. Slight beams of moonlight reached through the cracks offering the only light around him. He had never felt darkness like this before; it was unusual his eyes would not adjust. 

As he began to dig towards the moonlight, his muscles burned and ached, but quickly he felt fresh strength, a power he never had before. He felt ferocious and roared so unlike himself as he spun a large boulder into his would-be grave, revealing the gray light of the moon’s stabbing through dark clouds. 

Emerging from the chilly cave into the warm night air, e felt the wind ripping around him still, and the ground below his feet shuddered and quaked lightly without rhythm, neither as aggressive as they once were. 

The world around him felt so different, though he knew he had not gone far. He could still scarcely make out the stone face he had climbed to try and escape what he thought was a flood, although much of it had now been crushed and collapsed into the pits below where he had awoken.

The half-moons parted fully from behind the dark clouds that poured a white light across the sky, and in that moment the sight of his arms made his face burn and his stomach twist. 

Black scales collapsed upon his arms like a beetle. His fingernails had turned to pointed black daggers; they were sharp and sturdy. He recalled now, even just moments before when he dug from the tunnels, how the sturdy sharpness had made his digging feel unusual. 

His heart thumped in his chest—no, not his chest, some creature’s. He felt his bare body all over; scales raced down, overlapping nearly all parts of him. Some bits of his underarms and belly were soft yet sturdy, like thick boiled leather stretched over his bones, no, not his bones.

He retched again when he felt his tail slap against the stone ground beneath him. 

"His tail?" he thought. "Elves do not have tails.."

The sun was rising when he finally found his sword. Between his fits of sickness, he had tried to lay down through what remained of the night and calm himself. Sleep never took him; his heartbeat was too loud to find peace enough to rest.

The blade was his, but it was different. Once a long curved steel sword, edged on a single side, it still held its shape, but the blade was stained bloody black on the latter half towards the point. The razored edge was now jagged and corroded where the Black Drake's heart stained it. The steel was still strong, and the blade would still cut clean, although with a bite rather than a kiss.

In the clean reflection of the blade, he saw himself with his new wide round, and yellow eyes. The face and head of a black dragon. He was some wingless fiend, a monstrosity. 

"He could never return to his home, and he could never guard his emperor. What would his father think?"

Gazing up at the split sky he saw beyond the mystifying chromatics of the streams of magic that danced in the night air. Staring above the clouds and yet below the stars, all that remained of the great world that hung there mere hours ago, was a hole. A black pit, and if you looked through it, you could see the Storms of Chaos, shifting at the edge of our realm and all we'd ever known. 

That night in the wilderness alone, he dreamed, he was climbing a mountain in the center of the universe, the tallest mountain in all of this plane. At the peak, he stared across a cloudless sky and gazed at the world before him like a map on a table. 

There were tornadoes of fire ripping the land asunder, whole lakes draining into the sea, and strange figures that shifted across the world, towering over the lands below. His eyes were fixated on a black-robed figure who steadily crept across the board. It shambled over the land leaving a shroud of sickness and plagues of insects where it roamed, he stared so long that he felt his eyes turning to sand, and just before he woke, he felt the figure meet his gaze. 

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A little help in how to start a already established story?[Discussion]

Hi there, I have a story that I write since I was around 8. Through the years I rewrote at least 3 times, and now is pretty huge. Still, I never wrote in "chapters form", is always like, I know the events and the order of them in timeline, but I don't have any specific details of scenes and stuff. Like, If I tell you my story it would sound like a storyteller talking for hours about a lot of things happening.

My goal is to transform in some kind of web manga, but I don't know at what exact point to start the story, nor how I could script it. Any tips?

Good days

When nothing's going right, And present in full of gloom, When the dirt is in every bite, You expect nothing from new,

Then to cheer up your day, You can recollect your old news, While indulged in yesterday, Think of tomorrows on que,

If you have been there once, You are to be there again too, So put the bad days to dump, Cause they are temporary issue,