Birth plan

Waited 4 years after marriage to try for a kid because I was 29 at the time. I had read that once you hit 30, pregnancy complications increase, so 29 was perfect. Plus, my mom reminded me that she and my dad weren’t getting any younger and they could still help take care of any grandchildren now. So tempting; childcare is expensive! I was healthy ands kept active, though I was slightly squishy, not due to lack of trying. It was going fine but just 6 weeks later, I noticed stretch marks. Which was odd, because I definitely wasn’t showing, never mind my skin stretching enough to warrant stretch marks.

The anomalies continued but they weren’t out of the norm for pregnancies so my OB wasn’t terribly concerned.

It wasn’t until I came in for a check up at 24 weeks, the day after a week long trip to the east coast. My feet and ankles had been so swollen at the point I could only wear flip flops and even those dug into my feet. The east coast was nice and cool and wearing my flip flops in the melting snow got me funny looks but also FINALLY shrunk my feet down enough to wear tennis shoes. It was such a relief, but everything ballooned up on the flight back home even worse than before (I live by the coast in the US South - hot and humid).

This check up was my first with a new OB due to insurance problems but she was only my doctor for 5 minutes.

OB: Where are you going after this? Me: Work. OB: No, you’re not. You’re staying here.

And so I did. For a week.

Something was terribly wrong. My blood pressure was dangerously high and they thought I was going to get a stroke at any second. They figured out medications that week and I was kept in a room that was ready for an emergency c-section. They thought it was preeeclampsia, but eventually figured out it wasn’t after a series of tests and MRIs.

I was diagnosed with Cushing’s Syndrome. It’s relatively rare, but there’s a possibility that many who have it go undiagnosed because it usually doesn’t present itself until middle age or later. A number of the symptoms go hand in hand with aging: weight gain, hypertension, cardiovascular illnesses, diabetes, fragile/thin skin, slow healing, fatigue, purple stretch marks, weakness…. All due to too much cortisol.

The pregnancy triggered and accelerated an underlying health condition that I wasn’t aware of. If I had gotten pregnant in my early 20s, I could have avoided it (but a later pregnancy probably would have given me the same thing). My cortisol AND testosterone levels were off the charts. I had two masses on both of my adrenal glands and it was making everything go haywire. Because I was also pregnant, they didn’t do anything other than keep me stable. I went in for weekly check ups, all of which gave me a new piece of not-that-great news.

My health took a complete 180 after that visit at 24 weeks and I moved in with my parents. I was dependent on others since I was so weak I’d get tired just walking a few steps or holding up a toothbrush for 2 minutes to brush my teeth. I took naps every 2 hours or so. I was on a regimen of meds that got me full that didn’t help, especially once I developed ascites and I could no longer eat more than 1/2 cup of food/liquids at a time. I was HUGE, reminiscent of the humans from WALL-E and things were difficult. I couldn’t sleep, needed help with the littlest of things, it was terrible.

At the end, I gained 8 lbs of liquid per week. I thought I was going to burst!

My daughter was born at 28 weeks after another “routine” visit and she wasn’t responding to stimuli. Thankfully, she’s fine now but she was only 1 lbs 6 oz at birth. I gained about 65 lbs with the pregnancy and topped off at just under 200 lbs the night before the c-section.

I had surgery to remove the larger mass (thankfully benign) a month after and then I made no cortisol. I was now dependent on medication for the next two years because my body didn’t make any cortisol at all. Balance is key!

I still have annual check ups with my endocrinologist, since I still have one mass left. My body will never be the same - loose skin, stretch marks everywhere. I feel more tired overall (though my doctors said that my previous state of being full of energy all the time wasn’t normal either).

I also had my second child after my body normalized again. His pregnancy was normal though I still had a c-section due to the initial incision being in a way that the chance of literal rupture was increased to 30 or 40% and they didn’t want to risk it. In all honesty, the first one wasn’t that bad. Because so many things kept on happening, nothing phased me and I very much rolled along with it.

But everything changed. Not just my body, but nothing went according to plan. My mother was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer a few months after my firstborn’s birth and she passed 2 years later. My kids are too much for only my father so I ended up being a stay at home mom for 4 years after 2-3 years of trying to work full time as a mom to a nanopreemie. It was exhausting. I’m working again now though. And I’m taking up taekwondo again (I earned my black belt at one point), though mostly just as a way to stay active.

I’m not sharing this to scare you, but to prepare you that it’s good to have an idea/goal, but be prepared for anything. Don’t be so set in your plans and expectations that the opposite happens and you won’t recover.

I don’t regret becoming a mom, though it certainly isn’t easy. There are moments that I love it! And other moments that I wanted to tear my hair out and find a cave to live alone for a year. I never did experience a normal pregnancy or birthing experience though. Haha. But that’s generally life. And I learned about the limitations of my body. I used to think my body was great, took pride in how I wasn’t like my sister or many other females who cared about more superficial things and were too feminine for me. (Mostly, I was comforting myself that I couldn’t fit in with my own gender.) I could keep up with the guys! Turns out it was just major hormone imbalances (and my personality) that would have been my downfall eventually. Haha… this way, we found out and it was treated and we’re keeping an eye on it.

Look on the bright side, right?

You can do it! I don’t think anyone can be 100% ready for a baby. I think because you’re asking about it, you’re a step further than some others because you’re trying. Even if you have one kid, each child is different and that goes for the pregnancy and their personality as they grow. Just be prepared that the kid(s) are now first in your life. I think that’s the biggest change because a lot of it is mental.