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9mo
It's a red pepper day.
It's international talk like a pirate day! Do I need to shoot my cannon accross yer bow? So just give up yer booty.
I swear the world's a simulation I just found out it was pirate speak day and now I see a comment abt it it's like when you learn a new word and you see it everywhere
Heh yea boi!
i can't stop hearing this entire thread with his voice in the background now lol :(
Why can I hear this in my head
That's it. Turn the internet off, nothing to surpass this gem.
Wouldn’t it be “jerked” chicken?
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9mo
I will assist to make it so.
It now is, good job
Less than an hour later and it's been dethroned!
It has now taken back it's rightful throne, my liege.
Huzzah
With your hands i assume
Nope. I'm getting someone else on the case to act as my proxy.
and my axe
It is
As someone of Jamaican descent, take my r/angryupvote and get outta here
I totally read this in the stereotypical accent
This is the first time I’ve seen an r/angryupvote in the wild
LMFAO
Sounds like child support with extra steps.
Nah, sounds like a really horrible home made pasta.
Was looking for this comment - who the hell is gonna trust a stranger with their sperm like this, all for a lame hand job?
Someone who has a vasectomy.
I was surprised to learn that a vasectomy doesn’t actually prevent pregnancy. It just changes the color of the baby.
Volunteer on the condition you get to watch the whole process
Should someone tell this guy it's really hard to get pregnant from fried chicken?
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9mo
I said it was really hard. Not impossible.
There’s no way this is a not a serial killer behind that profile.
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9mo
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9mo
But Caucasian cum would cost more, no?
We'll never run out of incells.
I mean if its for science
cock asian
So that’s why the Colonel’s always smiling and seems so relaxed.
The Colonel looks like Kellogg to me. And Kellogg was uh... Not relaxed.
I gave her my secret blend of herbs and spices
Kentucky Fried Cum
Chic-Fil-atio.
We're throwing up today I guess.
Did anyone use the finger licking gag yet?
Too late? . Dam what a shame (Said G Ramsay)
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9mo
This is at best a moderately concerning string of google searches and at worst an alarming piece of core knowledge.
The secret to not having an FBI agent is to search normal things for a while and then suddenly search the most out of pocket, disgusting thing possible to give them a heart attack
Kitten Kitten Kitten GenShermanSeesYourOF's mom Kitten Kitten Spoon
But your NSA agent will always be there, scraping everything, no matter what you do.
That's fair, those suckers are way too hard to get off your tail. So here's how to get them off:
Casually hack one of your contacts and make them text about how they want to blow up the NSA to get on their watchlist. Should shake em off for a few months...
Just repeatedly trigger whatever they're looking for.
Do searches like this:
- how to make a bomb ass mixtape
- how to kill my teacher's joy for differential equations
- how to make nuclear warhead in cataclysm dark days ahead
- useful chemicals for making weapons in cataclysm dark days ahead
- how to mount a gun to my car in cataclysm dark days ahead
- most effective explosives to clear out a school in cataclysm dark days ahead
- where to find heroin in cataclysm dark days ahead
this guy's on to something
If she gets arrested by the police, that'll just give her easier access to pig cum.
Well obviously semenology isn't a career for everyone.
Some people's career choices are just harder to swallow.
His ads are gonna be interesting for a few months
she’s going to need a
betterbatter source of semen
ftfy
She's gonna need a bigger boat.
God never said anything about battering a baby pig in its fathers semen
Get off Reddit.
Generational fried pork.
I mean, there is an actual Japanese dish of chicken and egg that translates roughly to “parent and child” lol
oyakodon, its been on my list of things to cook / try for a bit.
I love how you wrote all that up but didn't bother researching the comparison, which is how many milliliters of egg you need to make fried chicken. Like the one SFW google search is also the one you didn't do 🤣
According to this website, one whole fried chicken takes three eggs. One whole fried chicken makes ten parts (two drumsticks, two thighs, two wings and the two breasts each cut in two), so to do this test with one piece of chicken, you would only need 0.3 eggs. Google reveals that one egg is ~16 milliliters, so we're looking at ~5 milliliters. You could probably bring that number down by using a wing instead of a drumstick/breast, and even further if you only used one part of the wing. It's also worth mentioning that the required egg is to make a bath and probably has a lot leftover, if you were concerned with using exactly enough egg you could probably bring it down even further. So yeah, this seems totally plausible.
Also, loving that this is in my comment history now.
EDIT: One egg is actually ~46 ml, so ~15 ml is required (and possibly less for the reasons listed above). Still probably doable for a determined person!
A large egg is roughly 46 ml, not 16.
oh yeah you're right. Apparently Google decided that "egg in milliliters" was actually asking what a cubic inch was in milliliters
This is all relying on the assumption that semen and egg have similar protein amounts, it seems as though egg has a much higher protein concentration than semen so therefore you would not be able to do a 1:1, from preliminary quick googling it seems the ratio of semen to egg is close to 4:1
Why am I so invested in this now
You would also need to count the amount of protein in the spermatazoa itself vs. the semen around it. For instance, while some animals release more semen in relation to their size compared to others, not all of them share the same sperm-density, obviously, plus all of the spermatazoa vary widely in size.
I just read more than I needed to on Google five minutes ago and I'm spent for the day. Although this thread is hilarious.
For real tho why are pigs dumping enough cum to rival a fucking elephant holy shit dude
when you keep getting compared to cops you need something in your life to compensate. cumming for 30 minutes straight seems like a good deal.
Probably compensating for spillage due to the corkscrew penis.
Not exactly bright creatures so it kinda makes sense they just shoot around like a fire hose and hope some makes it in to the target.
Tl;dr evolution is a cruel mistress
He who cums the most successfully breeds the most, that checks out
This guy cums
No wonder why the ocean is salty!
I’d give this an award but unfortunately we ain’t got coins no more
These are the comments that make me realize how much I miss giving an award..
Clearly you've never grabbed the hog on a sperm whale. There is certainly no better efficiency. Takes them DAYS to cum, DAYS!!!
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9mo
I read this in the narrator's voice from Idiocracy.
I mean if its for science
"Weird Science"
Well she fries your cum with chicken so definitely yes.
Once you go cast iron, you never go back
“From my heart and from my hand, why don’t people understand my intention?”
frickin’ love oingo boingo
I actually initially thought this was going to be a parody account for the Alexa AI….
There is a porn my buddy showed me where they make a cum omelette and eat it. I couldn't watch it without dry heaving.
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9mo
Fr. Wife material here. Curious and experimental, open communicator, willing to compromise. What more do you want?
Unfortunately she's not looking for husband material, only baby material
Yeah, for now. But I mean, what if I’m just down to try new food things?
Maybe we try breast milk cheesecake next?
Cum-promise
Paging r/Livermore
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9mo
"Hi! First of all, I'm a Sagittarius. Second, a fun thing about me is that I enjoy doing cosplay. Third, I need your baby batter for my next fried chicken recipe."
"Baby batter"
I've recently heard it being called Population Pudding 🤣
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9mo
Right? I would 100% never do this but this is like a freaking cliffhanger. I need an update. Did the batter hold? Was it crispy? Salty? I have so many questions.
So is it vegan to use cum as baking ingridient?
Yeah its from animal, but it doesnt cause suffering and the animal giving the ingridient is willing. Might even be enthusiastic.
I think they can because their main problem with animal products is that the animal doesn’t have the power to stop it if it doesn’t want it, but humans can give consent so it should be fine
NO NO PLEASE DONT SEND ME BACK TO THE CUM FACTORY
That was my tought process aswell.
Vegan bearnaise anyone?
Yes. Vegan isn't "no animal products" its "cruelty free". For some people it extends beyond their diet.
No cruelty (quite the opposite) for a consenting adult giving of their semen to test this hypothesis.
What the actual fuck?! I mean, the science checks out and if you look at it from a nutrient perspective, sure. But again, what the fuck?!
AND WHY THE FUCK WHY AM I TURNED ON BY IT?!
You're probably not the only one
Like I'm not but somebody probably is.
I mean she did offer to help out. After that you let her do whatever fucked up things she wants with it as long you don’t end up with child support to pay.
AND WHY THE FUCK WHY AM I TURNED ON BY IT?!
Probably the part where a woman said she would jerk you off.
Cuz some chick is offering to jerk you off?
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Fleshlight+Alexa +Roomba
Cumtuckey fried chicken.
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9mo
If you want an egg substitute you should use blood. It has the exact same consistency as eggs when used in baking, with a ratio of I think 2 cups per egg.
Only problem is that it’s red. If you bake a cake with blood instead of eggs, people are gonna notice.
2 cups per egg.
no. maybe 2 tablespoons
It’s 2 of something, I’m just not sure what.
It’s 2 of something, I’m just not sure what.
if your theory is true that blood is an egg substitute in baking then an egg is about 2 tablespoons. 2 cups would be like 8 eggs
now my post history has discussions of how much blood to use in baking recipes lol
Only problem is that it’s red
that's the only problem?
Should we be concerned that you no that?
Don’t worry, even if I did find myself with no eggs but an excess of blood, I’d never use human blood. Drinking that stuff can make you really sick. I’m talking nausea, vomiting, all the works.
Edit: I do mean drinking it. Very specifically.
Doesn't that require an absolute absurd amount of blood, though? Last I read up on it the primary problem was iron poisoning, an early symptom of which is vomiting/nausea, and I don't think that happens all that easily.
The amount of baked goods you'd need to eat to rival what I've ingested from a bad nose or mouth bleed is probably crazy high.
Ever heard of black pudding? Blood is actually a pretty common ingredient in some cultures.
It's rather obvious. What happens to eggs when heated? What happens to blood when heated?
Do you observe any difference when compared to other liquids?
"this is just what a Sagittarius would say"
-some horoscope dipshit, probably
The day I wish I had been illiterate.
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9mo
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9mo
I'm not ashamed to admit I'd let her jerk me off for science
Probably at Lawrence Livermore National Labs but her grant request was turned down.
Da fuk.
She’s gonna frame you for a murder using your DNA on a body she has in the basement
Then you find out you a daddy cause she saved it and filled herself up with a turkey baster
What a time to be alive
I'm glad she listed coffee as an interest because she's gonna need a mug of it to wash down that chicken
I mean… for science.
I think that Non-Smoker tag needs to be revaluated
Sighs* gets car keys*
Imagine the cardinal sins this person would commit if they were a male.
Thirsty people do crazy shit
An interesting but useless fact about "Pansexual" word: in spanish it would be divided as sexual (same word and meaning in both languages) and "pan" which we traduce as bread > basically bread sexual.
She is not doing something weird, she is just defending her sexuality by fried chicken accompanied by some recipes bread and eggs (maybe?)
You would need at least 5 guys to fill a small bowl. And that would only be enough for maybe 2-3 chicken pieces?
Someone do the math
kung pow cum now chicken
For science!
HOLY FUCKIN SHIT!!! IT'S THE COLONEL'S SECRET HERBS AND SPICES!!!!! IT WAS BABY BATTER THIS WHOLE TIME!!!!
Thats taking pansexual to a whole new level.
She took being pansexual very literally
I can fix her
Only if she includes me as co-creator on the patent.
Hold on, let her cook
They're a dude, no woman on the planet would say this and mean it
After reading that, I was wondering if there was anyone on the planet that would say this and mean it
Honestly after reading it again I'm fairly convinced this is just a scheme to traffic people
this could be the start of a whole new industry...
I've had a vasectomy, so I can guarantee your eggs will end up scrambled.
Mine's decaf spaff after my vasectomy so I'm not sure how good it would be as a binding agent
I'm invested now
You know, I bet she's fun as hell to hang out with 😂
Wow. What a terrible day to be able to read.
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9mo
How does she have the same train of thought as me
I respect her desire to innovate and her use of the scientific method but.... just because you can doesn't mean you should. Eve in science
I would 100% go over there. What's the worst thing that could happen, harvesting my organs? Pfff, who tf needs organs? I'll be fine
Technically cum is eggs so I think it would work
I don’t think this is what they mean by pansexual
As wild as that sounds, I actually wouldn't mind volunteering.
What a terrible day to have eyes!
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