Is there any deep, spiritual, merciful Catholic perspective on why same-sex love exists?

The concept of philia (friendship) has gotten very warped in our modern culture due to the normativity of homosexual relationships. People can have very close, intense friendships without a sexual element. Our concept of the sexual bond, its purpose, and what that means has also gotten quite skewed since it was separated from procreation in our modern culture, with the idea of true eros (the love of marriage) being something that has gotten confused with lust.

We are all broken in different ways, and everyone struggles with concupiscence (human tendency towards sin) by fighting with our personal vices. You shouldn't feel attacked by that, or personally bad about that, and it has absolutely nothing to do with your dignity as a human being and a child of God. We're all a mess, and that's why we need God's grace.

Take a step outside the box our culture has built for us, and look at things from God's perspective. Remember that his love is actually all we need (that's what heaven is: eternal loving relationship with God), but you have to build a relationship with him that fosters that.

When I started a similar journey (feeling quite broken and exhausted from trying to figure out how I fit into our hypersexualized world), it felt a bit like exiting the Matrix. You start to see how messed up things have gotten in our world due to separation from God in everyday life. But then when you put your sights on God instead, there is light, wholeness, freedom, and authenticity.

God loves you for exactly who you are, faults and all, and knows you better than you know yourself. You just have to learn what that is, free yourself from the boxes our identity-obsessed culture worships, and just be you. It's freeing to feel truly loved.

I'll pray for you— it's not an easy journey, but it's certainly worth it.

The most dubious trick the devil has is to pervert great gifts God has given us and turn them to sin.

To my ear what you are describing is infatuation or the "honeymoon" phase. When you meet someone and are just overwhelmed with affect and feel they can do no wrong. We've all been there! It is good to feel love and feel close and see the virtue in people, but the devil can use this and exploit these feelings to the point that we make ourselves lustful idolators.

I do not share your experience with same sex attraction, but still reading your post felt like looking in the mirror with so many past dating experiences. It is a great gift to love another person, our challenge is to try and see people as God sees them: loving them for all their virtues and goodness but also recognizing that they are fallen creatures just like us and are infinitely lesser than God.

I think finding someone to talk to about your feelings that you can trust would be helpful. Sin thrives in the dark, so sorting things like this out on your own is not only difficult but can be dangerous for your spiritual life.

God bless!!

It seems like you’re thinking through some deep things right now and that’s really great. I’m not sure I’m qualified to give you great insight here, but I can speak a little from experience. I’ve been married for ten years to a man who experiences bi sexual attraction. It’s been a non-issue in our marriage because we are both exclusively committed to each other and to the idea of marriage. I just wanted to encourage you that what you’re experiencing/feeling doesn’t mean you can’t meet the right woman and have a great marriage.

I’m bi and wondering the same thing. I don’t think I’ll ever find an answer

God did not put the desire to sin in anyone. Can we stop peddling this myth? James 1:13-15 asserts this, that God does not tempt us with evil, but that evil arises from ourselves (alongside the temptations of demons). We must realise where sin comes from: the fall. The fall stripped us from the perfection and intimacy with God himself, giving us the penalty of death and enmity between the people of creation. We now suffer from this, clouding foundationally our knowledge of Good with Evil, making us inclined to Evil by limited deliberation.

Christ came to suffer this with us, to atone for this by taking away this sins of the world, so that by his atonement, he may bind Satan (Mark 3:27), and by proxy death, so that we may follow in his steps, dying to our old selves and putting on Christ, in Baptism, and united Christ in his offering of his humanity. 

Now what does this mean for homosexual acts? That they are sinful, no matter how we portray it. It is disordered against the natural order of friendship for the same sex and the disposes us against the proper order of the sexual relationship with the opposite sex. There is no flowery language for this, as sin is sin. But we are all sinners, so do not think your lot makes you somehow worse or somehow hated. Christ came out of love, as established in John 3:16, and we learn what defines our judgement in this love three verses later:

"And this is the judgment, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil."

The judgement is of the result of an attachment to sin, as when Christ comes, there will be no more room for sin, for all, united in the nature of humanity, will enjoy the fruit of the atonement, that being eternal life in the resurrection, but unto them who did not prepare, like the Virgins for the Bridegroom in the night, shall be stranded in the outer darkness i.e. Hell. This is the resurrection of judgement, that when one is given the perfect good, they see it as evil. As the Prophet Isaiah says: "Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!" 

So what do we do? Well, we trust in God that his way is good, despite our inclination to the contrary. This is universal to all actions, and when we fall, we confess and partake of the Holy Eucharist, the "medicine of immortality" as Saint Ignatius of Antioch calls it. We continually seek that medicine, and as we approach that uncreated light, like impurities in water shown in a ever brightening light, we notice and trample that which darkens the soul, only by the grace of Christ ministered through the Sacraments, prayer, fasting and virtue. 

For you, I recommend taking a retreat at a respectable ascetic monastery, finding a spiritual guide that works well with you, a spiritual director as well as a consistent confessor. 

I read your post and can not avoid thinking "limerence" more than actual love. Your post sounds more like you are obsessed with this person than in love. Feelings are tricky, at their core they are just chemical reactions in your brain, if we are not careful they can very easily overwrite our reason.

At its core love is not a feeling, but an act of the will fuelled in part by emotion, but not overcome by it. If I were you I would take a break from dating to focus on the meaning of marital love.

Deacon H

I'm a catholic woman (happily married to a man, with a baby and hopefully more to come), who would also identify as bisexual by cultural standards. Even before I reverted, I knew that the love I felt for others was meant to be used for more than sex, and it sounds like you know this too.

For me, the tendency to feel attracted to both sexes has driven me to try to fully embody the value of chastity in my marriage and outside of it. Fr. Ripperger (YouTube) says that we are all designed to perfect certain virtues, and often the areas of our lives that are the greatest struggle lead to the greatest perfection with hard work and God's grace. Chastity is more than just wearing appropriate clothing; it is about loving the whole person and being able to admire the beauty that God has created in them. I don't have it all sorted out yet, but I do find it helpful to try to think about that when those thoughts arise. Imagine who God meant them to be, how he wanted them to be loved and appreciated.

Any kind of repression is bound to come back and bite you in the end.

What we are actually called to is called "integration", or reordering of our selves to unity.

Have a listen to the podcasts - Interior Integration for Catholics - Husband Material

You will find some good, deeper insights there.

I just want to say you have my empathy, my love, my support, and my prayers. Our yoke seems more difficult and our burden seems heavier than others, but that’s often because of how isolating it is to struggle with this specific sin. 

St. Sebastian, intercede for us. 

I think it's a truth many ignore that homosexuality or same-sex attraction is not only about sexual or physical attraction. It can be as emotionally deep, profound and overwhelming as the natural love between a man and a woman. But it can never be fulfilled in marriage so it will always be incomplete in this way. Such love should be treated as an opportunity to pray for that person and grow in virtues such as charity, humility (via seeing good in another that you can strive for) and purity (by choosing not* to act on the attraction).  

 Unfulfilled love can also happen between a man and a woman, when there are various impediments to marriage. For example, a woman could fall in love with an impotent man. It doesn't negate the feeling or the genuine care she has for him, but since their love cannot be consummated in the sacrament of marriage, they need to put it aside and not take it any further. It's hard and painful and seems unfair but it's a sign God wants something greater of you.

We have all kinds of distorted desires, when I get mad I want to smash someones face into a gravel road, sometimes when I am horny I fantasize about sex with multiple women, sometimes I eat food that’s not healthy, we all desire things that are bad for us , don’t worry about it too much, your desires are just slightly different then most guys, I wouldn’t over think it, find a nice girl and as long as you are resisting your desires don’t overthink it :)

Only God knows.

The same answer I get when I ask why I have my weaknesses and why does He allow that I fall off track.

But I am also not too hard on myself because I reflect on the progress (but not too much) because of God's mercy. You may want to consider these:

-Study or Google the Consciousness Examen by St Ignatius and apply this daily.

The examen is a time of prayer. The dangers of an empty self-reflection or an unhealthy self-centered introspection are very real. On the other hand, a lack of effort at examen and the approach of living according to what comes naturally keep us quite superficial and insensitive to the subtle and profound ways of God deep in our hearts. The prayerful quality and effectiveness of the examen itself depend upon its relationship to our continuing contemplative prayer.

Psalm 26:2-3 - “Test me, O Lord, and try me. Examine my heart and my mind. For your love is ever before me and I walk continually in your truth.”

• Look at the Holy Eucharist with a greater need and preparation. As Fr. Cole said in Breaking the Habit, there are 5 things you need to do to get the most out of mass:

0:32 Repent

1:51 Prepare

3:25 Participate

4:52 Contemplate

6:12 Discipleship

https://youtu.be/zUt7MMwdCc4?si=qT0C12Odtgdv89cX

As a lesbian ex-Catholic (who reads this sub because I spent a lot of time learning about Catholicism in my youth, I find the dogma intellectually interesting, and it will always be a foundational part of me), that was the most heartbreaking part to me: that I could believe everything within the faith, do everything that I was supposed to as a "good Catholic girl," truly want to find heterosexual love and partnership and see it as valuable, blessed, and sacred, and STILL realize that the only place that I was going to find the kind of love awas with someone of the same sex. I suffered a lot when I finally had to realize that the type of love that made sense deep within my soul made me incompatible with Catholic beliefs, and there was nothing I could do about it.

(Before I continue, I want to say that I know that your beliefs are currently incompatible with this, and please believe me when I say that I respect that. I still believe that you can absolutely define yourself by your actions, values, and choices, not by inner feelings...you're the captain of your ship. Catholicism offers a beautiful and balanced explanation for everything, and I understand that faith in the dogma means finding explanations that the human spirit finds difficult to understand. I am just sharing my experience.)

But personally, the love and connection I could never find with any man, after years and years of turmoil and searching, was the kind of love I found so naturally with another woman. I denied myself the opportunity to even explore this reality for years.

The only reason I had a basis of comparison for what I was missing with men is because it's what I feel toward women. When I tried to find that with men (even an inkling of it, for decades, unsuccessfully) it felt wrong to me on an unhealthy, soul level.

I am no longer a practicing Catholic. Denying this part of myself would feel beyond stifling, like being a prolific right-handed painter in a place where only left-handedness is the only legal option, and being told that if I can't make only left-handed art for the rest of my life, without ever picking up a brush or a pencil or a pen with my right hand for as long as I live for fear of punishment (and even THINKING about using my right hand is a moral failing) I should simply vow to never paint again. It would eat away at my soul to deny my gifts and my vocation for the rest of my life. I would have to sacrifice too much to stay in this place, knowing that other communities simply let people create the art they're meant to make with the gifts they are given.

I can't offer you any Vatican endorsed teaching as to why same-sex love exists. Actually, according to the Vatican-- same-sex love does not exist: homosexuality produces no genuine affect.

I'm a lesbian who is finally accepting that I'm a lesbian. The first thing I would say to you is: come out. It's the greatest way you can be like Christ in this moment.

Maybe this is a merciful Catholic perspective: I read a theologian (David Matzko McCarthy) who wrote that coming out is a way to re-enact the incarnation, the crucifixion, and the resurrection. You are putting yourself on display, giving yourself in fullness for others to see and receive.

Shoot me a DM, we can talk. This is a complicated topic, and I don't see a lot of Catholics, who are well-intentioned and doing their best, who really understand the issue of same sex attraction for what it is, what about it is good and what about it is disordered, what exactly constitutes the occasion of sin in circumstances like these, what exactly SSA perverts, etc. I'm a recent convert (many years convinced that Catholics are right about everything, baptized/confirmed a couple years ago), and I come from a background of same sex activity, and you CAN figure this stuff out, but, whether your attractions were forced upon you by the progressive culture we live in or the source lies somewhere else, it can be a lonely uphill battle.

Ours is a fallen race in a fallen world.

Everything God gives us is good. He does not give us our disabilities, our shortcomings, our illnesses, or our pain. He doesn’t make people to experience homosexual or bisexual tendencies no more than he makes someone predisposed to be addicted to alcohol or some other drug. All of those things come from living in a broken and fallen world. There are little innocent babies born with incurable diseases. There are really awesome people with beautiful hearts that are in physical pain everyday. God doesn’t do this. It’s the consequences of the broken world. They are essentially evils that exist in our lives- even if they’re happening through no immediate fault of our own.

However, even though evil cannot beget good, God can work with our brokenness to pursue good things. And not just worldly good things but truly good things. I’m sure you’ve heard that nobody is perfect, but the phrase is a bit off. It’s more like everyone is affected by this broken world. Some of us are born with it in homosexuality, addiction, mental health conditions, physical infirmities etc. some of us are born into in a different way- situations of abuse, neglect, severe poverty, victims of natural disasters, etc. Most of us will get a combination of these things throughout our lives. This is not the world God envisioned, but He works with it.

God gives us gifts but either from our own sin or the consequence of a broken world they get hijacked. He gave us a sexuality but there’s a wrong way to use it. He’s told us what that is because He knows some of us will struggle with that. It’s not wrong to have homosexual feelings, it is only wrong to act upon them (whether that be fantasizing or physically). But it’s very hard, especially for exclusively same-sex people, to pursue this path especially in a secular world that celebrates it. God doesn’t make people homosexual but he does allow it to exist. Why? Why doesn’t God then just snap His fingers and take it away? Ultimately, with the Fall, we now must suffer for love. Women must go through immense pain to bring forth children, people must spend their days laboring to get money for food and shelter. Those that enter marriage unwilling to sacrifice for each other will ultimately divorce. But if Christ taught us one big umbrella thing, for He taught us many things, He taught us that in suffering there is redemption. Following what God commands us to do, especially when it’s difficult, is what we are called to do as Christians.

Hello, you may want to check this book:

Gay and Catholic: Tushnet, Eve: 9781594715426: Amazon.com: Books

We all struggle with sin, that's why it's called "spiritual warfare". Every single one of us is at war with our flesh whether it's sexual sin, overeating food, being lazy, anger issues, gossip, unforgiveness. I think you're focusing on homosexuality like its a separate issue when it's really just another strong temptation that enters our mind and emotions. That's how satan gets to us. This is why we are told by Jesus "submit to God, resist the devil and he shall flee". We tend to think our suffering and struggles are "different" in some way from other people's and they're not. Peter told us "do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you"...

well Although we can really know becuase only God knows why certain things exist but we do live in a fallen world we all are sinners. Also Satan wants us to sin that is what he wants he wants to lead us to sin and the purpose of sex is for procreation and for men and woman to have children and any sex outside of that is sinful so Satan wants to tempt people to certain evils such as homosexuality, fornication and adultery because it is a sin that leads us away from God and satan wants us to be away from God.

Gay and Catholic, eve tushnet. Really important read.

May I suggest a book? "Why I Don't Call Myself Gay" by Daniel Mattson.

I think you had a lot of good comments here. There is a deeper meaning in erotic love, and a mystery that won’t be revealed until everything is revealed in the end. Ultimately it will bind us to the mystical body of Christ at the final consummation, transcending its present mortal limits. Meanwhile some people, such as yourself and others with SSA, struggle with the confusion caused by the Fall and the misdirection of our passions. Sounds like you have a good grasp on the fact that there cannot be a holy physical expression of eroticism between two people of the same sex, and the temptation towards that is disordered. One point I would make is not to identify oneself with a temptation, something I see so many Catholics with SSA continue to do because of cultural conditioning.

What's absolutely fantastic is that you can still express your love for this man, as a friend and as fellow children of God. Feeling understood and accepted does not require sexual reciprocation, and in this case here because you know the sinful nature of same-sex romance, pursuing a romance would get in the way of the good fruits that come from friendship.

As a fellow bisexual Catholic guy, the answer's pretty simple: God allows us to experience these things because he wants to help us overcome them and make us better versions of ourselves. There's hope.

When it comes to "repressing," I think that actually does us great harm. Repressing things means not resolving them, and letting them eventually bubble back up in more intense ways later. This is a huge problem I see in many Christian families. They expect their queer kids to just shut up and stop feeling gay, when it's likely going to be a lifelong struggle for them. They need all the support they can get. The sooner you can be open and honest about the things you're feeling, and not have to hide them away in the dark, the better.

This is why "coming out of the closet" is such a big relief for people. It really is just such a relief to be able to acknowledge "yes, this is what I am." The sooner you admit/realize what a problem is, the sooner you can begin to grapple with it.

I don't like calling myself "same sex attracted," because that makes it sound like a sort of terminal medical condition that I can never heal from. (Although some claim to have! You can find them online.) "Bisexual" is just so much more approachable and casual. Some will argue it's "using the terminology of our enemy" or something inflammatory like that, but it's just simply the truth. I'm into both men and women.

But I know what God wants us to do, and I want to do that because what he wants is edifying for us and I want to honor him as our creator. Living for myself, while pleasurable in the short-term, will be ultimately unfulfilling and leave me worse off than where I started.

I feel it might be worth saying as well: are you 100% sure this was a romantic/sexual feeling you had for this other guy? I don't want to say you don't know your own feelings, but sometimes emotions are messy and we can misinterpret things. As well, my best friend is a girl, and if you heard the way we speak to each other you might mistake us for being romantically involved! But she has a boyfriend and our worldviews are so different that I don't think we would work out as an actual couple. And yet I feel for her the things you said about this guy: relief, clarity, nothing to hide, loving her for her whole being, her always being on my mind, always praying for her. She's my best friend, the best friend I've ever had in my whole life. I wish I had known her since we were kids. There's nothing wrong with emotional intimacy in friendship, you just need to stay aware of if it starts leading to lust for the other person carnally.

All in all, I hope something here was helpful for you. I highly recommend finding a spiritual counselor or a priest you really trust if you haven't already. You deserve to have these feelings acknowledged and be giving support and guidance on this topic. I'll pray for you.

Keep in mind that Satan was once Lucifer, the most brilliantly intellectual angel before his fall, and under his thinking cap groweth no moss (sorry to borrow your phrase, Mr. Buckley). so he can pull this stuff in your head and heart.

RE: Mr. Buckley - William F. Buckley, Jr. That one!

I don't have any deep, spiritual advice for you. But. I can't view love as a sin. Be kind to yourself

What you really mean is: is there any way that it can be justified?

The answer is plainly no. A filial (philios) love, a platonic love, a Sacrificial (Agape) are allowed and encouraged.

But a marital/sexual (eros) love is denied.

Just because you feel inside of you that it is complete and justified doesn't make it so. We don't determine reality from what's inside of ourselves (subjectivity), reality is imposed on us from what's outside (objectivity) and we have to learn to accept it.

The church is based in objective reality. What it teaches is objective truth and it is also universal truth.

Rejection of church teaching can lead to loss of our salvation.

If it's sin, why does it feel so similar to a very powerful good? or in the words of the little mermaid, "I don't see how a world that makes such wonderful things could be bad." Why does he allow something he forbids to emulate something he ordains? Does he want us to be confused? What are we supposed to do with it? In the words of an eighth grader in a faith formation class I taught, "Why would God give that feeling to someone if he didn't want them to act on it?" I think ultimately, this comes down to the question "If this thing hurts me, why would God allow it?"

There's a difference between what God wills actively and what he wills permissively, but it will always sting the human heart to think of God's omnipotence, omniscience, and omnibenevolence, and how God could prevent harm that he knew was coming and didn't actively want us to undergo. But he allows it. And I don't know why. Nobody does, honestly. The only comfort for this problem of suffering I have found is in the story of Lazarus in the gospels and the story of Job.

As for repressing this sexuality - I would not recommend that. Do not seek conversion therapy. It may make you suicidal eventually. I have friends who barely lived to tell the tale. And it won't serve your marriage either. Don't try to pray the gay away. You don't have to act on feelings to accept them. Accept that God allows these feelings as part of your human experience and that ultimately, no matter what someone's sexuality is, it is a desire that is meant to ascend to desiring God himself. He allows SSA to draw you closer to himself in some mysterious way.

Resources for community orthodox with church teaching: eden invitation, courage international

Therapist/author rec: Dr. Julia Sadusky, Preston Sprinkle, Eve Tushnet

I have the utmost empathy for you, OP, as someone with SSA who is married. I know that feeling of being broken. You've got to let go of the idea that having SSA makes you a bad person, bad man, bad boyfriend, bad fiance, bad husband, and/or bad father. Dating women won't make the SSA go away, not completely. Dating men won't make your attraction to women go away. Both sides are part of your sexuality and you likely can't change that. And PLEASE, for the sake of the graces flowing from the validity of any future sacrament of matrimony in your future, disclose your experience of SSA with any future wife.

May you have an integrated, healthy sexuality without repression and a happy, holy marriage with the blessing of children.

As I'm understanding this, you've presented a rephrased "problem of evil"/"problem of suffering" which doesn't really have a solution that avoids raising lots of other issues as a result.

Hi, reading your comments, I wonder whether this encounter you’ve had with a man is simply guiding you to learn about the good qualities you want in a partner. Is it the masculinity you find or attractive, or is that he thinks in a different way? Why does he make you feel safe and understood?

So I wonder, what would happen if you were to meet a slightly more masculine woman - or a woman who had masculine-related traits?

I know this is slightly unrelated to your original question. What I’m trying to say is, perhaps when you find your soulmate everything will click, and perhaps this attraction you’re finding with men is guiding you to learn which qualities you need to look for in your long term partner.

Love is to will the good of others which is what modern western culture fails to understand. Love is not a feeling, emotion, or even affection. These are only manifestations of love, but not love itself. A person can 'feel' in love with someone or 'feel' affection towards someone but not truly love the supposed object of one's love. Owing to this failure to understand what love is, modern western culture is in much error on this subject among other subjects, leading to much pain.

Modern western culture confounds love with lust. Lust is not love but is antithetical to it. Lust is ordered towards pleasing one's own passions, that is, the desires of the flesh. Love is ordered towards others, willing their good.

I hope this helps. You might also like to check out my website at www.spiritual-theology.com . It contains articles dealing with issues like finding one's calling before God, identity, and the brokenness of the human condition.

As top comment points out, we all experience the fall in different ways through concupiscence. However, concupiscence can be overcome through grace and the practice of virtue. I think it's a worth suggesting to simply ask and trust that the Lord to give you the daily grace to fight against temptation and develop that virtue of chastity.

Man with “bisexual” attraction here:

After the fall of humanity in the Garden, sin was introduced to the world which corrupts, and sin affects everything* including our sexual desires/orientation. Us being attracted to the same sex is a product of sin’s corrupting influence.

It is not evil to have these attractions, nor is it something to “repress”, we need to acknowledge these parts about ourselves while also keeping our actions in-line with God’s will.

It is not your fault. This is a cross which we have to bear. Our struggles become our sanctity if we abide by the will of God. There is so much more to our existence than relationships, there is more to God’s plan than just this life. Saints have been tortured in brutal ways and kept faithful to God, all we have to do is avoid homosexual actions, pretty easy in comparison.

Don’t search for fulfillment in things of the flesh which will pass. Don’t fall into the currents of this passing world. You have eternal life to look forward to where all things will be restored and perfected, don’t let 80 years of earthly life trip you up. Our days will pass by in a flash, it’ll all be over before ya know it, so live it right on God’s path. Our struggles become our sanctity as long as we persevere

Why has God put this desire in me? Why did I feel a love, with another guy, that felt so pure and spiritually close to my core? Where in God's plan is there space for romantic love like this if it can only end in sin? It's a mystery to me.

Maybe you should pray psalm 136(137). St Benedict relate this psalm verse 9 in the prologue of "The Rule Of St Benedict", when the temptation is young, you have a chance to "dash" it to pieces on the rock which is Jesus. That is the only way. I honest don't know there's another or better approach against temptations.

I am a believer in St Benedict's rule, with prayer in psalms, and pray all the hours of the day,laud, prime, terce, sext, none, vesper, compline, as a lay men we may not pray all, but we can pray 1 or 2, hope it can transform your darkest's lust into God's love. it's not easy, but that is why you have a life.

I don't have anything deeply spiritual in response. But I will say that Catholic theology of sexuality and the body is a very very high bar, for everyone from singles, to those with same-sex attraction, to heterosexual married couples. It's so easy to lose sight of that, whether you're a heterosexual married person wanting to use artificial birth control, or a single/divorced person with intense sexual urges. We live in a society saturated in sex and in messaging that it's unnatural not to act on all of those urges. And we all have crosses to bear. It is those crosses which can be vehicles for greater awareness of our need to rely totally on God; avenues of His mercy; and in our growing in saintliness in preparation for heaven. Hang in there, pray, ask for prayers, seek out spiritual counseling. The bigger the cross, the more we need help bearing it.

What you really need is spiritual guidance. Whether a catholic counselor, priest, or a spiritual advisor that you can see on a regular basis to help guide your conflicting thoughts and feelings on this deeply imbedded troubling problem. The more traditional, the better. And I say that not for aesthetic purposes, but I’ve found that for people who have a more intense reverence for the Eucharist (kneeling and taking it on the tongue), have a more knowledgeable and spiritually sound advice.

It's nuance bro. That's all. Just because something appears in nature doesn't mean it's natural.

Example:

"Humans cannot see because some children are born blind" - a declaration stating nuance makes false a distinction.

"Gender is non-binary because some men are deluded" - another declaration stating nuance makes false a distinction.

There is One Logic or Order, and that is "The Logos" (Jesus), nuance NEVER makes false a distinction.

Humans can see even though some children are born blind.

Gender is binary even though some men are deluded.

And homosexual sex is unnatural even though it appears in nature.

The "Natural" cannot exist without the "Unnatural".

With that being said, I am a middle-aged man. Annulled marriage, no kids and most women my age are divorced.

Who the heck is out there for me?

I am in the same boat as you as a middle-aged heterosexual.

Also, don't beat yourself up over "being gay". That is not a sin.

Homosexual sex outside of marriage is a sin just as heterosexual sex outside of marriage is a sin.

And don't feel weird around heterosexuals because they are committing sin at the same prevalence as gays I bet!

Peace Be With You!

There are many things, including but not limited to love and attraction, that can feel right and natural to us but ultimately are not glorifying to ourselves and what we were made for. The fact that this is “allowed” to happen to us does not mean that God actively wills for it, but rather, it points to the fall of man that has allowed for us to not only sin, but to also try seeking justification for our sin. These things do not come from God however, but instead distort what He has created and instituted for us.

Love and attraction are good things of course, but there is also an order and purpose to them so that they may be truly glorified in their creation and purpose. Our own feelings can be deceiving in this way, because again, we may feel love and attraction for people that feels real, intense, and true, but this same love and attraction may ultimately not be glorifying for us in our creation. For example, a same-sex relationship can have love and attaction that feels true and natural, but it is ultimately not in accordance with what is glorifying to God’s creation. There are a lot of other examples of relationship dynamics, including PLENTY of heterosexual ones, that can feel natural and true to us, yet these same feelings can also still be deceiving because the reality is that these relationships and dynamics aren’t what we were made for. The issue does not lie within God’s creation and what He has allowed, but rather it is something that has resulted from the fall of man. As such, we also can’t necessarily expect to get through these things alone or even know how to. Allow the Lord to guide you in this part of your life and that your own will may be in alignment with His. I will be praying for you, my brother🤍

I have a different take on this. If a same sex relationship is genuine, i dont think God will condemn you. To me chastity is supposed to be natural, not something you force on someone or to yourself

Living Waters is a great seminar to attend if you want to explore the basis for your attraction, and what it means in your daily life.