Title. I play Rugby union. Before being a father I would tackle confidently, go into contact, join rucks, etc. Nowadays I am always afraid of a concussion or something of sorts that might affect my livelihood or increase the possibility of getting dementia. I used to ride my motorcycle carelessly, and now I won't even go over 80-90km/h.
I feel like I have become boring and likely too careful. Has any of you experienced the same?
I used to live like I didn't care if I died. Now I care if I die, cuz I might not like myself, but my daughter does, and I ain't taking that away from her. Better boring than dead.
When i found out i was going to be a father i was the same. I immediately sold my motorcycle. The things that used to give me adrenaline rushes in life started to look more like unacceptable risk. I was already starting to feel that way after marriage but fatherhood kinda sealed the deal on calming down. Lifes a whole lot different when you have two people looking at you across the dinner table relying on you to bring home the bacon.
If you think women's brain are the only ones who get rearranged after childbirth... You are wrong. You are now officially in DAD-MODE
I think we are all in this boat .. I used to take risk at work and now I play it safe (don't want to get fired and lose income) .. I think it's normal and I think that risk taking will come back when the kids are older. Even at the gym I didn't do certain movements etc. .2 things happened: 1 I got my life insurance , wills , all that type of crap squared away. I told my partner here is a tentative financial plan or living plan in case something happens to me...2. the kids are teenagers.i think as soon as they 18 , the risk taking will gradually increase again .
Same here, father of two girls.
I am living in Japan and try to go to my country each summer to meet my relatives with my wife and the kids. I used to enjoy the trip when I was alone, but I am scared of it now, study each road to see if the plane is able to land if there is any issue. And now the north pole route is quite scary. Almost all oceans and ice.
I also used to drive sport cars and do some road trips that I will never do again (even though it was fun) I am a bit caring about everything that can be potentially dangerous for the kids or even for me.
I am also worried much more about my health than I used to be.
Yes, definitely! When I got a steady girlfriend, I got more "fearful". When I married her, even more. After we bought our house, even more. Then, after having our first child, even more. The more I have to lose, the more fearful I get. I used to be a crazy young man, but now I am as vanilla as it comes.
100%. It's normal, and healthy. You want to be around for your family, you want to be a provider and not a burden to them. That might mean you need to tone down the risk a bit. I went class 4 whitewater rafting a few times in my 20s, I would never dream of doing that now. BUT, I still plan to go skydiving someday, I still like shooting as a hobby, and I'm (hopefully) getting a motorcycle next year. You don't have to stop living, just be a bit more careful about it.
Yes it makes sense. For the first time in your life someone is truly dependent on you. Becoming a father was the one thing that has changed me the most so far. The thought of my daughters growing up without me there to watch over them would keep me up at night.
For me, it not only affected my real life behavior to be more risk-averse but also my media consumption changed. I was big into zombies and gory movies and video games but as a father, that stuff lost a lot of its appeal for me. It could just be that I’m older now and being a dad has less to do with it than age, per se—maybe I felt invincible in my 20’s so bring on the gory mayhem, and now I’m older and feeling the effects of age and mortality—but regardless, I find that I just can’t allow certain terrible imagery into my brain because it makes me think it could happen to my child.
I was very similar, I used to do a lot of hard rock climbing (hard for me at least), scuba diving, and solo backpacking. but after having a kid I've settled into less adventures activities. I still scuba dive a ton, I'm working towards learning how to safely scuba dive inside shipwrecks but I mostly play boardgames now.
Every time I get in the water for scuba diving I remind myself that kiddo and mommy are at home and the #1 goal of this dive is to have dinner with them tonight.
I can kind of relate, although my kid isn't born just yet and my physical activity of choice is cycling. In the few months since my wife told me we're expecting, I've been more hesitant riding near cars and less willing to take a crazy risk. Maybe we're all that way.
You are saying it's boring cause you are looking at mainstream media too much. They over hype stuffs and completely ignore responsibility as a subject.
You’re not living for yourself anymore. Don’t be upset about that.