I hate you.
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I refuse to believe they even as much as touched who I really am. They have no power to change the fact that I am unapologetically and uncompromisingly, completely fucking alive. Despite everything they did. Despite the disgust and sadism and the perversions and grief and anger and numbness and even despite the wish I wasn't. Or wait, if that's what they wanted to take from me, then I'll be even more alive now! This they can never take from me! I refuse to kill my own aliveness in their name no matter how much this makes it hurt to still be alive. Yes, they abused me severely. Yes, they hurt me more than words can ever express. But they cannot ever taint who I am. Alive, no matter what and my heart belongs to no one else but me.