Whether it's the owners that have ruined it for you, the design of it, the make and model... What really pisses you off?
For me personally, Fiesta ST150s. I've not come across one example that doesn't have a stupidly loud exhaust fitted and isn't driven by some knob who always wants a race.
I also loathe the A class Mercedes, has to be the most finaced car in the UK surely? And seems to be driven exclusively by the type of man that likes driving fast Infront of school girls.
The Puma, when it's behind you, kinda looks like this fish
The ST ones are especially grim. As weird of a concept as the Nismo Jukes.
First time I saw a Nismo Juke I thought somebody had put Nismo badges on it as a joke.
Although apparently a decent car with a good chassis
I don't get Nissan. Everything they make is either bleurgh or cool, with very little in between.
just wait till the facelift...the are dropping the 1.5 200hp engine and giving it a 1.0, 150hp one
the ST brand is truly dead
I loved the original Puma. The new ones are stunningly ugly and the rear indicators are so tiny.
I remember when I first heard they were re-releasing and got excited, but then I saw it and almost vomited
Same here. Someone was taking some serious fucking liberties when they paired that monstrosity with the Puma name.
You think that's bad? Just wait until they release the new Capri.
Please tell me this is an exquisite wind-up that involves you cloning the Auto Express site and typing “crappiest car design imaginable” into some AI bot, rather than a genuine article that I didn’t see when it was published 6 months ago…
Looks like a vauxhall vectra on stilts
Hate this fat thing.
Just about to comment this, along with Kia Sportages and those weird renaults which are sort of like a clio but on stilts.
Captur? The worst!
Cat turd!
Vauxhall mokka, the name, the shape, I hate everything about them, however most of the drivers are quite pleasant
I can't believe they developed the Mokka-e and not once did anyone involved say 'wait, mockery? We called it the mockery?'
Should have made the normal Mokka electric and then changed the petrol ones to the ICE Mokka
This got a good laugh out of me, I'd definitely consider buying the Vauxhall Frapp-E and the ICE Mokka
Similar to the VW Up electric version. Why there aren’t memes for The Yorkshireman’s favourite car. E-Up. (In case you didn’t get it).
It was named by the Germans so maybe they didn't.
Jayemm had an interesting take on them. Worth a watch on YouTube
Great channel I really like him
Look up what 'mokka' means in Tamil, and you'll laugh!
Anything driven by a Taxi driver. They either drive massively below the speed limit or like lunatics. They seem to have a habit of indicating and pulling out in front of you as a single event. Road rules and markings also seemingly don't apply to a taxi driver either... Non stopping zone? Watch me slam on the brakes to let my passenger out, who seems to think its okay to wildly swing a door open on the traffic side of the car without looking.
I heavily dislike taxi drivers.
Don't forgot the hazard lights, aka rules no longer apply button. Stopping on double yellows/reds /Bus lane / Green light? U turn across four lanes without checking mirrors? Wrong way down a one way road? Talking on two phones at once? All perfectly legal for taxi drivers as long as they've pressed that triangle button first.
Taxis are are permitted to stop on double yellows (and maybe even reds) for the period required to load or unload passengers.
I don't think they can on double red, though could be wrong, but definitely can on double yellows. So can delivery drivers, or anyone who is loading/unloading. You still need to be considerate when doing so though
I used to work in claims.... Every time I spoke to a taxi driver, they always were keen to point out "I'm a professional driver"...
Mate, The Stig is a professional driver. Even if I'd never been in a taxi before, their driving style is obvious
While they were on the phone explaining their professional driving prowess, did you quietly switch it to a "fault claim"? 😅
I worked claimant. So my folk were usually not at fault. My heart did sink if they said they were taxi drivers
They're all Toyota Corolla Estate things now I swear
Yeah, usually they flock towards a Japanese hybrid. I imagine the stupidly low speed is some kind of attempt to save on fuel. It seems to have been added to their repertoire of moronic behaviour since the fuel price went through the roof.
Toyota Prius barely hanging on with a bit of gaffer tape over the engine management warning light
I'm really hoping Taxi drivers don't jump on the new Prius. I kinda like the way it looks and am considering getting one when it's time to change my car. I think the new one looks pretty good. It's either that or fulfilling my long held ambition to own an Alfa... I like the Gulia a lot and am curious what the new one will be like.
What’s good about the new Prius is it’s a bit too small to be a taxi.
Yesterday I got honked by a taxi driver, and gesticulated at.
My crime? Stopped to let the police car with blues, twos, and horn go through a junction. Given the speed the cop was going he was either rescuing babies from terrorists or really needed a poo and I wasn't getting in the way.
Surely the Skoda Octavia driving taxi driver understood that I would simply have been t-boned and he'd have had to wait longer still.
Nah he would have driven around you. Probably lowered the window shouted "can't park there mate" and then regaled his passenger with tales of "you see some well shit driving doing this job ya know?"
Sounds believable, do you know him? /j
I’ll add ‘anything driven by anyone with headwear’, be it old men with trilbies, youth in baseball caps or little Indian old ladies who can barely see over the dashboard, headwear serves as a universal warning flag of incompetence.
Add to that, ear buds.
See it so often, and can't understand why you limit one of your senses
Skoda Octavia ✅
Taxi drivers use their indicators where you live? Lucky you. 😂
Nissan juke/quashqui usually driven way below the speed limit and the most hesitant pulling out of junctions
I think Vauxhall Mokka is taking over Jukes 🤢
The Mokka and the Juke are level pegging in terms of offensive to the eyes. But generally around where I live it's more Puke's on the road and they are driven by utter morons.
Emphasis on the pegging.
Hey now, now't wrong with a bit of the ol' pegging.... 😱🤣
Nissan Puke is one of the worst for everything. always got those shitty family stickers on the back window and clueless drivers
I don't think it's even worth commenting on the design or interior lol
I absolutely detest the stupid multiple lights on the front which are either not on when supposed to be or are blinding
It looks like a spider went to specsavers
If I remember rightly from what I read, the fog light switch is right behind the dipped beam one so people will usually hit both by accident. I can't say how true because I've never driven one / looked, but that sounds about right.. people are just to dosile to notice the extra light on the dash I guess.
A colleague used to drive a bright yellow one with a spoiler (not a nismo.. standard puke) and it was god awful to be a passenger in.
I walked past a diesel Nissan Juke the other day that had a sticker that read "Life's too short to be driving boring cars". I don't think they were trying to be ironic either.
I find the Gashqui slightly worse. Always driven worse either super hesitant or massively aggressive.
That’s cos they’re usually either lease cars or motobility
Had the uh.... privilege of driving a quashqui a few times and whilst not sure if we just got a dud but I assume the reason people drive it so slowly is it doesn't really have an engine, more sorta a very limp hamster that wants to die.
To it's credit it's remarkably consistent in that any speed/acceleration will remain the same wether it's just a driver or if it's carrying 5 people and a ton of weight in the boot... It's just a shame that speed/acceleration is so poor.
It's also only half as ugly as the juke but thats my opinion. I loathed that crawling block of flats either way
That's because they can't fucking see! I had one for an afternoon as a hire! Couldn't get rid of it quick enough....it was cramped and dark and generally miserable to drive.
Had a Nissan Juke as a hire car abroad; I think the main reason they are driven so slowly is that other than through the windscreen and 90 degrees either side they have pretty much zero visibility due to the shape; it was worse than driving a van because at least with a van you tend to get larger side mirrors to compensate for the lack of visibility.
And they always have 6 lights on at the front. Why that many?
I'm not saying all problems are caused by Jukes, but wherever there's a Juke there's a problem
every qashqai driver ive seen always floors it everywhere. apparently theres no in between
My own car. Whenever I see it I get a ball of anxiety in my chest. What's going to go wrong today? What's that weird noise? etc etc
That's why cars have radios.
Audi S3. Every owner thinks they're setting a lap record on the Nurburgring. What they're actually doing is 60mph past a school, with a vape in one hand.
They only do 60 past primary schools. They suddenly slow down around 3pm passing high schools
Zoom zoom vs groom groom.
Don't involve Mazda in this :(
Speedophiles
Same kids that got expelled for not going to school, then hung out around the school gates
Slow to a full stop to pick up their girlfriend.
I find it horror that one wrong move in that around a school zone your killing the kid’s not yourself
So you're familiar with Keighley I see. 😅
Disclaimer: I'm in Bradford today. With just a couple of hours on the road, I've already seen horrors that you people wouldn't believe. Had a couple of Prius taxis suddenly cut in front of me. Chaotic parking by everything from a Kia to a Range Rover. Some little old lady in a Ford with the cruise control set to 20mph on Thornton Road. But the genuinely perilous stuff, running red lights / hurtling past pedestrians / picking the wrong lane then turning into a tiny gap, that's all Audis and Golf Rs.
A green light means count to five, then proceed at your own peril.
As red lights are only advisory.
Audis and golfs. So damn accurate. I'm constantly moaning about those.
Happy to drive up your arse on the straights, but when it comes to the corners/bends they get left for dust because they shit it.
Same old.
Why do they all vape?!! You’ve just made me realise this…
Blocks the signal from the black box
I see so many audi S's around with garish wraps and hideous wheels. They aren't cool, you just look like a drug dealer.
It's always audi drivers that seem to do that annoying overtake on the motorway like they're riding your fucking slipstream and then dangerously swerve out to overtake.
If I have to brake for any reason that's a pile up. Twats.
Particularly dislike anything with a pop and bang remap.
But probably my most disliked car as a stand alone would be the Range Rover Evoque convertible. Almost universally driven by narcissistic ego led women who peruse social media while driving.
BMW X6 or anything of the same shape
Yes! Any SUV 'coupe'. The X4, Mercedes-Benz GLC Coupe.
The epitome of conspicuous consumption. All the negatives of a huge SUV but with every useful practical feature engineered out. They are not sporty, not practical, not easy to drive, just a monument to more money than sense.
Renault Arkana for me 🤮 Of all the car trends, the Coupe shaped SUVs are the worst!
The flying egg brigade
Ford Rangers that are usually right up your arse because the fat necked dude wants to teach you a lesson for doing the speed limit through villages.
And the fact everyone who drives one seems to be an insufferable twat who thinks they’ve invented the wheel.
'My new 2024 Tesla M3 has automatic voice controlled wipers!'
Is that because they removed the physical controls?
They'll never mention the wipers, they're absolute dog shit. They're the only thing I dislike on mine but I wouldn't have the 2024 model with the wanky indicator buttons.
To be fair, they did re-invent the wheel. By turning it into a hilariously bad yoke in the refreshed Model S, which was complained about so much that they had to offer a "normal" wheel as an option. Then they did it again with the refreshed Model 3 by moving the indicators to the wheel instead of having stalks.
Wouldn't say they're hideous, but they're certainly one of the most boring looking cars on the road. Every model, inside and out.
But then I think Kia have some really great designs so who am I to judge.
They look like somebody has put "Make me a picture of the most generic car possible" into an AI thingummybob.
Teslas look like bars of soap
Kia EV6 GT and EV9 (GTL-S) are very nice, I'm interested to see what sort of power the EV9-GT has.
When I see a Tesla, my head sometimes thinks it's one of the more recent Ford Mondeos with the slimmer headlights.
They're usually oblivious in my experience, relying too much on the tech to save them
Those full beams, the X model seems the worst.
Not a specific model but anything painted that colour of grey. You know the one, they paint fighter jets in it to make them less visible.
You get them cheaper because there's no top coat, it's just primer.
Then they drive at 70mph on the M1 in missing down rain with their lights off…
A mate of mine called it "Neon Grey" and now I can't see it as anything else
How has no-one mentioned the Ford Ecosport yet?? Exclusively driven by people who can’t drive and have given up on life. You almost always find them pootling about 30mph below a speed limit or in a hedge somewhere. But worst is their looks, I can almost get the allure of wanting a crossover, but this aint it, between the intensely ugly exterior lines, the tiny wheels… just the name drives me up the wall, how can it be considered sporty?? How can eco go in front of the word sport!?
I have very strong feelings about this car as you can tell. At least Fiat Multiplas and Nissan Cubes are a bit quirky and fun, the Ford Ecosport on the other hand deserves to be sent straight to the depths of forgettable car hell.
The name annoys me too take two entirely conflicting properties, stick them together and hope for the best.
I fucking despise the Ecosport. It's wretched.
Thankfully, I've been seeing fewer of them recently. Hopefully because the engines have grenaded themselves.
I suspect they're a very popular motorbility car. Size of Fiesta, but easier for access.
Size of Fiesta, but easier for access.
I have, honestly, never understood this argument when it comes to crossovers.
Does taking a regular hatchback, and then raising the floor, actually make access easier? I get that the seat is higher, but so is the step...
Surely, if you want an accessible vehicle, you want something with a higher roofline, a higher seat, and a low floor. In other words, a minivan.
C43 always tossers speeding in them with their pops and bang remaps.
There was a twat in one yesterday who passed the bus I was on not even while we were stopped, only to get stuck at the lights at the end of the road. I overtook him on foot while he was at the lights and let him know he was a twat through his sunroof.
We've got one at work with a wanky 4D plate and another flies down my street regularly, I'm convinced it's the local sniff supplier.
I’ve driven a C43 pretty hard - completely stock. I know it’s stock as the owner has had it from new and has absolutely zero interest in cars.
The cracks from the exhaust were surprisingly aggressive. Even compared to mine. Definitely less burbling and fewer cracks than an M car, but far, far louder when they did happen.
My point: you might find those cars aren’t mapped at all - it’s from factory. It was a 2018 model I drove.
My experience driving the C43 actually changed my opinion of Mercedes for the better. At least the drivetrain. I still can’t stand their dreadfully tacky interiors. Definitely some nice exteriors surfacing at the moment though.
Edit: although I agree with your sentiment. I feel they are never far from trouble!
The only acceptable AMGs are the ones with the M119 in.
All the latest huge nostril BMWs. They just look so shit. Almost as if they were designed as a joke.
Compare the E38 7-series with the G70 one. The first is an elegant and beautiful car, the second looks like it was designed by 4 different people, in the dark.
BMW design department is an "equal opportunities" employer. Half the staff work in Braille.
I'm an (oldschool) MB devotee but the e38 is just perfection in understated class, always preferred it to the w140.
As an E38 Owner I love this comment! I find that modern BMWs are designed by committee - perhaps they always were...?
A lot of different, incongruent designs but when all put together it passes the 'does it have what a BMW is supposed to have' test, so it goes to production, even though none of the angles work together cohesively.
Look how heavy the front end of a G70 looks, but it's bum is rather nice actually. Same goes for the side profile - those big smooth, scalloped doors are quite nice - but the roofline towards the boot is absolutely horrendous. It all works in isolation!
That faux grill gets me... Looks wank.
Who thought a crayon grill would suit the car?
Yeah they look bloody awful.
I must be the only person for who the giant kidney grill has really grown on. I hated it at first too.
Ford puma. Weird looking fish box thing
fish? I always thought its front headlights made it look like some weird type of flying insect
Tesla’s. Almost every time I over take one, they over take me just to slow down again.
Probably slowing down when they see what speeding up has done to their estimated range lol.
G-Wagen. Exclusively driven by those who choose to identify as a menace to society.
Spend a lot of time driving around Bradford so I can reel off a few but the VW Golf takes the crown. Special mention to the Golf R.
Yes, Bradford seems to be the clapped Golf capital of the world. I must get cut off or a cloud of black smoke spewed up my bonnet daily by one of these.
The Golf was going to be my answer too.
The prime car for people who would otherwise be driving an Audi like a prick, but can't afford one, so they've had to settle for the budget version, and compensate by trying to MGIF literally everything else in the universe.
I'll go against the grain, as nobody has mentioned this.
Mini Cooper, especially the one with the hideous double door on the back, but really all of them.
Every single one drives like a complete wanker. Absolute loathe them.
As a passionate Mini owner who loves his car, and love driving it. I agree with you 100%.
range rovers
Back in the late 80’s my mates Dad had a new RR and it was class. Now every time I see a new one I can’t help but imagine they also have crushed grey velvet dining chairs with a door knocker on the back of them and those hideous mirrored bedside tables.
A small white dog if the wife picked it out, a bull breed if the husband did.
Old ones <2005 are alright, anything after that is dogshit
The 2012 facelift was the best and the last decent thing Landrover ever made.
L322
ESPECIALLY when they're squeaky clean and in a large city. you KNOW that car has never seen any off-roading in its life.
BMW SUVs. Guaranteed cunt.
Nissan Juke. How can a car be so ugly?
Golf Rs, I think the new ultimate chav-mobile, and convertible RR evoques.
You still get some driven sensibly and owned by level headed beings, Audi S3’s on the other hand seem to trigger some sort of primal instinct in people
D'you know what? You're absolutely 100% right. I have an S3. That car has turned me into an aggressive, risk-taking arsehole on the road. It's being sold very soon as thankfully I've realised it's not worth risking the squeaky clean licence of 21 years and the 20 years no claims.
You've actually hit the nail on the head!
For what I perceived to be an expensive car, I see loads of golf r's, although I think the rline is different but has a little r logo on the grill so maybe it's that?
Can pick up a higher mileage one for about £10k nowadays
Fucking Honda Jazz!! They drive at 40mph EVERYWHERE!! Normally driven by coffin dodgers
The owners are a subset of ‘hat wearers’, so awful by default.
I've got one of these as my motorbike has a VTEC engine too, dumb I know, but not really a car guy and it was cheap.
I'll very much be the exception to your observations, although to be fair I've never been overtaken by a jazz.
I have a few.
Nissan Juke/Puke - This has to be the modern "Fiat Multipla" why would anyone buy this abomination i don't know.
Citreon C1, Jazz, Fiat500, Kia Picanto - Nothing to do with the car but the drivers basically will do inappropriate speeds everywhere.
Tesla - Overratted as hell, poor build quality and driven by people that don't shut up about driving one.
That's an insult to the Multipla tbh
At least the Multipla was something new, and it had a crazy amount of luggage space.
The Puke is just a fucked up SUV with no actual practical use.
Calling the Juke an SUV is an insult to SUVs. Jukes are just hatchbacks on stilts like every other crossover.
I always went for Nissan Joke, and CashCow.
The new Defender, horrible, massive, plastic things that are usually seen badly parked at M&S or on a school run. They are driven almost exclusively by twats with more money than taste. I'd happily take an old 110 pick up any day though.
Audi's in general
They actually seem like very nice cars, but seem to be driven by the worst people
My rear parking/proximity sensor goes off while doing 70 on the motorway? That'll be the Audi that's just pulled up behind me.
If you like my arse that much mate, at least buy me dinner.
I want that as a bumper sticker as I have exactly the same thought
Driving in your slipstream for maximum overtake power like they're on the Nurburgring. Nobs.
Agreed. The worst driving that I see on the roads is done by Audi drivers.
Side note: driving to work the other day, I noticed 4 separate Audis all with private number plates. Is it a requirement when you buy one? Nothing against private number plates, just found it funny that they were the only cars with them.
This is the tension for me - Audis, BMWs and Mercs all seem like they'd be really nice things to be in and drive, but...
Oh look there's a car tailgating me - oh it's an Audi
Shit that car just pulled a foot in front of me to get ahead - oh it's an Audi
Look that car went through a red light - well bum my arse and call me your nan, it's an Audi
Mercedes GLC. I am yet to see one, which hasn't parked like a complete asshole.
*arsehole
Nissan Qashqai
Nissan got people with no interest in driving who were pottering about in Micras and Sunnys and put them behind the wheel of massive fake 4x4s that they have no idea of how to drive or park
Nissan PUKE. Just Ew and the drivers tend to be idiots in the way that encourages people to rear end them. So the insurance sees the basics, rear ender so say it's 100% fault to the other and the Puke don't learn.
Any vauxhall corsa or tesla
Any Vauxhall in silver. Astra and Zafira get a special nod. Never park next to them, they are generally knackered and I’m highly suspicious of their insurance status.
Zafira drivers are guaranteed to try race you at traffic lights
Prius, hands down.
Range rovers for me personally. Everytime I come across one they always think they own the roads 😂
Fiat 500
Battery byd just waiting for the fire
Audi A1 or A3. Calm down....great overall vehicles but you see them all over now you might as well call them Aldi.
Mokka. Hideous. The gift car for wives of husbands that won't let them go out to work.
Most of the stupid SUV's
Mostly driven by people who are scared of driving and will perform the most erratic manoeuvres ever witnessed.
Peugeot 3008, they have the arrogance of a Range Rover without the status.
*edit it was originally a 308, I missed out an 0 doh!
Any 1 series especially the 140. Driven by absolute wankers every time without a mis. It could be an 80y/o lady behind the wheel and shes bound to be a dickhead
Nissan Juke
The Infiniti QX70. It has an unsettling and mildly threatening aura. I think it's the headlights.
I agree and I used to own one. Nice thing, but a face like a sedated death row inmate.
We all know the Volkswagen up or shit boxes are absolutely loved and revered wherever you see them.
Tesla they seem to be consistently awful, im not sure if its the software and collision stuff being OTT, or settings or drivers but lots of odd last minute lane changes and don't seem to go with the flow well
Qashqai. I don’t think any car has done as much damage as that.
When I first saw one I thought it was just a ruined hatchback that had added the disadvantages of an SUV without any of the advantages.
Take a small hatchback with very little boot space and add a load of weight to it for no reason and for no benefit.
It will never catch on!
Oh, it did and now you struggle to find a normal car….
I quite like (real) SUVs and can see the advantages of having one but these crossovers are just an abomination. I can’t see the appeal at all and now they’re cutting car models that are really good and well designed for models that are worse in literally every way.
Oh you like a high riding position, well they’re desperate for bus drivers go do that for a few years and it will lose all the novelty
Vauxhall Zafira
Big American 4 ton SUV - the Escalade
Ford ranger. Without exception driven by Pricks.
Minis, specially ones with "union jack" light clusters. It's like putting a German flag on a Japanese car.
Not hating on them for the fact they’re an EV, but every time I see a Tesla, I just can’t help but think they’re the most soulless corporate generic bland lifeless hunks of modern plastic tat imaginable. I think the fact that non car enthusiasts rave over them so much and see it as some form of status symbol adds insult to injury too.
Golf R
Juke
Qashqai
Any modern MG, they are not MG’s or British, or anything like what an MG used to be…
such a strange brand name to buy out aswell , all I think is head gasket, rover 25s
why not just start a new brands ?.
Not one mention of the ugliest pile of shit ever to grace the road? Thankfully, it's a rare but still disgusting sight these days. Makes me physically recoil when I see one. Usually mildly modified with stick on additional plastic chrome and shitty badges. Ladies and gentlemen, I am talking about the CHRYSLER PT CRUISER.
bloody vauxhall corsas , every morning I see one and think why would anyone buy such a crap ugly slow noisy car ?.
then I get in it and drive to work
Mini’s. 1. They’re not British 2. They’re not mini 3. Their drivers think they’re playing Mario Kart and all drive like knobs
Mustang Mach-e. I mean what the fuck were they thinking? How is that a mustang? Hideous car bought by people who have no interest in cars.
They may as well have used the name to rebranf the Transit van
The new Ford Puma is starting to get that way for me. They seem to be driven my numpties. Either driven by people that drive it around like a go kart and sit on your bumper in 30 zones, or by old people that can't park. It's also tremendously ugly in the rear view.